A recovery thought
archie
We shouldn’t go to party’s alone, especially our own pity party, it is a dangerous place for alcoholics to be.
We shouldn’t lecture in meetings, they are for sharing.
THE FIRST DRINK
The thoughts that come before taking a drink are often largely subconscious. The person usually doesn’t know consciously what made him do it. Our subconscious minds may never become free from alcohol thoughts as long as we live, but when, through our spiritual Program, our conscious minds are fully conditioned against drinking, we can stay sober and our subconscious minds do not often bother us.
Stepping Stones to Recovery, page 213, paragraph 1, line 3
In a hospital, a drunk had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Being a typical drunk he thought who would know if he touched them? He couldn’t resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don’t have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn’t wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. "The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover." "Your penis is under your pillow."
Always Say A Prayer
archie
We shouldn’t live in A.A. but out of it using A.A. principles.
We shouldn’t talk the language of the Big Book at meetings but the language of the heart.
WHAT IF THAT HAD BEEN YOUR FIRST A.A. MEETING?
The above question keeps going through my mind. What I write is meant to be critical but it is meant to be constructive, not destructive.
The other day I was at a meeting and the protocol of the meeting is to ask if this is anyone’s first A.A. meeting, ever. If so, they conduct what they refer to as a “First Step Meeting.” With all my heart I believe those involved had good intentions in their hearts and did what was done to them and what they have observed since. I believe very few of them if any are aware of the conference approved pamphlet entitled “How To Conduct Beginner’s Meetings.”
One person read the newspaper and others chatted with another during the reading of How It Works. Hope he keeps coming back to see our love demonstrated. If the first impressions are lasting, wonder what his impression of our beloved Fellowship is and if he will be a good ambassador for us.
The chairperson asked if this was anyone’s first meeting. If we would of found out before the meeting started then this fellow could of “been introduced” instead of introducing himself which he did. The folks in the room then shared how it was, and how it was and how it was. I guess they forgot about what happened and how it is now.
At the end of the meeting chips were given out. This fellow had no idea in the world about chips of course but someone he got the idea that he was to pick up a white chip which he did. Then folks gathered in the back of the room to form a circle and say the Lord’s Prayer. At the close of the meeting no one thought about explaining to the newcomer this and he just sat in his chair. He was finally coaxed to join in.
O, did I mention that the fellow did not receive anyone’s phone number let alone anyone getting his or giving him a Big Book which the group conscience states is to give newcomers Big Books. Guess everyone was too busy and just plain forgot.
After the meeting was closed and everyone kind of stood around in little circles in the meeting room and outside and this fellow walked out, through and around these little groups and down a drive way to the street which is a few hundred yards away. Folks just stood around talking, what they had to talk about I guess was more important than a bran spanking new person walking away from a meeting with his head hanging low a long ways to the street. But again, I’m sure what folks had to say to each other were more important.
In conclusion: This fellow was picked up and given a ride to his destination and was talked to and given a Big Book and some other material and phone numbers were exchanged with one A.A. member. Wonder how much impact this had on his first impression of our Fellowship and our respect for newcomers.
Hope he keeps coming back for more.
Author unknown
In Hollywood, where everyone and his brother seem to have an agent, a man stands up at an A.A. meeting. “Hello,” he says. “My name is Bill. I represent Ken, who is an alcoholic.”
archie
We support each other, not by offering direct advice, but by sharing our own experiences.
We surrender to win.
We teach best when we relate our own personal experience.
GREETERS
The function of the greeter is important: a cheerful how-do-you-do, a discreet question asking whether a person is visiting or attending for the first time, directions to the coffee pot or a meeting list, introductions to a long-time sober member. All of this made a huge difference to me when I was new, even though I was surly in response and mostly wanted to be left alone.
So it occurred to me recently, as I stood inside the building, that I was left playing second fiddle to a large group of sober drunks who were assembled at the building entrance--the smokers, who now comprise an unofficial greeting line. There is often a lot of people outside the door, mostly smoking and engaged entirely with one another. Greetings and waves are extended to familiar faces, but those who are unfamiliar pass through in silence.
Smokers have not volunteered to be greeters simply by choosing to smoke. Yet in an unfamiliar town, I have located meetings several times by finding a church or public building with a group of people standing at the door smoking. So I know the situation is not all negative. In fact, it can be very good.
