EMH MKVII - Just Lay Back and Relax

[Wil Ukinix]

((Bridge – USS Independence-B))

 

Galanis: ... to commence on your order, sirs.

 

The EMH materialised in an instant, right next to the Orion science officer, and let his calm, baritone voice announce his arrival over the cacophony of alarms sounding throughout the bridge.

 

EMH: You rang?

 

Varati: What the … !#@§

 

The EMH just simply turned his head to look at the swearing Orion.

 

Hopper: ::Correctively::  Ensign.  ::Turning her attention to the EMH::  Welcome to the bridge, Doctor.

 

His intense, stoic glare returned to the Amity’s First Officer and known T’Senara hater.

 

EMH: ::Proudly:: Well, it’s a good thing that holo-projectors have been installed throughout most of the ship allowing me to appear anywhere in an emergency. Speaking of which, ::Raising medical tricorder:: Now. Which of you wants to state the nature of the medical emergency? Don’t be shy, anyone can answer. I can stay here as long as is needed.

 

Richards: How are your acting skills, Doc? We may need a leading man.

 

His eyeballs shifted to Richards, as he cocked an eyebrow.

 

Galanis: We just need you to make some calls about… an emergency that may be imminently medical. Certainly within your parameters.

 

Varati: Yes, absolutely nothing outside of ethical and moral standards... Let's just say that one of our computer programs seems to be "sick" and is tearing its host apart like a parasite... And please do not materialize right next to other people present unless it is an emergency!

 

He looked down at Varati again, and simply gave a nod, then looked at Commander Hopper.

 

Hopper: Specifically, we require your assistance in distracting the Interlink system that is currently hampering our ability to reach the Klingon vessel where half the crew is. Given the evident hostility of the Klingons, our crewmates are in certain danger – including Kaito Moore who, when last we heard, was injured. Any questions?

*Any* questions? The EMH had many questions after all of that! But they all boiled down into one, single question. He titled his head slightly, and squinted his eyes.          

 

EMH: What does that entail, exactly.

 

Richards: Care to do the honors?

 

He looked towards Lieutenat Galanis, eyes still unnecessarily squinted.

 

Galanis: Certainly, Commander Richards. This should be simple enough. All you’ll need to do is use this PADD to hail the Independence… repeatedly, and as though you were a different Captain every time. I have a list of suggested names, accents, and uniforms ready for access. We need you to keep Interlink distracted.

 

He unsquinted his eyes and raised his eyebrows. Just because he was a program, didn’t mean he was just a *program*. He was a sentient, holographic being.

 

Varati: ::to EMH:: Yes, we just have to constantly bombard our "patient," the sick program, with new requests and responses to regain control of our ship. We can't change that quickly, and if it were done through the ship's computer, the system would notice immediately. We've already tried that unsuccessfully.

 

Hopper: In other words, you get to play dress up and make prank phone calls, Doctor.

 

He turned to Commander Hopper, and with a stoic expression, laid his reservations to her straight.

 

EMH: ::Stoically:: I’m a Doctor, not a spoofer.

 

Hopper: Well, today you’re a spoofer too, Doctor. You’re the only person on board who can hope to relay the compiled ship data to Interlink as quickly as we need.

 

Without changing his expression or his post, he continued his baritone protest.

 

EMH: ::Stoically:: I’m a hologram, not a relay.

 

When Hopper sighed, he looked around at the other officers on the bridge. Were they really going to use him beyond the scope of what his program was meant to do? He had “taken” (or had been embedded with more correctly) an oath, he was designed for one thing - medicine.

 

Richards: I knew we should have brought in a Mk. 1. They have much more… ::waving his hand in a circle:: Artistic flair. Or maybe even a Mk. 2. It would have been able to do something, I think.

 

The EMH’s head slowly turned to the bombastic Chief of Operations.

 

EMH: I am six iterations better than that washed up has-been. The mark one couldn’t mdecially treat their way out of a paper bag.

 

Galanis: Commander Richards, you know as well as anyone the march of progression is inevitable. We don't need to needlessly cling to outdated technology. I’m sure this model of EMH is capable of all of that and more, if he puts his mind to it.

 

Galanis had their hands raised, seemingly defending the hologram. But the EMH knew. It was the good cop, bad cop routine. He turned back with a questioning look to Hopper.

 

Varati: Argh! ::to EMH:: Dear Doctor! We're not asking for anything unethical or contrary to the Hippocratic Oath. We need your help... with your skills, you're the only one who can complete this task. You'd be the hero, complete with honourable mention in the captain's logbooks and dispatches.

