PNPC Crewman Jozial Renirs – Gimme a list of symptoms, I’ll see that they’ll apply
Jovenan
((Sickbay, Deck 7, USS Artemis))
Bancroft: I’m sorry… bugs?
Jozial rolled her eyes. You’d think they teach even the basic stuff in the famous and infallible Starfleet Academy, but apparently even Miss Neverlearnthername’s classes at the primary school provided a more stable foundation for the understanding of the universe, even for someone who skipped most of them. She started to regret talking to the Dr Most Interesting Beard in the first place. If she had borrowed a tricorder, a hypospray and a scalpel like she had at first planned, she’d already be done with her problem. It couldn’t be that hard, just wave the tricorder around while it makes the subtle whroom whroom sounds, push a hypospray to her neck until it said swoosh, and then bzzz with the laser scalpel here and there. But no, she was stuck explaining medicine to an officer.
Renirs: Bugs. Buuuuugggs. Noun. Plural. One: Little critters with many legs, like ladybugs, fireflies and worms. Two: Government listening devices. Three: Those things that cause you feel hot but not in the good way. The opposite of good hot. ::gestures at him:: You know.
Dr Beard looked at her hand and then back at her. Nothing in his face indicated that he listened or understood. Instead of thinking about it himself, he performed the signature move of any mould- or blueshirt and pulled out his tricorder to tell him the answer.
Bancroft: Mmhmm. Alright. I’ll give you the full spectrum bug package, then. ::pulling the probe from the tricorder:: What happened that’s made you suspect you’ve acquired one, some, or all of your list?
He waved the device in her face. She pulled her head back and followed the probe with her eyes, under her knitted eyebrows. See, she could have done that on herself, and she’d be sure that nothing inappropriate or discriminating was being recorded. She tried to think less-suspicious things while the device hovered near her head. Roquefort is made of sheep-milk in Southern France, while Beaufort is cow-milk from French Alps, I have both in my quarters, in the closet that hides the weapons stash… dammit.
Renirs: We were on Ferenginar a little time ago, so could be any of them, really. Or all of them. And I don’t trust the vibes of that previous shoreleave place either.
Looking around at her, he seemed to be inspecting her. His gaze received the same treatment as the tricorder – hope he likes cheese facts. And images of athletic ladies with cheese rolls. And the contraband hidden behind the poster… dammit.
Bancroft: Well… Ferenginar alone means I can’t dismiss this as a purely, ah… philosophical concern. ::indicating the nearest biobed with the probe:: Have a seat. I’ll check for parasites, infection, and unauthorized technology. ::conspiratorially:: And if I find a many-legged worm carrying a listening device, you and I can co-author the paper.
Jozial hopped onto the biobed, sitting on the edge and swinging her legs.
Renirs: Yo, we could get rich if we discovered something like that! We could even split the profits fairly, fifty-fifty, even if I did the most important part. But I have to read the paper before putting my name on it, I’m not going to fall for that again.
Bancroft: Before I start – what are you actually feeling? Itching, pain, heat, movement, missing time, unexplained clicking… anything that makes you think bug?
She fell silent. Pursing her lips and frowning, she looked around the room while waiting for her body to start talking to her. She had intended to just tell about feeling sweaty and swollen all the time, and being more tired than usual, but now that she sat there, she had to reach to her back to scratch it. It was like something was moving under her skin, something that clicked, and after she was done, she realised she had been abnormally silent for almost ten seconds. The time had gone without her noticing. Oh Kahless, it was getting worse, and she hadn’t even caught all the symptoms yet!
Renirs: Now that you say that, yeah, all of those.
Doctor Beard’s probe stopped midair, and he cocked his head. It was that bad, wasn’t it?
Bancroft: I… see. ::clearing his throat:: And about how long has this been happening?
Renirs: Dunno. After Ferenginar I guess, but it went past, and I thought it was like cramps or those things when your chest sometimes hurts but nothing happens so it’s okay. I mean, I was a bit longer on Ferenginar and only got back when you guys shot the wreckage off the creepy planet – I kinda wish I had been there, you know, I would have beaten up so many Dark Things. Then we went to the whatever made-up place was next, and after that it started again but worse.
Bancroft: Response
Jozial laid down to the biobed, placing her hands behind her head. She wasn’t sure what to look at, the bland ceiling above her or even blander Doctor Beard. Yeah, definitely the ceiling. No, never mind, sometimes boredom isn’t worth it. She turned to her side, leaning against her hand while looking at Doctor Beard working.
Renirs: Fine, but remember that you have that Hypocritical Oath that you can’t tell anyone, not even the cops, okay? So, my parents were these rich people who had, like, a mansion in the gated community in District 7 on M’talas Prime – awful place, never go there, unless you’re into humanoid trafficking or something. But when they were schmoozing with the Federation people in the Starfleet Recruitment thingie a couple of years ago, there was this portal attack no one remembers any more because there were Borg and stuff, and they both got killed. So, anyway, turns out they were rich because they were acting as a front for the M’talas Mafia, and I inherited their place in the familia. That life isn’t really for me, but I needed to finish their business or the mobsters would come after me. It was a shipment of this new drug, Nonya – it’s technically illegal, but it’s perfectly safe, you know, just bureaucrats being slow to accept it, it helps people with a cute anxiety. Anyway, I needed to talk with these Ferengi business associates of my parents’ and to get the shipment delivered. So, what I was doing on Ferenginar was Nonya Business.
Bancroft: Response
She turned to lay on her back again. When the arms of the biobed extended over her and formed an arch, she lifted her head and part of her upper body to look at it. She tried to extend her neck so that she could see the screens or buttons on it, but there was no chance she could do so. They should have attached mirrors there, so that the patients could supervise the doctors. She then peeked under the arch, trying to figure out what was in there, but then she turned back to Doctor Beard.
Renirs: Hey, you think the Emo Hoodie Doctor is still into medicines? I heard she got transferred to the Based Department. ::smiles, shakes head:: Always knew that her anxiety was just a cover.
Bancroft: Response
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Crewman Third Class Jozial Renirs
Enlisted technician
USS Artemis-A
E239911J11