Ens. Lyara Alroyo - A Battle of... Wits
Lyara Alroyo
((Third Promenade - DS224))
A Vulcan and a Bajoran walked onto the promenade. Alroyo had been summoned for a “social meeting” with Commander Salkath on the promenade of DS224. She was happy to touch base with the Vulcan engineer after their last mission. He had carried her for kilometers, and practically saved her life in the process, so she was very eager to join this outing.
Salkath: I am not saying that I would not try hasperat, just that I do not understand the necessity of excessive spice in cuisine. Oral and digestive discomfort does not seem conducive to dining enjoyment.
Lyara: The spice adds flavor, without the flavor food is nothing! So what you get a tummy ache after? That just means you need to adapt to the spice.
Salkath: And you choose this? Willingly, knowing the consequences to your gut? It hardly seems logical.
Alroyo was a little shocked at the idea of spices hurting someone, particularly their gut. Perhaps other humanoids were not as resistant to spices as Bajorans were.
Lyara: How will you know it’s gonna mess up your gut until you try it?
Salkath: ::with a deep sigh:: Far be it from me to shy away from experimentation in the name of scientific pursuit. I would try this hasperat dish then, and you can revel in my discomfort while I do so.
She smiled at the Vulcan’s willingness to explore a final frontier of new cuisines.
Lyara: I do like reveling…
By this time the promenade had mostly cleared of foot traffic, leaving what would be a calm atmosphere on most nights. However, this was not most nights, and a commotion could be heard in the distance. Salkath halted and titled his head as if to listen closely.
Salkath: Over there. ::pointing towards a dimmed corridor:: There might be an altercation of sorts.
Alroyo raised her eyebrow as Salkath pointed at a very sketchy hallway, prime real estate for altercations.
Lyara: And someone with a knife.
They moved closer to where Salkath had heard the conflagration. In a dimly lit corridor they had found a rather threatening door that led to an even dimmer room. As they approached the end of the hall they could hear a crow cheering and jeering as if it was a sporting event. From the crowd they could hear several voices rising above the rest, hurling insults at each other that the crowd would react to.
Salkath: We should go investigate. Station security may need to be summoned.
Lyara: You first Commander.
They moved cautiously down the hallway as they both were unarmed, any altercation would have to rely on hand to hand combat. She didn’t know what Salkath’s skill was, but Lyara had done boxing regularly with a friend during the Academy. So if need be she could throw a mean right hook, but as Starfleet officers she hoped it wouldn’t come down to that.
The two entered the door at the end and found themselves in a speakeasy so stereotypically crummy she almost thought she had accidentally walked into a holodeck program. The room was filled with smoke that stung Lyara’s eyes as she waved it away from her face. Whatever the patrons were smoking and drinking hit her nose in a wretched dance of the two smells.
Salkath: Do you understand what is happening here, Ensign?
Alroyo, having finally cleared the smoke from her eyes, looked to the middle of the room to see four figures standing in a circle. The four figures were hurling insults at each other much to the audience's delight.
Lyara: ::She scoffed as she listened to their insults:: A phaser measuring contest.
The fact they were still in uniform had been noticed by one of the competitors as they called out to the Ensign and Commander.
Human: Oy! Starfleet! What are you doing here?
And the crowd… went… silent?! After a moment, the patrons looked at the two and immediately made a corridor for the officers to walk through. Salkath stepped forward and spoke out to the speakeasy.
Salkath: We came to investigate the commotion. What is happening here?
The Tellarite competitor spoke up from the stage.
Tellarite: Not that it's any business of yours, Pointy, but we're having a roast battle. You mind?
Salkath seemed confused at the prospect of a roast battle.
Salkath: I do not understand.
The crowd erupted with laughter as Salkath looked to Lyara in hope she’d be able to shine a light on the situation.
Lyara: It seems we’ve stumbled our way into a battle of… dimwits
It was the Klingon’s turn to speak in the circle, it seemed they liked to express their thoughts in a clockwork fashion. She directed her honorable ire at Alroyo.
Klingon: Do you and your pet Vulcan want to play, little girl? This is a game of wit, though, so there is no dishonor in admitting you will be at a disadvantage!
Alroyo chuckled a bit at the Klingons taunts, she had no idea if laughing at them was the right thing to do. She was confused at the “little girl” comment, she was actually rather tall for a woman. And if it was related to her age, she’s in her mid 20s. last she checked that’s when one’s brain is fully cooked. If this was her competition maybe all hope of winning was found.
Salkath: Ensign, exercise caution. We still do not know what is exactly happening here.
