Report from Kenya #639 -- Do American Children Cry more than Kenyan Children?
David Zarembka
Do American Children Cry more than Kenyan Children?
Report from Kenya #639 – January 22, 2020
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A 1972 picture of me and my then Kenyan wife, Rodah Wayua Zarembka, with baby Joy tied to her back. Although this picture was taken in the United States, Rodah brought this custom with her from Kenya.
Over the years a number of American visitors to Kenya have commented to me that Kenyan children do not cry as much as American children do. Now with fourteen years under my belt in Lumakanda, helping to raises a number of grandchildren and other young children, I conclude that this observation is correct.
The issue then is why this is so. I think that there are cultural and environmental reasons for this. First the cultural ones.
When a child is born in Kenya, for the first month or so, the mother is relieved of all normal duties of cooking, washing, cleaning, and working. She is allowed to remain in bed to recover from the birth; food itself is often brought to her in the bedroom. Consequently during this crucial first month of life, the mother gives full attention to the newborn baby. Then for the next eleven or so months until the baby is weaned at one year of age, the mother is constantly with the child. If the child is hungry, the mother immediately suckles the baby as there is no reluctance or embarrassment here in Kenya to breast-feeding the child whenever the child wants. Also when the child is fussy and wants to sleep, the mother ties the baby on her back as can be seen in the picture above. As the mother goes about her tasks, the baby falls asleep. I have never seen a baby crying who was tied to the back of his or her mother. There is no concept, as is common in the United States, of letting a child cry himself or herself to sleep or that it is “good/natural” for the baby to cry. The result is that Kenyan babies under one year old cry very little.
At a year old, the baby is now a toddler. The toddlers, when hurt, for example, by falling down, cry as much American children do. I don’t think there is a difference here. Kenyan children fight, bully, snatch toys from each other, and so on as much as American children do. This is the nature of early childhood. The difference is in the reaction. Whenever a child cries, he or she is immediately attended to. This attention is not reserved only for the parents, but includes any adult nearby or older children. Just a few days ago, granddaughter, Rembo, 5 years old, began to cry because she hurt herself and I could hear grandson, Brian, 7 years old, say, pole, pole, pole, pole (the equivalent of saying, “Sorry, you’re OK” in English) four times and Rembo stopped crying.
As to environmental factors, the main one is the weather. Except when it is raining, the weather is always nice. If our grandchildren begin to get on each others’ back, we just send them outside to play. In the United States the long winter season requires keeping children confined indoors. As they get restless, this is called “cabin fever” and as frustrations rise, there is more crying. There is not the easy outlet of just sending them outdoors to let off the tension of confinement.
In Kenya, I have never heard of a parent or other adult comment on how burdensome it is to raise children. Partly this is due to the fact that responsibility of raising children includes more than just the parents, as it includes other relatives and neighbors. For example, as retired grandparents taking care of the grandchildren, we are not burdened as the working mother is who has to juggle work with taking care of the children. Any burden is not confined to the mother or parents only, but spread around to everyone, including, for example, in our case, to the two men who take care of our cows and farming. This is a safety value in raising children. The children themselves are then aware of this and, if they feel neglected, do not need to cry to get the attention of the mother or father.
Here are some why reasons American babies cry more than African babies:
1. Americans believe that babies held too much become spoiled.
2. Babies are held less in American culture.
3. American babies are left to self-soothe. [Note: I have never seen a pacifier in rural Kenya.]
4. Americans babies often sleep in their own room by three months.
5. American babies are on a feeding schedule.
6. American parenting is an individual responsibility.
7. American babies get delayed responses when crying.
8. American parents believe it is OK to let babies cry.
A second article (here) (translated into 20 languages), Why African Babies Don't Cry; An African Perspective, by Claire Niala, a Kenyan mother, writes with humor about why she moved back from England to Kenya for the birth of her child and what she learned from the wisdom of baby rearing from her grandmother. Here is a quote from that article:My second observation was a cultural one. In the UK it was understood that babies cry - in Kenya it was quite the opposite. The understanding is that babies don't cry. If they do - something is horribly wrong and must be done to rectify it immediately. My English sister-in-law summarized it well. "People here" she said "really don't like babies crying, do they?"
If you are an American reader of these Reports from Kenya and have visited Kenya, do you agree with my observations or have another perspective?
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David Zarembka
Email: davidz...@gmail.com
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