However, there are several meetings in my area where, because I’m not known, I walk a gauntlet of strained unsmiling faces, many of whom turn away when I approach. I sometimes see people purposely keeping their backs turned, and I hear them--totally unaware that anyone is in earshot, I’m sure--freely using four letter words.
This kind of barroom behavior is understandable in people newly sober, smoking or not. But is this the way you want to greet people at your home group? Is this the impression of A.A. you want to leave with people who may be coming for their first meeting or visiting from out of town? Do you think one elected greeter inside the building will balance this initial perception? Whether you smoke or not, if you stand outside an A.A. meeting, what you look and sound like will be one of the things that visitors and newcomers will take away with them.
How do you look and sound to people who have to wade through you when you stand around smoking and don’t acknowledge them? Might there be a better place to do this than the entryway to the meeting hall?
What do you think--is it worth a business meeting to find a solution in the group conscience?
Thank You For Sharing, page 17
In many Canadian provinces, the police check on vehicles stalled on the highway when the temperatures drop into the single digits, as a matter of policy. 1 morning, before dawn, a Royal Canadian Mounted Police Constable responded to a report involving a stalled car in southeastern Alberta. The constable located the car still running and stuck in deep snow along the highway. Pulling in behind, with his emergency lights on, the constable walked up to the driver’s door to find a man passed out behind the wheel and a near empty bottle of vodka on the seat. He tapped on the window and the startled driver awoke to flashing blue lights and a constable standing next to his car. In a panic, the driver threw the gearshift into drive and hit the gas. Although the car’s speedometer showed increasing speeds of 20, 30, 40 and 50 KPH, the car remained stuck in snow. The Constable, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the “speeding” but stationary car. The bewildered and disoriented driver was convinced that the officer was actually keeping up with him. This went on for about a 1/2 a minute before the Constable shouted for the man to pull over. The man obeyed an stopped the engine. Once out of the car, the drunken driver exclaimed over the officer’s special abilities, amazed that a man could actually run 50 KPH. He was arrested still believing that a Royal Canadian Mounted Constable had outrun his car.
archie
We used to lie about how much we drank, why now then do we brag about it.
We weaken our A.A. Program when no regard is paid to the Traditions.
A FIRST STEP MEETING FOR A NEWCOMER
Recently, I was at a meeting at which there was a first time, virgin, brand new newcomer. He’d never before experienced Alcoholics Anonymous; this was his first impression. Imagine my dismay when, from the very beginning of the meeting, we (some of us with many years of A.A. experience) proceeded to waste fifteen to twenty minutes bickering and fussing over the correct format. At times, it became a little heated and people got pissed off.
"Do we read the Way It Works?"
"Nope."
"Daily Reflections?"
"Well, why not?"
"No, the group conscience voted on it"
"Well, that’s just stupid."
"We read it in Nashville."
"But the group voted.”
"It’s still stupid."
Ad nausea.
The newcomer grew more lost and dazed. From the expression on his face, I’ll bet he was thinking "what the hell is wrong with these people?” I was embarrassed just being there. Then, when the kindergarten pissing contest was over, I thought we’d finally get down to something useful. Instead, the rest of the meeting was devoted to stuff that the newcomer had no chance of absorbing.
On and on it went, the sharing about the finer points of what some thought was their very advanced sobriety. The newcomer sat there, glassy eyed and forgotten. First, the meeting was like a preschool full of little, fighting kids. Then, this. This bit we’ve perfected of wistfully sighing, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling and then slowly, painfully, dragging the room through the ultra-extended version of specific, little non-events in our day probably won’t help someone who’s hanging by a weak, thin thread. For all we know, the new guy may have been barely holding down some vomit. No one asked.
For all we know, that newcomer may have been living in a f--kin’ tent. Do you think it helps him to hear about how someone’s triumphing over the stresses of adding on a new sunroom thanks to "their program?” How about asking the new person if they’d like to talk? Maybe, if they agree, how about going into the little room in the front so he doesn’t feel so on-the-spot? Or, maybe, one could ask, "what brought you to A.A.?” Maybe we might listen to him a little. Or, at least, try to listen.
I’d want to run away if I sat down with a group of unknown people giving me a long winded sermon about sticking around for some "miracle" that will help me deal with my "hateful" co-worker. Honestly, at this particular meeting, I was uncomfortable. Imagine how the shaky, hung over, screwed-up newcomer wreckage felt. I cringe when I think about it. It was almost painful. Jeez.
Anyway.
