(( CoO Office - Operations Center, Deck 5, USS Artemis-A ))
He didn't quite understand why, but at that moment, the only response he could come up with was a quote from Kataris. Kataris. His teachers had referred to it as the "Mindful Book of Life Poetry." Ollie never grasped the meaning behind the book; he didn't comprehend the life lessons hidden within its verses. Like his classmates, he felt indifferent to what the long-deceased author was attempting to convey to the living, those oblivious to the deeper significance of living through the ages.
Bergmen: ‘My life should be rain, but I live as a drop. Year or decade, it’s just tomorrow. What was yesterday, I cannot change.’
K'Wara seemed to grasp the meaning of those words more than Ollie, who spoke them.
K’Wara: That’s a powerful sentiment. Where is that from?
Bergmen didn't like the first thought the question brought up. Was it the realization of their own mortality that provided the insight Ollie missed then, as he is missing now?
Bergmen: I wish I knew what it means. It’s from Kataris, an old philosophical book we studied in our youth on my planet. I’m sorry if they missed the point. I was a bad student…
Tamio smiled.
K’Wara: Many lessons don’t impart their true wisdom until much later. The fact that you remembered is proof that the lesson still sits.
Perhaps it was. The fact that he still remembered those verses, along with the feelings he had experienced while reading them and the emotions they stirred within him now, was a point he should take to heart.
Bergmen: So, this is what I should feel?
K’Wara: Yes... Grief, more than most other things, makes us realize that the tomorrow we think will come is not promised to us. It’s a hard lesson, one of the hardest most of us will ever learn.
Ollie slowly nodded. Grief was... felt wrong. His people never grieved; they celebrated life, choosing how to end the journey once they felt it was complete. After fifteen years in uniform, he watched others come and go. Die for their ideals, die senselessly, die...just die. He never grieved. He honored their memory, raised a glass in their name, he... always felt different. But not now. Not with her. Her loss screamed inside. Her loss...was welling up tears in the eyes. Her loss...hurt. Just hurt.
Bergmen: I think I understand… now.
K’Wara: ::smiles:: Would that it were so... Regardless, take what time you require. These things will take time, and we can make allowances.
Bergmen hugged his PAD tightly and nodded that he understood. He felt the circle was now completed, and it was likely time for him to leave. He took a deep breath, glanced at the stack of PADDs on the Chief's desk, and took it as a cue.
Bergmen: So, if that’s all, I will return to my duties and… just send me the materials and list of participants, and I will enter my leave into the system as soon as I know more, okay?
K’Wara: Response
Ollie stood up from his chair, suddenly unsure what to do with his hands, and whether to nod, wait for permission to leave, shake Tamio's hand, or say something else.
Bergmen: Permission… to leave?
When he heard his own voice, he almost went to the airlock himself.
Bergmen: ::more serious and certain in his voice:: Permission to leave, sir.
K’Wara: Response
Bergmen nodded, turned, and calmly walked out of the lieutenant's office toward the maintenance closet. He waited for the door to shut behind him before allowing himself another slip of emotion as he grabbed a rug, just wanting to scream.
TAG/End for Ollie
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Lieutenant JG Ollie Bergmen
Operations Officer
U.S.S. Artemis-A
A240009JC1