A recovery thought
archie
What is more important, how much we have grown or are we still growing?
What is the best way to meditate; the way that best suits us.
WATCH OUT FOR BLEEDING DEACONS
Bill W. and the early founders of A.A. said the greatest threat is the “bleeding deacon.” These members love to corner newcomers to make certainly that they do A.A. their way.
One bleeding deacon I know seldom shares about his own strength hope and experience. Instead, he shares how the group is doing everything wrong. He is a control freak.
One day not so long ago, another was going on at great length about how bad our group is. I became angry and felt helpless. One highly spiritual member who believes firmly in A.A. principles finally said: “Our group is just fine. Leave it alone.”
Don’t let bleeding deacons take over you’re A.A. group. They can send newcomers down the wrong path. They can be a danger to A.A. if we allow them to con and control us.
A.A. is a suggested Program and has very few rules except the Steps and Traditions. If a group does have problems, the place to handle it is in a group conscience meeting.
Bob McC, Puerto Rico
AAGrapevine, May 2012
“I live in a dysfunctional household and it’s really a problem,” confessed a drunk to a bartender, “especially since I live alone.”
Always Say A Prayer
archie
What made us sick will never make us well.
What others think about us will not get us drunk, what we think about them may get us drunk.
BECAUSE FRANK DID IT
Anybody who has been attending A.A. on a regular basis has observed new people. Some arrive just before the meeting starts. Some show up with an escort or two. The one thing they have in common is the unmistakable signs of the beaten. I have yet to misunderstand the sadness around the eyes of the slumped shoulders of those who have done battle with a power greater than themselves.
I remember the emptiness, the loneliness. I had nothing left. It was then, at my most vulnerable, that a man walked up to me and stuck out his hand. He said, “Hi, my name is Frank. Is this your first meeting?” I must have looked ready to bolt, because he then said, “Let’s get some coffee and a seat.” I went with him like a robot. He gave me a half a cup of coffee, and I thought, is he kidding until I saw how badly my hand shook. How did he know? Was I transparent? He sat next to me and exuded a confidence I once knew. All I could do was weep.
Yet, I had one foot out the door. I could hear the branch, I was on creaking. I was scared out of my tiny mind wondering how I would talk my way out of this one. This is where my Higher Power stepped in. As soon as I got grounded in the A.A. group, my problems started to diminish. I thought it was good luck. I stated this to Frank who chuckled and said, “You think you did this?”
So began many times I shared things like this to a caring and direct man. I have brought this memory with me and have done my best to emulate the process with other lost souls.
Let’s look at today. We stand around casually chatting with friends we have made, extolling the attributes of our clean living. We see a casually crawl through the door and trust the greeter will know what to do since they typically have three months of sobriety. We see the business of recovering is alive just because all the slots are covered in the group. Quoting the Big Book is commonplace, and we feel justified when someone relapses by saying they failed to listen to our sage advice. Our only duty is to answer the phone when they call.
The idea is to carry forward the actions of those who have come before us. I doubt if I would have made it if the people with whom I sat at meetings didn’t take an active interest in my recovery. Frank took me to meetings, read the Big Book, and was there to say when I wandered off the path. It is respect for my humanness an abiding faith that took me from being an atheist to having a real faith in the God of my understanding. When I see anybody who is hurting, I ask if I can help. I do not care if they like me or not. I want this to survive me.
Dennie W., Waukesha, Wis
AAGrapevine, May 2012
It was a really, really hot day and a drunk decided to get a soft drink. He went to the vending machine and when he put his money in, a can of soda came out so he kept putting money in. It was such a hot day a line began forming behind him. Finally, a guy in line said, “Will you hurry up? We’re all hot and thirsty.” And the drunk said, “No way, I’m still winning.”
archie
What made us sick will never make us well.
What others think about us will not get us drunk, what we think about them may get us drunk.
WHAT ARE THE THREE LEGACIES OF A.A.?
