[JP] Lt Cmdr Maz Rodan & Lt JG Maria Alvarez - Obedience to Authority
Max
(( The "Midnight" Planet - The Crashed Pod ))
Maria walked up, and dropped her body against the rock next to the ailing Trill like it was a gym bag. She rubbed her still-aching legs. Where was the upcoming trip to Risa when she needed it? She took her mess of hair out of the tail it was in and unravelled it. It would need a good wash after this, but it still felt soft enough to the touch to be sufficiently self-comforting.
She looked over. Maz looked enough himself. There were a thousand things she needed his help with, but one question plagued her more than the others. Best to just ask.
Alvarez: Why do you want me in charge?
Maz looked at Maria as she attempted to process what he’d just said. It was a lot to process. Even he understood that. But the choice was right. She was free of injury and competent. Though Lt. Waters had rank and seniority over her, the helms woman’s injuries impaired her as much as Maz’s did him.
He was confident Maria could step up and lead the survivors of the escape pod to safety and reunite them with the rest of the crew.
Rodan: You have the skills, and the gumption. I know this is the right choice.
She snorted. Maz was definitely himself, for the moment. The annoyingly dogged insistence of his belief in her could belong to no other host.
Alvarez: Well, I suppose no one’s died yet, so that’s something.
Rodan: What I don’t understand is why it’s taken so long? What are you afraid of?
Maria’s eyes settled into a confident cockeyed arrangement that signalled amused rejection of the very premise.
Alvarez: I’m not afraid. It’s just - do well here, and next thing you know someone has the brilliant idea to stick you in command. :: Beat. :: That sounds awful. I don’t want that!
Maz shook his head and gave a half chuckle.
Rodan: We don’t always get that luxury. Circumstance dictates most of it, I think. Look at me for instance. I am First Officer because the Host before me had years of experience at being one. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t choose it. In fact, I tried to talk Shayne out of it, but he sort of… insisted.
Alvarez: :: She smirked. :: See, that’s the advantage of being in the Cap’s bad books. You don’t get asked to do things like that!
She laughed, presuming the nature of her relationship with the man in charge was all but public knowledge to everyone aboard at this point. Hearing herself talk out loud though, she realized just how much of a self-sabotaging, self-deprecating comment it sounded like. She supposed, at least in part, that’s how it really was. It probably showed that her tone had far less joke in it than she’d planned.
The moment passed, and she cast her dark eyes over in his direction before she asked the next logical question. Perhaps she asked so she could avoid whatever mistakes Maz made that led him to a red collar.
Alvarez: If you didn’t want it, why did you let yourself be convinced? Seems like you liked working science.
Rodan: Well he ordered me, really. But in any case my point is sometimes responsibility is thrust upon us whether we like it or not.
Alvarez: Of course he did!
She shook her head. That sounded like typical command staff, senior-officer BS. Pushing someone into something they neither wanted nor were ready for because of some yadda-yadda about responsibility was exactly what drove her nuts in conversations like these. Frustration, even anger, boiled in her blood, but, almost to her own disbelief, she kept it in modest check, honoring the courtesy Maz had so far shown her.
Alvarez: And what about his responsibility to you? To let people pursue their own dreams and fulfill their own reasons for being here? There must be thousands of officers in the Fleet who have been waiting for a shot at the XO post, even on a ship as small as Arrow. Don’t pretend there weren’t alternatives.
Maz mulled over the words in his mouth. How could he put it that would sound honest and not too overly cliche.
Rodan: Shayne likes to keep it in the family. He made the right choice in keeping Quentin close by on the ship, even though Starfleet pushed for his redeployment. Despite your misgivings, the Captain is a firm ally to have in your corner.
Alvarez: Ha! That’ll be the day. :: Beat. :: Don’t get me wrong, present lack of judgement aside, I think we’re lucky to have you where you are. I just don’t like it.
She chuckled, she wasn’t going to let go of just how bad an idea having her in charge was, but at least she could approach it with better humor now. Her expression softened. Maybe she’d just made his point for him, which was not something she was accustomed to doing.
Alvarez: Suppose a moment Shayne’s was the right call...
She paused, unwilling to give up ground she could use later. Debating a decision that was in the past was of little use. What was more pressing was something of a dawning realization.
Alvarez: I don’t think I would have made it. I don’t think I could have made it. There’s not many things I’d risk calling sacred, but choice is one of them. I don’t believe in situations with no alternatives. I can’t imagine refusing someone that expression of themselves.
