JP - Lt. Nathan Richards & Lt. Cmdr Robin Hopper: Discoveries (Part 5)
Robin Hopper
((Some Time Later, Shuttle Karakoram – Gramineae Star System))
From there, the survey had carried on in a fairly routine manner. Their conversation, though warm, continued to feel restrained – and the emotional tension between them was beginning to take a physical toll as well. They were both tense and having trouble relaxing. A second round of coffee had hardly helped dial things down, either.
Nathan sat back in his seat as they moved towards the last set of coordinates, gently tapping the arm of his chair. Robin rolled her neck gently from side to side, then began rubbing her temples to try and alleviate some of the stiffness she was feeling.
Richards: You know, it's really too bad we couldn’t do this in the Targhee. I feel like it would have been a bit more…::Shifting in the seat:: comfortable.
He reminisced about the seats in the Targhee. They were significantly well cushioned and would have worked a lot better for the long expedition they currently found themselves on. Robin closed her eyes, nodded, and let out a soft groan in agreement.
Hopper: Maybe we need to break this one… Just a little. Give you an excuse to ‘upgrade’ some parts. ::Shooting a look his way:: Just kidding, obviously… ::Taking a sip of her second coffee:: But, if you did have any spare seats left over…
Richards: Oh, speaking of.
Nathan looked at the flight path and sensor readings before standing and moving to the rear compartment. Robin’s eyes followed Nathan as he grabbed his duffel bag and pulled the zipper open, reaching inside to find what he was looking for. His fingers grasped the small metal object and turned back towards Robin.
Richards: In addition to cleaning up the Cellar, I made you this.
He held out his closed hand towards her, waiting for her to reach out. She set her coffee down and held out her palms. He dropped the metal object into her hand and smiled at her. Resting there in her hands was a small model of the Targhee. Robin looked it over, stunned for a moment, before finally looking back up at him, her face a wash of various conflicting emotions.
Hopper: This is so sweet. When did you…? How?
Nathan shrugged, looking down at the small model in her hand. He found it difficult to hold eye contact with her at that moment, for some reason. His mind urged him to look away, while his heart told him otherwise.
Richards: I made it from some of the old interior panels that I ended up taking out to make room for some of the equipment. It’s a piece of her. I wanted you to have it. I have an identical one in my quarters.
Robin could feel a familiar stinging in her eyes that she tried to push away. Her throat tightened subtly, a sure sign that her heart strings were being quite successfully tugged on. The Targhee had, in many ways, not only been a product of their budding friendship – it had also symbolized all the remarkable ways the two of them managed to find common ground and forge connection despite their apparent differences. She was a scientist, he was an engineer. Her work was theoretical, his was tangible. Yet, at the end of each day, they walked away from the Targhee more inseparable than before.
She wanted to reach out and wrap her arms around him, to let him know how much the ship had meant to her, and how much its loss pained her; How grateful she was to have had the chance to work on it with Nathan, to get to know him – really know him – and how much he meant to her. But things felt murky. Ever since they had let their guards down on Idrustix, convinced that they were about to die in each other’s arms, thrown caution to the wind and… demonstrated that there was more than just friendship between them… things had felt so overwhelmingly complicated.
They hadn’t died – and now they had to reconcile that kiss with what they had both agreed was in their mutual best interests. She would have reached out, would have pulled him close, but since that moment, there had been a ‘buffer’ between them – some sort of protective field that had formed on its own to try and protect their friendship, if it could be salvaged, from the two of them…
Richards: :: Placing hand on Robin’s shoulder:: Hey…You still with me there?
There went the buffer.
Hopper: ::Looking up from the model into his eyes:: Why did you kiss me?
Nathan let his hand drop from her shoulder.
Richards: ::Blinking:: I mean, we kissed each other, didn’t we?
She set the model down on her terminal, carefully. Her face gave nothing away, except a need to know. Nathan pursed his lips somewhat, unsure of what exactly to say.
