JP Lt.JG Jones and Lt. Silveira- You'll Never Walk Alone.

[btv.abreu]

((OOC - trigger warning: Sil’s going through some very serious personal struggles right now. If you are in the US, and you or anyone you know is having thoughts of self-harm, please call 988. You are not alone, you are loved, the world is better for having you in it.))

(( Counseling Suite, Deck 7, USS Artemis-A ))

Hiro sat in the medical support chair behind his desk. It was a surprisingly good feeling to be back in the counseling suite. Not that he ever minded being here, but he hadn’t expected the feelings of gratitude for the place he’d felt when he first rolled in. When the crew of the Artemis started trickling through, he gained an increasingly complete picture of what had happened during their last mission. The wider perspective was sobering. There was a lot of hurt left behind by those people with whom they’d shared faces.

Vitor knew Hiro had returned to work. He wasn’t certain about the seriousness of his injuries, but selfishly Vitor was glad he was back. 

Now, more than ever before he needed counseling. 

He hesitated at the door, but taking a deep breath Vitor took a step forward. 

As the doors opened Vitor saw Hiro confined to a chair. The shock made him stumble. 

Did Hiro lose his legs? 

In the turmoil of emotions he was going through another set forth, dropping in his shoulders like a massive weight. 

Guilt.

He looked up at the sound of the main doors swishing open. Lieutenant Silveira looked about to collapse. Hiro moved as quickly as his chair permitted toward the door.

Jones: Sil! Please, come in! Have a seat before you fall over. Let me get you something to drink?

Slowly he took another step inside, shaking his hand. 

Silveira: Water… Water is fine… But I don't… I mean… You don't need to…

Vitor tried to compose himself at the sight of his comrade, his friend, locked in that… Contraption. 

He sat down, realizing his hands were slightly trembling. 

oO Hiro… I am sorry… I am so sorry… Oo

Jones: It’s no trouble at all. I can actually carry more now that I have this little table.

He patted the flat surface of the chair’s leg enclosure.

Jones: Just don’t tell Dr Adea I’m using medical equipment as a coffee table, ok?

Hiro went to the replicator, ordered two glasses and a pitcher of water, iced, then returned to where Sil now sat.

Jones: ::studying the other man’s face:: I’ve heard some of it. I’m so sorry, Sil.

Vitor tried to smile at Hiro but he couldn’t. He just nodded, taking another breath. 

Silveira: Thank you. 

Jones: Start wherever you feel makes the most sense.

Vitor closed his eyes, playing with his hands and taking a few breaths. 

He opened his eyes to face Hiro. 

Silverira: I need your help. I am barely keeping it together… And I am afraid. 

This simple statement said many things, and had many ramifications. When an officer admitted they were “barely keeping it together,” it was cause for concern. When the Chief Tactical Officer said the same, it was cause for alarm. When a friend confessed this, it was heartbreaking. Hiro felt all three at once.

Jones: I’m here for you, Vitor. We’re going to get through this together. Do you want to tell me what you’re afraid of? 

Vitor lowered his head, playing with his fingers. 

Silveira: I am afraid I might lose it. It's a constant struggle, every breath, every second. I…

He sunk his head deeper down as he felt his eyes burning. 

Jones:  ::gently:: Vitor, tell me how you’re feeling right now.

Clearing his throat and rubbing his eyes, Vitor raised his head. 

He stared at Hiro, his eyes pleading for help. 

Silveira: I want to tear this and the other universe apart. Myself included. 

Hiro shifted as much as he could in the chair. He reached out, putting a hand on Sil’s arm.

Jones: Vitor, can you tell me about her? All the lovely things.

Vitor flinched. He frowned at Hiro's question. 

Silveira: Why? 

Jones: I know it’s painful, but with the emotional whiplash you’ve been through, I think we should start with the good. Find our footing, you know?

Vitor closed his eyes. The memory of the little time they had together was still fresh. 

And as Hiro said, it was still painful. 

Vitor tried to swallow the lump in his throat. His eyes were stinging and he took a deep breath before speaking.

Silveira: Jo was beautiful. And lovely. I…

He stopped, shutting his eyes so the tears didn't fall.

Silveira: I took her to a ball in the Holodeck…

We danced… We barely got to really know each other… 

Jones: And yet she touched you quite deeply it seems.

Vitor shook his head and he fought to contain his anger. He closed his hand into a fist. 

Silveira: I thought we would get more time. 

I even have a gift for her… ::he quit fighting the incoming tears:: Why Hiro? Why? 

“Why?” was quite possibly the one question in the universe with no clear answer. Hiro looked at his friend, now crying freely. His own eyes grew watery in empathy as he responded.

Jones: Honestly? I don’t know, Sil. ::beat:: May I ask what it was about her that you found most wonderful?

Vitor wiped the tears with the back of his hand. Breathing slowly he smiled sadly. 

Silveira: Her eyes. I was so drawn by them. Her curiosity, and how she learned quickly. 

::Vitor smiled sadly.:: She started flirting and I went along. Then it was pure chemistry between us.

Jones: That’s a rare and beautiful connection. I know it seems cruel and unfair to have it cut so short.

Vitor took a deep breath as he nodded. 

Silveira: It is. 

Jones: What do you think she would say to you now? How would she comfort or counsel you?

Again tears stubbornly threatened to fall, as Vitor shrugged. 

