Ensign Roy Bancroft - Romantic Entanglements (And Other Tax Liabilities)

[Carter Schimpff]

(( Main Mess Hall - Deck 3, USS Artemis-A ))

 

Bancroft: ::muttering:: Forty years older and still not eligible for early retirement. At this rate I’ll be dead and working overtime.

Cole: Could be worse - could be forty years older and still an Ensign. ::laughing::

K'Wara: Well, pretty sure a temporal anomaly doesn’t hand out pips, so he’s living that nightmare now.

Tho'Bi: ::to Bancroft:: Could be much worse - Ferengi collect debts even after the Captain airlocks you. ::beat:: There's no escape.

Roy joined in the laughter.

Meris: I am beginning to suspect the object of this game is simply to be the last player with any latinum.

Bancroft: ::cocking an eyebrow, grinning:: Meris… that’s exactly the object of this game.

The Andorian’s turn came round, a small arc of ten gold-pressed latinum bars zipping toward him. The dabo wheel spun - twenty-one light years. A rundown space station was in range, and he could increase his profits from the Holo-Suites tenfold.

The tiny Enterprise NCC-1701 REFIT landed on the rundown station, and suddenly, the lights dimmed. A bright white spotlight snapped on at the center of the game. A floating throne and a shadowed figure appeared.

Meris blinked, unsure of what was happening.

Meris: oO This game should come with a seizure warning. Oo

The figure stepped into the light.

Holo-NOT-Q: Sorry to disappoint you, Ensign! You won't be increasing your profits this turn... Oh, I know - the Universe can be so unfair. ::glint in the eye:: ...and it's about to get a whole lot less fair!

::snaps fingers::

Flash of light. A holo-lute appeared in the Andorian’s hands.

Meris: Who is this supposed to be?

The Holo-NOT-Q looked offended but turned back to Tho’Bi.

Bancroft: ::fascinated:: If I’m not mistaken, that’s a crude simulacrum of Q – omnipotent being, professional nuisance.

Cole: Response

Holo-NOT-Q: Sing for your supper, Andorian! ...or lose all your money and forfeit the game!

K’Wara: Well, that’s certainly a twist.

Another bright flash - Holo-NOT-Q vanished. The spotlight remained, falling on Tho'Bi, who now held a small wind instrument Meris didn’t recognize.

Meris: Is that a flute?

Bancroft: ::softly:: No… please, no.

Cole: Response.

Tho'Bi gave Cole a pointed look. Meris briefly wondered how the two knew each other.

Cole: Response.

As Tho'Bi began to sing, the lute played itself, keeping time to an Andorian tune Meris had never heard before.

Tho'Bi: ::passible singing:: Vrel’sha’mar, vrel’keth’nor. Zal’norash kethni’del. Kagh! Kagh! Kagh! Vrel’sha’mar, vrel’keth’nor. Zal’norash kethni’del. Kagh! Kagh! Kagh!

K'Wara started applauding.

Meris: ::to Tho'Bi:: An impressive cultural display, Ensign. ::light clapping::

Bancroft: ::one eye closed, muttering:: Thank the stars that’s ov–

Cole: Response.

K’Wara: Bravo-

Tho'Bi launched into a second verse.

Tho'Bi: ::passible singing:: Lex’jal’tor, vrel’keth’nor. Zal’krasha kethni’del. Kagh! Kagh! Kagh! Lex’jal’tor, vrel’keth’nor. Zal’krasha kethni’del. Kagh! Kagh! Kagh!

The spotlight clicked off, lights returning to normal. The lute vanished, and Challenge Completed rotated above the Andorian’s head.

K’Wara: Very good! Bravo, Tho’Bi.

Tho’Bi bowed slightly.

Tho’Bi: ::to K'Wara:: Thank you. Sorry about the second verse.

Meris: I would be interested in learning the etymology of that song, Ensign Tho'Bi... ::a beat:: ...at a suitable time, of course.

Cole: Response

The game rolled on with Ferengi trickery, holographic surprises, and fortunes changing at the spin of the Dabo Wheel.

K’Wara: That was an Andorian song, I take it?

Tho’Bi: ::to K'Wara:: Yes. I sang it with my mother when I was young. She is an Engineer too. It is a song of her clan - the Birev clan.

Tho’Bi: ::to K'Wara:: ...the Engineer's clan. ::smiles::

K’Wara: Interesting. Can’t say I’ve heard much Andorian music. I like it.

Meris: It's not Tamarian throat-singing... but an impressive rendition nonetheless.

Roy’s eyes flicked to Meris, then away. Tamarian throat-singing. That was… technically his fault. For the moment, he chose silence – possibly his first wise choice of the day.

Cole: Response

The Cygnian’s turn came. They paid a steep penalty to the Holo-NOT-Grok when their version of USS Voyager had to replace an entire cargo-load of not-quite Self Sealing STEM Bolts.

K’Wara: Sometimes I’ve realized since joining Starfleet - despite space travel being common, not many civilians actually do it. Did any of you travel much before joining?

Tho'Bi: Ferenginar, a few times. Places around Deep Space 3. Some non-Federation worlds - which was cool.

Meris: I never left the J'naii homeworld before the Academy. Off-world travel is virtually unheard of among my people.

