Ensign Meris - Satisfaction is Not Guaranteed

[Meris/Brian]

(( Main Mess Hall - Deck 3, USS Artemis-A ))

 

K’Wara: Sometimes I’ve come to realize since joining up with Starfleet. Despite space travel being such a common thing, not many people actually do it, certainly not civilians. ::looks around as the turn passes:: Did any of you travel much before joining up?

 

Tho'Bi: Ferenginar, a few times. Places around Deep Space 3. Some non-Federation worlds - which was cool.

 

Without really thinking about it, Meris responded off-handedly. 

 

Meris: I never left the J'naii homeworld before the Academy. Off-world travel is virtually unheard of among my people.

 

Bancroft: Here and there with my parents while they were still on active commission, but they retired to South Carolina on Earth when I was still pretty young... eleven or twelve, I think. The next time I went to space was at the Academy. How about you, el-tee?

 

K'Wara: Response

 

Cole: When I was a child and my parents were still together, we would travel for various assignments my parents had. Once they divorced... travel was more sporadic.

 

Holo-Ferengi: Captain... The USS Enterprise NCC-1701 REFIT must... journey to Deep Space Station K7 to... collect a shipment of... Quadrotriticale grain and... transport it to Sherman's Planet. Do you... accept this challenge?

 

Meris: That sounds vaguely familiar...

 

Bancroft: ::turning to Meris:: Something to do with trouble- I mean, tribbles?

 

Cole: I heard a rumor they were created by a scientist that had no clue what he was doing.

 

The J'naii pilot frowned at the idea of a scientist not knowing what they were doing. With two J'naii scientists in their family, the idea of a "mad" scientist was ridiculous to them.

 

K'Wara: Response

 

Tho'Bi: Challenge accepted.

 

The Holo-Ferengi laughed so hard his wig fell off - except it wasn’t a wig anymore, but a chirping, trembling lump.

 

Tho'Bi: Uh oh.

 

Meris: Is that a...

 

Bancroft: ::barely concealed glee:: This is so entertaining when it’s not happening to me...

 

Cole: ::glancing at Roy:: I couldn’t agree more. ::smiling at Tho’Bi’s misfortune::

 

K'Wara: Response?

 

A holographic avalanche of Tribbles buried Tho’Bi.

 

Cole: ::scooting back:: Don’t fight it. Just accept your new role as the Tribble Throne..

 

Meris: Oh dear...

 

Bancroft: ::giggling:: Classic.

 

Tamio snorted at the jab at Doctor Bancroft’s moustache.

 

Tho'Bi: ::grinning:: Look out, Doc! You’ve got one under your nose.

 

The J'naii pilot shook their head as if they were the authority on such matters. 

 

Meris: I must disagree. What is under Doctor Bancroft's nose more closely resembles the larval stage of the burrowing fen worm from my homeworld.

 

Roy smoothed his mustache with thumb and forefinger.

 

Bancroft: ::laughing:: You two say "unwanted pest." I say "distinguished." Starfleet says "technically within regulations." Everybody wins.

 

Cole: I think it’s a bold choice. Half-21st-century cop, half-villain in an old Earth western.

 

K'Wara: Response.

 

It was Meris’s turn, since theirs was skipped last round.

 

Holo-Ferengi: Quantum slipstream drive!

 

Bancroft: ::patting Meris on the shoulder:: Ooooh, good spin, Meris!

 

Tho’Bi: ::to Meris:: Shaslex n’fellex ::smiles:: Slide don't slip... it's Graalen ::shrugs:: Andorian, it means, Good Luck.

 

K'Wara: Luck does certainly seem to play a good part in this game. ::smiles:: Bad luck seems more prevalent thus far.

 

Cole: They all can’t have horrible consequences... Can they?

 

Meris watched their aircraft carrier piece travel through a tunnel and emerge over a familiar blue-green planet.

 

Meris: Is that Earth?

 

And, orbiting at the edge of the Sol System, was Starbase One.

 

Bancroft: The Blue Marble itself, indeed!

 

Cole: Indeed it is.

 

Holo-Ferengi: Congratulations! You may purchase Starbase One for 200 bars. An expensive purchase, but with comes a 10% royalty on all penalties paid by others because, as Rule 62 states, "The Riskier the Road, the Greater the Profit!"

