Lt. JG. Gnai - Just A Twinge Of Impostor Syndrome
Lich
(( Captain’s Ready Room – Deck 1, USS Artemis-A ))
This was unbearable. Gnai couldn’t tell why she had called it here to her ready room, so it was expecting the worst. It wasn’t sure why it was thinking that, but it wasn’t a Vulcan so did it really need to be logical all the time? Sometimes it just was concerned that its captain was going to take back its rank for circumstances that were out of its control, and that was that!
MacKenzie: I’m sure it was stressful… Did they manage to find your old suit?
The loss of its previous suit was a sore spot for Gnai. That suit had represented one of its proudest moments, working with its mentor back on the homeworld, and now it was gone - reduced to lifeless scraps of metal, the various internal components burnt out from whatever the Amity crew had done to it in the end. Additionally, talking about how the suit had been destroyed meant mentioning the assimilation that it had undergone, and Gnai was not excited to share that it too had been vulnerable to the Borg, like some of its crewmates aboard the Artemis. Not with the captain, especially.
And then there was the whole question about how one of its arms had stayed on the bridge, while the rest of the suit had been found elsewhere. Lt. Sadar had made it promise to keep how that had happened secret, and it wasn’t intending to break that promise to her. But if the captain asked… No, Gnai didn’t even want to consider that thought, lest the universe decide that its word needed testing.
Gnai: The old suit? It was found on… Deck 4 of the Kitty Hawk this recalls? It wasn’t salvageable, too damaged from the fight on the bridge before the crash… and the fight with the Amity crewmembers who discovered and disabled it.
MacKenzie: The crash? You were on the bridge?
Gnai: Yes… The crash. This was on the bridge for that. ::pause:: But there was nothing that could have been done!
The captain looked at Gnai, eyes narrowed in what it had learned was human body language for suspicion. This was bad.
MacKenzie: Lieutenant, no one is accusing you of anything…
Gnai: ::rambling, fast:: This tried to stop it from crashing, it’s just that it all happened so fast and the Borg had disabled the helm and even with the reversed tractor beams, it wasn’t slowing down enough… ::pause:: Wait. ::pause:: You’re not…?
The tension in the room started to dissipate as Gnai realized exactly what its captain had said, and she leaned back in her own chair. She… wasn’t calling it here to take it to court for what had happened on Frontier Day, and its connection to the crash of the Kitty Hawk. This was fantastic news - Gnai wasn’t ready to leave Starfleet just yet, not with as much as it wanted to learn about the universe.
MacKenzie: Lieutenant, do you think I would have promoted you if I thought you had anything to do with the destruction of the Kitty Hawk, or could have prevented it from happening?
Gnai: ::long pause:: No.
That was a good point - she’d likely already heard what had happened, and yet she still went forwards with pinning another pip to Gnai’s chassis (metaphorically). Captain MacKenzie had meant it when she promoted it. But it still felt, for some reason, that this was all wrong. Its worry was evident as it dimly flashed across its body, despite Gnai’s best efforts to stop its little lightshow.
MacKenzie: Lieutenant, why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind.
It really didn’t want to do that, but she was its captain. It didn’t have much of a choice, now did it?
Gnai: It’s just… with everything this saw on Frontier Day and the new suit and the promotion and the new quarters… it doesn’t feel real. This isn’t ready for all the responsibilities ::gestures to the hollow pip with its suit’s hand:: that come with being a Lieutenant JG. ::pause:: Are you certain it wasn’t a mistake?
MacKenzie: Response
It swayed back and forth in its tank, trying to imitate the same head shake that humanoids used so much.
Gnai: But why now? This didn’t do anything important during Frontier Day… ::pause:: Or anything at all. Except watch, unable to do anything, as the previous suit was assimilated.
MacKenzie: Response
Gnai: ::shrugging its suits arms:: It just feels… unearned. Not when there are others who have been here longer. Or better officers who aren’t here anymore because of what this watched its previous suit do…
Even if it had puffed up under Lt. Cmdr. Jovenan’s praise after the ceremony, Gnai still felt that this wasn’t entirely right. It hadn’t proven itself, not in the way that it wanted to. The captain had only seen it in the worst of times, and now here it was, pouring its feelings out to her about how stressed it was after barely being assimilated - Niev and the others had had it far worse. This was a disaster of a meeting.
MacKenzie: Response
Tags/TBC :)
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