Lt Alex Storm - Peace, Pebbles, and Poor Acoustics
Karen Morris
((Holodeck 4, Deck 3, USS Artemis-A))
One at a time, she slowly removed her hands from in front of her eyes. Her tremulous breath hitched like a drunken man with a hiccup, but only once. She mastered it quickly. For a moment she stared at her hands now sitting in her lap. She wanted to tell him. Part of her needed to tell him - like telling him would be allowing him to remove a festered splinter from her finger. Would the extraction of the sliver solve the whole problem? No, but it would be the first step in the solution of her problem. And something inside her Betazoid gut told her that she could trust him. Slowly she raised her eyes - like raising the injured finger for examination. Her lips trembled, but her eyes locked onto his. For that brief moment, they were her life preserver in the sea of anguish that she was drowning in.
Storm: Two years ago, without an honest warning, my husband took our two year old daughter and left. From time to time, I initiate searches for them. I want to see my daughter. ::She looked away, unable to watch his eyes as she said…:: I miss her. ::nod:: A lot. ::pause …gentle wipe of an eye.:: I need to know if she’s happy. That she’s healthy. She should be starting school this year, and I’m not there to take her. ::long pause, with several incidents of slow, intentional exhales blown through her lips. Then, trying to sound more ‘normal’:: I initiated a search for them today. ::beat:: I … needed a way to work off the anticipation of being frustrated again. That’s why I’m here. ::Sniff:: I love the scenery here. I love the sunset, and the rush of the water drowns everything out … tears, or screams, or the wail as I fall before the safety’s kick in. ::Finally able to look him in the eye again.:: This climb is usually very cathartic.
He was silent for little while. Not the uncomfortable silence of ‘what do I say next,’ but the silence of an old sweater that you slip into, which muffles the sounds of your movements and at the same time it wraps you in comfort and warmth.
When he spoke again, she could hear that warmth in his tone.
Bancroft: ::quietly:: That’s a heavy burden to carry all on your own.
Alex audibly breathed in and nodded her agreement as she puffed the air out.
Bancroft: She’s very lucky. Wherever she is… you’re still climbing for her.
She had never thought of this climb in that way before, but yeah. Cassie was why she was in here climbing. She climbed with the hope of some day, seeing her daughter.
Storm: Most often by the time I get to the top, my body is too tired to care, and my emotions can enjoy what is always a beautiful sunset.
Alex extended a bent arm in the direction of the beauty. During the climb and now during their conversation, the sky had morphed into deep blues, crimsons, and burt oranges with splashes of gold around and between the other colors. The Betazed NighGlory had started its distinct yet plaintive cry to its mate, and even the waterfall seemed to quiet with the rhythm of the day.
Bancroft: ::nodding slowly:: When your body’s too tired to fight, sometimes your heart finally gets a chance to breathe. ::beat:: The thing about survival strategies like that is… they work, right up until they undo you. ::glancing toward the sunset:: Exhaustion’s a poor surrogate for peace.
As soon as the last word fell from his lips into the air between them, she picked it up and chewed on it for awhile. Peace. It was an elusive phantom, an unseen vapor, a desire that derided her like a spiteful playmate holding out a shiny toy with the promise of sharing it, but everytime Alex reached out to touch it, it was pulled back and the cruel companion laughed at the thought that Alex believed was good enough to enjoy its pleasures.
Storm: Peace? ::She let out a scoff:: I can’t find peace. ::Alex turned to look directly into his eyes. Her words came out sounding carefree, but their aftertaste was bitter.:: I’m not even sure it really exists. I searched for it before Kona left. ::beat:: I searched for it after they were both gone. If peace is out there, it must be in the witness protection program.
She shook her head as if that would dislodge the disgusting tang from her tongue. By this time a jagged edge from the ledge was eating into the back of her knee. She had endured its discomfort as long as she could. She lifted her leg and tried to brush at any of the pebbles which had molded themselves into her skin. Dislodging one of the slightly larger pebbles, she held it in her hand and examined it while she said …
Storm: There … there are times, when I can feel peace tickling at the fringes of my mind. It’s like a friend that you see in your periphery, but when you turn your head to look for them, there’s nothing really there and you’re let wondering if you really saw them or if they were a hallucination or the misperceived movement of something real playing tricks on your perception.
Alex looked at that rock. It was like that misshapen pebble represented all of the irritation and frustration of the day. If she could just separate herself far enough from it, maybe life would find some semblance of equilibrium. Alex pulled her hand back and flung the rock as far as she could, watching it until it disappeared into nothingness. With that one act her voice had lost its edge, and she was able to speak with a little less weight pressing against her shoulders.
Storm: Really, the way I see it is that I have two options. I can either tire myself out, so that I’m forced to stop and rest or I can pack it all away and pretend it doesn’t exist.
Bancroft: ::chuckling:: Well, you could bottle it all up and wait to implode. I don’t recommend that. ::beat, more gently:: But the view’s still here, even when you’re not wrung out.
Storm: I’m not denying it’s brilliance, ::Alex risked a small sideways glance in his direction:: it’s just hard to take real joy in this beauty when my heart is so heavy.
Alex could almost sense the slight shift of his head. She turned her face toward him and realized what a burden she was holding out to him, not that she was asking him to pick up it, but unmeaningly, she showed him its weight, and her struggle against it was more than obvious, and she felt ashamed.
Bancroft: ::smiling again:: You don’t have to carry this alone. If you ever want someone to sit with you – just to breathe, not to fix – I’m here.
Even in that short span of mere seconds, it seemed like the sun had begun packing up for the day. While the sunset was still visible, the moon sneaked in its debut along the horizon. It was as if heaven and earth were kissing each other goodnight.
Storm: I don’t know if you were on your way to do something important…
Alex’s voice trailed off. She was always ready to help and give to anyone if she could, but she was unaccustomed to ever asking for anything.
Bancroft: Response.
Alex pursed her lips as if to ask something, but she wasn’t sure if she should let it loose. The question begged to be let free … even if it were just at a whisper. It pawed at the ground; it pulled at its leash; it let out a silent whine. The fearful part of Alex wanted to hold it back, but this time, the hopeful part of Alex released the small breeze through her vocal chords.
Storm: If you will stay with me for just a little while, I promise you that I will search to find a sliver of peace in the beauty of the evening and in the company of … a friend.
She had chosen that word deliberately. Earlier he had said he was possibly - or asked if he was - her friend. She wanted him to know that as far as she was concerned, he had earned the moniker whether or not he would stay for a little while.
Bancroft: Response
Storm: ::To the computer:: Computer: Turn ambient waterfall noise down by another seventy-five percent.
Computer: Ambient waterfall noise decreased by seventy-five percent.
Storm: I guess it’s time to fess up. ::Alex wrinkled her nose:: I really didn’t want to hear a lecture earlier, so I didn’t turn the noise down. And anyway, selective deafness is highly rated tool amongst Lieutenants and above. You can even find it is the Lieutenant’s handbook section 2 subjection 5a - Ways to handle annoying officers of a lower rank.
Alex gave a tentative sideways glance hoping that her attempt at humor was received in the spirit which she intended.
Bancroft: Response
~*~
Tags / TBC
~*~
Lt Alex Storm
Tactical Officer
USS Artemis
O240103SK2