 

Hopper: ::A quick glance to Varati::  Let’s now get carried away now…

 

A raised eyebrow and a slight smiler crept onto the holographic man’s face. Now wouldn’t *that* be something… Hopper… having to give an honourable mention to her  old pal, the EMH Mark VII…

 

Richards: ::Moving towards the EMH:: You like reading T’Senara, right?

 

His eyes shifted to Richards.

 

EMH: Do Betazoids like nude weddings?

 

Galanis: …T’Senara? Surely you can’t be serious.

 

The EMH raised his eyebrows. Another hater… hater’s gonna hate. A note was made in his program, another person to discuss the true underlying message of T’Senara’s stories with.

 

Richards: I’m sure there are several issues where T’Senara or her colleagues have to wear a disguise or something to complete their…objectives. Yeah? We are basically asking you to do the same thing. Doesn’t that get your circuits going?

 

He gave Richards a long stare.

 

EMH: ::Unimpressed:: Edition eighty-one. T’Senara and the Hallowed Servants of Tiranius IV. But I’m more than just circuits, Commander. You of all people should know.

 

Galanis: Well… you might think of this as your ‘First Contact’ - a test of your abilities, setting the stage for what’s to come.

 

Varati: ::to EMH:: Do you know, Doctor, what Orion pirates do with troublesome prisoners on their ships? Airlocks don't always help... Manually skimming the dirty water when the pumps fail or cleaning the sensor covers from the outside... And I'm an Orion, in case you haven't noticed.

 

The EMH raised an eyebrows once more, and looked again down at the Orion woman. Even if they were able to install holo-projectors in the exact positions needed in space, without interference from the nebula, he would just float there. Suspended in space. Like an asteroid wearing a white doctor’s coat.

 

Hopper: Alright, enough. Doctor, I’m giving you a direct order. If you can’t comply with it due to some sort of programming limitation then I will have Lieutenant Wong come up here and re-program you so you can comply.  ::To Galanis::  Start uploading the ship and ‘character’ profiles you’ve assembled into the EMH’s databanks.

 

It seemed he was going to have no choice. Still, the other T’Senara hater took it upon themselves to continue to convince him.

 

Galanis: Commander Richards's... unconventional analogy aside, we’re not asking you to be a 'spoofer' or a 'relay' in a technical sense, Doctor. We're asking you to apply your sophisticated simulation and emergency response capabilities to a non-standard - but entirely critical - preventative measure… in a way that happens to resemble the antics of your favorite comic hero.

 

He looked back at Hopper and directly addressed her.

 

EMH: Then since it’s an order, and I am a Starfleet officer, and a proud one, I will perform your task. Oh, sure, I may be a hologram, a program, a series of sophisticated algorithms. But I am a person capable of thought, and independent thinking. Learning. *Healing*. Dancing, if it were necessary. So you can give me your spin. ::Looking to others:: You can give me your good cop, bad cop routine. ::Back to Hopper:: You can give me your orders. But you don’t need to order me.

 

He furrowed his brow for a moment, seemingly confused at his own words.

 

Varati: We prepare everything and will support you doctor, if you find this role uncomfortable... we could also imagine something more enjoyable.

 

Hopper: Yes, feel free to put whatever ‘spin’ on it you like, Doctor. Consider Science’s character profiles a… suggestion.  ::Folding her hands together::  Now, pick a starting profile and ship and let’s get a move on.

 

Whatever spin he liked, hmmm…?

 

Richards: The sooner…

 

The lights clickered for a moment, casting his stoic gaze into darkness momentarily, giving his presence a dramatic flair.

 

(At least that what he thought he would look like)

 

Richards: …the better…

 

Galanis: If we don’t make a decision soon, I hope that these holo-emitters have backup circuits…

 

A little smile formed at the corner of his mouth. Of course the holographic system had backup. He was a doctor, prepared by Starfleet for an emergency.

 

Varati: Now we have the salad… (now we have the chaos) Doctor! If we don’t act now, Interlink will, in the worst case, access the life support systems… then you’ll have entirely different problems! For example, several dead Starfleet officers!

 

The EMH looked to Varati and blinked his eyes a few times.

 

Varati: ::to EMH:: We need you as an amplification factor in our mission… Decide now. ::to Robin and Nathan:: We must begin now! I’m launching the “Distributed Reflected Denial of Service”-attack on Interlink now; we must at least try. Maybe we can inflate the answers even further to make Interlink lose track.

