LT Tamio K'Wara - Purposefully Unpalatable is a Branding Strategy too

[LT Tamio K'Wara]

(( Main Mess Hall - Deck 3, USS Artemis-A ))

The game kept going and Tamio leaned back, feeling their interest waning. Perhaps it was the over-the-top presentation of the Holo-NOT-Grok - evidently Ferengi weren’t much for subtlety in branding - or perhaps it was the distinct lack of personality in the game, but Tamio started looking around the mess hall to some of the other games. Their eyes drifted to the ‘Wall of Fame’ that contained all the inside jokes and leaderboards, smiling a bit bemused at the sight. Then, their attention was dragged back as a holographic mess of tribbles overcame the tall Andorian.

Struck with a bit of whimsy, the tall Andorian tossed one of the holographic fluffballs at Natasha, and Tamio smirked at the sight.

Cole: Response

Meris: Oh dear...

Bancroft: ::giggling:: Classic.

Tho'Bi: ::grinning:: Look out, Doc! You’ve got one under your nose.

Tamio snorted at the jab at Doctor Bancroft’s moustache, which kickstarted a longer - and seemingly practiced - routine of sass. Evidently his choice of facial hair was a source of contention amongst the junior officers.

Meris: I must disagree. What is under Doctor Bancroft's nose more closely resembles the larval stage of the burrowing fen worm from my homeworld.

Bancroft: ::laughing:: You two say ‘unwanted pest’. I say ‘distinguished’. Starfleet says ‘technically within regulations’. Everybody wins.

Tamio nodded in firm agreement.

K'Wara: Nothing makes a man look more dependable than some classy facial hair.

Cole: Responses

Meris turned their attention back to the Holo-Ferengi, and Tamio leaned back again, the moment of interest waning again as they watched the game move forwards.

Holo-Ferengi: Quantum slipstream drive!

Bancroft: ::patting Meris on the shoulder:: Ooooh, good spin, Meris!

Tho’Bi: ::to Meris:: Shaslex n’fellex ::smiles:: Slide don't slip… it's Graalen ::shrugs:: Andorian, it means, Good Luck.

K'Wara: Luck does certainly seem to play a good part in this game. ::smiles:: Bad luck seems more prevalent thus far.

Cole: Responses

As Meris’ game piece went through the slipstream tunnel to appear above a floating blue orb, the J’Naii seemed confused at the sight.

Meris: Is that Earth?

Bancroft: The Blue Marble itself, indeed!

Earth and Earth Spacedock were a familiar sight, and Tamio momentarily turned wistful as they remembered their time on the Arthur Royale. Patrolling Sector 001 had been a boring stint, for the most part... But picturesque, to be sure.

Cole: Responses

Holo-Ferengi: Congratulations! You may purchase Starbase One for 200 bars. An expensive purchase, but with comes a 10% royalty on all penalties paid by others because, as Rule 62 states, 'The Riskier the Road, the Greater the Profit!’

Meris: Oh my... I will purchase Starbase One.

The Holo-Ferengi seemed to devour the 200 bars of holo-latinum with great vigor, and Tamio had the decency to muse at the board game logic of a single individual making Earth Spacedock their private property. Definitely a Ferengi game, this one. What followed was even more egregious as Doctor Bancroft spun the wheel for his turn.

Holo-Ferengi: ::grinning:: Aha! You’ve landed on Vulcan. You may purchase it for 150 bars.

It wouldn’t be that easy, however.

Holo-Ferengi: ::raising a finger:: However, in order to earn the right to purchase Vulcan, you must first complete a required Pon Farr Audit.

Tamio’s attention was well and fully dragged back to the game as they sputtered in a chuckle they attempted to keep contained, and evidently the Holo-Ferengi was very pleased with itself for the reactions it managed to pull forth from the table.

Holo-Ferengi: ::gleefully:: For tax purposes, we must now examine your history of romantic entanglements, whether real or tragically hypothetical.

Bancroft: ::blinking:: That… that feels aggressively targeted.

The lights shifted dramatically, with just a single spotlight on Doctor Bancroft, and Tamio crossed their legs with their felinoid eyes narrowing with interest.

Holo-Ferengi: Let’s begin. Question one! Have you ever experienced what the Hew-Mons call ‘butterflies’ in the presence of another sentient being?

Bancroft: ::cautiously:: Are we talking literal or metaphorical butterflies? Because I had a very alarming case involving a lepidopterist during clinical rotations.

Watching the younger Doctor try his very hardest to ‘slink’ through the aggressive pop quiz with his honor intact, Tamio looked to the rest of the table with an expression teetering on the edge between amusement and deep-felt pity.

K’Wara: Who knew Galaxy-opoly doubled as such a vicious instrument of existential dread?

Meris/Cole: Response

Holo-Ferengi: ::checking notes:: Acceptable dodge! Question two! During your Academy years, were you ever described as ‘dreamy,’ ‘brooding,’ or ‘emotionally unavailable but in an intriguing way’?