 

Meris: Oh my... I will purchase Starbase One.

 

They handed over the 200 bars with what might have passed for J'naii "glee."

 

It was Roy’s turn and the Difiant zipped along the board landing on Vulcan.

 

Holo-Ferengi: ::grinning:: Aha! You’ve landed on Vulcan. You may purchase it for 150 bars.

 

Roy reached for his stack of latinum-

 

Holo-Ferengi: ::raising a finger:: However, in order to earn the right to purchase Vulcan, you must first complete a required Pon Farr Audit.

 

Above the holo-Ferengi, glowing neon words spelled out:

 

PON FARR AUDIT 

It’s not love - it’s neurological imbalance.

 

Holo-Ferengi: ::gleefully:: For tax purposes, we must now examine your history of romantic entanglements, whether real or tragically hypothetical.

 

Bancroft: ::blinking:: That... that feels aggressively targeted.

 

The lights shifted dramatically, with just a single spotlight on Roy.

 

Holo-Ferengi: Let’s begin. Question one! Have you ever experienced what the Hew-Mons call "butterflies" in the presence of another sentient being?

 

Bancroft: ::cautiously:: Are we talking literal or metaphorical butterflies? Because I had a very alarming case involving a lepidopterist during clinical rotations.

 

K’Wara: Who knew Galaxy-opoly doubled as such a vicious instrument of existential dread?

 

Cole: ::leaning forward placing her hand on her chin:: This should be interesting.

 

Meris: The Doctor cannot have many stories to tell - not with that repellant thing wriggling beneath their nose.

 

Holo-Ferengi: ::checking notes:: Acceptable dodge! Question two! During your Academy years, were you ever described as "dreamy," "brooding," or "emotionally unavailable but in an intriguing way"?

 

Bancroft: ::cheeks burning:: I’ll have you know I was perfectly available. People just needed to look past the sarcasm and extreme emotional deflection.

 

Tho'Bi: The moustache says brooding ::nods::

 

K'Wara: Hey, they’re synonyms for a reason.

 

Cole: Didn’t expect anyone to be psychoanalyzed tonight.

 

Meris: ::uncertainly:: The Doctor's fen worm speaks?

 

Holo-Ferengi: ::rubbing hands together:: Final question! When facing mortal peril, have you ever envisioned one specific individual as your "final thought"?

 

Bancroft: ::reddening further:: I’m invoking the Fifth Directive on that one.

 

Meris cocked their head, wondering what this Fifth Directive was. They were well-schooled at the Academy on all of Starfleet's General Orders. The Fifth General Order dictated that in extreme emergencies Federation special representatives were empowered to assume emergency powers to deal with a condition of circumstances that was deemed hazardous to the welfare of Federation citizenry. The order was generally intended to allow civilians to take command of Starfleet bases or starships in the event of crisis. They did not understand how that might apply in this scenario.

 

Holo-Ferengi: ::gleeful:: Denial and evasion! There might be some hope for you Hew-Mons after all! The audit is passed, you are now the proud owner of Vulcan.

 

A certificate materialized before Roy reading “MOST LIKELY TO NEED A HUG BUT REJECT IT.”

 

Bancroft: ::deadpan:: That’s going on the mood board. Right next to my "Live, Laugh, Lock it all Inside" sign.

 

K’Wara: ::smirk:: Well, now it just feels like you’re hogging the attention.

 

The impossibly tall Andorian leaned across and gave the young Doctor an awkward pat.

 

Tho'Bi: ::to Bancroft:: Zhasil hlenz fellexi’flan ::smiles and pats Bancroft on the back:: The warmest embrace melts the coldest hearts.

 

Cole: ::nodding slightly:: Interesting way to frame the power of friendship.

 

Meris: I would offer you a hug but I'm afraid our games host might tax it. ::with side-eye at Holo-NOT-Grok::

 

The holographic Ferengi gleefully chuckled and minced his hands at the idea of taxing public displays of affection.

 

Holo-NOT-Grok: Oh the profit that could be had!

