Pitch a Logline

[RHersh...@gmail.com]

Take a crack at pitching us your story

[cdigitalv]

RHersh...@gmail.com wrote:
> Take a crack at pitching us your story

It's a lot of fun playing video games when you're young and when you
think you can live forever; but where does the fantasy game end and the
reality begin?

[RHersh...@gmail.com]

This is a good premise but it is a bit vague. Try adding a main
character and give him a specific conflict.

On Nov 6, 7:19 pm, "cdigitalv" <len50...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> RHershkow...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Take a crack at pitching us your storyIt's a lot of fun playing video games when you're young and when you

[RHersh...@gmail.com]

How bout this one:

Pulitzer Prize winning author needs a guilty verdict in a first-degree
murder trial to make his new book a bestseller and rescue his flagging
career.

[irwin_...@yahoo.com]

Floundering, struggling writer who earns his bread as
technical editor concocts a scheme to win notoriety,
fame, and fortune. One catch: the scheme requires that
he "drop dead."

[braziliant]

None of these are proper log lines. Go and read this
http://twoadverbs.com/loglinearticle.htm than try again.

[RHersh...@gmail.com]

Excellent article on a log line. Best breakdown I've read. Blake
tells you what elements are important to make it a desirable pitch but
this teaches the proper mechanics of how to construct it!

[swinefever]

A rich young socialite - orphaned at the hands of a killer - grows up
and, with the help of a world-weary ex-assassin, seeks revenge on her
parents' killer.

[braziliant]

You got off to a pretty good start. Though it appears that some
elements are missing (or just not clear enough).

Set-up: orphaned at the hands of a killer
Protagonist: rich young socialite
Goal: revenge the death of her parents
Antagonistic Force: ?
Stakes: ?

Who stands in her way? What will happen if she fails?

Also, unless the ex-assassin is the antagonist, or his inclusion is
necessary to understand the rest of the log, or him and the girl are
dual/multiple protagonists, than he doesn't need to be in the logline.

[David Negrin]

Sounds like Batman.

--David

[erlendbv]

To me it sounds like "Lucky Number Slevin"... Well. Kind of twisted a
bit further, though. But I like your logline... I really gotta get
better at this. :)

[razer]

Wrong. The stakes are clear: death. Seeking revenge on her parent's
killer implies that. It would be redundant to restate the obvious.
Also, it's obvious who the antagonist is. The people that killed her
parents. While I don't like the premise, it's clear enough to me.
Don't follow this advice, otherwise the premise will be bloated.