In the future, when a new person is at a meeting, how about some friendly, warm conversation, and more importantly, some friendly, warm conduct? You want them to come back, right? Then, for an hour, we bury our own little gripes and give the sermons a rest and make them feel welcome. Fake it if you have to. Remember, these are merely observations and a few suggestions from a humble eyewitness to a tragedy that was an A.A. meeting. I don’t mean any of this in a bad way.
When I first got to A.A., I couldn’t absorb past the third word of How It Works nor did I care how someone soberly dealt with a personality clash at the Lexus dealer or how A.A. helps them triumph over some tension caused by a snotty Kroger’s clerk. I was too messed up, simple as that. I was a demented freak. Mostly, I needed to feel welcome.
Sadly, that feeling came so long after I first walked in the door. I bet this latest new guy felt the same way I did. I hope he doesn’t have to wait as long to feel welcome.
Source unknown
In the 19th century, it was easier for a drunk to get home, because his horse was sobearchie
We will die with our disease but let’s not die due to it.
We will never be able to repay the great debt we owe to A.A., but may God please grant us the privilege of making installments.
WELCOME OR "A WELCOME"
I am writing this article to urge A.A. members to remember one of the most important reasons why we all kept coming--at least for me, anyway. And from what I have seen for the last eleven years, it’s important to all of us.
Remember that person who approached you at your first meeting? The one with the glowing smile and friendly handshake? The one who talked to you for hours in the parking lot after the meeting? Not the one who just said, "Welcome," but the one who made you feel welcome. These are people who gave me hope--and still do.
Today, I try to make people feel welcome. It takes more than a brief handshake before and after a meeting to do this. Dinner meetings and long car rides to far-off speaking engagements in my early days were some of the most powerful meetings I’ve ever been to. I would ask, "Where are we going?" The reply was, "Don’t worry about it."
As I look around at meetings today, I notice there are a lot of members saying "welcome" but not necessarily making newcomers feel welcome. It almost seems that helping a newcomer has become too inconvenient for some members. Now that they are sober they don’t want to stay up too late because they have "responsibilities." They need sleep. I’m sure glad people weren’t too tired to make me feel welcome when I first got sober. Remember, everything we have today is a result of God, A.A., and a friendly welcome. Sleep on that awhile!
AAGrapevine, March 1999
It is usually considered to be the driver who is in danger when he picks up a hitchhiker, but consider this hitchhiker, he got in a car that stopped to pick him up to discover that his benefactor was carrying a full load of booze. They weaved all over the road, but the fellow remained wordless until they began to approach a narrow bridge. He could stay silent no longer and asked, "Do you think you can get across?” "Why not?" the sot replied, squinting ahead. "There are 2 bridges there. I sure ought to be able to get through on 1 of ‘em."
archie
We will never meet a person to dumb to get the Program but we will meet some to smart.
We will never stop drinking as long as we are drinking.
WHO’S SAVING THE SEAT FOR THE NEWCOMER?
I feel nervous walking into this meeting. I have never been here before, and I feel like I might not fit in. The notion that I’m disconnected from the entire world has raced back into my sober self, and it makes me want to turn around and leave. I try to talk myself out of this musing, “Maybe I don’t need a meeting tonight.” Then I curse myself for being a coward and know I will surely drink and die if I don’t stay. I force myself to walk through the darkened parking lot, toward the smokers standing around laughing outside the church doors. Inside, the light vaguely warms their faces, but I recognize none of them. Oh God, I wish my best friend were here with me.
I take a deep breath and walk through the gauntlet of happy friends chattering around me. Nibbling on brownies and drinking bad coffee, I look toward the cushioned chairs set in rows facing the speaker. Having compromised hearing, I search out a seat close to the speaker. But as I get closer, I see keys, chips, lighters, and books saving seats. I see a row of empty seats and sit down, still close enough to see the speaker’s lips.
I’m tapped on the shoulder by a smiling woman my age. “Excuse me,” she says. “These seats are saved.” Yes, of course they are. Saved for all the friends who want to sit together-—rows and rows of them. Saved for the regulars who come each week and stick together. How wonderful for them to have close relationships in A.A. I’m reminded of how I felt in high school, when I didn’t know which group to sit next to because no one invited me to join them. I feel excluded, physically and emotionally.
I do stay through the meeting, and I’m glad. I’ve heard a wonderful chairperson, who I feel God picked out just for me. I feel close to my Higher Power and rejuvenated once again. Thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous.