 

Hopper: At this point, Ensign, we’re throwing everything and the kitchen sink at this thing.

 

Richards: Maybe more than one sink.

 

Suddenly, the EMH felt different, like he was shifting through realities. As he looked down, he saw himself flickering through different outfits. He raised his arms slightly, as he observed the rapid transformations that were happening in front of his eyes, like he was a live model for those Starfleet holoplay buffoons that liked to pretend they were officers and get together to reenact The Battle of Wolf 359.

 

Galanis: You have the unique ability to buy us the time we need, Doctor. We’re all counting on you.

 

He looked up at Galanis, as he sensed a feeling of déjà vu that he couldn’t quite put his finger on…

 

Varati: ::to EMH:: Make your decision now, Doctor. Otherwise, you’ll be the first EMH to end up court-martialled.

 

He raised his eyebrows and blinked again at Varati. He wondered what a court martial for a hologram would entail. Hopefully, not holoplaying in re-enactments of The Battle of Wolf 359.

 

Hopper: Time’s up, Doctor. Who will be Interlink’s first gentleman caller?

 

Richards: We are setting Interlink up on dates now?

 

As Richards chuckled, a proud smile crossed the EMH’s face as he made a decision, and took creative licence on Hopper’s offer of “spin”. He placed his hand on his hips and stared defiantly at Hopper…

 

Then lifted one hand and clicked his fingers.

 

And then he looked *completely* different. He wore a red Starfleet uniform.

 

He had long, dark hair that was pulled back. He had Vulcan ears, above which he wore a Vulcan lorecrest. “He” lifted his chin slightly.

 

EMH: ::To Hopper, woman’s voice:: Just lay back and relax, while I save the galaxy.

 

He was now a she. And she was a live action version of T’Senara.

 

The EMH placed her other hand back on her hip.

 

EMH: I will be Interlink’s first *superhero* caller. Hand me the PADD.

 

Varati: The first attempts look good… ::intentionally mean:: with the Doctor we would, of course, be better and faster… perhaps we all have to sit at consoles and repeatedly start new instances of our program, perhaps even Wong, Orrey, and some of the colonists, if they’re fit enough. We need to flood or spoof Interlink’s state table until the system crashes and reboots.

 

The EMH turned once again to Galanis, and this time, characteristically raised her Vulcan eyebrow.

 

Hopper: Let’s save that for “Plan B”, Ensign. For now, we just need to keep it busy enough to stop searching for new friends out there with the sensor grid. Once it’s freed up that power, we can shunt it back to the warp drives and be on our merry way. By now, I’m sure the Talon is far far ahead of us. ::To the others:: Okay, the EMH is ready. Lieutenant, please initiate Operation Prank Call.

 

Galanis: Affirmative, sir. Initiating… ::awkward and hesitant:: …Operation Prank Call.

 

The EMH lifted his-- her chin. This was their moment as an (outwardly looking) superhero.

 

Richards: Hopefully Interlink doesn’t Star-Six-Nine us.

 

The EMH’s eyes flickered for a moment, as it searched the Starfleet cultural database for Richard’s reference.

 

EMH: Ah, yes. A reference to centuries old technology that no-one will understand. The real T’Senara would have rolled her eyes at you by now.

 

Just to prove the point, the EMH did roll his-- her striking, superhero eyes.

 

But it was time. T’Senara, I mean the EMH, lifted the PADD, and made the first hail. Almost immediately, the noise of the ship being hailed sounded through the bridge.

 

Varati: Interlink is a Starfleet project in the experimental stage. So why does it seem to be running smoothly on a Klingon ship?

 

The EMH tuned out of the conversation, and simply took in a breath, ready for its superhero performance.

 

Varati: There must be two versions of the system: we brought it back from the colony on the PADD, probably the stationary version, which has no power restrictions. The Klingons’, it runs perfectly without losing much power–quite the opposite. So they must have a low-power mobile version. The Indy was attacked with it, but we didn’t have access to it via the LCARS because we were literally locked out. But Ikaia has a cuff-corder connected to the system, so he should be able to switch Interlink to the mobile version when rebooting it; it’s an official device from the developers.

 

Hopper: Two versions of Interlink? ::Pondering:: I guess that could be the case – but we have no way to know if Ikaia’s device will allow him to control the deployment of the system. We’ll need to do some additional testing… Might as well get Wong up here – he can support the EMH as well.

 

Richards: I don’t think we should worry ourselves too much about the specifics of more than one Interlink. We have our hands full enough with just one.

