JP: Ens. Talia Ohnari + Ens. Nolen Hobart — Shoring Up, Part III
Roxanna Dorion
((Interior, CMO’s Office, Sickbay, Deck 3, USS Arrow, Freecloud Orbit))
Hobart: Yeah, I think I get it. ::pause:: You didn’t become a doctor just for the uniform color, did you?
Talia snorted. She appreciated he was trying.
Ohnari: I mean, I do look great in teal. ::smirking:: Now, we look like a jumbled mess of purple. But, I'm still me, and you are still you. No matter what color you see now. ::opening her eyes, she reached across and grabbed one of his hands:: Is it easier to see me as blue like this? When you are physically touching me?
His eyes closed, the touch startled him and suddenly in his mind’s room there was only blue, outlined by an angry red. He startled slightly and stiffened. His breathing became more intense, sharp and short puffs of air quietly bursting through his nose.
Ohnari: More importantly, is it harder to see maroon? Are you seeing mostly me?
Sometimes touch increased the connection between those empathically or telepathically inclined. So much so, that sometimes it was impossible not to feel nearly taken over by the other. But with Nolen's history, maybe no one told him. And maybe for him, touch made it easier to shield.
It was harder to shut her out, but also easier to identify her. But the ugly red on the edges. She was near serene, there, a pool of undisturbed azure, and his mind constructed a wildfire around it in objection. It was hard to keep his focus off that hate, and onto her.
Hobart: Y-yeah. ::pinching his eyes shut tighter:: It’s, uh, all there is.
Ohnari: ::quietly:: Breathe, Nolen. You are still you, and I am still me. No one will hurt you. We are just here together. Nothing more. ::squeezing his hand gently:: now, I want you to remember something happy. Something pleasant. Doesn't have to be your favorite memory, or anything specific. Just, remember being happy. The warmth of the sun…or in our case heat lamps…is here to remind you that wherever you go in your mind, you are still right here. Maroon. With me. Blue.
Talia held his hand and allowed her mind to clear. She was peaceful, although a touch worried about him. Still, without projecting any strong emotions herself, she just was. She could tell he had a lot of hurt and spiky anger surrounding his senses. Almost as if he was fighting against them. Every now and again when she felt that spiky flare, she squeezed his hand as a reminder.
He tried. The sun was a distant speck on Relva VIII, and even if it hadn’t been, there would be no going outside to feel it on one’s face. His mind roamed his youth, looking for moments of joy. So much of it was flooded with the echoes of painful memories, memories that never belonged to him and hurts he didn’t want to share. He refused to linger on those moments, even as the flames around Lake Ohnari beckoned him to remember, to be reminded.
Once, his parents had left. He didn’t know why, but they left for a brief trip… away? Somewhere. That was when he’d stayed with Commander Hael, and feasted for the first time on homemade hasperat, and sipped deka tea. The Bajoran officer had his own pain, as so many of his people did, but unlike Mara Tarn it hadn’t consumed Hael Tarran. The stay was… fun. Funny, even. Commander Hael shared stories about stealing from Cardassians, and how to do it without getting caught. The tales would later inspire Nolen’s formal troubles with the law, but right then and there it was just entertainment.
Ohnari: Something happy, Nolen. No matter how small. A correctly adjusted wrench…or some other tool that's perfectly aligned…
She decided right then and there she needed to learn more about what engineers actually did besides haul around tool bags and banging on things until they were fixed. Still; she sensed he was following.
He turned the memory over in his mind, a brief respite, and found his maroon creeping back into view. The flames around her serenity were still there, still sending embers at the backs of his eyes, but they were weaker. His mind wanted no part of anyone else, but its objections were more easily dismissed, or ignored. Not easy, by any stretch—just easier.
Hobart: Okay, I’ve got one.
Ohnari: ::quietly:: can you see the maroon better now..?
Nolen nodded, and a relieved smile crept across his face. More progress. And realizations; he couldn’t recall the last time he made skin-to-skin contact with another person. Sober, that is. Alcohol always helped turn things off that he didn’t want on. But having a technique, however messy, to do it without artificial support was a welcome improvement, if only because synthehol didn’t have the same effect. Many officers kept a small stockpile of genuine booze, but they didn’t usually tap into it on duty.
