LT Gila Sadar - I'm Done Hiding
LT Gila Sadar
((( OOC: Welcome to shore leave, Ensigns! For those of you who weren't here prior to our last mission, this is the culmination to an arc for Gila that's been planned in close contact with Ship Staff since January. Longer complex story arcs like this should always be discussed with a mentor! )))
(( Turbolift - Heading to Deck 1, USS Artemis-A ))
Gila paced. Trapped like a scared animal in a cage, she wandered back and forth, to and fro, as she anxiously turned the PADD around in her hands. She alternated wildly between thinking ‘this is a mistake’ and wanting to turn the turbolift around to the bowels of the Ship, wanting to pretend she could keep going the way she was. She hadn’t hurt anyone oO yet Oo, no one had confronted her oO yet Oo and she hadn’t been prevented from following through with her duties oO yet Oo.
And then, the events of the Moonbase would violently superimpose themselves upon these frantic thoughts, crush her frail attempts at convincing herself that she still had time, still had a chance. She had failed to aid her crew. She’d been so ashamed, so desperate to keep her secret, that she had entirely failed to help her team. Worse, she’d failed to help her friends. Out of all the crew of the Artemis, Sil-net and Vai-net were those dearest to her, the ones who’d always trusted her and respected her, always recognized how her life aboard a Starfleet vessel was, sometimes, at odds with her beliefs, and why she sometimes reacted to things with illogical fear.
And yet, at the slightest hint, the merest notion, that Sil-net had seen her shame, born witness to the monster she kept hidden within, she’d abandoned him. She’d treated him with suspicion and distrust, hid away from his attentions... Him! Her friend. The man who’d trusted her to conduct the Shiradaf ceremony, to connect him with his partner in honesty and clarity, and she’d shirked him.
The guilt of those moments made her nuchal folds run cold. If she could treat Sil-net like that, what would happen the next time? If Sil-net had been mortally wounded, required her as a doctor, would she have abandoned him? Would she have sacrificed him to protect her secret? Gila wanted to think that she’d never do that, but could she say with absolute certainty that she wouldn’t?
oO No Oo
And this awful realization, the abhorrent potential of her abandoning her duty to this crew, her friends, was why she didn’t turn the turbolift around. Why, when the doors opened and laid bare the Bridge of the Artemis, she didn’t hesitate. She followed the path around the console and headed straight for the door leading to Captain Mackenzie’s Ready Room.
It was time to face the music... And potentially the airlock.
She knocked.
MacKenzie: Response
(( Ready Room - Deck 1, USS Artemis-A ))
MacKenzie: Response
Gila walked straight to the Captain’s new desk. She wouldn’t allow fear to stop her from doing what was right. She was going to do this. She had to do it now, or she would back out. Looking upon Captain MacKenzie’s face, the face of the woman who had - in more ways than one - served as Gila’s moral compass and bearing mark over the past two years, Gila knew that she would falter if she allowed herself to pause even for a second.
So instead, she quickly walked right up to the desk and almost violently (at least with the understanding that this is still Gila we’re talking about) put the PADD on the desk.
Sadar: ::high-pitched shriek:: I’M A CRIMINAL.
The cry was far too loud, and all too hasty, the words flying out at her in an instant. It felt like the floor was ripped away beneath her as those words filled the Ready Room - her sin made real, like massive weights suddenly falling upon her - and her legs nearly buckled beneath her at the reality that now, there truly was no turning back. There was no taking this away. She’d told the truth, and no amount of glib, stutter, explanation or attempt at concealment could take that away.
It was simultaneously freeing and devastatingly final.
MacKenzie: Response
TAG/TBC
LT Gila Sadar
Assistant Chief of Medical (for now)
USS Artemis-A
A240006GS1