Lt. Silveira: Opening the heart.

[btv.abreu]

((USS Artemis, deck 6, Elysium))

Accompanying Nan to the Elysium, Vitor had ordered a salad for them. It would be a way for Nan to eat properly, and him as well. Eventually she asked him about his plans, and he gladly revealed to her about Jonathan.

Vitor leaned back, his smile widening.

Silveira: Really? I thought I might have mentioned him. As I say, my life is an open book. He's almost ten now. His mother, Thera, and I met at the Academy. We were eventually stationed together in Ops and were part of the Excalibur’s launch crew. That's why that ship is so… Special to me…

Nan nodded and even smiled. A small victory for him, considering how she was when they crossed paths. Vitor was glad he was able to distract her from what was bothering her.

Jovenan: I don’t remember meeting her on the Excalibur. Is she still in Starfleet?

The memories changed his expression and he smiled sadly.

Silveira: No, she left Starfleet after the first mission of the Excalibur. She's Andorian, so as you can guess it wasn't an easy pregnancy. And… ::Vitor shrugged:: Things didn't work out between us, but we have a good friendship now and… Well she's family… ::he leaned back his smile now gone.:: I always screw up my relationships… The only time I didn't… I wish I had…

He looked at Nan. For a second he lost himself in her eyes.
But again Vitor managed to compose himself and leaned forward, faking a smile.

Silveira: Sorry. Enough about me. How about you? Planning on visiting your family? Taking some time out of the ship ?

Nan hesitated and Vitor wondered if there was something there. She pressed her lips together before speaking.

Jovenan: I don’t know yet. There’s so much to do to repair the ship, many personal research projects need someone to take care of them now, I’m not sure if I have time to go down to Earth… I’d love to visit my old home some day, but I can’t.

The way Nan put it sounded as if something was underlying there. Vitor wasn’t sure if he should dig deeper, but talking sometimes helped.

Silveira: Why?

Nan fidgeted with her utensils for a moment.

Jovenan: It’s just… far away. Even if we had months of shore leave, the only way I could get there and back in time would be a slipstream starliner. Those aren’t too frequent, certainly not now. No, I’m needed more here. I’m not even sure if they remember me any more.

There was a deflection in her voice, and as she looked down, Vitor realized they were likely hitting a nerve.

Silveira: I understand the responsibility, but you must take a break as well. And… I don't mean to pry but it could do you some good to visit. How long has it been?

Jovenan: I moved out ten years ago and after that, I haven’t been visiting for more than a few times, briefly. I do love them, and maybe they still love me, but I just… didn’t fit in, really. The last time I saw any of them was six years ago, staying with them for a while when moving from University to the Academy. I haven’t even seen a single other Edo in that time… well, except her…

Vitor now regretted taking Nan through that path. It felt there was more behind that, but he now understood that Nan could feel lonely, and why she would take the Artemis as her home.

She raised her gaze again from the table and looked straight at him.

Jovenan: Do you still think of her often? The other Jovenan.

Vitor nodded, his eyes fixed on Nan.

Silveira: Most likely more than I should.

He paused, wondering if he should burden her with his next words. But it would be better if he said it now, instead of keeping it bottled inside.

Silveira: It was the thought of her that made me act on the bridge. ::he leaned back, never breaking eye contact.:: I was thinking of her when I jumped to save you. I couldn't make the same mistake again and lose you as well. In a way I owe you my life.

Jovenan: Response.

Vitor leaned forward. He took a breath before replying.

Silveira: CloQ mused on my “punishment” when we first faced him. One of the threats was… “Shall I bring you to the time you are assimilated?”. I thought nothing of it… Until I saw Jaseb and the other’s. And when they were Borg. I…

Vitor took a deep breath and leaned back, breaking eye contact with Nan.

Jovenan: Response.

Vitor shook his head. Closing his eyes for a second. He took another deep breath.
Silveira: I know, but… I was already an officer when you left home. I have been shot at, stabbed, fought in ship battles, mentally assaulted by an Iconian that left me in a coma for almost two years… Fear has and will always be there. But I was terrified. I almost ran and hide. ::Vitor looked at Nan and slowly moved his hand to hers… He clumsily took it back as he winced.:: Not even the thought of Jonathan in danger made me move. But when I saw the drone near you… I saw Jo. I saw the moment when I wasn’t there to save her
That’s what triggered me…
That’s why I managed to move instead of hiding.

Realizing what he just shared, Vitor raised his hands. He had opened his heart, perhaps too much and again was being selfish by telling Nan that.
He wasn’t sure if he was projecting his feelings for Jo into Nan. Or if it was just that moment.
Or how deep the feelings were.

This time he didn’t hesitate and reached for her hands. Taking them gently in his.

Silveira: Forgive me, I am burdening you and making it awkward. You are so much alike… ::Vitor paused, shaking his head.::  Were so much alike, but yet so much apart.
And my feelings for you… I remember the first time I saw you in the Excalibur briefing.
It’s been a pleasure and an honor to see you grow and I just…
I just want to make you happy, protect you and help you in any way I can.

It was only after saying those words that Vitor realized he likely had made it worse.

oO Idiot… Oo

Jovenan: Response.



TAG/TBC

Lt. Vitor S. Silveira
Chief Tactical Officer
USS Artemis-A, NCC-81287
O238907VS0