 

The EMH closed T’Senara’s eyes, then opened them again. It was time. The “open comms” button was pressed again on the PADD.

 

EMH: This Captain T’Senara of the USS T’Senara. Please respond.

 

Varati: I need Ikaia on the bridge! =/\= Varati to Wong… krchhhhhhihhk =/\= Oh yeah, the combadge broke when I fell in the caves…

 

Hmm… it seemed Hopper needed to run a tighter ship.

 

Hopper: ::Tapping her combadge:: =/\= Bridge to Sickbay. Lieutenant Wong, please report to the bridge – that cuffcorder of yours may be helpful. =/\=

 

Wong: =/\= Response? =/\=

 

Hopper: And Commander Richards, as soon as we’re back at maximum warp, please outfit Ensign Varati with a functional combadge.

 

Richards: You got it.

 

“T’Senara” pressed the PADD button once again.

 

EMH: This is Captain T’Sayonara of the USS Sunrise, broadcasting on all channels.

 

Varati: IKAIA! I need you on the bridge, immediately!

 

The EMH looked over to see Varati yelling out of the doorway.

 

Wong: Response

 

T’Senara, I mean the EMH, gave Wong a polite nod.

 

Hopper: How’s our patient doing? Was she able to elaborate at all on what happened, or what that thing is?

 

Wong: Response

 

EMH: ::Confident nod:: Lieutenant Wong. Good to see you. ::Tapping PADD:: This is Captain T’Sunrise of the USS Moonlight, we are in distress and require immediate assistance.

 

Hopper: Well, Ensign Varati seems to think you might be able to help us. Once Interlink is sufficiently distracted by The Doctor here, you may be able to access some sort of control function with your cuffcorder and adjust its settings to a more ‘ship-friendly’ modality. D’Cyra can elaborate…

 

There was a lot of chatter on the bridge. But the superhero EMH didn’t have time for that.

 

Hopper: I’m hoping once we get Interlink’s power draw low enough to get us back to speed we can perhaps use the cuffcorder to lock it in, keep it there… Speaking of which, how’s our star performer doing? ::To Richards:: Are we ready?

 

The EMH raised T’Senara’s eyebrow with a questioning look. As if the great T’Senara wouldn’t be anything else *but* a star! (Even if it was just the EMH in basically a costume)

 

Galanis: He’s a performer who’s like a star, but that’s not important right now. Interlink has ceased increasing scanning range, even actively sending out pings.

 

The EMH glanced at Galanis for a moment. Again, a weird feeling a déjà vu…

 

Richards: I have power distribution heading in the right direction. Give me another second and we might barely make maximum warp.

 

Hopper: Barely good enough is good enough for me. Commander, begin the power transfer now. Niev, watch the EMH’s processing while Engineering makes the switch – we don’t want to lose him in the crossfire. Helm – standby.

 

As the EMH made yet another fake comms call (this time “T’Moon” from the USS Saturn), he proudly looked towards Hopper. It seemed he was valuable after all.

 

Helm: ::Finger hovering over warp speed control:: Ready as ever, ma’am. I’ve plotted a course to take us to the Talon Scout’s last known location and from there we should be able to pickup the trail.

 

Richards: ::A couple of solid taps on his console:: And…There…We…Go. ::Quickly looking up at Robin:: Maximum warp ready at your command.

 

One last turn for a “prank call”.

 

EMH: This is Captain T’Saturna of the USS Star-Six-Nine. Lower your shields so that we may render medical assistance.

 

Hopper: Wong, Varati, now’s the time – can we adjust the settings to keep Interlink in this lower power state?

 

Wong/Varati: Response

 

Hopper: Alright then. Let’s boogie.

 

The EMH shifted focus to the view screen. Streaks of light got longer and longer as the ship hit high warp.

 

The EMH casually threw the PADD onto the floor, place her hands on his hips, and stared ahead stoically-- before letting a small smile break through, while turning their head to Galanis.

 

EMH: ::To Galanis:: Once again, T’Senara had saved the day.

 

After a second, “T’Senara” lifted a hand. A finger click later-- and the EMH returned to his original form. Back in his white coat, he turned to face Hopper, and spoke once again with his baritone voice.

 

EMH: ::To Hopper, Stoic:: Now. About that honourable mention in the captain's log…

 

 

[Tags/End Scene for T’Senara the EMH!]

 

 

 

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EMH Mark VII
Medical Officer
Amity Outpost/USS Independence-B
V239511WU0