Commander Lael Rosek-Skyfire: Nothing Else Matters
Lael Rosek-Skyfire
((Counseling Care Center, Medical Center, Mezzanine Level))
It was hard to talk about.
So much had happened that day. It made the Gorkon’s year in hell and Lenik’s torture look like child’s play. Small miracle that she wasn’t jaded beyond reason by now.
Rosek-Skyfire: ::exhales:: I heard them and felt them. The assimilated, I mean. With exceptions, but…so many voices and so much fear. It was like nothing I’ve ever felt. ::closes her eyes:: The only thing that kept me from giving in was my crew. ::opens her eyes:: I was temporarily in command and had to stay in control. If I didn’t, people would get hurt.
The words were hollow, as though someone else was speaking them. She could hardly believe it was real.
This was the side to Starfleet life they didn’t tell you about. All the sacrifices for duty and honor–because she couldn’t do anything less. Integrity had become important to her over the years and what was right became more important than what felt good. She’d joined Starfleet on a whim, an idealistic teenager set on changing the universe, only to find that it had changed her.
And now her and Chythar’s oldest daughter was looking to enter that world.
Part of her wanted to dissuade Maddy, to emphasize that there were other paths. The other part of her was immensely proud that the girl–no, young woman–had chosen the sacrifice that she and Chythar had made numerous times over the years. Starfleet service was quickly becoming a tradition in their family. Whether that would continue with her grandchildren, she didn’t know. Whatever the future held, she was grateful for the discipline her time in Starfleet had instilled in her.
Regardless of the price she’d paid for it.
Nevark: And being in that seat of command meant that some people had to get hurt. A choice no one ever wants to make.
She sombered.
Rosek-Skyfire: No.
Nevark: I am here to listen, Lael, this space has no judgement. I promise you that. I may ask questions. I may probe. I may seek to understand more but I will never judge the decisions you make.
She went silent for a moment. This was always the hardest part. Yes, she could talk all day about what had happened, but the feelings had always been the most difficult part to get her head around. Feelings weren’t her thing. She felt them and could identify them, but couldn’t always understand why or what to do about it.
When she returned home tonight, she’d likely need to persuade Chythar to join her for an extra meditation session. With their psionic bond stable, she’d proposed more than once using their telepathic and empathic abilities to attempt a modified Vulcan meditation.
The memories of their initial work to stabilize their psionic bond weren’t pleasant and had unearthed years of hurt and yearning. She hadn’t been able to hide her feelings for him anymore.
He now knew, and had for some time, that she would die for him without a second thought. Not because she was that selfless, but because she couldn’t fathom a universe where he wasn’t right there to touch.
As her faith grew, she was learning that wasn’t what God would want for her or their family. It was a slow process, but she was coming around to the idea that death wasn’t the end of the road. It gave her some measure of peace, even if what happened next was still so abstract to her.
Faith is the evidence of things unseen.
Some days, that was easier to grasp than others. But she kept trying anyway.
Rosek-Skyfire: ::nods:: I understand.
She let that sit a moment before continuing.
Rosek-Skyfire: I never considered the cost paid. ::grimaces:: Starfleet doesn’t exactly drill that into our heads. If they did, they’d scare off more than half of their recruits in a nanosecond. ::pauses:: Despite knowing that the fault lies with those who took those bright, well-trained officers from us, I struggle with feeling I could have done more. ::chews her lower lip:: My daughter wants to join Starfleet. If this sort of thing can happen to veteran officers, what about her? I know I can’t protect her forever, but it’s hard to think that I could lose her to this.
Nevark: Can we try and hold some space for that thought. Not the actions but the feeling?
That was part of the problem. The anxiety and fear that she’d receive that communication one day that her daughter had made the ultimate sacrifice and wasn’t coming home–it was no wonder Mom had tried to dissuade her from joining Starfleet.
It had taken her this long and getting hit in the face with that reality regarding her own daughter to begin grasping what her mom had gone through and continued to go through.
Rosek-Skyfire: ::wipes away droplets of moisture:: The fear that I might outlive my daughter? Or the fear that she will lose me, possibly her father also, to Starfleet life?
Nevark: Response
Rosek-Skyfire: ::smiles sadly and chews her lip:: Do you want to know what’s crazy? Despite everything, I wouldn’t change anything. Starfleet gave me a purpose, my husband, and my children. Without Starfleet, I wouldn’t have those things that are so worth fighting for.
She went quiet, pondering a moment.
Rosek-Skyfire: Sitting on that bridge in that chair, all I could think about was my husband and children. How I could be the last line of defense between them and destruction at the hands of the Borg. ::locks gazes with Nevark:: Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Only that they survive. That the Borg didn’t win.
Nevark: Response