I have seventeen years of sobriety, and this is an experience I’ve encountered recently and frequently since I moved to a new area. It’s an experience that I can share with newcomers because I know how disconnected they feel. So I re-double my efforts to speak to the new man and give him my phone number. I offer him a seat next to me. “I saved this seat for you,” I say in my heart.
Can you imagine what would happen if God picked out who we sat with? While I enjoy sitting next to a friend or two, I don’t think we have to inhabit an entire zip code every time we’re together. After all, aren’t we having meetings to reach out to people we don’t know, especially the newcomer who may feel excluded and different?
AAGrapevine, August 2006
It was Friday afternoon and Joe was leaving work, when several of his friends invited him to stop at the tavern before he went home. Joe said, "Why not, I deserve it. I worked hard this week." So off they went. Well Joe quickly polished off 3 cold drafts and then ordered a shot and a beer. Soon he was feeling fine. Time passed and Joe looked at his watch. "Oh man, I’m late for supper, the old lady’s going to be mad." Joe thought for a minute and decided to order another shot and a beer while he thought of a good excuse. Soon Joe got caught up in all the excitement and forgot about going home. He just kept on drinking. 3 days passed before Joe finally returned home. Joe’s wife spent the better part of the next 3 hours yelling at him. She nagged and nagged. She cried and cried. Finally, hoping to elicit some guilt she said, "How would you like it if you didn’t see me for 3 days. Joe thoughtfully responded, "What would be wrong with that?" All day Tuesday went by and Joe didn’t see his wife. Then Wednesday came and went, still he didn’t even get a peak at his wife. Then all day Thursday passed and still no sight of his wife. Finally, Friday rolled around and the swelling around his eyes had gone down enough that he could just barely see his wife out of the corner of 1 eye.
archie
We will remain the same until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain to change.
What a joy to stay sober on love instead of fear.
WHAT MAKES A NEWCOMER KEEP COMING BACK?
About fifty percent of those coming to A.A. for the first time remain less than ninety days. We often say that few get to A.A. by accident, so the fact in a brief time we lose half of those who begin our Program may mean that we lose a great number of alcoholics who desperately need sobriety.
This quote, from the 1989 triennial survey of A.A. members, goes on to point out that it is of small comfort to suggest that many who leave return later, because their numbers have already been factored in. Since the 1983 Membership Survey, which reported that about six percent remained after three months (sober or not), there appears to have been a slow but steady attrition during the crucial first year. This, the survey suggests, may be a challenge to the membership to change the things we can.
Why have so many newcomers come and gone? It’s a little late to tabulate their reasons for departure, but there’s room for conjecture. For one thing, a number of newcomers are mandated to A.A. meetings by the courts and treatment facilities. These agencies hope that exposure to A.A. will encourage the newcomer to accept A.A. help for their alcoholism. However, some are not ready for A.A. help.
Also, the survey shows, some forty two percent of newcomers to A.A. have a problem with addiction to drugs in addition to their alcoholism. Some of these new people eventually find their drinking was minimal, and that their primary problem was addiction to drugs, which leads them to another Twelve Step Program more appropriate to their needs.
The list of possibilities goes on and on, but of greater urgency is the question: What can we do to make the alcoholic newcomer keep coming back? This is especially critical today when groups are apt to be larger and a confused newcomer can easily fall through the cracks or be unnoticed altogether--especially if fresh out of rehab, dry and looking good. Following are a few ways for groups and individual A.A.’s to carry the message, as suggested at Regional Forums, workshops and conferences:
1) Station greeters at the A.A. meeting room door.
2) At large meetings, ask those present who have attended fewer than three meetings (or those in their first week or months of sobriety) to identify themselves--not to embarrass you but so we can get to know you.
3) Break up large meetings into smaller groups, at least for part of the meeting.
4) Offer newcomers you phone number and let them know you’d welcome their call.
5) If newcomers turn out to have a problem other than alcohol, explain A.A.’s singleness of purpose and offer to take them to a meeting of a Twelve Step Program with which they can identify.
6) If you go out for coffee, cake and sharing after the meeting, include a newcomer. It may be his or her first opportunity to socialize sober.
7) Stress the importance of the Twelve Steps and sponsorship as vital to sobriety, and be willing to share these tools as lifelines to recovery in A.A.
