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Elpidio Heart
When my father died, I stopped believing in God. I was 15 years old, and it was 2009. He passed away from a heart attack on the front porch of our home. My family tried to comfort me with sayings like "the Lord has called him home," but these words offered me no solace. I couldn't understand God's plan as I grappled with how empty I felt. I missed him so much. I'd call his cellphone just to hear him on voicemail.
For more than five years, praying was hard for me. I wondered why I should talk to a God who had caused me so much pain. But after years of grieving, I found my way back to God through an ancient African religion. The Yoruba faith has given me the answers I could not find on my own, brought me closer to powers greater than myself, and helped me overcome the pain of losing the first man I ever loved.
One of the reasons Christianity ceased to feel like something I could claim for my own, especially when I was in the depths of grief over my father, was its history of racial oppression coupled with my personal experiences with racism. It became increasingly difficult for me, a young black woman, to seek salvation in a religion that had largely perpetuated the lie of a pale and blue-eyed Jesus. Later, I learned about Christianity's early history in the Middle East and Northern Africa and connected with many of Christ's universal lessons. However, when I was mourning, the religion just didn't feel like it could lift me out of my grief.
But I instinctively knew that if I wanted to mend from my father's death, I would need to connect with something. At first, I simply started exploring my history as a black person. I found a foundation for this exploration at Everyone's Place, a black-owned Baltimore bookstore that has been in the community for 31 years. The two-story shop often smells of frankincense and myrrh and maintains a steady flow of patrons purchasing everything from imported cowrie necklaces to books by Queen Afua.
Despite efforts by white Christians to eradicate the Yoruba faith, the spiritual system survived across the African diaspora through its syncretization with other religions. Today, the Yoruba has many names and variations. In Brazil, it is called Candomble. In Trinidad and Tobago, they call it Obeah. In Haiti, it is known as Vodun. In the American South, it is Voodoo. And in Cuba and Mexico and Afro Latino communities in North America, it is referred to as Santeria or Regla De Ocha. What often links these diverse practices across the African diaspora is their origin in the traditional Yoruba faith, their reverence for ancestors, and their rites of passage. An initiate is trained by elders for many years before they can become a "Babalawo," which means father of mysteries, or a "Iyalawo," which means mother of mysteries. Often, many initiates will travel back to the religion's homeland, Nigeria, for a portion of their initiation. All permutations also continue to recognize orishas, deities who are the eldest children of the religion's almighty being, Olodumare.
As a part of the study abroad program, which was organized by Diaspora Travel & Trade, I traveled to Cuba in 2016 for two weeks to study the Yoruba religion. Cuba was colonized by Spain in the 1490s and the first Yoruba people arrived there in the 1500s. Originally, each orisha had their own group of expert practitioners. However, due to the slave trade, the knowledge of all the orishas had to be shared between practitioners and unified to sustain the practice. Not many orishas survived this. According to religion and society professor at the University of Matanzas, Andres Rodriguez Reyes, out of the hundreds of orishas, fewer than 100 orishas are widely known in Cuba today. Commonly, only about 11 or so orishas are widely recognized throughout the African diaspora.
I came face to face with the Yoruba religion on my very first day in La Habana, Cuba, when I visited a Cuban family's house in the Santos Surez neighborhood. There, I met an older Cuban woman with long, wavy gray hair and mocha skin who was a practitioner of "espiritismo cruzado." Espiritismo is Spanish for spiritualism and cruzado refers to Santeria, the name of the Yoruba religion once it mixed with Catholicism in Cuba. This mediumship practice of communicating with spirits was passed down to her from her father, and she practiced espiritismo cruzado her entire life.
Although this woman died not long after we met, the time we spent together had an incredible impact on me: She opened up her to me home and took me to her altar room. Inside, there were large glass display cabinets filled with vases, dolls, beads, and more to represent each orisha. One of her altars was adorned with pictures of her father. She guided me to give a blessing. She washed my hands with holy rosewater and invited me to call on the name of my own ancestors. I said the name of my father, Vernice . Afterward, she said to me, "an ancestor is strong with you."
Like my life and your life, this religion is a legacy of our beloved Africa. The scattering of the practice demonstrates the resilience of black people through pain. Its survival is a symbol of our salvation. For a long time, I felt like I lost God when I lost my father. Sometimes, I still struggle. Some days, I cry when I miss him. But when I feel like I have nothing left to give, I give offerings to my ancestors and to the orishas and I believe that someone higher hears my heart.
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