These are derived from the accumulated experience of A.A.’s earliest members that has been passed on and shared with us: (1) suggestions for Recovery--the Twelve Steps; (2) suggestions for achieving Unity--the Twelve Traditions; and (3) A.A. Service--described in The A.A. Service Manual/Twelve Concepts for World Service, and A.A. Comes of Age.
A.A. Group (A.A. pamphlet), page 50
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the 1st thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed! He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian' He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son, what happened last night?''Well, you came home after 3am, drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.' Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?' His son replies, 'Oh that, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!'
archie
What we do today will determine if in the future they say How It Works or How It Worked.
What we give is never as much as what we get from giving.
...Our Third Legacy.” The first Legacy is Recovery. What does Recovery mean? It is defined as getting back something lost. What have we lost? Trust, love, respect, family and more, as a direct result of our alcoholism. By applying the Twelve Steps of A.A. to our lives on a daily basis we are able to recover.
45th Fifth Annual Meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous Pass It On--
Our Three Legacies, 1995 final report, page 6
Our Twelfth Step--carrying the message--is the basic service that the A.A. Fellowship gives; this is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence. Therefore, A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society for alcoholics in action. We must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven’t been given the truth may die.
Hence, an A.A. service is anything whatever that helps us to reach a fellow sufferer--ranging all the way from the Twelfth Step itself to a ten cent phone call and a cup of coffee, and to A.A.’s General Service Office for national and international action. The sum total of all these services is our Third Legacy of Service.
Services include meeting places, hospital cooperation, and intergroup offices; they mean pamphlets, books, and good publicity of almost every description. They call for committees, delegates, trustees, and conferences. And, not to be forgotten, they need voluntary money contributions from within the Fellowship.
The A.A. Service Manual, 1999-2000, page S1, paragraph 3
These services, whether performed by individuals, groups, areas, or A.A. as a whole, are utterly vital to our existence and growth. Nor can we make A.A. more simple by abolishing such services. We would only be asking for complication and confusion.
Concerning any given service, we therefore pose but one question: "Is this service really needed?” If it is, then maintain it we must, or fail in our mission to those who need and seek A.A.
The A.A. Service Manual, 1999-2000, page S1, paragraph 6
Jethro is passing by Billy Bob’s hay barn 1 day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob (his drinking buddy) doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere. Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off 1st the right strap of his bib overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough, Jethro rushes in and says, “What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?” “Jeez, Jethro, ya scared the bejeezers out of me,” says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. “But me’n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do 'something sexy to a tractor'.”
archie
What peace we would have if gratitude was a continuous attitude rather an occasional incident.
What people think of A.A. depends on us.
A.A.’S THREE LEGACIES
It could be said that they are our Three Legacies, simply put into categories.
The first Legacy is Recovery, the Twelve Steps.
1) Honesty
2) Hope
3) Faith
4) Courage
5) Integrity
6) Willingness
7) Humility
8) Brotherly Love
9) Taking Responsibility
10) Perseverance
11) Ever presence of God
12) Service to fellowman
The second Legacy is Unity, the Twelve Traditions
1) Unity
2) Direction
3) Recovery
4) Understanding
5) Sharing.
6) Simplicity
7) Independence
8) Selflessness
9) Service
10) Survival
11) Self Reliance
12) Humility.
The Third Legacy is Service, the Twelve Concepts of World Service.
1) Responsibility
2) Reliance
3) Trust
4) Participation
5) Democracy
6) Accountability
7) Balance
8) Consistency
9 Vision
10) Clarity
11) Respect
12) Spirituality
Source unknown
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What separates alcoholics from non-alcoholics is what happens before the 1st drink, not behavior afterward.
What unites alcoholics, what makes it possible for one alcoholic to learn from another, the foundation we share is not a strength but a weakness; each knows what he cannot do.