 

Tho’Bi: ::to everyone:: Fellexi’flan shranek... thas ek'hris ::beat:: But if the heart is frozen solid, there's always the blade. ::smiles::

 

Cole: And there’s the multifaceted nature of Andorians peeking through.

 

Meris cringed at the suggestion.

 

Meris: I shall try to remember to never turn my back on an Andorian...

 

K'Wara/Bancroft: Responses

 

Natasha’s turn came and went, resulting in her having to pay, of all things, a speeding fine. It cost her 50 bars. Tho’Bi spun next and landed on a 19.

 

Holo-Ferengi: ::prancing about the table surface:: N-n-n-n-nineteen, nineteen! N-nineteen, nineteen!

 

Tho'Bi looked at the group and shrugged, shaking his head.

 

Natasha returned it with an equally confused shrug, leaning forward to see if something was amiss with the board.

 

Meris: ::thinking aloud:: The 19th Rule of Acquisition is "Satisfaction is not Guaranteed"...

 

oO Could that have something to do with Holo-NOT-Grok's amusement? Oo

 

Bancroft: Responses

 

The miniature USS Enterprise NCC-1701 REFIT landed on a square with a small dusty-looking world. The board shimmered into rugged terrain of rock outcrops and sparse vegetation... then nothing happened.

 

Tho'Bi: Galaxy-opoly Game System Control ::beat:: run dia-

 

A hefty, photon-torpedo-sized boulder slammed into the Andorian’s head.

 

K'Wara: You’re uniquely unlucky in this game, Tho’Bi.

 

Cole: It’s like the game has it out for you.

 

The boulder bounced off Tho'Bi and sailed towards Meris and Bancroft. The J'naii attempted to catch it, but it dematerialized before reaching them. It seemed this assault was intended solely for Mister Tho'Bi.

 

Bancroft: Responses

 

An outcrop of rock manifested at the center of the game. Atop it stood a large humanoid with green scaly skin, a broad head, and a mouth full of glistening sharp teeth. 

 

Holo-Ferengi: Now you've Gorn and done it! You must fashion a weapon from the limited resources around you.

 

As the Holo-Ferengi spoke, various elements appeared, floating in mid-air around the Gorn.

 

Holo-Ferengi: Bamboo, Sulfur, Coal, Potassium Nitrate, and Diamonds. But here's the kicker, Andorian ::points at Tho’Bi:: You’ve got the bamboo ::the bamboo appears in front of Tho'Bi:: but... four elements, four teammates. ::the four elements vanish:: Which of your teammates has what? And... how much will they charge for it? ::grins:: Will it be money? Information? Or favors? ::sniggers::

 

A second chunk of dusty rock arched down onto the Andorian. This time he caught it.

 

Holo-Ferengi: And don't worry my fellow profit seekers... There's enough Gorn for anyone!

 

With that, the rock-top Gorn began lobbing boulders at all the players. The Holo-Ferengi broke into song. 

 

Holo-Ferengi: Gorn Freeeee!

 

K'Wara: Hmm... Wonder how this board game ended up so popular.

 

Cole: ::leaning to her side to avoid a boulder:: Probably because it spreads the chaos to everyone.

 

Meris wondered what the Holo-Ferengi was talking about. They certainly didn't have any Sulfur, Coal, Potassium Nitrate, or Diamonds. But even as they thought this, they realized they'd suddenly become very uncomfortable. Rising slightly from their chair, they discovered they were sitting upon a little gem baggy. Lifting it and opening it slightly, they saw it was full of Diamonds.

 

Meris: I have the... oof!

 

Just as Meris was speaking, they were struck by one of the boulders lobbed by the tabletop Gorn. It caught them by surprise and they fell back into their seat. When they'd recovered, they rubbed their jaw and showed Tho'Bi the bag of diamonds.

 

Meris: I'll trade these for a favor to be named at a later date...

 

Bancroft/Tho’Bi: Responses

 

K’Wara: Good point. ::thinking:: It’s not unlike art, I guess. Not all art is comfortable or easily palatable. ::notices Tho’Bi’s question:: Oh, hmm... 50 latinum, Tho’Bi.

 

Cole: I’ll give you the component in exchange for ::tilting her head downward, with a direct, intense gaze up from beneath her eyebrows, often with a hint of a smile:: My silence on why I call you Mister Meringue.

