Should A Couple Separate To Save Marriage?

[jbklux...@yahoo.com]

Do you know when to give up trying to save your marriage?
It's very rare that couples avoid divorce by trying to stay together.
It's an odd statement to make I know but you probably have more chance
of staying together if you stop trying.
Conventional wisdom and advice suggests that when you're marriage is
on the rocks that you should work together to repair the problems that
exist in your relationship. You're urged to talk to your partner and
really listen to what they have to say. Then you must work out
compromises and change your behaviour for mutual benefit.
There are one or two flaws in this conventional marriage saving
wisdom. The first flaw is that both you and you partner must want to
save the marriage. Sadly this is more often than not far from reality.
Usually one partner wants to save the marriage and the other one wants
it to end as soon as possible. Trying to work together to stop divorce
under these circumstances is unlikely to work.
Another flaw with the traditional marriage counselling advice is that
it encourages you to make false promises and even plead in an attempt
to save the relationship. The promises often involve one or both
partners changing their behaviour, which very rarely will actually
happen or if it does then it will be short lived.
Pleading with your partner not to leave you will make you look weak
and pathetic and can push your partner even further away instead of
drawing them nearer.
Going for broke to save marriage
There is another way to approach saving your marriage and stopping
your divorce. It's got a good chance of succeeding and it's something
that you can do by yourself even if your partner doesn't want to try.
What you do is stop trying to save your marriage and concentrate on
you and your own life away from your partner. It might even be
beneficial to separate for a time even if the separation isn't
physical. Work at being single and having a good time instead of
trying so hard to stay married.
You might be surprised at the effect that this has on your
relationship when your partner sees you happy and enjoying life and
showing him that you don't need him. This will actually make you more
attractive to your partner and might just be the ticket you need to
bring him back to you. Don't make it too easy for him though make him
work for it.