Lieutenant JG Ollie Bergmen - The past is always what we are leaving behind
CPT Arianus
(( Elysium, Deck 6 - USS Artemis ))
Sinking into the chair across from them felt so liberating. The world around him didn’t matter. Worries didn’t matter. What happened didn’t matter. It was just him and them; it was just a moment to share, just to be.
Bergmen: So this is how Bactrican looks when they are resting in their natural habitat. ::winks at Imril:: Good to see you too, Imril. Brought you raktajino, exactly as you liked it.
He looked into their eyes, giggling, lost in his own imagination of the moment. But that little voice in the back of his mind, the annoying sound of reason, was trying to tell him something.
Imril: A Starfleet Engineer’s native habitat, more like. Hi. Welcome back. Thanks for the drink. ::a small laugh::: You’re lucky I didn't clock you just now. Lt. Storm would probably give you high marks on your stealth, though. She might still be offering phaser classes, if you’re looking to put those skills to work before we pull up anchor.
Something in their tone had missed the mark, as if it had gone awry. Yet Bergmen remained ensnared by whimsical thoughts, his mind adrift in a daydream that blurred the boundaries of the intricate lines Imril was earnestly trying to convey and Ollie ignored.
Bergmen: But now, how was Ferenginar? Come on, tell me everything!
Imril's expression said it all. They were trying to understand what they could not grasp. It felt as though they were trying to bridge an impossible chasm of time, desperately trying to connect the familiar threads of their past with Ollie to the bewildering side of the same man sitting across the table.
Imril: How about first you tell me what this… :: moves their hands up over their eyes and back down::... was?
Ollie tilted his head to the side and shrugged, his eyes resembling those of a puppy whose paw was stepped on.
Bergmen: I… I was just… ::sigh:: …just glad to be able to see with you, talk to you. There is so much that letters cannot express, you know? Words are words, but without me seeing you, you see me, so much can be lost and…
He didn't make sense. Ollie saw on Imril that they didn't understand.
Imril: ::Confused::: Letters? As in more than one?
Ollie glanced into Imril's eyes and nodded, smiling.
oO Yeah… couple more… Oo
Bergmen looked away, down under the table, at something only he could see. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he reached down, retrieved the PADD from behind the table, and looked at its screen. His thumb slid to the button to activate it, illuminating his face with a soft glow just before he set it on the table, inching it closer to Imril. In that fleeting moment, Bergmen's expression shifted as Imril picked up the PADD. The warmth of hope that had once flickered in his eyes—the gaze of a dreamer—was accompanied... Fear? Worries? Doubts?
Bergmen: Sorry for typos…
//
Communication Log <<DRAFT>>, Stardate 240212.10 (last saved)
To: Imril, LTJG, USS Artemis
From: Olliver Kimmi Bergmen, LTJG, USS Artemis
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Subject: Re: Hey, hello, hi (Draft FUSD 80931.58)
Hi Imril,
So I’m on the next stop, finally - Orion. You wouldn’t believe… It’s actually green like they are. A planet, I mean the planet. It’s atmosphere is green. I don’t know if you were here, I don’t, so, it’s quite a surprise for me, I have to admit. Never mind, it really doesn’t matter. I will not go on the surface; I’m on the station in orbit, and this is just a transfer before I continue. Just wanted to let you know where I’m as, you know, I got your message and must say it helped. I guess I owe you an explanation, huh? It's.. yeah.not easy. But I’ll try.
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Subject: Re: Hey, hello, hi (Draft FUSD 80937.67)
Heya Imril, Ollie again in your inbox. Sorry, I was quiet for so long. I wanted to write, I got your message two days ago, and… damn. I don't know what to write. Sorry. I
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Subject: Re: Hey, hello, hi (Draft FUSD 80939.80)
Hello Imril,
I’m going back. Sorry for all that silence. I wanted you to write as I received your message, right away, didn’t find the right thoughts, so left it for later, then when I landed on Thadia, things happened and it’s days now and I'm a horrible person, I know.
I just hope you will forgive me. That you understand. Because… because for all the time we all think we have, there, somewhere is a stop sign and we don't know when we will soar through, so that life will t-bone us and all our dreams and wishes. But that’s on me. Too late now. I don’t know why I even wrote this to you. Whatever I could about it is seventeen years gone. Maybe I just don’t understand why she did not say anything, a word. I loved her once, then. If I just knew… but she let me go, said nothing all these years. Does it matter, even? She just cut me off and now is gone. All that is left is the mess she left behind. You think you know someone and…
No. Sorry Imril. I’m warplagging, and … damn, I rather would wish not to leave go on this assigment, because... I rewrote this like four times and I’m still not able to write nor admit half of what I wanna to say to you. One would think that once you grow old you stop dealing with this. All the uncertain, the hurtin’, the feeling like dirt… Do I pretend? Do I push you away? I’m so exhausted, Imril… so, let’s talk later, ok? I will give you your space to understand…
//
Imril: Response
Ollie turned his gaze away from the question. It was a reflex, as thoughts raced through his mind like a spooked horse, and he didn't understand why he couldn't say what he wanted to say to them. What gave him such pause when he so clearly wanted to tell them all the emotions he had tried so hard to bottle for so long?
Bergmen: Imril, I… (beat) Just… ::sighs:: You are so kind and smart and I… ::glances into Imril’s eyes:: You know. You make me smile, Imril. And… (beat) I like having you around.
Imril: Response
TAG/TBC
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Lieutenant JG Ollie Bergmen
Operations Officer
U.S.S. Artemis-A
A240009JC1