LtJG Gila Sadar - Morals and Duty, Forever My Cage
Gila Sadar
((Counselor's Office - Deck 7, USS Artemis-A))
Talking with a counselor… Not a good time. But this one? While on average far more terrifying than most, was going pretty okay? Maybe? It definitely helped that there was a very specific conversational topic for the two of them to discuss, but that topic wasn’t exactly a pleasant one either. While minisculely better than having to discuss her past, her social anxiety or anything of a more intrinsically ‘her’ nature, it was still a point of deep contention to herself.
As a subordinate in the hierarchical unit that was displaced to Ki Baratan, not obeying Commander Adea’s orders was out of the question. And yet, because of her own internal turmoil, she’d not only risked the mission, but the lives and fates of her teammates…
But when having to choose between her morals, that clearly stated that violence - not to mention assassinating an innocent - was wrong, and direct orders from a superior...
Jashkaa: And you were made to feel it was the only way?
oO At least, that’s what you want me to say. The truth is that Betazoid doctor of yours has all the imagination of a Ferengi tube grub, and about half as charming. There were any number of things that you could have done that wasn’t murder an innocent man. Oo
Sadar: I… I don’t know. ::twists her anxiety band:: CloQ hinted that there might’ve been another way, but I’m not much in a mood to take their words seriously considering what they put us through just to prove a point, and yet… They never lied outright.
Jashkaa: So you remain unconvinced?
Sadar: ... Yes Si-... Yes. I just... Assassinating innocent people… It was a… Very trying mission for me, in more ways than I’d anticipated. ::brief sigh:: Even if one felt that the mission was wrong, that what you had to do to ensure the survival of the galaxy at large was wrong, one still has to follow orders. ::twists the obsidian ring::
Commander Jashkaa raised a finger, stopping Gila in her tracks.
Jashkaa: Orders? So this is not something you did of your own free will?
Gila stared confused at the Orion Commander for a good long while, clearly not quite understanding the question. She tried viewing the question from a multitude of different angles, trying to find out exactly what it was the Commander getting at. They’d had a sharing of ideas, the commanding officer had made his decision, they had attempted to argue the selected course, and it had become plenty clear that they really had no other alternative.
Or, well, at least none that the team had been clever or intuitive enough to find while on a time-crunch to locate the rest of the crew.
The idea that someone would even consider using their free will to disobey direct orders was sheer lunacy to Gila. She felt that she’d become plenty insubordinate to have even gotten to the point that she argued against orders she disagreed with, so to think that there was a further level of rebelliousness she had not yet unlocked was… Disconcerting.
Sadar: N-No, th-that’s… I wasn’t forced! But there was no other alternative, at the time, and… I had a duty to my team, to do my part in seeing our mission succeed… A duty which… I failed.
Her finger kept twisting the anxiety band, as they approached a topic she didn’t feel comfortable discussing.
Jashkaa: So this is you struggling with the concept of morality versus duty?
oO Oh yeah. Constantly. The folly of my life. Oo
It was struggling between morals and duty that led her to allow her research to be confiscated. It was struggling between morals and duty that led her to leave Mizabet behind without so much as a ‘by your leave’ to the people that mattered most. It was struggling between morals and duty that meant she arrived on Mizar IV as a murderer-by-negligence. And it was struggling between morals and duty that meant she eventually caught the eye of Captain Mata, and was put on a trajectory to join Starfleet.
And for the latest entry in her long line of failures, it was struggling between morals and duty that led her to betray the trust put in her by her senior officers while on an extremely sensitive mission to an alternate timeline...
Sadar: I… I suppose so, yes. I’ve been warned already that the oath ‘Do No Harm’ is sometimes at odds with what is required when serving in Starfleet… But, it’s… ::sighs::
Jashkaa: Response
She’d been away from home for almost eleven years at this point. At the beginning, she thought she’d managed to leave behind her chains on Mizabet, but the more time passed, and the more challenging her responsibilities, the more she’d come to realize that she was just as trapped as she’d been back in her office at the University of Pozaron.
Sadar: … It’s not an easy moral codex to dismiss. The Tenets - the moral framework of my entire people - denounces violence and preaches surrender and non-resistance… ::twists her ring:: Disregarding every lesson I was taught prior to leaving my home system is proving… More difficult than I’d anticipated.
Jashkaa: Response
TAGS/TBC
LtJG Gila Sadar
Medical Officer
USS Artemis-A
A240006GS1