LtCmdr Jovenan – The magic of desensitization
Jovenan
((Arboretum, First Promenade, Deck 225, DS224))
MacKenzie: But what do you do for fun?
Jovenan had a feeling she had been asked that before. She couldn’t remember, who it had been or when, but it could have been one of her seniors soon after joining the crew. Back then, she had been nervous about everything, but she had slowly grown out of it, for the most parts. Genkos, Talos, Vitor, they were all people she had been anxious around at that time. It wasn’t really anxiety she felt around the Captain either, though she failed to find a better word for it. Or was it just that?
Jovenan: I enjoy running, especially long-distance. I thought this arboretum would provide a nicer backdrop and some variation to the track at the Fitness Centre on the ship.
MacKenzie: I can’t argue with the fact that this is certainly a better landscape than anything the ship has to offer, even on the holodeck…
A brief moment of silence fell between them. Jovenan felt bad about how the discussion was going. As far as she could see, the Captain was genuine in trying to get to know her, but she had only managed to spill out either some nervous babbling – okay, maybe it was anxiety – or detached, robotic responses. She knew how intimidating and strict the Captain could be, Jovenan had been a subject of her irritation once or twice before as well, but what she saw now was a smile in response to the personal details she would permit her tongue to slip by. Jovenan realised she may have been rude to Captain MacKenzie. The CO had asked her questions and she had answered, no matter how poorly, and now it was her turn to switch the question around and let Captain MacKenzie answer. That’s how the rules of a conversation worked, and Jovenan didn’t want to break one more rule. But how do you even talk to someone so far above you?
Jovenan: And, um, how about you, sir? Do you have any plans or activities in mind before we leave the station?
MacKenzie: No. I’m just thankful that things seem to finally be settling down across the fleet and that things are mostly back to normal. I hear Lieutenant Sadar is having some kind of housewarming party. I thought I might attend.
Jovenan nodded.
Jovenan: Yes, her Aailudet. I would imagine you are very welcome there as well.
Captain MacKenzie leaned in on closer to Jovenan. The ability to make an Edo uncomfortable with physical closeness was a rarity. Was this also one of those “perks” that came with rank? How close did the Captain get to Talos and Genkos?
MacKenzie: I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, Commander, but the crew has a way of clamoring up anytime I walk into a room when they’re not on duty…
oO Well, this is awkward… Oo
Captain MacKenzie had a smile on her face, though Jovenan couldn’t interpret if it was meant as a friendly reassurance to her or a mischievous smirk signalling that Jovenan’s own discomfort had been revealed. She lacked any empathetic or telepathic abilities, so she had to rely on her poor social skills to decipher what Captain MacKenzie had intended with that statement. Could it be possible that she didn’t enjoy the reputation she had and the reaction to it? Was Captain MacKenzie… lonely and wanted to make friends among the crew? She had clearly approached Jovenan with some intention and now wanted to go to a party. Yes, that must have been it.
Jovenan: I- is that so, sir? Maybe they won’t if you are just one among the guests at Doctor Sadar’s party.
MacKenzie: Well, if you don’t think Lieutenant Sadar would be too uncomfortable…
That
was true as well. There were few people more anxious and nervous than
Jovenan, and Doctor Sadar was definitely one of them. She still
remembered the mess the Doctor had been when she had been forced to
spend time at Captain MacKenzie’s family garden. Jovenan might have
been doing a disfavour to Doctor Sadar by recommending Captain
MacKenzie to participate. But if she said otherwise, she might
unintentionally hurt Captain MacKenzie. There was no alternative that
could have pleased the both sides. The
guilt of having to disappoint either of them felt like a tight band
around Jovenan’s head. She had to figure out a way that would not make her appear a cruel monster to both of them.
Jovenan: She will be a bit awkward for sure, but that doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate the gesture, and it would help her to become more comfortable with your presence.
Jovenan hoped Doctor Sadar would forgive her, but desensitization was an effective, even if dated method of treating allergies as well. Exposure to Captain MacKenzie’s benevolent nature in small quantities in a long period of time may help Doctor Sadar to learn to know her better and not be so nervous around her, just as Jovenan had learnt – was learning – would learn as well.
MacKenzie: You are quite correct about that… And maybe you’re right – it would be good to stop by and show support, even if only briefly.
Jovenan: Yes. And I would imagine her nephew would appreciate meeting the Commanding Officer as well. Or have you met him already?
Jovenan noticed she was forcing herself for some desensitization as well. They weren’t discussing work any more, which was the topic she was the most comfortable with, but they weren’t in the deep end of personal topics related to herself, either. The realisation that Captain MacKenzie wasn’t evaluating her – hopefully – had also helped her overcome some of the reservedness.
MacKenzie: Response
Jovenan: I haven’t yet, but I’m looking forwards to it. ::pause:: Having a family aboard must mean a great deal to Doctor Sadar, but to be honest, I would be a very concerned of their safety, especially after, well…
The river kept flowing calmly. Jovenan turned to look at it for a moment. She hated the fact that she kept bringing up the topic constantly. So many had seemingly got over the worst traumas of the Frontier Day, yet Jovenan kept torturing herself by talking about it, as if the voices in the darkness weren’t enough.
MacKenzie: Response
Jovenan: You’re right, sir. Well, let’s hope he doesn’t get bored either, then. ::shrugs:: There aren’t many children on the Artemis.
MacKenzie: Response
TAG/TBC
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Lieutenant Commander Jovenan
Chief Science Officer
USS Artemis-A
E239911J11