Lt. JG Natasha Cole - Addressing the past
Natasha Schell
((Elysium - Main level, Deck 6, USS Artemis))
Natasha thought she noticed a hint of sadness in Alex’s face, it was brief, but as quick as it came it was gone and her smile had slipped back.
Storm: And how does the scenario end? Capture, containment, or something beautifully chaotic?
Cole: I think in true Appalachian fashion, they're not captured or contained. They’d be more likely to just run, be it by taking a shuttle, beaming off the ship or even, using an airlock to escape. ::making direct eye contact:: After all … do mimic’s need to breathe?
Storm: I’ve picked up some hearsay about the Captain airlocking ensigns. While I’m sure there’s no real substance to it, who knows? Maybe your solution to the scenario would play into the rumor.
Cole: I do think it would be a good idea to have a safe word just in case the computer takes its recreation of Mimic’s to far. My go to is Pineapple, ::shrugs:: but I’m open to suggestions.
Alex’s eyes crinkled with laughter.
Storm: Pineapple works for me.
Cole: You ok? You looked a bit sad, or maybe distracted a moment ago. It’s ok if you don’t want to share.
Storm: I’m okay.
Cole: …Uh-huh. And I’m a Tellarite ballerina. Want to try that again?
This time she chuckled.
Storm: Really … It’s just ... It’s strange. Have you ever felt guilty for enjoying yourself or for letting your guard down?
Natasha thought about how she chose her own happiness over others expectations for her and the repercussions of that. Her eyes drifted toward her PADD on the table, with a hint of her own sadness.
Cole: No ::looking back to Alex:: I’ve chosen to be unapologetically myself, and admittedly my guard is always up.
Storm: Sometimes I get so focused on something that I have to remind myself that it’s okay to enjoy what I do, or to enjoy laughing with a colleague.
Cole: If you don’t take the time to enjoy things, you run the risk of losing yourself. ::making a face, that conveyed a familiarity with that topic:: And I’ve seen what that does to officers.
Storm: There’s … just too much else I’m focusing on.
Cole: So what’s dominating your focus? Do you need me to put on my friend hat, or Security hat?
Alex lifted her hands and pressed them face before lowering them.
Storm: Neither? Both? ::Deep sigh:: I don’t know anymore.
Natasha leaned forward and listened intently as Alex shared what she was comfortable sharing. Being sure to not interrupt and only nodded when she felt it was appropriate.
Storm: I’m looking for my daughter. Two years ago, my husband took off with her, and I haven’t seen either since. So when you ask about where I’ve put my attention … it’s all been on finding her.
Cole: ::exhaling slowly through her nose:: That is a lot to deal with. As your friendly colleague, I am very sorry that you’ve had to carry this. No one should ever have their child taken from them.
Storm: You’re right, they shouldn’t.
Cole: Now with that being said, ::in air quotes:: Hypothetically if you need a hand to … any emergency extractions. ::end air quotes:: I want to help.
Storm: If and when the time comes, I’ll let you know. But … what about you. Yeah, I’m betazoid, but I don’t need to be one to catch your guard slip a few moments ago.
Natasha started to nod and then realized she had been called out.
Cole: It’s not important, not like what you’ve been dealing with.
Storm: Hey, I’ve bared my soul …::Tipping her head to the side and grinning:: or at least my misfortune to you. I can likely handle whatever it is you’ve got going on.
Natasha let out a sigh, looking back to her PADD. She realized that Alex would likely not let her drop it.
Cole: Yeah… this time of year is a little complicated for me.
Storm: Family can be our biggest support or our worst enemy. Unfortunately, the same can be said of ourselves too, sometimes.
Natasha hesitated, eyes unfocusing just enough to suggest she was choosing her words carefully.
Cole: I call my father ‘the Commander’ Not as a joke. He was one in Starfleet, and he never really stopped being one at home. Everything was structure, discipline, expectations. ::a faint, wry smile:: Turns out that doesn’t leave much room for your kid to be… different.
Storm: Or truly themselves, huh?
Cole: I started my transition around the holidays. Thanksgiving, actually. My mom showed up. No questions, no hesitation. My sibling did too. He… didn’t. Instead of trying, he left.
Alex had reached over and gently placed her hand on hers. She had been subconsciously making circles with her fingertip. Natasha glanced back at Storm, grounding herself in the present.
Cole: So when the calendar rolls around to late November, my brain knows I’m safe … but my body still remembers, gets a little heavier.
Alex gave Nat’s hand a gentle pat and set her hand back in front of herself.
Storm: Bodies do remember and carry the weight, even when we want them to forget.
Cole: And for what it’s worth? Calling him ‘the Commander’ helps. Keeps him where he belongs … in my past, and out of my head. ::a half smile:: Unless you're suffering from simulated radiation poisoning, Thanks for that Ollie.
Storm: Wait … when we were in that simulation at the end?
Natasha nodded, the memory of what the hallucination of her father had said to her egging her on trying to belittle her, made her feel less than insignificant. As much as she wanted to give up, she was not only his kid, but also her mother’s. And her mom didn’t raise a quitter.
Cole: Yeah, I had begun hallucinating him shortly after Ollie had ordered me to hold back outside of Main Engineering.
Storm: So that’s what was going on?
Cole: He was cruel, talking down to me as if he hadn’t left. I was tuning him out till … he accused me of killing his son. That’s when I almost punched a bulkhead, thankfully I had enough clarity to stop and tell him off.
Storm: That makes so much more sense now! ::Holding her folded arms palms up.:: I thought something was going on, but ::Placing her hands over her eyes momentarily before removing them:: I wish I had known.
Cole: ::shrugging:: How could you have known. We had barely just met, but thank you … for listening.
Storm: Response
Cole: Honestly, I was more worried that you or Ollie would have insisted I get checked out by Counsellor Lux.
Storm: Response
Cole: I am a work in progmess, a chaotic one at times, but at least I'm not boring.
Storm: Response
Cole: We’ve unpacked quite a bit, interested in a snack?
Storm: Response
Tags/TBC
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Lt. JG Natasha Cole
Security Officer
USS Artemis-A
Writer ID A240205NC4