Hobart: I can, yeah. ::breathing easier:: But it’s work. How long did it take you? When did you stop hiding under the bed?
Talia smiled. She let out a small relieved breath. It was actually a bit difficult to stay in a blank emotional space for so long. Her mother teased she was far too busy to be quiet. Still, it was a nice little refresh.
Ohnari: Some days are harder than others. Especially when people are extremely emotional or frightened. But, the most important thing about this exercise is to get you to recognize yourself, and then, you work on separating yourself from the projections of others. ::pausing:: it is work, Nolen. But, after time, it becomes second nature. Always remember you are maroon. Remember how "you" feel. Familiarize yourself with…well…yourself. I believe the Betazoids call it Tholtren. Your own telepathic fingerprint, as it were. Me? I can only communicate telepathically with an aide. And if I am close to the person. So, I imagine it's much harder for you. ::slowly she let go of his hand:: how do you feel?
He reflected on it, as the image of her faded in his mind. She was still there, surrounded by an irritated red border, but the strength of his sense of self lingered. Freecloud still hung there, far beneath them, blasting unrelentingly up at him. But he felt more secure against it.
Hobart: …the same, but less so. ::chuckle:: If that makes sense. I’ll be honest, I think you know more about Betazoids than I do. “Tholtren?” Sounds Swedish.
Again, she snorted. She knew as much about betazoids as any Starfleet trained doctor, but that was about it. All she knew about Swedish was some kind of sticky candy in the shape of aquatic creatures. She wasn't a fan, they stuck to her teeth.
Ohnari: When you think of everyone as their own color, and when you are feeling bombarded by swirls of browns and grays from all the mixing and overlap, focus on the maroon. Feel it out, shade it in, you are teaching your senses to pull yourself apart from the splotches. No matter how many colors are in that space, you are always you. And the better you can define you, the easier it is to shield yourself and not get splattered.
Nolen inhaled deeply and nodded once more at Dr. Ohnari.
Hobart: Shield good, splattered bad, got it. ::starting to rise, heartfelt:: Thank you, Talia. I think I can work with that. Can’t say I’ll swear off alcohol just yet, but, I think this will help.
Beaming up at him, she was pleased her mother's color wheel experiment wasn't too silly and childish to offer some comfort. It was the easiest way she knew how to describe it, but for a doctor, it was very un-medical like. At least no one was hiding behind the door to sneer and submit a scathing peer review.
Ohnari: You are most welcome, Nolen.
He looked up at the heat lamps, and then back down at her.
Hobart: Did… did you install those yourself?
Talia chewed her lip and averted her eyes. Technically, she just added them…based on some schematics that made her eyes cross. But they had been working just fine…for now…
Ohnari: Um…I was going to call you and ask but I uh…thought I could just follow the instructions on the box…
Which were in Klingon. They really needed to sort the Medical storage units.
Hobart: ::teasingly pained expression:: Yeah, it shows. I’ll take care of that, too, once I’m done with the power junction. And your furniture.
He extended a hand down to her to help her up. As she took it, he again felt a flash of blue in his mind, but this time he was prepared for it. This time neither her color nor the irritation around it in his head were a surprise. This time, he had a way to brace himself.
Ohnari: ::grinning sheepishly:: Thanks Nolen. I promise not to install anymore lights.
He winked his acknowledgement, and gestured for the doorway. As they stepped back out into the main Sickbay compartment, Nolen headed for his equipment, still sitting idly on the biobed, and tapped his communicator.
Hobart: =/\= Hobart to Bridge, Sickbay’s going dark for about an hour. =/\=
He tapped his communicator again to close the channel, and picked up a pair of the portable lights. Switching them on and off as a test, he started setting them up around the main junction.
Her brows raised in response to his command.
Ohnari: Is that really necessary?
She glanced back at the now dark CMO office…had she cut the power..? Or were the Gods watching her that day….?
Hobart: Got to turn off power to the section, unless we want a repeat of the Perim incident.
He winked again, and fetched another lamp.
END
———
Ensign Talia Ohnari, MD
USS Arrow
C239205ME0
and
Ensign Nolen Hobart
Engineering Officer
USS Arrow (NCC-69829)
A240001NH3