Lt. Cmdr Robin Hopper: Shut The Paak Up
Robin Hopper
((“The White Room”, Paak Military Complex))
Despite their protestations that they were, in fact, not overzealous plastic surgery fanatics from this planet and offers to demonstrate proof of their alien heritage via medical testing, the Paak lawyer seemed unmoved. In fact, he seemed downright disinterested in everything they had to say about the whole thing. He waved his hand dismissively, then indicated the two other seats across the table from himself, indifferently taking another bite of the crunchy blue fruit(?) he was eating.
Paak (Counsel): If you want to discuss your legal rights, I recommend you sit and we focus on that instead of discussing your anatomy. Otherwise, I can always tell the Paak you have no need for me.
Hopper: No! No… We want your help. This has all been a terrible misunderstanding. I’m sure we can clear things up. ::To Ukinix:: Right, Wil?
Ukinix: ::Nodding:: Absolutely. But you must understand, proof that we’re from other planets is going to help our case.
Robin made her way to the table and sat down across from the Paak representative, hoping that they’d be able to work something out – ideally, be able to convince them that they were, in fact, from other worlds. Wil stood from his seated position on the floor and joined her.
The legal counselor pushed a dossier forward on the table and began flipping through pages.
Paak (Counsel): So, as I understand it, the two of you violated Paak airspace, unlawfully entered a Paak military facility – causing several million Paak in damage, I might add – and after being greeted with all possible honours by the Paak, decided to insult Paak? ::Shaking their head:: This is certainly going to be a challenging case. Not to mention how the Paak are taking it.
Hopper: Okay. We need to stop you right here and clear something up – because otherwise we’re going to just keep stepping in the Pa– ::cutting herself off:: see, I almost just did it again. ::Taking a deep breath:: Even if you don’t believe we are “aliens”, surely you can understand that we speak different languages…?
Ukinix: Yeah, and there is something that gets lost in translation by that word by our universal translator – at least, in the way we say it.
Paak (Counsel): I don’t see how that’s relevant.
Robin’s brows dropped into a furrowed frown, while Wil’s shot up in disbelief – their expressions on opposite ends of the emotional teeter-totter.
Hopper: Well, there’s a word you keep using. Or, I suppose it’s probably several words – only, to our ears, they sound exactly the same. When we use that word, we’re obviously getting it wrong. Unintentionally. This is what happened when we talked to your Paak.
oO DAMMIT. Oo
Ukinix: ::Quietly under his breath:: Oh lordy…
The legal counsel across from them flared their translucent nostrils in distaste, but leaned forward – an intrigued look crossing their features… the first sign of genuine emotion they’d seen them express thus far.
Paak (Counsel): You mean to tell me that advanced aliens from another civilization have come to Paak and cannot even understand the difference between one Paak and another Paak? That you could have devices that translate your Paak to our Paak and vice-versa and yet cannot translate something as simple and plain as Paak? You expect me to believe this paak? And try to convince a panel of my fellow Paak to accept this explanation? You both must be out of your paak.
Robin sighed, feeling defeated. How the hell were they supposed to reason with these people when they couldn’t even understand a quarter of what they were saying – let alone communicate back to them without, evidently, spiraling into terrible offense.
She exchanged a worried glance with Wil, who looked every bit as flustered by the situation as she felt. Neither of them were trained for this. It was moments like this that Robin wished she hadn’t taken her elective xenolinguistics course in Tellarite on a lark – or that she’d followed her mama’s footsteps into Diplomacy (not that she really had a cool enough head for that).
Ukinix: ::Under his breath, closing eyes:: Oh, paak me…
Paak (Counsel): What was that?
oO This is so stupid. Oo
Case in point.
Hopper: I think what the Commander is trying to say is that whether or not you personally believe our story, it’s the truth. And we’re sticking with it. So, if you are going to do your job and defend us, then you should probably hear us out and do your best to reconcile with it.
The lawyer crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, a dubious expression still covering his face.
Paak (Counsel): Alright, fine. Let’s say you are aliens from another planet.
Ukinix: *Planets*. Plural.
Paak (Counsel): ::Amused smirk, handwave:: Whatever. Where are you from?
Ukinix: Have you got a map of the galaxy?
He didn’t seem to be expecting that answer, judging by the confused blinking that followed. The lawyer took another bite of his fruit and placed the core down near the edge of the table. Reaching into his outfit, he pulled out a tablet computer and placed it front of him on the table, a little ‘kickstand’ sitting it at an angle that neither Robin nor Wil were able to see until he rotated it around to face them – a series of thumbnail images of spiral galaxies appeared. He tapped on one of the thumbnails, making the picture fill up the full screen.
