Ensign Roy Bancroft - I Am Dr. Chaos and I Approve This Message
Carter Schimpff
(( Primary Sickbay, Deck 7 – USS Artemis-A ))
Bancroft: ::mildly:: But you seem emotionally intact. Are J’naii known for exceptional stress tolerance? Or is Lieutenant Vailani’s... uniquely weaponized directness actually refreshing for you?
Meris: I actually have not met the Lieutenant yet. I was hoping to complete my assignment and present it to them as a kind of reverse-welcome aboard gift. ::thinking:: If there is any insight you can provide about the Lieutenant - any guidance on how to make a good first impression - it would be most appreciated.
Bancroft: ::raising an eyebrow:: Lieutenant Vailani values accurate work, quick answers, and quicker exits. ::a beat:: With that said, I honestly couldn’t tell you if it’s even possible to make a good impression on her, first or otherwise. Jury’s still out on that one – probably because they’re all terrified.
The Ensign listened solemnly, taking in Roy’s words with what seemed to be the rapt intensity of a disciple listening to a mountain guru.
Meris: Then I shall redouble my efforts. I will return to my quarters and work through the night to ensure that my conclusions are absolutely solid and then present the PADD to the Lieutenant in the morning. Or would it be better if I arranged an ‘accidental’ meet-up over breakfast? Perhaps there is a flower they like? Or a sonnet they would enjoy hearing as I present my findings?
Roy froze. A glint entered his eye. He had an idea.
An awful idea.
Roy Bancroft had a wonderful, awful idea.
He gripped the edge of the biobed like a man trying not to be swept out to sea by his own imagination as two sharply defined versions of his psyche squared off against the other.
On one side stood Dr. Chaos, pacing gleefully behind his mental control panel, flicking switches just to see what they did. He craved entropy like a tribble craves reproduction – compulsively, continuously, and with absolutely zero concern for an exit strategy.
Opposing him: Dr. Bancroft. Responsible. Rational. Mildly caffeinated. The sort of internal monologue that used footnotes. He wore metaphorical glasses, carried a clipboard, and had laminated the Hippocratic Oath so it wouldn’t get smudged during moral emergencies.
oO Dr. Chaos-Bancroft: Just imagine the look on Vailani’s face if he starts quoting Keats! Absolute carnage. Oo
oO Dr. Bancroft-Bancroft: Yes, I can see it now. I also see the follow-up, where Meris has to be surgically reconstructed from the toenails up. Oo
oO Dr. Chaos-Bancroft: What if we suggested flowers with thorns? Symbolic! Oo
oO Dr. Bancroft-Bancroft: You’re describing a pretext for murder, dressed as a Valentine. Oo
oO Dr. Chaos-Bancroft: Come on. Just one little push? A tiny little limerick maybe? Oo
oO Dr. Bancroft-Bancroft: No! No poetry. No plants. No unplanned disassembly of Ensign Meris’ anatomy. Oo
It wasn’t a victory for the good doctor so much as an uneasy truce – an exchange of hostages and a mutual promise to ‘think things over.’
Roy leaned in, arms braced on either side of the biobed, the pose somewhere between concerned physician and a man about to confess a war crime.
Bancroft: ::sucking in a breath through his teeth:: Look, Meris… I like you. Or, at least, I think I could come to like you – it’s a bit early yet. In any case, both as your doctor and as a colleague, I’d prefer it if you didn’t become Vailani’s latest snack. So I’m going to give you this as plainly as possible:
He stood back upright, ticking items off on his fingers.
Bancroft: One – Vailani hates accidents. Do not arrange an ‘accidental’ meetup. Two – I don’t know her feelings on flowers, but if I had to guess, they probably rank somewhere between ‘diplomatic faux paus’ and ‘class-1 felony.’ Three – just make an appointment. Show up. Present your work clearly and concisely. Then leave before she smells fear.
He sighed. That had been hard. Somewhere deep inside, his inner chaos goblin made a tiny, outraged sound and kicked a chair over.
Meris: Response
That did it.
A breaker somewhere deep in Roy’s psyche gave way. The restraint failed. The comment slipped out before the adult supervision in his brain could bar the doors.
Bancroft: ::deadpan:: That said… you might have something with the sonnet idea. I’ve heard she could have… let’s call it a specialized academic interest in classical romantic poetry. If you happened to recite one at the end of your presentation, purely for rhetorical flourish – well. Who’s to say how that might be appreciated?
Meris: Response
TAG/TBC!
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Ensign Roy Bancroft
Medical Officer
USS Artemis-A
A240205RB1