Ensign Kivik: H’naiiar
Keegan Flick-Parker
((OOC: This takes place during Kivik's 6-month leave between nir posting on the USS Veritas & Amity Outpost...))
((Wentaii Capital City, Western J’naris Province, J’naii - Nooren Plaza))
Jasken: What you did was risky, Kivik, and it still is. You’ve exiled yourself and constantly put yourself at risk. Nobody wanted to see you leave. I especially didn’t.
Jasken’s anger was understandable, appropriate even, given the circumstances. Publishing nir controversial findings and fleeing the planet had seemed like the only option to Kivik at the time, and ne would do it again if ne were to relive the same situation. It wouldn’t do to consider what ‘could have been’... it would be too painful.
Kivik: That must have been difficult for you. For all of you. I know that the consequences of my actions were not limited just to me - but I never intended for it to trouble you so. I just did what I judged to be right.
Jasken: That may be the case. But your being “right” had consequences. I’m uncertain if you really have given full thought to the extent of them. You certainly haven’t given any thought to me. Or Halin. Or our parents.
Kivik felt as if ne had been punched in the gut. If that was how Jasken really felt, ne could only imagine how nir younger sibling, Weir, would have taken nir sudden departure…
oO And Halin Oo ne thought. It had been so long since ne had heard the name out loud that it wouldn’t stop reverberating in nir head. The two had been research partners before Kivik had left in disgrace - they had worked together on the work that had cemented Kivik’s place as a social outcast on nir home world… But more than that, they had been in love. Leaving had torn that apart over night and not a word had been shared between the two of then since. More than anything else, Kivik regretted leaving Halin behind.
oO But there was no other choice. Oo
Kivik: ::Shaking nir head, solemnly:: No, Jasken - that’s nearly all that I’ve thought about over the last six years. It’s been agony to be away from you all, and without any news - without knowing if you were okay. I’m sorry that my choices have made things hard for you. If there’s anything I can do to mitigate..
Jasken seemed nervous, furtively glancing over Kivik’s shoulder, as if ne was concerned they were being watched. oO It’s not impossible Oo ne thought. Jasken lowered nir voice to more hushed tones.
Jasken: It’s even a risk for me to come out to see you. If I’m caught talking to you, I may face consequences as well.
Kivik: ::Aghast:: Even after all this time? Does the government have nothing more important to do than domineer it’s citizens’ every move? And they call J’naii an ‘advanced civilization-
Kivik could see the look on Jasken’s face. Even through the veil that had been drawn over nir sibling’s feelings, Kivik could tell that nir righteous indignation was not helping.
Kivik: ::Calmer:: I’m sorry. I know that you do not agree with many of the policies that have led us to this situation. I’d hoped things might have changed while I was away… I appreciate you taking the risks to talk with me. I don’t know when we’ll have the chance again. ::Changing gears::I do hope that you are achieving your aspirations, despite the shame I brought upon our family.
A gentle breeze passed by, carrying the scent of the Pella blossoms. Kivik felt nir heart ache a the thought of never returning.
Jasken: I’ve also moved up and on with my life. I have a respectable career. A family. I’ve done so much and I can’t risk losing that.
Kivik: I understand your predicament. I won’t ask anything of you that you can’t give me. I’m certainly in no place to demand your support, considering my absence. I just want to know that you’re alright. I hope that, maybe some day, I can meet your family - if things change for the better here…
Another moment of silence passed between the two J’naii. Kivik thought ne saw Jasken’s expression soften a little, a small glimmer of the elder sibling’s ‘old self’ - of the connection they had once shared - and beyond that, something else. A deep sadness welling in the back of their gaze. Some unspoken worry.
Jasken: It feels like I’ve lost you to this silly dream of yours. I used to see you every day until you left. While I have moved on with much of my life, there's still a hole where you once stood.
Kivik: Jasken, I feel that as well. There is a hole in my heart for you, another for Weir, for our parents, and for Halin as well. I’ve given up everything and everyone that I cared about for this ‘silly dream’... and I’d do it again - because it’s not a silly dream at all.
The conversation wouldn’t be easy, Kivik knew, but ne was convinced that it had to happen. If Jasken was ever going to understand Kivik’s decision to leave, then ne had to disclose everything - all nir thoughts and hopes for a more inclusive home world… the only chance to ever reunite with nir family.
Kivik: I remember, as a child, you told me stories of the strange space-faring people who visited our world when you were young. The men and women of the Enterprise with their ‘primitive’ self-expressions. It was all very dreamlike then, but the research that Halin and I conducted is conclusive.
Jasken: Response.
Kivik: ::Leaning in and whispering, intently:: No matter how our government has twisted my research, the truth is that J’naii have not evolved beyond gender - and it is not some primitive evolutionary hold-out. While less common, it is as healthy and normal for a J’naii to feel male or female as it is for them to feel ungendered. The only ‘deviance’ in such people are the result of our own cultural perceptions and their persecution should be considered as unjust as attacking someone for the colour of their hair, or the types of foods they prefer.
Jasken: Response.
Kivik: If nobody speaks up - if everyone remains too afraid to point out the bare facts - then I fear for the future of this world. It is quickly being passed along by the rest of the galactic community and somebody needs to spark that change, Jasken. I tried and it has devastated me - devastated our family… You know that’s wrong.
Kivik leaned back, taking in Jasken’s stunned expression. Sure, ne had discussed nir research with nem before - but after what ne had seen and experienced firsthand amongst the Federation of Planets, ne couldn’t hold back. Fact was fact and half-truths wouldn’t serve anybody.
Jasken: Response.
Kivik reached out and took Jasken’s hand, holding it in nir own. Nir sibling shot a startled glance at nem, but Kivik hoped ne wouldn’t pull away.
Kivik: There’s still hope for a more accepting and inclusive H’naiiar. ::Ne used the world’s traditional name - a word which, translated literally, would mean “the home for all J’naii” - in place of the Federation’s simplified designation in hopes of conjuring the feeling of a more unified and familiar world:: The J’naii need guidance from someone who values scientific truth over authoritarian dogma.
Jasken: Response.
Kivik: Don’t you want to live in a more free and fair society? Isn’t that the ideal we grew up believing in? H'naiiar doesn’t have to be a lie, Jasken. It wouldn’t be an easy change - but many other societies have progressed through similar hardships.
Jasken: Response.
TBC