Lt. Silveira: Emotional management? Never heard of it.
btv.abreu
((USS Artemis, deck 7, Counselor’s Office))
Vitor was laying it all out to Jashkaa. Telling her what he was about to do in Betazed. But he might have not phrased it right so he shook his head and hands.
Silveira: No… It wasn't like that. I managed to knock him out. As he was lying there…
I had him at my feet and almost… I was about to smash his skull…
Jashkaa: You had a violent impulse?
Vitor leaned back, he closed his eyes and rubbed his neck before leaning forward.
Silveira: The thing is, I shouldn’t be thinking like that. Not only am I a Starfleet Officer I am a department head. I of all people have a responsibility when it comes to violent use of force. ::He took a deep breath.:: You know that there is one thing I secretly pride myself off. In all the years of service I only have one confirmed kill. An Iconian that was threatening our away team back in the Columbia. I was given the order to fire, didn’t hesitate and did my job.
But I almost killed someone who was defenceless at my feet.
Jashkaa: That is commendable, Vitor. I believe I read that many human police officers in the past prided themselves on never having fired their service weapons. That they were able to resolve things without resorting to violence, and it sounds like that is something you have to be proud of. ::she raised a finger to prevent interruptions:: However it sounds to me like you are harbouring an anger, and that anger has no release and so it manifests in these violent outbursts. Does that sound correct to you?
Vitor tipped his head and a shadow of a smile crossed his lips.
Silveira: The punching bag in my hologym might beg to differ with that ::He nodded as if apologising for the joke.:: I think you might be right.
It was like a burning sensation that he couldn’t quite extinguish. No matter how hard he hit and how strong he punched. But when he was fighting it eased, it vented part of it.
Letting the violence flow through him eased things.
At least a little. And he was realising it was just truly just a little bit and never enough.
Jashkaa uncrossed her legs and leaned forward, her emerald eyes meeting his gaze firmly.
Jashkaa: So the question remains, Vitor… what are you angry about?
Vitor kept his eyes on hers.
Silveira: Now? ::he paused and felt his eyes burning. He blinked a few times and replied.:: Now I am angry because they have taken Jo from me and I should have been there for her. Because I will never see her again. Because any potential future we might have was taken.
He closed his fists so tightly his knuckles cracked. The sound surprised even him and he opened his hands quickly, realising they were shaking slightly. He leaned back embarrassed.
Silveira: I am sorry…
Jashkaa: Response
Vitor nodded, resting his hand on his lap.
Silveira: Like I said emotional control isn’t exactly my forte. There’s that Portuguese expression that fits like a glove to me. I have my heart right under my skin.
Jashkaa: Response
Vitor opened his arms, taking a deep breath before leaning forward.
Silveira: So what do you suggest I do?
Jashkaa: Response
TAG/TBC
Lt. Vitor S. Silveira
Chief Tactical Officer
USS Artemis-A, NCC-81287
O238907VS0