SERVICE
The chief inheritances of the first twenty years of Alcoholics Anonymous are the Legacies of Recovery, of Unity, and of Service. By the First we recover from alcoholism; by the Second we stay together, in unity; and by the Third our society functions and serves its primary purpose of carrying the A.A. message to all who need it and want it.
Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age page 49, paragraph 1, line 2
...may Recovery, Unity, and Service, the means by which, under God, our fellowship has been created, be ever at His command for so long as He may use this society.
A.A.’s Twelve Step, carrying he message, is the basic service that our fellowship gives; it is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence. A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of recovered alcoholics in action. We must carry A.A.’s message; otherwise we ourselves may fall into decay and those who have not yet been given the truth may die. This is why we so often say that action is the magic word. Action to carry A.A.’s message is therefore the heart of our Third Legacy of Service.
Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age page 139, paragraph 3, line 8
An A.A. service is anything whatever that legitimately helps us to reach fellow suffers. As we have seen the Twelve Step call is the greatest of A.A.’s services.
Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age page 140, paragraph 2
...the Legacies of Recovery, of Unity, and of Service. By the First we recover from alcoholism; by the Second we stay together, in unity; and by the Third our society functions and serves its primary purpose of carrying the A.A. message to all who need it and want it.
Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age: page 49, paragraph 1, line 2
...First Legacy to A.A. was Recovery, embodied in the Big Book, in the Steps, and in person-to-person Twelve Step work.
The Second Legacy to A.A. was Unity. This Bill had realized when he said, “We can do together what I cannot do alone”--it was vital that A.A.’s stay together. To insure A.A. unity, Bill had written the Twelve Traditions.
And now, with his penchant for symbolism, he had coined a third term to make A.A. Legacies three in number. The Third Legacy was-—what else? Service.
Pass It On: page 347
...the substance of our Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service. In our Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions we find twenty four definitely stated principles. Our Third Legacy includes a charter for world service that provides thousands of general service representatives, hundreds of local committee members, eighty General Service Conference delegates, fifteen General Service Board trustees, together with our Headquarters legal, financial, public relations, editorial experts, and their staffs.
The Language of the Heart: page 304, paragraph 1, line 2
It's just too hot to wear clothes today a drunk said to his wife as he stepped out of the shower, 'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
archie
What we nourish will flourish.
What we perceive as a weakness may make us more approachable to
others; what we perceive as a strength may diminish our usefulness; let’s let God determine the difference in Step 7.
FOUR BASICS OF EFFECTIVE SPONSORSHIP
There are four basic things that produce effective sponsorship. They are: Listen, Learn, Love, and Lead. Let’s consider these one at a time.
Listen—-I must listen closely to what the sponsee is saying, remembering that they are sick people. If I listen closely, they will tell me many things about themselves. Most newcomers have never had someone who would listen and not condemn or criticize them for expressing their feelings and thoughts.
Learn—-I can learn by listening for deep-seated resentments, anger and fear. I can learn much about their drinking history, family and what false beliefs they may have acquired about how to live life. From my mistakes, I can learn how to be a better sponsor in the future.
Love—-Practicing unconditional love toward the sponsee is essential for me as a sponsor. I should be kind, patient, not boastful for rude, not self-seeking or easily upset. I should encourage them as they make progress in the Steps and, when the difficult times arrive and they have an emotional upset, be compassionate and suggest, “Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle happens.” It is very important that I tell them the truth in a loving way and I must let them know that “I care more about saving their life than I do about hurting their feelings.”
Lead—-“The basis of all sponsorship is to lead by example. Service sponsors can impart to their sponsees the pleasure of involvement in the work of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is best done by stressing the spiritual nature of service work and by pointing out the usefulness of simple footwork and faith.”