Paak (Counsel): There. ::Showing screen:: The Paak galaxy, or science’s estimation of it anyway.
Wil circled his finger in front of the screen, before pointing at a rough position on the picture.
Ukinix: That’s where Earth is, roughly. The seat of the United Federation of Planets, our government.
Robin bit her tongue. It wasn’t like the Paak would know any spot on the map from another, save maybe for their home system. There were a number of glaring inaccuracies in their rendering of the galaxy that reflected the relative infancy of their exploration. She resisted the urge to start making a list of corrections.
Ukinix: That’s my home. ::Then drawing circle in air in front of screen:: That’s the rough area of our jurisdiction, ::pointing:: this section here is what we call the “Delta Quadrant” where this system – your system – is located; the nebula your system is located in is about here ::pointing:: the space station we live on is located about here… ::pointing to edge of picture:: and your scientists haven’t got that spiral arm right. It should be way bigger than that.
Well, since he was going to…
Hopper: Yes, and also–
She caught an irritated glare from the lawyer across the table, who clearly couldn’t give two paaks how accurate their scientists’ visualization of the galaxy was, and made a course correction as well as she could.
Hopper: –the reason we’re here, um, in this part of the galaxy, is to explore. New worlds, new civilizations. There’s an entire galactic community out there – it’s not just us.
Ukinix: And we came here to investigate a radio pulsar that appeared on the far edge of your system for a brief few seconds. Then when we came here, we detected a warp signature of a test vessel – the big rocket in the middle of the field we crash landed in – and then that same radio pulsar pushed us into your atmosphere.
Robin nodded in agreement, glad that they’d been able to salvage that line of thought.
Hopper: We’d be able to corroborate all this if we had access to our vessel, of course, or the devices that were confiscated from us after the… misunderstanding.
The lawyer seemed to consider what they were saying, though how much he understood of it – or how much he believed – Robin couldn’t tell. She glanced sideways at Wil, wondering if he was able to sense anything from the legal representative. If he could, his face wasn’t giving it away. As the lawyer spoke up, she turned her attention back to him.
Paak (Counsel): Alright. Let’s assume that’s all true. My first question is, what’s “warp”?
Now it was Robin’s turn to blink in disbelief.
Ukinix: Faster than light travel? Well, technically not, you stretch out space behind you and crunch it in front of you, and then you can move at faster than light speeds.
Paak (Counsel): ::Shaking head:: Never heard of it.
Ukinix: ::Furrowing brow, slight protesting tone:: But that’s what your rocket was.
Paak (Counsel): You mean the Paak VI probe? That was launched two days ago. The rocket returned, with a lot of damage, but the probe was launched, to travel to Paak VI and study it. The news was all over the wire.
Robin shook her head. Clearly the Paak-man wasn’t familiar with the technology they were discussing. Achieving warp speeds would surely have been bigger news than some planetary survey. The thought briefly crossed her mind that the Paak government wasn’t sharing information of their warp achievement with the Paak people, but that seemed fairly absurd. Not only had they invited this lawyer to discuss the situation openly with two aliens – but the leader they had met earlier seemed, aside from being a bit touchy about their use of the word “paak”, quite reasonable and open. She tried to think about how to explain it less technically.
Hopper: Perhaps your news service didn’t get into the specifics because warp field dynamics can be complicated to wrap your head around… Or maybe they just didn’t want to get everyone excited because they weren’t sure it would succeed… Whatever the case, the facts are that the ‘probe’ you launched two days ago did achieve warp speed. And now we’re here. ::Smiling awkwardly:: Congratulations!
Paak (Counsel): If we have that kind of technology, our government is not telling us about it. ::Sitting back in chair:: And they’re known for being transparent. Mind you- ::lifting finger::
The Paak Counsel leaned forward, looked left and right, before almost whispering to the Starfleet pair.
Paak (Counsel): ::Speaking quietly:: Most of the military are South Paak snobs. It wouldn’t surprise me if they kept something like this from the rest of us.
Robin tried to remember on what part of the planet they had opted to ‘land’ the shuttle, but the truth was she had been more focused on keeping them from breaking up under the stress of uncontrolled atmospheric entry than she had on whether they were nearer to the southern or northern pole. Ultimately, it didn’t really matter – and the fact that their legal counsel kept arguing with them about things that she knew were facts was starting to grate on her nerves.
Hopper: ::Clenching her fists absent-mindedly on the table:: Look – we’re not here to debate about your local politics. We never even meant to land here or make contact at all, understand? It was an accident – caused by that pulsar. In ideal circumstances we would have come more prepared… We’ve told you the truth about what happened, why we’re here, and who we are. Now we need you to help us understand what we’re facing.