Bancroft: Here and there with my parents while they were still on active commission, but they retired to South Carolina on Earth when I was still pretty young… eleven or twelve, I think. The next time I went to space was at the Academy. How about you, el-tee?

K'Wara/Cole: Response

The Andorian’s turn came again. The Dabo Wheel spun - fifteen light years. Cargo Job? Simple enough. The Holo-Ferengi appeared, dressed as a 23rd-century Starfleet Admiral, topped with a poorly fitted wig.

Holo-Ferengi: Captain... the USS Enterprise NCC-1701 REFIT must... journey to Deep Space Station K7 to... collect a shipment of... Quadrotriticale grain and... transport it to Sherman's Planet. Do you... accept this challenge?

Meris: That sounds vaguely familiar…

Bancroft: ::turning to Meris:: Something to do with trouble– I mean, tribbles?

K'Wara/Cole: Response

Tho'Bi: Challenge accepted.

The Holo-Ferengi laughed so hard his wig fell off - except it wasn’t a wig anymore, but a chirping, trembling lump.

Tho'Bi: Uh oh.

Meris: Is that a…

Bancroft: ::barely concealed glee:: This is so entertaining when it’s not happening to me…

K'Wara/Cole: Response?

A holographic avalanche of Tribbles buried Tho’Bi.

Cole: Response.

Meris: Oh dear…

Bancroft: ::giggling:: Classic.

K'Wara: Response.

Tho'Bi: ::grinning:: Look out, Doc! You’ve got one under your nose.

Meris: I must disagree. What is under Doctor Bancroft's nose more closely resembles the larval stage of the burrowing fen worm from my homeworld.

Roy smoothed his mustache with thumb and forefinger.

Bancroft: ::laughing:: You two say ‘unwanted pest’. I say ‘distinguished’. Starfleet says ‘technically within regulations’. Everybody wins.

K'Wara/Cole: Responses

Finally, having sat out a turn due to their earlier penalty, it was Meris’ turn again. The Dabo Wheel spun, morphing into a great vortex.

Holo-Ferengi: Quantum slipstream drive!

Bancroft: ::patting Meris on the shoulder:: Ooooh, good spin, Meris!

K'Wara/Tho'Bi/Cole: Responses

Meris watched their aircraft carrier piece travel through a tunnel and emerge over a familiar blue-green planet.

Meris: Is that Earth?

And, orbiting at the edge of the Sol System, was Starbase One.

Bancroft: The Blue Marble itself, indeed!

K'Wara/Tho'Bi/Cole: Responses

Holo-Ferengi: Congratulations! You may purchase Starbase One for 200 bars. An expensive purchase, but with comes a 10% royalty on all penalties paid by others because, as Rule 62 states, 'The Riskier the Road, the Greater the Profit!'

Meris: Oh my... I will purchase Starbase One.

They handed over the 200 bars.

Roy’s turn came once more. He spun the dabo wheel with resigned flair, and his tiny metal USS Defiant zipped along the board with the smug efficiency of a ship that knew it was about to cause problems.

It landed on Vulcan.

Holo-Ferengi: ::grinning:: Aha! You’ve landed on Vulcan. You may purchase it for 150 bars.

Roy reached for his stack of latinum–

Holo-Ferengi: ::raising a finger:: However, in order to earn the right to purchase Vulcan, you must first complete a required Pon Farr Audit.

Above the holo-Ferengi, glowing neon words spelled out:

PON FARR AUDIT
It’s not love – it’s neurological imbalance.

Holo-Ferengi: ::gleefully:: For tax purposes, we must now examine your history of romantic entanglements, whether real or tragically hypothetical.

Bancroft: ::blinking:: That… that feels aggressively targeted.

The lights shifted dramatically, with just a single spotlight on Roy.

Holo-Ferengi: Let’s begin. Question one! Have you ever experienced what the Hew-Mons call ‘butterflies’ in the presence of another sentient being?

Bancroft: ::cautiously:: Are we talking literal or metaphorical butterflies? Because I had a very alarming case involving a lepidopterist during clinical rotations.

K'Wara/Tho'Bi/Cole/Meris: Responses

Holo-Ferengi: ::checking notes:: Acceptable dodge! Question two! During your Academy years, were you ever described as ‘dreamy,’ ‘brooding,’ or ‘emotionally unavailable but in an intriguing way’?

Bancroft: ::cheeks burning:: I’ll have you know I was perfectly available. People just needed to look past the sarcasm and extreme emotional deflection.

K'Wara/Tho'Bi/Cole/Meris: Responses

Holo-Ferengi: ::rubbing hands together:: Final question! When facing mortal peril, have you ever envisioned one specific individual as your ‘final thought’?

Bancroft: ::reddening further:: I’m invoking the Fifth Directive on that one.

Holo-Ferengi: ::gleeful:: Denial and evasion! There might be some hope for you Hew-Mons after all! The audit is passed, you are now the proud owner of Vulcan.

A certificate materialized before Roy reading “MOST LIKELY TO NEED A HUG BUT REJECT IT”.

Bancroft: ::deadpan:: That’s going on the mood board. Right next to my ‘Live, Laugh, Lock it all Inside’ sign.

K'Wara/Tho'Bi/Cole/Meris: Responses

TAG / TBC!

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Ensign Roy Bancroft

Medical Officer

USS Artemis-A

A240205RB1