Lords Of Pain Pdf Download

[Nancy Benigar]

Irolled away from him on the narrow examination table and toward the wall. The stark white sanitary paper crinkled and crunched beneath me as I pulled my knees up to my chest and allowed hot, heavy tears to flow down my cheeks. My defiant recoil coupled with that hard, dry lump in my throat halted the conversation. I pulled my legs tighter to my chest and formed a protective cocoon in a feeble effort to find some semblance of solace, some comfort from within. There was but a brief pause in conversation to acknowledge grief's looming presence before my doctor resumed our discourse, this time a little slower and a little more emphatically.

"Christina, you don't want this baby. Trust me. There's something wrong with it. It's human tendency to... to nurture life, but sometimes our bodies take control and tell us to let go through... natural selection. Again, I'm sorry."

For over four years we worked with a team of doctors and medical professionals to conceive. Through tests, surgeries, medicines, invasive procedures, financial sacrifices, tears, and prayers, we hoped against hope with each new step, and each new day. And then to finally conceive a little one whose heart stopped beating just as mine was beginning to beat again, was nothing short of devastating. It simply didn't make sense or seem plausible. Yet, here we were. Crestfallen. Broken. Devastated.

The months following my miscarriage were laden with grief. Everything in me wanted to retreat from the world. I wanted to shrug off all responsibility. But of course, I could not. And, thankfully, I knew enough to know I should not. The Lord had given me people and opportunities to steward, and I had to learn what it meant to do so even in the middle of a storm. Those years of infertility and my miscarriage taught me four valuable lessons about living through pain by leaning into the Lord.

After our scheduled trip home was canceled due to a super typhoon, we had no choice but to look for a place to stay since the hotel we booked was just too expensive, and they could no longer accommodate us.

However, when we thought we were finally safe, we heard people talking about how we should not have been welcomed to that evacuation shelter since we were not locals. They wanted us out so other locals could stay.

And in that moment of pain and loneliness, I felt an overwhelming warmth as I remembered how Joseph and Mary also once experienced this similar dilemma. They too had to knock on multiple doors when Mary was about to give birth to the savior Jesus Christ.

Your pain from being unappreciated, abandoned, losing a loved one, from being alone, being chastised, being ridiculed, insulted, falsely accused, physically hurt, betrayed, and every other pain you feel, He has felt it all. When you think no one understands, or that no one cares, He does. He understands, and He definitely cares. When you think that no one is on your side, remember that the Savior Himself is on your side.

As I remembered these things while I was hiding away, crying, I was comforted knowing that someone knows exactly how I felt. It was bittersweet knowing that my savior bore these pains way before I ever did. My hunger, exhaustion, loneliness, and pain of rejection, He felt and had gone through it all even more times than I ever did or will in my entire life.

As my thoughts were drawn to the comforting truth that the Lord understands my pain and my situation and was wiping my tears away, my husband found me and listened as I shared how I felt. He assured me that He understood me and that everything would be alright.

I came back to the room where my family was, and I saw their smiles. I learned that a stranger came and offered to help us, out of nowhere. He spoke to the people who wanted us out, and we were given room to stay, and even supplies to help us be more comfortable during our stay.

Sometimes, the Lord will also send someone to you, maybe a neighbor, a colleague, a friend, or even a stranger, just to help you and show you that He has not abandoned you. He will send His angels to lift you up, guide you, and help you feel His love.

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When we lost two babies, when our marriage was propelled into relying solely on God, as we spend our days discipling our children in the everyday moments, through the various hills, valleys, and mountains of special needs, I can say with certainty, that God is surely in this place. I want you to believe that with everything in you, too. I want you to know wherever you might find yourself, God is in that place with you. His ways are greater than ours.

