Create Self Esteem

[Ardelle Abdullah]

Maybeyou start scrolling through social media with ample self-confidence after a great post, but soon after, you feel it plummet. You can feel this change in your self-esteem several times a day, even within the same hour.

Having high self-esteem takes energy every single day. It can be exhausting. And research shows that the constant pursuit of high self-esteem isn't healthy. Commit to improving your well-being by learning how to improve self-esteem without making it your top priority.

Before you can care for your self-esteem, it helps to define the term. According to Kristin Neff, who writes and talks extensively about her research on self-compassion as an alternative to self-esteem, the way self-esteem can fluctuate is a big part of its problem. So, too, is how it focuses on judgment of ourselves and others.

Self-esteem can affect how you practice "self-talk." If you assess yourself and find yourself lacking, you may focus on negative thoughts and self-criticism. However, the opposite can happen for people too concerned about preserving their self-esteem. They might focus on building themselves up and putting others down to feel better.

While saying positive things to yourself helps counter automatic negative thoughts, check in on whether that interior voice is constantly comparing, whether favorably or not. If you constantly think you aren't good enough, it can affect your relationships, physical health, and how well you do your job.

There's a difference between self-esteem and confidence. Your self-esteem affects how you see yourself. In contrast, your self-confidence dictates how you perceive your own skills and talents.

Your self-esteem results from your life experiences, beginning in childhood. Any trauma you've experienced, dramatic life changes, and your environment impact your self-esteem. Even at a young age, your self-esteem begins to fluctuate and develop.

You build self-confidence in a specific situation by developing and using your own skills and prior experiences related to the task. Believing in your abilities to complete a task while doubting your self-worth is an example of having high self-confidence but low self-esteem.

Many different factors lower your self-esteem. Those factors might be things like people in your life or your environment or mindset. Understanding what causes your self-esteem to drop helps you make an action plan on how you will help it thrive and build your self-awareness.

People with poor self-esteem are very critical of themselves. They have difficulty moving past challenges and mistakes. It may lead to people isolating themselves because they want to protect their self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can also contribute to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Negative ways of thinking can halt efforts to build confidence or self-worth, and negative thoughts also hinder efforts to develop a growth mindset.

Take a look at these eight tactics to help bolster your self-esteem. Think about which ones you'd like to start implementing in your daily life. But don't stop there: remember that the best way to achieve healthy self-esteem is to focus less on esteem and more on practicing self-compassion and improving self-confidence.

Don't just write down any positive affirmation you come across. Instead, look for relevant affirmations and consider how to accept yourself. What is it that you appreciate and admire? Remember these attributes when you notice your mind fills with negative thoughts. Avoid generic mantras and focus on phrases meaningful to you.

Those with low self-esteem tend to avoid challenges and new opportunities. This can be due to fears or self-doubt. But when you succeed in any big or small way, you show yourself that you can persevere through rough moments.

It's not easy to stop comparing yourself to others. But staying away from social media can help this effort. If you do scroll, remind yourself that people only share the best, most flattering parts of their life online. Don't let likes on a photo dictate your self-worth. Practice an occasional digital detox to reduce your exposure.

As you work to build your self-esteem, you need to forgive yourself for how you treated yourself before. You can't move forward with your progress without accepting that you used to judge yourself and others harshly. It's a hard habit to break.

Victories come in all sizes, and you should celebrate them all. Did you practice some positive self-talk today? Did you banish some negative beliefs or face one of your fears? Acknowledge those feelings of confidence and pride, and embrace them. It'll help your self-confidence grow and show you that building self-esteem helps you feel more comfortable with yourself.

Repeat your negative thoughts many times. The goal is to take a step back from automatic thoughts and beliefs and observe them. Instead of trying to change your thoughts, distance yourself from them. Realize that they are nothing more than words.

These steps might seem awkward at first. But they'll get easier with practice. Recognizing the thoughts and beliefs that affect low self-esteem allows you to change the way you think about them. This will help you accept your value as a person. As your self-esteem increases, your confidence and sense of well-being are likely to soar.

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Some people unintentionally create an environment that reinforces their low self-esteem. Changing this environment and the people you surround yourself with can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself and help support your sense of self-worth.

At the very heart of meditation is this idea of loosening the grip we have on our sense of self. At first, this might sound a little scary, or even abstract, but broken down it starts to make a lot of sense.

Imagine experiencing a thought which says "I'm no good," and believing it, taking it as something real and substantial and spending a good bit of time and effort in thinking and feeling rotten about it. Now imagine experiencing that same thought, knowing it is simply a passing thought, in no way identifying with it or using it to reinforce a storyline in the mind, and instead, letting it go. This is the potential of meditation.

Over time, applying this same approach to all parts of life and to all passing phenomena can have a very profound impact on our perspective and experience of life. Of course, we still need to engage the thinking mind, and as human beings, we still experience all types of emotions, but we are no longer controlled by them, swept away by them; instead, we are free. This is what it means to step back and let go.

Somewhat ironically, low self-esteem or low self-worth is actually a result of over-identification. So we may well think that it is because we do not think enough about the self, but it is actually because we give it so much importance, approaching it in a critical way. So, rather than thinking we are the best in the world and brilliant, we instead think we are the worst in the world and not very good. The focus on the self is still the same, it is simply orientated the other way.

So, along with letting go of all the storylines, we also need to make sure we let go of the critical and judgmental aspect of mind. Can we start to treat our own mind as if it was the mind of someone we love? Can we start to be more forgiving toward it, more gentle, more kind? Again, these things take practice, but with time they become natural and we do not even need to think about it. Needless to say, it is well worth the effort.

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While low self-esteem can often stem from negative experiences and interactions in childhood and adolescence that ingrain themselves in our mind, it can also be caused by other experiences, including:

Indeed, according to a small study from 2016, physical activity and perceived physical fitness appear to play an important role in self-esteem.[1]Zamani Sani SH, Fathirezaie Z, Brand S, et al. Physical Activity and Self-Esteem: Testing Direct and Indirect Relationships Associated with Psychological and Physical Mechanisms. Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2016;12:2617-2625.

Another great way to build confidence is to learn to accept your body. This can mean working on body positivity, but it can also mean focusing on body neutrality. Body neutrality aims to keep the focus away from an overly negative or overly positive outlook and instead centers on acceptance and respect for your body. Some ways to practice body neutrality include:

Additionally, a strong sense of self-esteem is often associated with good coping skills when an individual is faced with stress, anxiety, challenges or adversity, resulting in resiliency, explains Dr. Deibler.

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