LtJG Gila Sadar - We're In This Together, for Better and Worse
Gila Sadar
((Ensign Kel’s Quarters - Compartment 11, Sector 3, Deck 5, USS Artemis-A))
Kel: Who will my counselor be?
An innocent enough question in the grander scheme of things, and once Gila would’ve usually been fully capable of answering, but considering the utter chaos in the medical department in the aftermath of Frontier Day - personnel shuffles, volunteer staff heading to reinforce the more needy vessel, not to mention Spacedock and Earth itself - figuring out who were going to see which counselor was damn near impossible. Particularly considering that Gila was quite certain two extra counselors had come aboard on the latest reinforcement shuttle, and she hadn’t yet had time to inform herself as to their credentials, much less their names.
Sadar: I’m not sure yet... Some of the larger Ships are being kind enough to dispatch personnel to reinforce our counseling department so we can render appropriate aid to all our crew, but the logistical side of things haven’t been finalized yet… If it would help to know their name, I’ll attempt to get the information to you prior to your appointment.
The Ensign seemed to consider this.
Kel: You can, if you’d like. However, all I need is the time and date, sir.
What did that mean ‘can if you’d like’? Gila shuffled slightly in place, trying to discern whether there were any hidden intentions within the Ensign’s response. Ordinarily, she wouldn’t assume so - Ensign Kel was half-Vulcan - but in her experience, Bajorans were a rather emotional people, so she wasn’t certain what the traumatic experience from Frontier Day would’ve meant for the Ensign’s emotional mindscape.
The Ensign’s expression as he turned a query on her seemed to reinforce that doubt.
Kel: Lieutenant, I have a question I’d like to ask you. If you will allow it. It is not something I think someone from another ship can answer. But I’m also afraid….that they won’t tell me.
Sadar: Of course.
Kel: Is there a way to know…if I killed anyone?
Gila’s eyes widened. She heard the question repeated, as though the echo of the very implications rang throughout her skull, refusing to be absorbed by her brain for proper comprehension.
oO Is there a way to know... if I killed anyone? Oo
All her nervous shuffling ceased, as she realized that the Ensign was grappling with a quandary far greater than her concern about lost social subtexts.
oO Is there a way to know... if I killed anyone? Oo
He didn’t know. Gila wondered what was worse. She knew that some of the victims of assimilation had been something like passive observers to their bodies’ doings during Frontier Day; witnessing every insubordinate action, every murder, every attempt at ending the very organization that they’d sworn to defend with their very lives. Clearly, Ensign Kel was not one of these.
Nevertheless, he too was tortured, though he was tortured with the knowledge that he might never be able to deal justice to those whose lives had been lost at his hands, even if the will had not been his own.
Which, in Gila’s opinion, was the crux of the matter.
Sadar: Ensign, you didn’t kill anyone. The Collective did. ::pause:: But... I don’t know. The experiences of those assimilated during Frontier Day have been numerous. Some experienced everything with perfect clarity, some escaped into their own minds to shield themselves, and others again claim to have seen nothing at all until it was all over.
The Ensign let out a sharp breath before pinching the ridges along his nose. He sat down and rested his head in his hands, obscuring his expression from her, but Gila could only guess at what her entirely unhelpful answer had done to his mood.
Kel: I see….thank you for letting me know, Lieutenant.
Gila hesitated, realizing that this was the perfect opportunity to extricate herself from what was surely going to be an uncomfortable conversation. Gila was no Counselor - she valued their work, but avoided them as well as any guilty party in need of absolving - and yet here she was with a junior officer struggling with the logical repercussions from what service in this cursed Fleet did to any with a smidge of logic in their systems. Frankly, Gila was surprised this hadn’t happened sooner to a number of the officers who’d joined after her.
Someone else would definitely be far more suitable for this task. And yet, someone else wasn’t here. Only she. So she steeled herself, feeling the weight of that hollow pip more than ever, and took an uneasy breath to prepare herself.
oO I’m a Lieutenant Junior Grade, I’m a Lieutenant Junior Grade, I’m a Lieutenant Junior Grade Oo
Sadar: ... If... Th-There’s a chance that counseling might trigger such memories for you, Ensign. That once time has passed, and your brain decides it has the capacity to process that trauma, the memories will become unlocked.
Kel: Response
Sadar: No one on this Ship holds what happened against you, Ensign Kel. It would be illogical to do so. You were not in control, and according to testimonies from the Security Center, your last conscious act was to request your superior officer to shoot you...
Kel: Response
Gila felt her brow ridges bristle with eagerness. She’d been impressed when reading the testimonies, knowing that the Ensign had been able to withstand the call to assimilation for long enough to make the sacrifice call. While the implications of what might’ve occurred in that situation repulsed her - she wasn’t quite able to process the idea of Lieutenant Savel shooting a friendly in that way - it spoke to Ensign Kel’s sense of duty. And Gila admired that greatly.
Sadar: Resisting the Collective is near impossible to do unassisted. You managed to do so for a time to do what you considered your duty. What followed was inevitable... ::sighs:: It will no doubt be known as the darkest day in the Federation’s history. For everyone, assimilated or not. All we can do now is turn our eyes to the future, together.
Kel: Response
TAG/TBC
LtJG Gila Sadar
Medical Officer
USS Artemis-A
A240006GS1