Questions and Answers on Sponsorship, page 19
Jim, a alcoholic contestant, on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the final plateau. If he answered the next question correctly, he would win a million dollars. If he answered incorrectly, he would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. And as he suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it: (A) the condor (B) the buzzard (C) the cuckoo (D) the vulture. Jim was on the spot. He did not know the answer. He had used up his 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. He hoped he would not have to use it because his friend was, well, probably drunk or well on his way. But he had no alternative. He called his friend and gave him the question and the 4 choices. His buddy responded unhesitatingly: 'That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.' Jim had to make a decision and make it fast. He considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the 1 that his friend had given him. And considering his friend was probably drunk that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But his friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that he could not help but be convinced. Crossing his fingers, he said, 'C: The cuckoo.' 'Is that your final answer?' 'Yes, that is my final answer.' 'That answer is absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!' 3 days later, Jim hosted a party for his family and drinking buddies, including of course his buddy had helped him win the million dollars. 'Tom, I just do not know how to thank you,' said the Jim. 'How did you happen to know the right answer?' 'Oh, come on,' said his friend, 'Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks.'
archie
Source unknown
Last year an alcoholic replaced all the windows in her house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, she got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and he still hadn't been paid for them. The drunk told him that he told her last year, that in 1 year these windows would pay for themselves! It's been a year, she told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so she finally just hung up. He never called back. She said to herself, “Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot”.
archie
What we should tell newcomers is what worked for us; the rest is up to them and God.
What’s more important, who is right or who is staying sober?
FIVE C’S OF SPONSORSHIP
The first thing in trying to help another alcoholic is to get their confidence. We do this by telling them our own experiences with drinking, so that they see that we know what we are talking about. If we share our experiences frankly, they will know that we are sincerely trying to help them. They will realize that they are not alone in their illness and that others have had experiences as bad as or worse than theirs. This gives them confidence that they can be helped.
The second thing is to encourage their confidences and their confession of their own experiences. By frankly sharing with the prospect, we get them talking about their own experiences. They will open up and confess things to us that they haven’t been able to tell other people. And they feel better when this confession has got these things out into the open. It’s the things that are kept hidden that fester in the heart and weigh on the mind. They feel a sense of release and freedom after they have opened up their hearts to us.
The third thing is to convince the prospect and encourage this conviction. The prospect must be convinced that their lives have become unmanageable and are seriously disturbed by their drinking. They must face the fact that they must try to be honest with themselves and try to face themselves as they really are. They must be convinced that they must do something about their drinking and they must be made to see that their whole life may depend upon this conviction.
The fourth thing is to bring about a change in the prospect, so that they experience a form of conversion. Conversion means change. The prospect must learn to change their way of thinking. Until now, almost everything they have done has been connected in some way with drinking. Now they must face a new kind of a life without liquor. They must be made to feel that they can’t overcome their drinking by their own will power, that they can’t fight liquor, so they must turn to a power greater than themselves for the strength they need. This conversion to a belief in a Higher Power comes gradually, as they try it and find that it works.
The fifth thing is to continue with the prospect as long as is necessary. Continuance means our staying with them until they have a foothold in this new way of living. We should stay with them and encourage them to attend meetings regularly. They will soon learn that following the Program is a lot easier in fellowship with others who are trying to do the same things. We should continue to help them by keeping in touch with them, so that they don’t get out of touch with A.A. Continuance is another name for good sponsorship.
7 Points of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 91
As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by an after dinner liqueur. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
archie
Whatever else spirituality might consist of, it includes us being of maximum service to our fellow alcoholics if they are suffering or not.
Whatever we choose to fill our minds with will affect the way we think and act.
SEVEN DEADLY SINS
PRIDE
An unduly high opinion of oneself; exaggerated self-esteem. Proper respect for oneself, sense of one’s own dignity or worth; self-respect. Delight or satisfaction in one’s own or another’s achievements. A person or thing in which pride is taken. The best of a class, group, society. The best part; prime of manhood. Mettle. A group of family or any impressive group. Pride refers either to a justified or excessive belief in one’s own worth, merit, superiority.
