Lt Jovenan – Loved ones
Jovenan
((Elysium, Deck 6, USS Artemis))
The main lounge on a ship was often a focal point for some of the crew’s happiest moments. It was the stage for promotions, weddings and other formal or family occasions, but even on an average day, it hosted plenty of joyful encounters or restful moments of relaxation. Today…
Today was not a day of celebrations.
Jovenan walked with Vitor from the turbolift to the bar. While the use of replicators was limited, the shelves behind the bar table showcased various items that were either pre-replicated or authentic, made by hand. Inspecting the selection, she turned to Vitor, whom she trusted more in the matters of taste.
Jovenan: Do you think one of those would be good?
Silveira: Maybe after we eat.
He turned to the waiter behind the counter and ordered food for both of them. Had Jovenan been alone, she may have chosen to skip eating all together; she hadn’t been eating well for ages, so she was hungry, but she didn’t find herself wanting to eat. Vitor, in addition to helping her keep her fears and anxieties from surfacing, made sure she ate when she needed to, for which she was grateful. Considering he had said he hadn’t eaten well either, she hoped she was helping him as well.
Silveira: Can you please get us a cherry tomato salad each. And water.
After placing their orders, they left the counter to find an empty table, which was unusually easy with the lack of the typical crowd of patrons the lounge typically had. In matter of fact, Jovenan felt sorry for some of the lone colleagues sitting by the tables around the room. The lounge gave them an opportunity to be somewhere instead of cowering alone in the privacy of their quarters, but she suspected the counsellors would be overworked for months or years to repair all the damage done in the last days. She recognized the suffering of the others and wanted the best for them, but at the same time she tried to suppress her own pain.
She sighed. Vitor had taken a seat near her. He had become one of the closest people to her on the ship, perhaps the person she trusted the most to listen to her thoughts, but she couldn’t make herself to say anything out loud. The thoughts ached her heart: she was afraid of being left alone with them. There were doubts and fears, maybe even some hopes and desires she could have talked about, but she couldn’t, not yet. Starting was the worst part; seeing Vitor look at her, worried, she opted to go with something less emotional.
Jovenan: You have family on Earth, right, in Portugal? Are you going to visit them?
Silveira: Yes. My paternal grandparents live there. I am taking a week off to see them and the rest of the family. My parents are also coming, with my grandparents from my mother's side. ::He smiled when he mentioned the next name.:: My son Jonathan and his mother will also be joining.
Jovenan raised an eyebrow. She enjoyed learning more about Vitor and her other friends’ personal life, like when he had told her and Sadar last shore leave about how he had learnt to cook, but she hadn’t expected to hear that he had a child. Sure, she already knew he was older than what he appeared to be, and she had a decent understanding of human family dynamics, but, on a personal level, she wouldn’t have guessed that.
Jovenan: Oh? I didn’t know you had a son.
Vitor’s smile widened. For a moment, Jovenan’s curiosity overcame her previous dread.
Silveira: Really? I thought I might have mentioned him. As I say, my life is an open book. He's almost ten now. His mother, Thera, and I met at the Academy. We were eventually stationed together in Ops and were part of the Excalibur’s launch crew. That's why that ship is so… Special to me…
Jovenan nodded attentively and even smiled a little. Transferring from the Excal to the Artemis had been a fairly big change for her, but she had only served there for some months. She had known the transfer had caused major life changes to those who had been there for much longer, like Genkos and Commodore Nicholotti, but it hadn’t occurred to her how much more history Vitor might have of that place.
Almost ten years old son… Vitor’s smile talking about him made Jovenan happy. It was a genuine flash of joy within the darkness of the day. However, Jovenan knew enough of humans and their families to realise there was more to that story.
Jovenan: I don’t remember meeting her on the Excalibur. Is she still in Starfleet?
The change in Vitor’s expression was subtle but visible enough for Jovenan to catch it. It was still a smile, but not a happy one. Vitor had become important to her, and she wanted to learn to know him, sad memories as in the happy ones, but she hoped reminding him had not caused him too much pain.
Silveira: No, she left Starfleet after the first mission of the Excalibur. She's Andorian, so as you can guess it wasn't an easy pregnancy. And… ::Vitor shrugged:: Things didn't work out between us, but we have a good friendship now and… Well she's family… ::he leaned back his smile now gone.:: I always screw up my relationships… The only time I didn't… I wish I had…
Seeing his smile fade away hurt Jovenan. Vitor was so much more than his usual cheerful exterior revealed. The death of her sister-across-the-universes had scratched that exterior, but now she was seeing how much more there was, and a lot of it was pain. He looked her straight into her eyes, and she tried to force herself for an empathetic smile. It was hard; she genuinely wanted to help him carry that suffering, but she found expressing that difficult. She wanted to be next to him, hold his face, hug him… But that was not what he probably expected of her. Instead, she just showed her support by an attempt of an expression.
He kept looking at her eyes without saying a word for a moment. Eventually, he withdrew his gaze. It was a pity that he did, as for some reason, Jovenan had found his eyes comforting. Instead, he smiled again, but Jovenan could tell there was something missing from it.
Silveira: Sorry. Enough about me. How about you? Planning on visiting your family? Taking some time out of the ship ?
It took Jovenan a moment to respond. She remembered how she had cried talking with Hiro about homesickness. She wanted to share with Vitor, but she didn’t know if she wanted to burden Vitor with any more of her emotions; he had helped her overcome so much already today and the previous days. Then again, he had shared something of himself to her, it was only fair she allowed herself to be vulnerable with him. She pressed her lips together before speaking.
Jovenan: I don’t know yet. There’s so much to do to repair the ship, many personal research projects need someone to take care of them now, I’m not sure if I have time to go down to Earth… I’d love to visit my old home some day, but I can’t.
Silveira: Response
Jovenan fidgeted with her utensils for a moment.
Jovenan: It’s just… far away. Even if we had months of shore leave, the only way I could get there and back in time would be a slipstream starliner. Those aren’t too frequent, certainly not now. No, I’m needed more here. I’m not even sure if they remember me any more.
She had managed to keep her voice from wavering the entire time, but in the last sentence, it broke a little. Immediately she withdrew her gaze down onto the table.
Silveira: Response
Jovenan: I moved out ten years ago and after that, I haven’t been visiting for more than a few times, briefly. I do love them, and maybe they still love me, but I just… didn’t fit in, really. The last time I saw any of them was six years ago, staying with them for a while when moving from University to the Academy. I haven’t even seen a single other Edo in that time… well, except her…
There was so much more Jovenan could have said. She could have talked about how different she had felt back home, the feeling of being an outsider everywhere she had been, not feeling she should ever go home after what CloQ had made her do in Ki Baratan… But she didn’t want to burden Vitor with any of that, and what she had just said had been something more important to both of them than anything else she could have said.
She raised her gaze again from the table and looked straight at him, as if trying to see a glimpse of his soul through his eyes.
Jovenan: Do you still think of her often? The other Jovenan.
Silveira: Response
TAG/TBC
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Lieutenant Jovenan
Chief Science Officer
USS Artemis-A
E239911J11