Paak (Counsel): And this is the story you want to run with? Because you have a tribunal to face, and they’ll decide on what punishment you’ll get for your verbal desecration of Paak Paak. If you tell the truth, you might even avoid internment. But this story of yours… ::exhaling through closed lips:: …well, it’s hard for me to defend.
Ukinix: It’s the truth. Someone on your planet has built a warp capable vessel. Our rules don’t allow first contact until you’ve achieved that. We’re here, we’re real, and for our own sakes, we should be allowed to be studied scientifically so that we can prove we’re… ::awkwardly looking at Robin:: … aliens.
While she agreed in principle, she still felt it was worth mentioning that…
Hopper: As a point of clarification, I do not consent to being dissected. ::Sigh:: But I’m sure I can make some relevant recommendations if I can be allowed to speak with any of the local scientific or medical authority.
Paak (Counsel): I can try my best, but I’m not sure they’ll have the time to come to any conclusive results. Your tribunal hearing is three hours from now.
Robin’s eyebrows almost flew off her head.
Hopper: THREE HOURS?!
The lawyer visibly jerked in surprise at her outburst, the feet of his metal chair squeaking along the polished stone floor and his eyes squinting reflexively – though he remained seated, his expression otherwise fairly stoic.
Wil, meanwhile, was just repeating the same phrase over and over, perhaps in hopes of attempting some sort of insanity plea…
Ukinix: ::Squinting eyes, rubbing temples:: Amity got the subspace distress signal, Amity got the subspace distress signal, Amity got the subspace distress signal, Amity got the subspace distress signal…
Robin closed her eyes, trying to set aside the bubbling panic that one surely must feel any time one is stranded on an alien world, having just crashed your only immediate means of escape, and facing an imminent trial in which your own lawyer doesn’t even believe you exist. Closing her eyes didn’t work. It merely allowed her to visualize their upcoming executions more vividly. Opening them again, and finding only the placid legal counselor across the table from her, she placed both of her fists on the table and took a deep breath of irritation.
Hopper: How are we supposed to work out any sort of defense in that amount time – we aren’t even clear what we’ve been charged with exactly. Foul language? Assuming that’s even how your legal system works.
oO For all we know, we could be about to sit in front of a panel of omniscient orbs or tossed into mortal combat… Oo
Ukinix: Response?
Paak (Counsel): Officially, your violations are… ::Flipping to the front of his dossier:: Violation of Article 17, Section 3 of the Paak Military Airspace Regulations Act on trespassing. Unauthorized Entry contrary to Article 22, Section 1 of the Paak Military Installation Access Code, “entry without valid authorization.” And, of course, the most egregious is Public Derision of the Eminent Office Holder of the Paak, as Outlined in Article 5, Section 2 of the Paak Government Integrity Statute.
Ukinix: Response
Hopper: Wil… It sounds as though their system is roughly as complex as many Federation worlds’ native legal codes. Maybe we can think of some sort of similar precedent from history?
Ukinix: Response
Hopper: ::Shrugging:: I took Federation law in Year Two. That was almost five years ago… I don’t really remember any of the case studies in any detail… Malcor III was a sticky first contact situation, right? Uhhh… But what happened?
For the first time in many years, Robin wished her sister were around. The Hopper Sisters were both historical enthusiasts in their own ways; While Robin delighted in reading old science fiction stories, dancing to Earthling disco music, and wearing retro fashions, Keri had always been intrigued by the political and legal foundations of the Federation – in particular, by the more “challenging” relationships forged in the past with factions such as the Tellarites, Klingons, Andorians, Cardassians, and Romulans. She’d always paid rapt attention when Mama had told them stories of her work in the Federation Diplomatic Corps and now she was studying politics and history at TPU. Aside from that, she was an unrelenting thorn in the side of anyone she disagreed with. Having her arguing on their side now might actually make it worth bearing her presence.
Paak (Counsel): ::Tapping his fingers on the table:: Are you sure this is the best use of your time?
Hopper: ::Annoyed:: No! But what else are we supposed to do? Any suggestions?
Paak (Counsel): If you want my advice–
Hopper: Obviously we want your advice. Why else are you here!?
Ukinix: Response
Hopper: Sorry… Sorry… ::Face in hands, frustrated groan:: Yes, I want to cooperate if it will get us out of this mess.
The Paak counsel pushed his chair away from the table and stood.
Paak (Counsel): ::Closing his dossier:: I will leave for a moment and speak with the Paak of this facility, see what I can arrange regarding the medical testing you mentioned. I can’t promise anything, ::pointing to his head:: but maybe we’ll find out you both have tumours in your paaks or something. That might help. I’ll also ask about this “warp” technology you mentioned, see if I can learn anything that might be useful about whatever is going on here.
Ukinix: Response
TBC