Rodan: Starfleet isn’t The Borg, Maria. Sure, the Red Collar changes you. Much like Joining changes you, but it’s those little pieces of “self” that only individuals have which can make it succeed. Sure, I could have flatly refused to take the responsibility of First Officer. I still can. I can request a transfer or reassignment at any time.
Maria found herself almost surprised by what she was revealing about herself. So much so, she kept right on going, finding she was able to articulate something to herself for the first time.
Alvarez: It’s more than that. No offense, but I’m not sure I’ve ever met a command officer I actually liked. Too interested in rank and position, telling people what to do. I don’t want to become that!
Maz raised an amused eyebrow and chuckled, even though the act of laughing hurt his lungs and made his sides ache.
Rodan: Is that how you see me? A rank climber? I’ll have you know, I requested a demotion when I was posted to the Arrow. The truth is… I was already a full Lieutenant and Chief Science Officer of the Dickens. I wanted to see if my Joining had influenced that unjustly, or whether I did have the knack for it. Shayne saw right through it and reinstated me to my true rank, then promoted me to be First Officer. I didn’t ask for it. But the choice was mine when I accepted. The same with you.
Maria was genuinely surprised. His attitude to rank sounded more like hers than not. Maybe she’d been even more wrong about Maz than she’d realized. If so, she rather appreciated being wrong about him.
Alvarez: I didn’t know that.
Rodan: Just because you’ve temporarily assumed command in my impairment doesn’t mean you’re going to be shackled to command forever. You stepped up. Where would we be without you? I’d probably be dead. Chloe too, probably.
Alvarez: :: She chuckled. :: Hey, the night is young...
Rodan: And speaking as a temporarily relieved command officer. Did you see Ar’Gorvalei with his shirt off?
He grinned and eased himself back against the rock he was leaning on. The pain was flaring again, but he was determined to keep their spirits light.
Alvarez: Are you kidding? I can’t stop seeing him.
Maria joined Maz in laughter. He seemed continuously full of ever better surprises. She never imagined she’d be checking out men together with a ship’s first officer.
Rodan: I think I should make a trip to one of these Efrosian monasteries. Those guys know how to keep themselves in good shape.
Alvarez: Sign me up! :: She shot a devious grin. :: On second thought, maybe don’t. Knowing my luck, they have a vow of celibacy and I’d wind up creating another… diplomatic incident.
Maz grinned and glanced towards Maria. She giggled at his expression.
Rodan: See, Shayne would have shot me a disapproving look, or comment for that. But technically I’m off duty, and I’m not a machine. Good humour. That’s the secret to command.
Alvarez: :: Grinning. :: So I still get to be cool?
Rodan: Coolness does not diminish with responsibility. In fact, it amplifies. So yes… you still get to be “cool”.
Maria sat for a moment in a surprisingly comfortable quiet. She looked up, and for once there was a gap in the clouds. A handful of strange stars emerged, perfect pinpricks of light that captured her imagination now even more than they ever had before. She felt her smile fade along with the frustration and anger, leaving her exposed and vulnerable to that steady creeping fear she’d felt earlier.
There was only one way to conquer it. When she started again, she was totally serious - a rare thing for her. She spoke steady and clear as a quiet mountain stream, hoping Rodan and his hundreds of years of experience would know what to do with the risk she was about to take, sharing herself as she was about to.
Alvarez: How many lives have you lived, Rodan?
The blunt question didn’t entirely catch him off guard. But slumped against the rock against their makeshift fire in the darkness, surrounded by the almost eerie silence of the jungle, Maz took a moment to answer.
Rodan: Five. Including this one.
Alvarez: Out of all those lives, have you ever found yourself wondering who and what you really are? Not in the name and species sense, but in the sense of identity. Ever found yourself suddenly in a place or person not by your own design?
Rodan: Every Trill, whether newly Joined or about to be Joined, has asked themselves that, and I’ll call them a liar if they haven’t. You never know who you are, or what you are, until you wake up on that bed after the Joining.
Alvarez: :: She barely nodded. :: Then maybe you’ll understand…
She trailed off a moment, thinking where to even begin. She took in a slow breath once she’d decided.
Alvarez: That’s what it was like for me, when I quit dancing and threw in with Starfleet. You have to understand there’s no straightforward way to explain - I loved dancing and still do, but all the training, the degrees, the laser-focused soul-crushing trajectory towards professional dancing… that was really all my mother’s idea.
