Clean jokes…. When I get a headache

[Gary Phelps]

Clean jokes…. When I get a headache

I know. I know. People say, "It's the thought that counts, not the gift."

But couldn't people learn to think a bit bigger?!?!
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While studying the occult, a teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?"

His response was, "My mother can."

The teacher replied, "Really?"

The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
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Person With Big Dreams

“Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.”

- Albert Einstein
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When I get a headache I take 2 to 3 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
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What did the right eye say to the left eye? Between you and me, something smells.
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Why did the upset customer leave the restaurant? He was at his tipping point.
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Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject…now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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My wife is scared of thunderstorms. The constant rattling of the windows is pretty frightening, but if I let her in now, she’ll just get everything wet.
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I couldn’t believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year son wasn’t actually mine. She said that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
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Paddy is struggling to find a parking space. “Lord”, he prayed. “I can’t stand this. If you open up a space for me, I swear I’ll give up beer, and go to mass every Sunday.” Suddenly, the clouds part, and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, Paddy says: “Never mind, I found one!”
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