It is not always a negative. Pride of heritage, pride of country, pride of hard-won success. All are positive attributes and the pride of exaggerated self-esteem melts away in the light of humility. (It is important to view humility in its true light of self-acceptance rather than as the mid-Victorian pseudo-modesty)
COVETOUSNESS
Tending to covet; greedy, avaricious. Greedy: wanting or taking all that one can get, with no thought of others needs; desiring more than one needs or deserves; avaricious; having too strong a desire for food.
It is a normal state for one whose disintegrating personality causes him to resent that the success and happiness which comes to others always seems to be out of his grasp. Greed is a part of this consideration. It needs to be recognized as a characteristic of the unfilled child’s nature, which is so much a part of the practicing alcoholic’s personality.
LUST
Desire to gratify the senses; bodily appetite. Sexual desire, excessive sexual as seeking unrestrained gratification. Overly mastering desire. Pleasure.
It is most often is the search for someone to care. Though it frequently finds expression in sexual excesses, the nature of this drive needs to be explored. In sobriety, this search can be converted into a lust for life--heightened enthusiasm and pleasures in the freedom of a sober, productive existence.
ANGER
A feeling of displeasure resulting from injury, mistreatment, opposition. Usually showing itself in a desire to fight back at the supposed cause of this feeling. Inflammation of a sore or wound. Pain or trouble. To make angry; enrage. To make painfully inflamed. Anger is applicable to feelings of resentful or revengeful displeasure.
It is perhaps one of the most misunderstood, maligned and misinterpreted emotions. Webster describes anger as a feeling of displeasure which results from injury, mistreatment, opposition, etc. Usually anger reveals itself in a desire to fight back at the presumed source of this feeling. Clearly, evil intent is not implied while judgment certainly is implied. And here is where one of the most dangerous pitfalls for the alcoholic surfaces--that of resentment.
When the alcoholic drinks, his judgment is impaired and anger turns to rage at those people or things which inflict pain and oppose his wishes. In recovery, the skills of creative assertion are practiced to eliminate the conditioning which has promoted the practicing alcoholic to respond with destructive aggression to that which frightens him.
GLUTTONY
The habit or act of eating too much.
It can be equated with the phenomenon of craving which is a dominant factor in the disease of alcoholism. Social drinkers often feel confusion about the excesses demonstrated by the alcoholic which leads to value judgments and makes the non-alcoholic incapable of understanding the alcoholic’s physiological craving for this chemical.
Often in recovery, the craving for alcohol will be diverted into a craving for sugar. "Candyholics" usually return to a normal appetite for sweets in a relatively short time. However, care should be taken not to divert this characteristic into becoming a glutton for work. Workaholics frequently drive themselves into the same isolation booth occupied by the problem drinker.
ENVY
A feeling of discontent and ill will because of another’s advantages, possessions, etc; resentful dislike of another who has something that one desires. Desire for some advantage, quality, that another has. An object of envious feeling. To feel envy toward. Envy is to feel ill will, jealousy, or discontent at the persons possession of something that one keenly desires to have or achieve.
It is much like greed. This poor me attitude is felt by the alcoholic who is deeply confused as to why he gets all the bad luck--while less deserving others get all the breaks. Rare is the human being who goes through life without feeling occasional envy, but in sobriety this feeling can be reduced from the obsessive to the normal.
SLOTH
Disinclination to work or exert oneself, indolence, laziness, idleness. Slowness; delay.
As the disease of alcoholism progresses, the ability to make decisions, to produce, to create and to communicate diminishes. Alcohol is a sedative, a tranquillizer, an anesthetic--therefore, it diminishes ambition and drive before finally rendering the victim incapable of carrying on the most normal activities. Recovery takes time, and sometimes lethargy is slow to dissipate. Belief in one’s self and practice in using both physical and mental skills surely will bring a return of energy and enthusiasm. Patience is the key word.
Source unknown
Irritated Wife, What do you mean by coming home 1/2 drunk? Hubby, It’s not my fault, I ran out of money.