Lt. JG Ollie Bergmen - 10 Things to Know When Visiting Ferenginar That Bergmen Didn't Tell You
CPT Arianus
(( Auditorium - Operations Center, Deck 5, USS Artemis-A ))
Olliver Kimmi Bergmen stood leaning against a table in the middle of the OPS auditorium, savoring the silence that lingered in the otherwise noisy room. He had reserved this spot for an hour and a half, but he felt that the entire “junior crewpersons training” session, which focused on the cultural sensitivities and customs of Ferenginar—a wonderful, beautiful, adventurous planet that had only joined the Federation a few decades ago... and which he personally intended to avoid—should have lasted no more than forty-five minutes, including a fifteen-minute question and answer period. He needed a little more time to prepare the lecture and practice cultural scenarios. Besides, it gave him at least a good half-hour to report as work while he relaxed, for lack of a better term.
But the half hour had come and gone faster than he would have liked, as the doors at the top of the auditorium opened and the crew members invited to this “compulsory-optional” seminar began to filter in. Ollie stood up and walked around the table to set up the presentation and holovideo he planned to show on the console. He also pulled up a list of questions he wanted them to answer afterward. With a few minutes remaining until the official start of the seminar, he waited. When the chronometer showed that the time was up, he shared the presentation on the screen behind him and turned to face the audience.
Bergmen: Hello, and welcome everybody! I’m Lieutenant Junior Grade Ollie Bergmen, Operations, for those who don’t know me, and I’ll be your lecturer today for our seminar on Ferenginar. This session should inform you about and help you learn the specifics of the Ferengi culture, their customs, and what to expect—or avoid—during your visit to Ferenginar on this shore leave.
Imril/Cole/Jaran/Tho’Bi/Any: Response
Bergmen smiled charmingly, resembling a never setting sun as he took the clicker from the table and stepped forward.
Bergmen: I know some of you have a lot of work you need to attend, and some of you already can't wait to see the planet, so I won't drag it out too much today. This will be a little free to inform you based on your questions, yet we still need to point out some things within the mandatory topics, so let’s start with a little video…
Ollie clicked the clicker, and on the holoplatform next to him appeared a holographic Ferengi that began its speech for the Ferenginar official travel advertisement.
(( OOC: In your sim you can skip this ad block and just react what you see ))
//
It is with great pleasure-with no fees attached-to update You on all things Ferengi, in this special Federation guide.
So gone is that poor excuse that you cannot visit Ferenginar because its people are a mystery to you and you wouldn’t know which place to visit anyway. All that is worth knowing about Ferenginar now will be said. From the dark ‘barter age’ where the Ferengi only knew the basics of commerce to the rise of Grand Nagus Rom, whom, in his immense wisdom, gave business rights to women, so that we could be even more present throughout the galaxy.
So no more hesitation! This shore leave, book a trip to Ferenginar, and enjoy all the views that the Sacred Market Place has to offer. And if you know where to look, there will always be a special offer somewhere, and many opportunities to indulge in what we call ‘pious consumerism’.
Don’t just stay in our Capital City, though, be adventurous! There is always a bargain to be had in the Gothis Mountains, a tourist trap like none, where you will be able to relax among non-Ferengi species, as the locals are far too busy enriching themselves to go trekking aimlessly in the wild countryside. As the saying goes: it is their loss and your gain! You will have a fantastic vista - rest assured, there are no smelly swamps at those sort of altitudes - all for yourself.
Visualize yourself squirming. Ferenginar is still not for you, you say. The food’s revolting - thoughts you fill into customers’ rating forms, not mine - but well, fear not Starfleeters! The whole of the Ferengi Alliance is ruled by MegaCorporations that will sell you whatever it is that your heart, and your stomach, desire. The mere idea of Slug Steaks or a cool Snail Juice make you want to throw up? We have it all covered. You can find all your favorite delicacies from our chain stores. The best ones are found in Weevilville, our absolute best Emporium… Yeah, I know how it sounds: I have been paid to mention that place. See, I’m too honest for my own good.
So don’t delay, pay a visit to Ferenginar, now, this instant! There is a 2% discount if you bring your significant other, a further 5% off if you bring your family to our shores.
//
A holographic Ferengi bowed to the audience, his smile more than sincere... If for sincerity can be counted the gold-pressed Latinum sign in his eyes' reflection, which shone like a slot machine. Ollie clicked, and a Ferengi was gone. He was not.
Bergmen: Exciting, right? Ferenginar has so much to offer! So, get a little temperature in this wonderful audience —please, raise your hands if you've already met some Ferengi or visited Ferenginar. What can you tell me about your experience?
Imril/Cole/Jaran/Tho’Bi/Any: Response
TAG/TBC
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Lieutenant JG Ollie Bergmen
Operations Officer
U.S.S. Artemis-A
A240009JC1