Hopper: I know why I did what I did. I want to know why you did it.
Richards: Why did you do what you did?
Hopper: I asked first.
Nathan opened his mouth to say something but slowly closed it, giving himself a little extra time to think.
Richards: We both thought we were about to die, right?
Robin crossed her arms.
Hopper: I seem to remember you saying everything was going to be fine… ::Half-hearted smirk, which quickly faded:: Yeah… Yeah, I think it seemed pretty… pretty final.
Richards: You…I…We’ve become so close over the last year. Everything we went through after we first met…I…::Sighing:: I still…there is still something there, isn’t there?
She couldn’t lie to him. As much as she had tried to control her feelings, do the ‘sensible’ thing, the ‘mature’ thing, part of her had known all along that there was always a desire for more. She let out a sigh, and nodded slowly, before replying.
Hopper: Yes. ::Beat:: I didn’t want to die – didn’t want us to die – without knowing… ::Furrowing her brow again:: Without knowing if we made the wrong decision. Trying to keep it ‘professional’.
Nathan raised his eyebrows, letting his jaw fall to the floor. He blinked and shook his head, regaining his composure and looking into her eyes.
Richards: So…It took us almost dying for you to wonder if we made the wrong decision? ::Deep breath:: I’ve wondered that at least once a week since that night…
His admission made her smile, and the smile quickly turned into a laugh that released much of the pent up anxiety she had been harboring about that moment on Idrustix – itself, a mirror of their first kiss, one year earlier, after karaoke. Nathan stood there, somewhat confused as Robin laughed.
She reached out and placed a hand on his chest. Whatever buffer had existed between them was thoroughly shattered now. The air between them seemed to clear as Nathan put his hand over hers. He couldn’t help but enjoy the sensation of her hand in his.
Hopper: ::Still chuckling:: I’d say that was a little sad… if it weren’t so relatable. ::Shaking her head:: I guess I thought we’d both, you know, move on. Like normal people. ::Beat:: I guess that didn’t happen.
Raising his eyebrow, Nathan chuckled and shook his head.
Richards: So it wasn’t just me then.
She shook her head, confirming that it was, in fact, not just him.
Hopper: Why did we– Why was I so stupid?
Richards: I wouldn’t say stupid…
She rolled her eyes, but his hand squeezing hers reassured her that he was being supportive, even if he was disagreeing with her.
Hopper: No – I know. Stupid isn’t the right word. By every metric it was the right choice. Starfleet and ::pause, unsure how to say it:: things like this don’t mix well. I know it. You know it. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Richards: I know. I know. We see it everyday, officers in dangerous situations, putting their lives and relationships on the line…
Despite herself, Robin found her body acting independently of her mind, stepping closer to him. Her free hand reached up, running a hand through his hair gently.
Hopper: ::Nodding:: Before, I thought the most horrible thing in the world would be to get close to someone, only for the universe to rip them away.
She thought back to that moment on the landing pad, huddled behind crates, the boots of the ninth wing noble guards plodding towards them, weapons at the ready.
Hopper: But now I know… how much worse it felt to think we were going to be ripped apart, never having let ourselves get close at all. Not really.
Nathan nodded, letting her words sink in. It made perfect sense. Since the beginning he had wanted to give it a chance. To see where it went. But she had been very clear on where she sat on the whole thing. He couldn't shake the feelings the entire time but held out and valued her friendship more than the possibility of a relationship.
Richards: Never letting ourselves experience what could have been…
Robin felt her heart pounding in her chest. Her mouth felt dry. She spoke softly, barely louder than a whisper.
Hopper: I won’t lie. I’m still scared. What I said back then - the pressure, the risks… but all those awful things could happen anyways. And I do care about my career… ::Resting her head on his shoulder:: But I’m tired of holding us back.