Rodan: Well, parents can be rather pushy. But I’d have thought Starfleet entry requirements were just as tough as training to be a dancer.
Alvarez: It is and it isn’t. But that’s beside the point - there’s a reason I don’t talk about her. Pretty much everyone says she’s the sweetest, smartest, most charming woman they’d ever met. She could talk latinum off a Ferengi if she ever stopped being an Earth traditionalist long enough to try. :: She smiled bitterly. ::
Rodan: Wait until you meet my mother. She’s always the loudest in the room. Literally.
He shook his head slightly to get into the right headspace, then emitted a shrill, high-pitched voice in a slightly unflattered imitation of his mother.
Rodan: “Mazzy! Don’t forget to wear your thermal underwear or you’ll freeze your spotted little tushie off!”
He grinned attempting to alleviate the tension which was evident on Maria’s face. Although she may have cracked a smile at his little joke, she still carried on with her tale.
Alvarez: She sounds fun. But my mother? She’s also a master manipulator, turning a person around and making them believe something they don’t. Most are never around long enough to notice, but her daughter and bearer of all her and her family’s hopes and dreams? :: She snorted, unable to keep the sarcastic venom from rising in her voice. :: I never stood a chance at making choices or a life truly my own. It took me a long time to realize how bad it was for me.
Maria swallowed, her lips parting before continuing. She could taste the strange, slightly sweet and musky flavor of the planet ‘s life on her tongue.
Alvarez: See, for me, that’s the real power of power. Honeyed words from an authority can change someone into something they should have never been before they even realize it. All that insidious mental disease, and they even come to love it.
She wasn’t criticizing Maz or Shayne or any of the insufferable instructors and senior officers at the Academy or her cadet cruises of this though. No, it was someone much closer to home. Could she say who this really was about?
Rodan: Yet you threw yourself into life in Starfleet? An organisation which literally exists on rules and chain of command? What for? To rebel? You have a very individual style when it comes to your duty post, but you’ve never directly disobeyed a direct order, or allowed an action - or inaction - to harm others.
Alvarez: I know it might not seem to make sense. But that’s not what this is about.
Maria steadied herself. It was time to confess, in full. To herself, and to Maz.
Alvarez: Truth be told? I’m terrified, Maz. I’m my mother’s daughter, like it or not. Not even twenty-four hours after meeting Ayemet, and I’ve talked my way back to her quarters. Extra half-pip glinting, my stupid grin going, and she’s ready to spill her life’s secrets to someone who could be a pathological sadist for all she knows! Even if I’m not, how many different ways could I ruin her by complete accident with that?
Maz studied her in the dim light of the jungle. The soft glow of the rocks they'd heated combined with the ethereal rippling glow of the jungle added shadows and textures to their little camp, but Rodan could see more clearly despite the fading light.
Rodan: You know, if Shona were here she’d tell you that was the biggest pile of crap.
Alvarez: It’s not crap!
Rodan: It is and you know it! Ayemet has some social nervousness she needs to work on, I’m sure she’d admit that herself, and you approached her as a friend. Someone she needed right there and then. You have terrific people skills, Maria. Something command values. You’re not a manipulator or a sadist. I saw the way you evaluated my wound. You were worried. You have empathy!
Alvarez: Fine, maybe it’s crap, but it’s my crap. You talk about being me on-duty versus being me off-duty, and here I am still figuring out how to just be me! Who knows what I’ll become with authority?
Rodan: Most people dealing with a toxic parent syndrome never take on the traits they’re subjected to, You’re more likely to rebel and become the opposite of the overbearing parent archetype. And it seems you’re halfway there, Maria.
Maria swallowed. Her odd form of rebellion was something she’d only recently come to terms with, and she’d yet to have the courage to say it out loud. She knew Quentin knew, but between the two of them, frank verbalization wasn’t high on the list of skills in their friendship.
Alvarez: I know I joined Starfleet partly to rebel against her. She dislikes the Federation, and absolutely hates the fleet. It was the easiest way to know for certain I was doing something for myself for the first time. Ironic, I know, but I guess I’ve found it suits me more than I ever imagined. :: Grinning. :: Even if I don’t suit it all too well.
Maria chuckled a little for how easily Maz figured her out. She supposed she already knew everything he was saying was true, deep down. It was just that she let this emotional wound have air so rarely, it was agonizingly slow to heal.