Bancroft: ::cheeks burning:: I’ll have you know I was perfectly available. People just needed to look past the sarcasm and extreme emotional deflection.

Tho’Bi leaned forward in a conspiratorial tone, and Tamio instinctually leaned in to better hear the quieter comment from the Ensign.

Tho'Bi: The moustache says brooding ::nods::

K'Wara: Hey, they’re synonyms for a reason.

Cole/Meris: Responses

Holo-Ferengi: ::rubbing hands together:: Final question! When facing mortal peril, have you ever envisioned one specific individual as your ‘final thought’?

Bancroft: ::reddening further:: I’m invoking the Fifth Directive on that one.

Tamio was about to protest, but as was becoming dreadfully obvious, Galaxy-opoly applied a Ferengi’s version of ‘rule-abiding’, which wasn’t giving Tamio the best first impression of the culture.

Holo-Ferengi: ::gleeful:: Denial and evasion! There might be some hope for you Hew-Mons after all! The audit is passed, you are now the proud owner of Vulcan.

Doctor Bancroft got a final veiled insult in the form of some neon Vulcan script that tread “MOST LIKELY TO NEED A HUG BUT REJECT IT”.

Bancroft: ::deadpan:: That’s going on the mood board. Right next to my ‘Live, Laugh, Lock it all Inside’ sign.

In an action that only cemented the observation Tamio had made that the Andorian Ensigns was an oddball, Tho’Bi leaned over the table - an easy feat for someone nearly two meters tall - to hug the awkward Doctor. The hug lasted a little longer than was necessary, which only made it all the more amusing.

K’Wara: ::smirk:: Well, now it just feels like you’re hogging the attention.

Then, Tho’Bi released the hug.

Tho'Bi: ::to Bancroft:: Zhasil hlenz fellexi’flan ::smiles and pats Bancroft on the back:: The warmest embrace melts the coldest hearts.

Cole/Meris/Bancroft: Responses

Tho’Bi: ::to everyone:: Fellexi’flan shranek... thas ek'hris ::beat:: But if the heart is frozen solid, there's always the blade. ::smiles::

Cole/Meris/Bancroft: Responses

As Tho’Bi turned the wheel once more, another spectacle started.

Holo-Ferengi: ::prancing about the table surface:: N-n-n-n-nineteen, nineteen! N-nineteen, nineteen!

Cole/Meris/Bancroft: Responses

Tho’Bi’s small Enterprise landed on a dusty looking world, and the board changed into a rugged terrain of rock outcrops and sparse vegetation, but seemingly nothing further happened.

Tho'Bi: Galaxy-opoly Game System Control ::beat:: run dia-

Then, a photo-torpedo-sized boulder had hit the Andorian square in the head.

K'Wara: You’re uniquely unlucky in this game, Tho’Bi.

Cole/Meris/Bancroft: Responses

Then, a large Gorn appeared on an outcrop of rock, and Tamio narrowed their eyes slightly. They knew where this was going. 

Holo-Ferengi: Now you've Gorn and done it! You must fashion a weapon from the limited resources around you.  

Yeah, that.

Holo-Ferengi: Bamboo, Sulfur, Coal, Potassium Nitrate, and Diamonds. But he's the kicker, Andorian ::points at Tho’Bi:: You’ve got the bamboo ::the bamboo appears in front of Tho'Bi:: but… four elements, four teammates. ::the four elements vanish:: which of your teammates has what? And… how much will they charge for it? ::grins:: Will it be money? Information? ….Or favors? ::sniggers::

Tamio saw out of the corner of their eyes that they received a healthy helping of coal in their inventory, no doubt intended to barter with Tho’Bi for.

Holo-Ferengi: And don't worry my fellow profit seekers… There's enough Gorn for anyone!

The Gorn started lobbing boulders at all the players, and Tamio changed the ‘Accessibility’ options for their playing console to make their person a hologram-free zone.

K'Wara: Hmm... Wonder how this board game ended up so popular.

Cole/Meris/Bancroft/Tho’Bi: Responses

K’Wara: Good point. ::thinking:: It’s not unlike art, I guess. Not all art is comfortable or easily palatable. ::notices Tho’Bi’s question:: Oh, hmm... 50 latinum, Tho’Bi.

Cole/Meris/Bancroft/Tho’Bi: Responses

As Tho’Bi managed to get the Gorn off the board, and Tamio finished their turn (involving a parking fine as - apparently - the Grand Magus had purchased the airspace they had previously been parked in and was now putting forth retroactive fines), they nodded along with the viewpoints shared by the table.

K’Wara: ::nods:: That makes some sense. Guess Galaxy-opoly may be more of ‘working together against unfair odds’ ::gestures with their head at Holo-NOT-Grok:: rather than bringing each other to financial ruin.

Cole/Meris/Bancroft/Tho’Bi: Responses

Tag/TBC

LT Tamio K’Wara

Operations Officer

USS Artemis-A
A240006GS1