Nathan could feel his heart begin to beat harder and harder, threatening to burst from his chest. Was that really what she wanted? Was this what he wanted? Ever since that first date they had gone on, It was pretty well all he wanted. But as the months went by and they developed their friendship, Nathan had become more comfortable with the possibility that it may never happen. Now it was sitting there, staring him in the face. He couldn’t say no. He rested his head on top of hers, closing his eyes.
Richards: I mean, It’s worth a shot right?
Hopper: ::Worried:: I hope so. ::Nodding, more resolved:: I think so.
Richards: So…::Chuckling nervously:: What does that make – ::Gesturing between them:: – us? How do we handle…this?
Hopper: I don’t know.
The console began beeping once more. The last probe had finished recording its data and the automated scans of the star system were completed. When they returned to Amity, the data from each probe would be extracted, fed into the SRC’s central processing unit, and relevant packets would distribute to teams throughout the center allowing for more in-depth study in the lab. Robin wanted desperately to ignore it. It felt too quick to come up with all the answers.
She shot the terminal a dirty look.
Hopper: I wish we had more time. To figure things out.
Nathan wrapped an arm around her, squeezing her gently in hopes of reassuring her.
Richards: We will have plenty of time when we get back. We can take it slow and figure it out as we go.
Hopper: ::Looking back at him:: Are you comfortable with that? Leaving things… “undefined”? Seeing where that takes us?
Richards: Yeah. I think that will be for the best, honestly. Slow and steady, and all that.
Hopper: Maybe we shouldn’t tell anyone about this just yet, either. In case…
She left the rest unsaid.
Richards: Yeah. ::Beat:: Just in case…
Her brow remained furrowed, but she tilted her head and smiled at the irony of it all.
Hopper: I guess after nearly a year, “taking it slow” is sort of a meaningless term.
Richards: I’m a patient man…most of the time.
Nathan playfully poked her in the ribs and chuckled.
Hopper: Ow! ::Smacking his arm, fondly:: Don’t make me change my mind now after I just… told you my secret identity and everything.
Richards: You’ve told me, now you have to kill me?
She stepped closer to him, putting her hands on her hips and looking up at him defiantly.
Hopper: I’m considering it. ::Glancing at the viewscreen:: Nobody would ever find your body out there. ::Putting a finger to her lips in thought:: But I do like having you around.
Nathan looked out through the viewport before turning back to Robin.
Richards: ::Crossing his arms, sighing jokingly:: I guess I’ll behave…
Hopper: ::Smiling:: Good boy.
Before he could utter another word, she leaned in, gently taking the edge of his jacket and using it to pull herself onto her tiptoes. Closing their eyes, the two of them met in a kiss that, for the first time, was untinged by fear, or doubt, or—
The console beeped again, more urgently this time.
Robin sighed, the frustration clear in her intonation. But she stepped back.
Hopper: Alright, alright. ::Finally pressing the ‘acknowledge’ button:: We’re both still working, aren’t we? ::Clearing her throat:: Ahem. Thank you for another riveting conversation, Lieutenant. ::Smiling:: I look forward to following up on the results of these scans again. Maybe… tonight? Call it another ‘informal debriefing’?
Richards: ::Clearing throat:: Of course, ::Smirking:: Commander.
As Robin initiated the probe’s recovery thrusters, bringing it back on an intercept course with the shuttle, she looked out at the distant star beyond. Somehow it felt almost as if things had gone full circle – only, they weren’t back where they started. Everything had changed – whether for the better or not, they couldn’t yet be sure. Somehow, at least to her, that still felt a lot less terrifying than the uncertainty of before.
Richards: ::Looking towards Robin, smiling:: One last lap around, then we head for home?
Hopper: ::Nod, pressing the button to change the song:: I’ll let the music do the talking.
END
Lt. Commander Robin Hopper
Chief Science Officer,
Amity Outpost
V239806K11
&
Lieutenant Nathan Richards
Engineering Officer,
Amity Outpost
A239905NR1