Alvarez: I guess for however irritating Shona was, she’s right. I care about my friends here and crew. I love them, even. It’s going to take some time, but maybe I can learn to trust that to guide me right.
Rodan: Well Shona knew her stuff. She was a psychiatrist for the Symbiosis Commission, after all.
Allowing himself a little satisfied smile, he coughed a little and winced against the warm rock.
Rodan: You’re a terrific friend to have, Maria. Ayemet is lucky. Remember how you felt when you first came on board.
Alvarez: :: She groaned. :: How could I forget? Sure, someone like me isn’t a welcome presence on plenty of ships, but, well… you’ve met the crew. Needless to say, that was quite the gap to bridge. :: Beat. :: It’s a good thing I had Regan.
Rodan: ::Pulling a face.:: Ugh, him. Why ever did you throw in your lot with a scoundrel like Regan Wilde?
Alvarez: He wasn’t a scoundrel! He was a fine officer!
Rodan: Flashy pretty boy, more like. Talk about irresponsible!
Alvarez: Sure he was, but he was my first real friend here too. He went out of his way for me even when I gave him plenty of reasons not to. I don’t think I would have made it this far without him.
Rodan: Well, I guess I understand. I suppose I haven’t got what you’d call a solid friendship with anyone on the ship. There’s Quentin, I suppose. We’re on friendly terms. And Serinus, of course. We did share brainwaves. That counts, right?
Alvarez: Depends, did you share anything other than a professional glass of wine and a copy of Tactics Weekly afterwards? :: Maria laughed, and settled again with a pleasant smile. :: I’m surprised you haven’t gotten close to anyone else. I don’t see anything wrong with you.
Rodan: Well there are a lot of things people don’t realise about me. For instance… did you know I always keep an emergency chocolate bar in my uniform?
He leant over awkwardly and fished into his pocket to reveal a slightly crooked and almost melted chocolate bar wrapper. He passed it to an incredulous Maria to share.
Alvarez: Chocolate, painkillers… got anything else in your pockets I should know about?
She gingerly unwrapped the sweet, and split it in half, passing half back.
Rodan: I’m also planning a Christmas performance with some of the crew. You know Christmas? The Terran festival. I’ve been working with Chief Frell on a duet.
Alvarez: Wait, a duet with Frell? The painfully quiet Bolian woman in Cartography? I’m surprised she even managed to talk to you.
Maz smiled mischievously and nodded.
Rodan: It’s true. Thursday evenings in my quarters. She too wants to work on her confidence and approached me. We’re practicing the old Earth song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”. ::He paused, a little sad.:: I guess we won’t be performing that, now.
Alvarez: Well now I know what’s really at stake, let’s get off this planet! Subspace anomalies be damned, we’ll win the day with Christmas spirit and a song in our hearts alone!
Maria heartily laughed with Maz yet another time, finally feeling fully herself both with him and the situation at hand. For the first time since standing atop that rock beside the transmitter, all her strength and confidence returned to her. Maybe even more than before.
Rodan: I knew I could count on you, Lieutenant.
Alvarez: You know, if no one else has claimed you, we should be friends. And I mean real friends.
No doubt Maria from even a few short months ago would have vehemently disapproved of this proposal, but to the Maria that sat next to a wrecked pod she could think of no more genuine expression of how she felt.
Rodan: Sure, as friendships go, the dancer and the science geek sure make a good pair.
He shook his head, his mirthy smile highlighted by the glowing heat of the rocks.
Alvarez: I’m serious! I mean we’re already checking out boys together and gossiping about the crew.
Rodan: Well, as long as the Captain doesn’t find out I’ve been gossiping, we should be ok.
Alvarez: I suppose the alternative is to plant evidence that lands you in a Cardassian prison. I can’t have someone who’s not a friend just walking around with all those secrets I just spilled.
Maria chuckled with just enough light in her eye to suggest she’d actually be capable of such a thing.
Rodan: Your secrets are safe with me, Maria. Trill are good with secrets. Let’s be friends.
Maria smiled in satisfaction, and saddled closer, then reached out and wrapped one hand, then another around one of Maz’s arms. She’d have hugged him, but she couldn’t risk it in his condition.
Alvarez: Good. I'm glad. My friends are everything to me.
Maria let the quiet lights inaugurate the new bond for a moment. It was an unusual one for her, to be sure - she’d never called an officer quite so senior a friend before. Soon, it would be her turn to be strong, wise, and brave.
END Part 1...
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