Lyara: Let’s get some clarification then. ::She looked at the quartet:: What’s a roast battle?
The Andorian of the group spoke dismissively of the two.
Andorian: What is a roast battle, you ask? I can still see it in the Vulcan's eyes, the confusion. You deliver personalized insults at your competitor, and receive them in kind, until one can no longer retort an original and meaningful insult. Are you game?
Lyara: I dunno, what does my Commander say.
She looked to Salkath with a smirk, to which he answered with a shrug. He seemed very expressive for a Vulcan.
Salkath: Are there additional rules? Any protocol that must be followed?
Tellarite: No crying, Pointy. And use your words. Lash out with your tongue if you get angry, not your fists. Otherwise, just spit out insults in turn until you can't come up with something worthwhile. Come on, give me your best shot.
Lyara shared a look in Salkath, hoping that he’ll be able to logically destroy every single one of his opponents. He shrugged again then looked to challenge the Tellarite.
Salkath: Alright. Well... I hazard that you could not quarrel your way out of an illicit Ferengi excise tax.
The crowd erupted in laughter, whether it was with Salkath or at Salkath she couldn’t tell. Hell, it seemed as if the crowd didn’t know what they were cheering for.
Tellarite: I damn well could! ::they grunted, then turned to Alroyo, yet pointing at the Klingon:: You! She has more impressive ridges on her pinky finger than you do on your face!
The crowd erupted at the Tellarite’s taunts. The Klingon lifted her pinky finger, which actually had a very well kept and painted nail on it. She was very pretty and Alroyo actually felt honored to be compared to her, but did not like her ridges being dissed.
Alroyo put one arm on her hip and motioned between her and the Klingon and shot a retort back at the Tellarite.
Lyara: Oh please, you’re just jealous we don’t want to share a mud bath with you.
The crowd erupted with hoots and hollers at the officers' retorts.
Tellarite: That was a good one Starfleet… Now go on and insult one of the others.
Alroyo looked to Salkath but decided she’d wait on insulting him.
Lyara: ::Quietly to Salkath:: I think as long as it’s a “low blow” they’ll cheer.
Salkath: Response
She nodded as she looked at the four competitors, an insult for each popping into her head.
Lyara: Do you know how to work the crowd?
The Bajoran woman hoped that this was a phrase the Vulcan had learned while working with the crew.
Salkath: Response
Lyara: I’ll go first Commander, warm them up for you.
She stepped forward and looked at the four miscreants and gave them a self-confident smirk.
Lyara: I’d like to prove that Starfleet means business. ::Dramatic pause:: We will roast each contestant in a row.
The crowd immediately went wild at the prospect of the officers embracing the game as the Tellarite stepped forward.
Tellarite: Wait just a minute! You’re breaking the rules!
They were immediately met with boos for their shockingly prudish behavior in the not fine establishment. For a moment they considered then scowled to themselves, and let the motion pass.
Tellarite: Fine, go ahead.
Alroyo smirked and pointed to the Tellarite.
Lyara: Don’t be sore now! And here I thought Tellarites were good at arguments! I guess you’re just a Pog.
They scowled yet again as the crowd continued its cheers and jeers. Alroyo turned to the Klingon and pointed at her.
Lyara: Your pinky may be pretty but I can't say the same for your teeth. You know there are dentists on this station right? Or did you throw them all out an airlock when they described your dental hygiene as “dishonorable”.
The Klingon, who thankfully was a fair sport, took the insult in stride. She laughed with the crowd and did a playful snarl towards Alroyo and Salkath. Lyara turned to Salkath to make a game plan.
Lyara: I’ll insult the Human. Then you can insult the Andorian and Tellarite.
Salkath: Response
She nodded then turned to the Human. Alroyo had something special in mind for them, a joke from the Human’s own archives. Years ago she had visited a museum that had its own section on Old Earth jokes and even provided a manuscript from the era. The manuscript titled “How To Be the Funniest Kid in School” had many hijinks to pull off, but one joke came to mind. She was going to insult the Human’s maternal figure.
Aloyo pointed her finger at the human as if it was a phaser set to kill and spoke.
Lyara: Yo Mama is so ugly, that even a Ferengi would want her to wear clothes!
The crowd immediately burst into hysterics at her deep cut. She put the tip of her finger at the front of her face and blew on it as if it was a smoking gun in a holonovel. Alroyo then turned to Salkath and nodded to him.
Lyara: You’re up Commander. Just imagine they’re all squirrel dogs and you’ll do fine.
Salkath: Response
Tag/TBC
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Lyara Alroyo
Helm/Operations
USS Artemis-A
D240108LA4