LtJG Hiro Jones - An Unlikely Conversation pt2
Chris Haggard
Jones: Am I dead?
Her full lips formed a concerned line, and Kayla’s expression repossessed the authority of the science chief she had once been. She withdrew her hand from his chest, but the pain stayed at bay. Crossing her arms in front of her, she weighed the words of her response before offering them.
Drex: Yes. And no.
Jones: I hate that answer.
Drex: Fine. No. You’re not dead. Not exactly.
Jones: That’s not much better, Kay.
The blonde woman gestured to the garden path to her left that had both not been there a moment prior and had been there since the Big Bang itself. Clearly an invitation to walk, Hiro offered his arm to her. As teenagers, he had first offered his arm to her like this in jest to his friend’s little sister, but it had become their shared joke. Here though, it felt appropriate. She was something … more. Not offering a simple courtesy to the being that was Kayla Drex would be an affront to the very idea of decency. Arm in arm, then, the pair walked, and as they did, the park that was and wasn’t came into sharper focus.
Kayla: I can’t explain it all to you, Jonesy. Not because I don’t want to or I’m not allowed to or something, but because I can’t. All I can say is your body is dead. Your physical brain has stopped working. The doctors on your ship are working diligently to bring you back, but they’re running out of time.
Hiro wasn’t shocked or frightened by this revelation. Maybe it was the presence of such a familiar person to guide him to whatever came next or just the peace he’d finally come to with mortality, but Hiro took this news as objectively as one might take the news that a turbolift was down for maintenance.
Jones: So I’m not dead, but I’m dying. Sounds pretty straight forward, Kay.
Drex: That’s actually not it either. You’re early, like I said. You shouldn’t be here yet. The best I’ve been able to reason is the events that caused your physical death are outside the possibilities of your reality. Your consciousness or essence or soul or whatever has been removed from your physical form … incorrectly. You’re gonna have to go back, but I can’t just send you back.
Jones: So what? I’m stuck here? Where even is here? Are you really Kayla or some kind of angel or shinigami or valkyrie or grim reaper?
Drex: Michael will attest: I’m no angel.
Hiro wasn’t in the mood for jokes. He stopped walking and turned sharply to face her.
Jones: You know what I mean, Kayla.
Her eyes met his again. He could see now they were damp with held tears. Was she worried about him? Why would she be worried? He was the one caught in some weird limbo.
Drex: I do know. It’s what I don’t know that frightens me.
Whatever passed for time in this place folded in on itself. Hiro’s vision swirled, and he saw the medical team of the USS Artemis rushing around a biobed. On the operating surface was a figure, but try as he might, he couldn’t quite get a look at the face. As he tried craning his neck around to see who the injured person was, he found himself once again looking into Kayla’s eyes. They searched his for some understanding that eluded her.
Jones: Why are you here, Kay?
Drex: You already asked me that.
Jones: Sort of. I’m asking why you’re here. Why not my Sofu or Grandmother?
She considered the question as though it hadn’t yet occurred to her. After a few second - or perhaps the lifetime of a star - she answered.
Drex: I think you needed to see me.
The feeling of permission or license to finally ask the question that had plagued him the last few years threatened to crush Hiro. How does one ask that question though? She seemed to sense his thoughts, and with a gentle smile stepped half a step closer.
Drex: Nothing you do or say can offend or hurt me, Hiro. Ask your question.
Jones: Could … could I have helped you?
Drex: Could you have changed the course of my life?
Jones: Not just your life, Kay. If I had been a better friend, a better counselor, a better listener, a better person - If I had been better, would you still be alive now?
Now freed, the words rushed out of him in an unchecked torrent. The stinging tears in his eyes felt ready to burst the dam that had held them at bay for so long.
Jones: Kay, when I heard you’d gone missing, I was worried. When Michael told me the truth though, I felt responsible. It was my job to help people in situations like yours. I was so consumed with my own career goals though, that I …
He felt himself drowning. Drowning in sorrow. Drowning in regret. Drowning in guilt and fear of the unknown number of people he hadn’t helped. His vision swam again now, but not as it had done before in this place. Tears obscured the face of his friend, but her arms around him comforted him and assured him of her continued presence.
Drex: It’s not your place to save the galaxy, Hiro. You and every other sentient being who has ever interacted with another can and does affect the course of the lives they touch. Sometimes those effects are great, and sometimes small, but you cannot touch a life without it being altered.
She held him at arm’s length and wiped the tears from his cheeks, though they still flowed.
Drex: ::tenderly:: You have always been a bright soul, Jonesy. The potential in you to touch lives is stronger than you know. Could you have prevented my death? Yes and no. You could have delayed it perhaps, but there are so many things you can’t control. Never forget that every other living being has their own agency. You affect lives; you can’t control them.
Jones: Are you talking about fate? I never believed in that.
Drex: Not fate, no. The reality of life and death, time and space, being and nonbeing - they’re far too complex for such simplistic terms as “fate.” Those aren’t mysteries for you to understand now though. You’re still early.
Another celestial epoch passed. Around the two of them, the park remained. He could hear birds singing in unseen trees, smell the grass, flowers, and wild onion from the green spaces, and feel the firmness of the packed clay path on which they stood. Overhead though, where he would have expected a blue sky dotted with puffy clouds vaguely resembling exotic animals, Hiro saw a nebula. In its heart, a star formed, was propelled out of the cosmic nursery, gathered to itself several planets, each collecting their own moons as they joined together in a dance that spun and joined the larger choreography. Life and cultures arose on a few of the planets. The star grew dim and faded. The people that had inhabited the system struck out to forge new lives for themselves elsewhere. In the next moment, the material that had been the star, planets, moons, buildings, cultures and histories flashed into component matter.
When he looked back at Kayla, the light of that first nebula reflected in her shining eyes.
Jones: I’m back in Starfleet, Kay. I was a doctor. Now I’m back in counseling. I did it for you. I want to help people.
Drex: And you will help people, Commander Jones.
Jones: ::shaking his head:: I came back as an Ensign. I had them redact my whole record. I don’t want to get obsessed with promotion again. That’s not why I’m here.
She gave him an appraising look. It was a familiar expression on her heart-shaped face, but the intensity behind it now belied her petite frame. This Kayla Drex was far more than she appeared.
Drex: Hiro, recognition of a job well done is not one of the things you can control. Use whatever position you’re put in to be the best help you can be to those around you. Don’t seek power, but if you find yourself gaining it, put it to good use.
He didn’t have a response. Instead, he looked up again, hoping to see another astronomical history. He saw nothing but the white fog. Looking around, the park too had vanished. The sounds and smells remained, but the only thing that retained defined shape was Kayla.
Jones: I’ll try, Kay. I’ll make you proud.
Drex: You do. Every day. Live well, my dear friend. I’ll be here later - when it’s time.
She cupped his face in her hands, and gently pulled his head down, pressing her lips gently to his forehead in a way that felt simultaneously maternal, sisterly, and benedictional. The spot remained warm even after she’d pulled away. The light grew brighter, obscuring even her from his view. Again, there was nothing but the warm blanket of diffuse light around him, but he could feel her near him. In the moment before the light grew so intense he was forced to close his eyes, he heard her voice one last time:
Drex: Love ya, Jonesy.
End
Hiro Jones, PhD MD
Counselor, USS Artemis-A
E239510KD0