8) Be aware that every day of sobriety counts. The 1989 survey notes that about forty percent of members sober less than a year will remain sober and active in A.A. for at least another months--and that figure jumps to approximately ninety percent after five years.
Carrying the A.A. message to the newcomers who need our help is a top priority. By leading a beginner meeting, regularly participating in our home groups and greeting each newcomer with A.A. love, we A.A.’s are passing along what was freely given to us.
Box 4-5-9, Oct/Nov 1991
I attempted suicide 3 times and darn near killed myself a fellow said at a meeting.
archie
What comes from the heart reaches the heart.
What do paying back, helping us and self-preservation have in common; helping others.
HOW WE TREAT NEWCOMERS
I wrote this e-mail message to some folks. It scares me.
I apologize but something has been on my mind for hours and I need to express it so I will to those on this mailing list. I, and it will be ever so hard for me not too, I will not editorialize, moralize, sermonize, lecturize, criticize, dramatize or any other ize. But I will never forget this.
Monday after a meeting I was going through chapter Four of our Big Book with a newcomer. The phone rang and it was from a female requesting a Twelve Step call. A lady took the call and approached me and we made a Twelve Step call. There were four of us, one person with three days, another thirteen and another a few months.
Before we left, we prayed and then looked at some of the highlights in chapter Seven. It was just great. The folks spoke from their hearts and really made an impact.
Today, I tried to follow up by asking one of those folks, the lady who took the call and arranged everything, and she did a fine, fine job; if she followed through with the Twelve Step call by calling the women who called. She replied she was not sure if she should or not so she asked her sponsor. Her sponsor eventually replied with a shrug and a well if you want to fine and if you don’t, that’s fine.
Must stop here and say no more.
Just needed to get that out in the open.
Author unknown
archie
Whatever we submit to becomes our master.
What is important to share is the pain we once felt and the joy in recovery we now feel.
WHAT A WELCOME
A drunk showed up at an A.A. meeting holding a can of beer and he was told, unequivocally, that he could not come in. He left, but showed up outside a few days later, yelling that even A.A. wouldn’t let him in. A member went out to talk to him and calm him down. The police arrived and our member assured them that the man was, indeed, going into the A.A. meeting.
A number of people at the meeting started the meeting. Again, the drunk left. Outside the meeting he had a seizure and collapsed. Paramedics were called.
Someone heard that the man had tried to commit suicide. When he was released from the hospital, he showed up at our meeting the same day. This time, he was sullen and reclusive. Not one member in the room went over to him. Instead, members talked about their troubled relationships, whether or not to buy a new house, and their job problems. Silently, I got up and went over to the man.
He told me about how sick he was and about the incomprehensible demoralization he felt. He wanted to stop drinking and couldn’t. I got him some water and a cookie and the quietly asked a couple of male A.A.’s to take over. I do not know if the man is sober today, or if he is even alive.
A few days later, I brought up the topic of having a wet drunk at out meeting. Most members felt that the common welfare of the group came before the wet drunk. During the discussion, members said various disparaging things: “He doesn’t want it,” and “Meetings need to be about recovery issues, not about some wet one that won’t hear anything, anyway.” I wondered if a recovery issue was divorce, a lost job, and a new house, or was it getting someone off booze long enough to find a Higher Power that can solve all those other issues? To me, the primary purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous is helping the still sick and suffering alcoholic, and not just the cleaned-up-detoxed and sober twenty eight day treatment center graduate new person that walks through the doors.
When I arrived in the rooms of A.A., I was not sober, cleaned up, or detoxed, I had not brushed my teeth in weeks. However not a single person told me to leave. On the contrary, they welcomed me. Not one person sat in judgment.
Have some A.A. meetings become social groups, with membership requiring that you already be sober so that you can have a free therapy session and discuss your issue of the day? My Big Book says I must work with the still sick and suffering alcoholic if I want to stay sober and live a happy, joyous, and free life.
Today, I may not be popular in my home group because I talk the Traditions, the responsibilities of sobriety, and welcoming and reaching out to the next wet drunk. But I do what was done for me--I share my spiritual experience in finding a Higher Power, whether the drunk I’m addressing is coming in for the first time or for the tenth time. For that, I am responsible.
AAGrapevine, March 2007
In the emergency room of the hospital, 1 drunk was out cold; the other had barely made it. As he looked over the mackerel, an intern remarked, "This fellow appears to have been drugged.” "You’re sure right," croaked the second souse. "I drug him for 5 blocks to get him here."