Silveira: I don’t know… We didn't have enough time. I think…

Vitor leaned back smiling sadly as another round of tears waved from his eyes.

Jones: Go on.

Hiro pushed the matter gently. He wasn’t trying to cause the man more pain than he was already enduring, but in order to make such a profound impact on Mr Vitor Silveira, the Jovenan from the other universe must have been truly special. He wanted her help now. She clearly still held sway over Sil’s heart, and that could be used to help him heal.

Jones: Based on what you do know of her, imagine she’s the one sitting here offering you comfort. What would that look like?

Silveira: I think she would hold me… I am certain she would take care of me, the way I couldn't take care of her. 

Vitor sank his head in his hands, sobbing. Hiro waited a moment, allowing the man this catharsis. Tears were good. They had the power to wash away the immediate sting we feel when something bad happens. There was something primal and wholesome about the bitter, messy, vulnerability of crying. Eventually, he offered some small perspective.

Jones: There was nothing you could have done, Vitor. She was part of her own story long before you two met. I believe every life that touches another - however briefly - alters the trajectory of both lives. Your life has been impacted significantly by knowing her. If there’s anything Newtonian about our essence (soul, spirit, katra, whatever you want to call it), you had just as profound an effect on her life.

Vitor nodded and raised his head slowly, rubbing the tears from his eyes. Taking deep slow breaths he managed to compose himself.

Silveira: It pains… No, it burns inside. ::Vitor hit his chest.:: It’s all in here and I am… I am struggling not to let it all burst out. 

Jones: That’s because it’s potential energy right now. Your essence has been supercharged by love, but suddenly lost the focus for all that energy. It’s a cruel, unfair thing you’ve experienced, my friend, and I know it feels like it’s consuming you from the inside.

Vitor nodded, Hiro nailed it.

Silveira: It is. 

Jones: You feel the need to act. In your grief, the actions that seem most right to you are … destructive, am I  correct?

Vitor shamefully looked down avoiding Hiro’s eyes. It wouldn’t be the first time he reacted violently. The memory of his attack on Wyke in the Resolution stepping right forward.

It felt like a lifetime ago.

Slowly he raised his head to face Hiro.

Silveira: You are. It feels… You got it right…

Hiro took a deep, slow breath. He could almost feel Kayla’s presence in the room, her hand resting on his shoulder, loaning him her strength. Tears filled his own eyes as he met Vitor’s gaze, continuing.

Jones: Vitor, you must act. Keeping this much energy inside you will tear you apart, but - and I need you to hear this part very clearly: if you truly loved her, put that energy to use. You can honor her memory and prove your love by living. You said she would care for you if she were here now. She would want you to continue being the person she loved. I can say with absolute certainty that she would never have wanted her influence in your life to result in your harm. 

Hiro’s word’s made sense. But he struck a chord in his last sentence. Tears fell down as Vitor pointed to his chest tapping his finger in it.

Silveira: But my influence resulted in her death.

Jones: What happened to her was out of your control. That was the way another life touched hers for the worst-possible outcome. What happened was not your fault, and the short time the two of you spent together may have been one of the brightest moments of her life, given what I know about that other universe.

Love and hate, in the human brain, share many of the same neurological pathways. Hiro knew this. As a medical doctor, this was useful knowledge for the treatment of trauma or pathological abnormalities. Psychiatrically, this knowledge informed him now in a different way. Vitor was the kind of person who felt things deeply. He was a passionate person by nature and nurture. Having his heart filled with love to the point of bursting, but then removing the natural outlet for it was like filling a water balloon until the structural integrity was in jeopardy, then pinching off the mouth of the balloon. The fastest way to relieve the pressure (and in his present state, the apparent best option for easing the pain it caused) was to pop the balloon. The problem with that was the finality of a ruined balloon.

Vitor wasn’t ruined. He was in pain. He would always bear the emotional scars of this, but he wasn’t ruined. Hiro had no quick solution to offer. When a person started entertaining thoughts of self-harm, there was never a one-size-fits-all answer. The best thing he could do for the man with the tear-streaked face was let him know he wasn’t alone.

Jones: Vitor, you are loved here. Your friends - we all love you. There’s an old song I know - don’t worry, I won’t sing it - but it goes:

Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

For your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on

With hope in your heart

And you'll never walk alone

Vitor tipped his head. He knew that song. 

Silveira: Now you've done it.::He shook his head, leaning back.:: Nope, now you lost me.

Shaking his head he looked away from Hiro.

Jones: oO Was not expecting that. I better give him a moment. What does he mean I lost him? Oo

Looking back at Hiro.

Silveira: I am not singing a Liverpool song. My team is Sporting Club of Portugal.

He grinned at Hiro’s surprised look. A mixed emotion of sadness and sorrow struck him. He wiped the tears from his eyes and looked inquisitively at Hiro.

For Hiro’s part, he just sat there, mouth slowly transitioning from slack-jawed surprise to an incredulous smile.

Silveira: Too soon to make jokes again? 

Jones: My friend, football is no joke.

~End~

Lt. Vitor S. Silveira

Chief Tactical Officer

USS Artemis-A, NCC-81287

O238907VS0

and

Lieutenant JG Hiro Jones, MD PhD

USS Artemis-A, Counselor

E239510KD0

"I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape." - Charles Dickens Great Expectations