 

Meris: ::curiously:: Mister Meringue? Isn't that an Earth dance?

 

Bancroft/Tho’Bi: Responses

 

Tho’Bi eventually managed to get the Gorn off the board, and Tamio finished their turn, which involved a parking fine as the Grand Magus had purchased the airspace and was implementing retroactive fees.

 

K’Wara: ::nods:: That makes some sense. Guess Galaxy-opoly may be more about "working together against unfair odds" ::gestures with their head at Holo-NOT-Grok:: rather than bringing each other to financial ruin.

 

Cole: Maybe. I think it's also an example of different species interpreting games differently.

 

Bancroft/Tho’Bi: Responses

 

Eventually it was back to Natasha as she gave the wheel a spin, landing on a 23. The little NX token moved across the board and came to a stop on a square called "The Temporal Twist."

 

Cole: What does that even mean?

 

As if on cue the Holo-Ferengi sprang out of the board.

 

Holo-Ferengi: You’ve landed on Temporal Twist! ::doing a little shimmy:: You have to dance, as you Hew-Mons shake your money maker, or be whisked back to the beginning and lose half your bank in relocation fees.

 

Natasha sat there and stared at the Holo-Ferengi.

 

Holo-Ferengi: You have sixty seconds to fulfill the challenge or it's an automatic forfeiture of all assets.

 

A timer appeared and started ticking away.

 

Cole: ::smirking:: Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you...

 

She stood up, pushing her chair back. As she did, the lighting changed like it had for Tho’Bi’s performance. She started to move slowly with a little hip wiggle, just enough to get a laugh, from who she didn’t notice as she had closed her eyes.

 

Meris watched the Security Officer dance without reaction.

 

Meris: It is difficult to dance without music. If one of you gentlemen would like to assist the Ensign...

 

K’Wara/Bancroft/Tho’Bi: Responses

 

After about fifteen seconds of her hip wiggle, Cole smiled and opened her eyes. She suddenly switched gears and danced with surprising confidence, a mix of smooth body rolls, a playful spin, and bouncing between a few poses that were not dissimilar to some of her training stances. As the timer reached zero she stopped and took a bow as the display showed "Challenge Complete."

 

Holo-Ferengi: ::clapping:: Well done Hew-Mon. Perhaps if you lose interest in Starfleet you could find work as a Dabo Girl.

 

Meris joined the Ferengi in clapping. While Cole's first dance had been lackluster, their second had been impressive for the flexibility it displayed. Some of the movements reminded Meris of Sha'rel, the J'naii martial art form they practiced, and they wondered if Sha'rel movements might be modified for dance purposes - should they ever need to use them.

 

Cole: ::trying not to laugh:: Thanks, but that’s not necessary.

 

K’Wara/Bancroft/Tho’Bi: Responses

 

Richards: =/\= Response =/\=

 

Meris looked up as Cole's combadge chirped.

 

Cole: Sorry everyone, gotta go. Duty calls. ::looking at the Holo-Ferengi:: I am transferring my assets to the other players.

 

She divided up the remaining bars in her bank and handed them out to everyone.

 

As Cole slid some of her latinum towards the J'naii, the pilot stood up quickly, banging their knee into the table in the process. Putting one hand to their knee, they nodded at Cole.

 

Meris: Thank you Ensign. It was a pleasure meeting you.

 

Cole: Good luck everyone! ::to Bancroft:: See you for our adventure later.

 

K’Wara/Bancroft/Tho’Bi: Responses

 

Cole: =/\= Cole to Richards, on my way. =/\=

 

Natasha paused at the door, glancing back at everyone with a smile before departing.

 

The J'naii pilot watched Cole go and then retook their seat.

 

Meris: ::to Bancroft:: What adventure are you going on later with Ensign Cole?

 

Bancroft: Response.

 

Holo-NOT-Grok: We may have one less player but that just means more profit for those who remain! Who will be next to spin my wheel?

 

Bancroft/Tho'Bi/K'Wara: Response.

 

(( Tags/TBC ))

 

---

Ensign Meris

Helm Officer

USS Artemis-A

A240207M14