Even though we may be walking through the dark valley or the unknown terrain, God is our peace. It is in this dark valley, these places that are desolate, that our God reveals himself in ways we could not have known him otherwise. I know there have been many times in my life that I begged God to avoid a certain trial, teaching, or valley, and he has taught me step by step that I just need to trust him, to call upon him to give me the strength I need and instill in me a dependent heart fully trusting in his plan, his path, and his pace as I make my way through. We shall fear no evil for his rod and his staff are our comfort. We will see him in the midst of this pain, and we will be able to rest in the knowledge of who our God is over any of the circumstances we are in.

The condition of the terrain never stops him. Instead it forms the avenue where we encounter him. His presence will never depart. His Word prepares the way for us to press into the path of his truth.

When we dwell with God, entrusting ourselves to him, we gain an eternal perspective in our suffering to see that in the stretching and refining caused by our suffering is growing us in our faith.We are propelled into a faith that does not waver and solely depends on him, for it is all by his grace and all for his glory. We trust, leaning not onto our own understanding, but on his, because what he wants to show and teach us is far greater than anything the world uses to distract us.

As I find myself in this trek, making my way to the places he needs to refine, heal, and restore, he reminds me that faith that goes forward is victorious because it seeks him, it gives him the glory, and it yields so that he can make known his goodness.

When we trust God in the midst of our pain, when suffering is taking a hold of us, he shows us that this suffering is never wasted. His glory is in it. When we trust God in the midst of our pain we grow in the knowledge of him, we fully surrender it all to him, we take up our cross, and we follow him; we lay aside our ways and we put ourselves at the disposal of God. It is in this obedience of taking up our cross and following him that we are trusting that God knows what he is doing. In fact, for much of the pain we trek through, we might not ever understand fully, but he will draw us in closer.

We are forged in the fires. Our tenacity in Christ yields the fullness of his fruit. What our eyes are fixed on is what will lead the way forth. What our heart is set on determines the path of the trail. What our mind focuses on is what we will pursue. Our deep need for him is revealed in the midst of our pain. The way forth is led by him alone. The path of the trail is set to His ways.The pursuit progresses by faith in him.

The Elder Gods, also referred to as the Elder Deities, are fictional extraterrestrial entities featured in the Cthulhu Mythos. They are originally described as looking like huge pillars of light or fire, which dwell in the vicinity of the star Betelgeuse, and are known to protect humans while being inimical to the "evil" gods such as Cthulhu, Hastur, Zhar and Lloigor (AWD: "The Lair of the Star-Spawn", "The Horror from the Depths"). In the Expanded Mythos, they originate from another dimension, have mostly human-like appearance and are benevolent in nature. In different parts of the world - such as Egypt, Mesoamerica, and the Mediterranean - they were worshipped by ancient humans. Nowadays, they are remembered as the gods in just about every ancient race, including Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Aztec, and many others.

The Elder Gods are said to be the former lords of the Great Old Ones. While some have specific appearances, like Nodens, most of them are described as "terrific Towers of Flame". In the Zanthu Tablets, titular Zanthu enrages the Elder Gods when he manages to break one of Ythogtha's chains, thus being able to see them when they descend to Earth. (EXP: "The Thing in the Pit")

The Elder Gods waged a cosmic war of enormous proportions against their enemies, the Great Old Ones. According to Dr. Fo-Lan, the two warred for possession of the Earth, although the victorious Elder Gods later left the planet after imprisoning or banishing all of the Great Old Ones (AWD: "The Lair of the Star-Spawn"). To imprison the Great Old Ones, they used five-pointed star-stones that could also be used to repel the Great Old Ones' servants (AWD: "The Horror from the Depths", The Trail of Cthulhu).

The K'n-yanians (who are worshipers of Cthulhu and Yig) claim that their gods were defeated and imprisoned by a species of hostile "space-devils", these being the same species that returned ages later to cause the cataclysm that sank most of the Earth's old continents. They also believe that the only humans who survived the cataclysm are those who were already in league with the "space-devils" (HPL: The Mound). It's not known whether the "space-devils" are related to the Elder Gods, since both have been held responsible for imprisoning Cthulhu in sunken R'lyeh.

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