Ensign Imril - Regarding Trust
Chris Taylor
(Counselor’s Office - Deck 7, USS Artemis-A))
Imril: That was my failure, not Evestre’s.
Visa’lia shook her head. A rather concerning visual.
Vhysa’lia: Reacting poorly under stress, or when one is afraid is natural…
Imril: ::Slow sigh:: And it wasn’t the first time.
Vhysa’lia: This has happened before, then? ::leaning forwards slightly in their chair, intent to hear more:: If you’re comfortable, I think it would be enlightening to hear more about other times that you’ve… lost control like this.
Imril: The mission to the Meirashi planet. My first away team as a bonafide ensign. Again in front of the Captain.
Vhysa’lia: No blaming yourself, Imril, not when you’re telling me your story.
There was no way to go but forward. They started with beaming down to a primitive world whose inhabitants weren’t supposed to know about the starship which had crashed in one of jungles.
Imril: I have a whole host of gripes with the Prime Directive, but that’s a matter of philosophy, not psychology. Upholding it is part of the oath I took as a Starfleet officer, and my personal opinion in that matter did not affect the mission.
Another nod, as she sat back to take in Imril’s words.
They went on to explain how their examination of the vessel was cut short by the natives taking the team prisoner. The long and very arduous march through a steaming jungle, made all the more harrowing by Ensign Lyara’s injuries more than their own. They had no shame in ‘pulling a fast one’ to alert the other away teams via a tricorder emergency signal, but in hindsight they were quite aghast at how they misjudged the nature of the Meirashis’ intent from a few half-translated words heard on the way to a holding cell in the heart of a stone city.
Imril: By the time we were locked up, I had convinced myself that we were about to be thrown into a trial by ordeal or be judged according to scriptures that none of us had ever read. That got me a tongue-lashing from Lyara, who -- with as much evidence as I had about the tenets or tenor of the Meirashi faith, none -- had convinced herself that she could be the one to open a dialogue with our captors precisely because she is a person of faith. It got heated fast. She accused me of equating religion with barbarism. I threw back at her the barbarism her own religion had crafted and condoned in the form of Kai Winn. Like Evreste, I wanted to hurt her. To make her choke on her hypocrisy. And yeah, I suppose I wanted to feel a little control over my surroundings. Took a swing at a target I could hit.
Vhysa’lia: From the sounds of it, you’re not just afraid of losing control due to other people taking it from you, but losing control of yourself to your own emotions. You don’t seem to trust yourself as much as you want to, at least as far as I understand what you’ve been telling me. ::beat:: Does this sound accurate?
Imril had to stop and think about that for a moment. This was one of those questions that they knew was coming before they walked in the door, but could never have guessed.
Imril: I suppose… I suppose I’ve stopped trusting myself as much after the Genesis Planet. I keep wondering what the next big blow-up is going to be.
Vhysa’lia: response
Imril shook their head.
Imril: I’m not a violent person. I’m not going to go wild and start beating on people or swinging phasers around. Not that words can’t also be hurtful in ways you don’t intend. Lyara and I worked together well enough after Ura Neteos III, I suppose. No further incidents. But I don't think she ever really accepted my apology.
Vhysa’lia: response
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Ensign Imril
Engineering Officer
USS Artemis-A
A240110I12