Ensign Gavrin Tarsan - Putting the “Fun” in “Funeral”
Sean Sabbage
(( Library, Deck 4 – USS Artemis-A ))
Rithaak's “funeral” was turning out to be significantly less of a solo affair than Gavrin had originally anticipated. And more strangely, for someone who usually shied away from the company of other people, Gavrin didn’t seem to mind. Maybe it was just an after-effect of the meditation, or the counter-agent had had a more serious effect on him than he had originally thought, but right now he was actually grateful for the company of Roy and Imril.
Imril: You may have heard, or read, what I did with all that plasma you helped me to beam off the Afalqi. The very literal mess that I made. Several messes, actually.
Bancroft: You made a decision under fire, and there’s a fair chance none of us would be here to argue about it if you hadn’t. ::slight shrug:: Besides, Captain MacKenzie only yells at you if she likes you.
Gavrin winced as he remembered the knock-on effect that the plasma had had on the Captain’s skiff. He’d only had cause to report to the Captain’s Ready Room once since arriving on the ship and he was very clear that he wanted to keep that number as low as possible.
Before he could start spiraling on the ways that maybe he could have saved the trouble - other ways he could have defused the plasma - Imril waved it off.
Imril: That’s not on you. It’s on me. I only bring it up to say that if things had gone differently… If things had happened in a way where that other Romulan was the only other one left aboard the Afalqi when that plasma threatened to destroy it… I would have still launched the skiff. Burned off all the plasma energy through it, just to save her. Even for a little while, before the Nascaik claimed her. Or, at least, I’d like to think I would have.
Bancroft: We’ve all made decisions that have had consequences. Remind me to tell you about that cave on Galaris IV some time.
Gavrin nodded in agreement. He liked to think that he would have done the same, though it took him another moment to collect his thoughts for long enough to actually answer.
Tarsan: A life is a life - at the end of the day the skiff is just a ship. Even if um - it’s the Captain’s. ::swallowing and glancing over his shoulder like she might appear from behind the shelves at any moment::
Imril: A person’s value doesn't begin or end with which side of a border they were born on.
Bancroft: No, it doesn’t. And nobody should die alone, either.
The words hit Gavrin harder than he was expecting, drawing his knees up to his chest as he fought to control the sudden flood of emotions that coursed through him. It was validation, even if it wasn’t specifically directed as such, but the tightness that had been wrapped around his ribs, crushing him ever since he had made his decision to go into Rithaak's mind, eased slightly, and the breath that he took was a soft gasp.
Tarsan: ::thickly, swallowing hard:: I know half the crew probably think I was trying to get information but it was just that - I didn’t think she should die alone.
Silence settled between the three for a moment, and Gavrin briefly felt from Imril a sense of pain? Guilt? before he quickly slammed a wall down between them - it wasn’t his business to go poking around in their emotions, and it wasn’t fair to them.
Imril: ::Somewhat started:: I’m sorry. What?
Gavrin saw Roy gently nudge Imril. He pretended not to see it, looking up at the books on the shelves instead.
Bancroft: Did we lose you, buddy? ::softer:: You alright?
The Betazoid stayed silent, though his gaze refocused down between Roy and Imril, watching them both curiously. There was something else going on that he wasn’t entirely privy to, and instead he hugged his knees, settling his chin on them as he watched and listened.
Imril: Response
There was a lot of emotion in Imril’s words, as much felt as heard, and it was something that Gavrin didn’t know how to respond to. Not for the first time he wished that maybe he’d taken a few courses on counselling. Or just some form of empathic (with a lowercase ‘e’) listening.
Bancroft: I get it. Or… enough of it, anyway. Do you know where you go from here?
Tarsan: Or.. anything we can do to help?
Imril: Response
Bancroft: I love 'alone', but I'm not sure it loves me back. After a mission, or twelve hours in Sickbay, a few hours of silence and solitude sounds wonderful. Then I get it and spend half of it wondering what I forgot, or spiraling about what I ‘should’ be doing. ::his brow furrowed as he turned toward Gavrin:: Does ‘alone’ even have real meaning for a Betazoid?
It was another of those questions from Roy that made Gavrin smile, his chin lifting off his knees as he considered his answer.
Tarsan: It absolutely does. My abilities came in really late for a Betazoid, so I was “alone” in my head for a lot longer than most of us? And I got pretty good at blocking people out - like I guess we all do or go completely mad - so now it’s just like, this really faint background hum, like you’re a few floors up from a busy coffee shop or something. You can’t make any of the conversation out but you know it’s there. And if I’m far enough from people I don’t feel any of it, s’why I tend to find a nice trail on planets and just walk for a bit.
Bancroft/Imril: Response
Gavrin laughed again despite himself, offering a helpless shrug as he carefully uncurled his arms from around his knees.
Tarsan: No, I don’t hate it, it’s just - alone has a different feeling to it, and I like to remind myself what that’s like. But I think I’d be freaked out if I just woke up on the ship and couldn’t feel anyone. You get used to it. And uh, when I came back from the Afalqi it was all a little wobbly for an hour or so.
It was fine! Everything was fine!
Bancroft/Imril: Response
The question caught him by surprise, though he was glad for the subject change, his eyes tracking back to the candles that he’d brought with him. But sharing felt… good right now, and clearly it was something his psyche needed, so he let himself go with it.
Tarsan: It just felt right. We have the Four Deities on Betazed, and so four felt like the right number. It's a good number ::pausing:: I know, right? An engineer doing things by feeling rather than the scientific method.
Gavrin grinned at himself despite the more somber subject, he had a feeling he knew just how many engineers and scientists and yes doctors did things by gut rather than any particular plan or method. Sometimes it felt right was just the only way.
Bancroft/Imril: Response
TBC/Tag