[sb118-astraeus] Lt JG Charles Matthews and Lt. Cmdr Esa Kiax - Natasha, Part Two

[Shakeel Hussein]

((Matthews Family Home, Luna / Sickbay, USS Astraeus))

 

((OOC - The views regarding the possibilities of an afterlife are purely the thoughts and views of the character. They do not necessarily correspond to my own views IRL and are not meant to diminish any views of any faith, nor anyone who believes in them either))

 

Natasha: Think of it like this. You’re at a station, waiting on the platform for a train. You can either board the train when it arrives, and move on, or you can remain where you are. You’re here because you wanted to be here. I’m here because you wanted me here. Everything here is a construction of your own subconscious mind.

 

He found himself getting more and more confused, as well as unable to let go of his sister's hand. It felt so real.

 

Charles: I'm going to wake up soon, aren't I?

 

Natasha laughed, heartily.

 

Natasha: No, silly! You’re not asleep, so how can you wake up?

 

Charles: If I'm not asleep, then what am I?

 

Natasha’s jovial facade dropped, and her face became straight and serious.

 

Natasha: You’re dead.

 

Charles let go of Natasha's hand.

 

Charles: Dead? I'm… dead?

 

Natasha: Dead. D. E. A. D. Dead, dead. Dead as a doornail, dead.

 

Fighting the urge to revert to a child-like mentality and mockingly congratulate her on her spelling, Charlie glanced around the room before stopping his eyes as they came to his empty hands. He squeezed them open and closed once or twice.

 

Charles: I don't feel dead.

 

Natasha: Brother, nobody feels dead. They just are.

 

oO “They just are”? I can't be… I was… Where was I? What the hell is this? A prelude to the afterlife?! Oo

 

He closed his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh as he did. The peacefulness he was feeling had vanished entirely. He racked his brain, trying to make sense of the images and sensations he was experiencing, but it wasn't helping. He couldn't make heads or tails of it and he could feel how frustrated he was getting.

 

Natasha laughed, heartily.

 

Natasha: A prelude to the afterlife! You do make me laugh.

 

Charles: Did I say that out loud?

 

Natasha: You haven’t forgotten that this is all in your head, right? I’m in your head. Which means I can hear your thoughts.

 

Charles: I don't understand. I can't remember what happened. If I'm dead, why is my subconscious coming up with this? Why is my subconscious still a thing?

 

He rubbed at his forehead as he opened his eyes, trying to get ahold of his over-thinking.

 

Charles: You said I can move on. Where do I move on to, Nat? Heaven? Hell? My… final judgement?

 

Charles was never religious. His family weren't and that had just sort of cascaded down. He'd always wondered what there could be, whether or not the spark of consciousness lingered on after a person had passed and, after losing certain people during his life, he even hoped it did. Disregarding that sentiment as him just seeking comfort, Matthews was never sure he really believed in it though. He was analytical, sometimes logical, and that just made it difficult to fathom. Though, if the universe had taught him one thing, it was never to discount anything.

 

Natasha: Not exactly… The residual electrical activity in your brain finally dries up and then after that? Well… it's anybody’s guess.

 

Charles: I wish you'd give me a straight answer. ::pause:: Just for once.

 

Natasha laughed once more, amused by her brother’s insistence on clinging to rationality and logical thought.

 

Natasha: I just did, didn’t I? You asked, “If I'm not asleep, then what am I?” and I said “You’re dead”. If that’s not a straight answer, I don’t know what is. ::beat:: What’s with all the questions, anyway? I only know as much as you do…

 

Charles: Wouldn't you have this many questions?

 

Natasha: Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. What happened to me after Mars isn’t exactly floating around in that big ol’ brain of yours, is it?

 

She punctuated her remark by tapping lightly on Charles’ forehead.

 

Matthews jerked his head back as Natasha pinged her fingers towards him. Her mentioning Mars stung. It always did whenever someone brought up the Red Planet and he remained silent, feeling his eyes slowly fill with tears. Her saying the words, saying that planet's name, was killing him all over again. If he really was dead.

 

Natasha: Besides, isn’t it like, the complete cliché that people who are dying always have a hallucination of one of their loved ones to make their passing more comfortable?

 

Charles clenched his jaw slightly, trying to fight his tears back, then relaxed it to reply to his sister's question.

 

Charles: Maybe in the movies, Nat. I don't know. How can I know? I've never died before!

 

Natasha: I know I’m a manifestation of your subconscious. Maybe, you conjured me up because you feel guilty about something?

 

Charles: Guilty, about what? I'm… not feeling guilty.

 

oO Liar! Oo

 

She chuckled and relaxed back on the sofa.

 

Natasha: Well, given your reaction to my comment about Mars, I’d say that maybe you do.

 

The tear he was fighting finally rolled down his cheek as he glanced towards his sister, and his words took real effort to be forced out of his mouth.

 

Charles: If… I… Nat, if you're part of my subconscious, then you know how I feel about you and mom and… Mars.

 

Natasha cast a sympathetic look towards her bigger younger brother, placing her small hand on his shoulder in an attempt to instil some comfort into his addled mind.

 

Natasha: Yeah… I know. You still feel it, huh?

 

Charlie shook his head, wiping away another tear as he quickly stood up from the sofa. His voice seemed to come out as a whisper.

 

Charles: I feel it all the time. No matter what I try. I can't let it go. ::pause:: I guess “couldn't let it go” would be the more correct term now.

 

She chuckled as she watched him move away, her hand falling back down to the padded cushion where Charlie had been sitting.

 

Natasha: Technically, yes, little brother. It would be.

 

Trying to keep himself from breaking down, he stepped to the window and stared at the bluey-green sphere in the distance. He couldn't face his sister. If he looked at Natasha, he would have caved, and he didn't know if he'd be able to stop. Even with all of the daydreaming, the nightmares, anything that had come before prior to today; he'd never spoken to her in any of those torturous scenarios quite like this.

 

Charles: This is so different. You feel like… you. You feel real.

 

Natasha: I’m how you remember me, Charlie. Not like how you’ve seen me in your nightmares. I’m how I was all those years ago. ::beat:: If that’s real to you, then who can argue against it?

 

He let out a deep breath that he didn’t know he was holding.

 

Charles: I have so much that I’ve wanted to say to you.

 

Natasha: I know. I know you do. Maybe you should take the chance to, while you still can…

 

Charlie forced his eyes shut and held them firmly closed. He felt his chin quiver as more tears coursed their way down his face before dropping off the edge of his jaw line.

To Be Continued...

---

Lieutenant JG Charles Matthews

Acting Chief of Tactical & Security

USS Astraeus NCC-70652

A240012CM1

&

Lieutenant Commander Esa Kiax

Chief Operations Officer

USS Astraeus NCC-70652

A239511ED0