Hipster

[Gary Phelps]

Clean jokes…

I hear that Joe Biden is now playing bingo.  Be careful, Joe, you might break a hip. 

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A retired couple was preparing to go out to dinner. Shirley said, "Abe, shall I wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Abe said, "Do I care?" A little later, Shirley said, "Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Abe said, "Who cares?" Another wait. Shirley asked, "Abe, shall I wear my five-carat diamond ring or my six-carat diamond ring with the baguettes?" Abe said, "Shirley, I really don't care what you wear, but you need to hurry or we're gonna miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds!"

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Everything in Texas is bigger. One Texan died and was taken to a mortuary where my friend Charlie worked. They had a lot of trouble finding a coffin big enough to hold him. Nothing even came close, and it would take forever to have one custom made. I asked, "So what did you do, Charlie?" He replied, "Oh, it was simple. We gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box!"

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