A recovery thought
archie
We must face the past to be free from it.
We must look inside to find our problem.
WHO ARE THE WINNERS IN A.A.?
There’s a lot they don’t explain in A.A. They tell you to "stick with the winners" and "make sure you become one of the winners." But they don’t say exactly who or what a winner is, in A.A. terms. They just sort of leave you to work it out.
Well, I’ve been wondering about it and what I’m wondering is this. Does not having a slip, keeping off the sauce for several years, and staying around the A.A. meetings make someone a winner? The reason I’m asking is because this means there are thousands and thousands of winners in A.A., and as I take a look around it all gets pretty confusing. The reason it gets confusing is because there are so many different kinds of "winners" and I don’t see how I can "stick with" and "become like" the whole of them. At least that’s how it looks, and I’m not really sure if I’ve got this "winner" thing right.
For instance, a lot of members go on about the terrific changes in their lives since they’ve been sober. And the changes they go on about are their good jobs and all the compliments they get, and the big paychecks and nice houses and maybe even the new car and frequent vacations. And they talk about it all being due to A.A. and sobriety. They must be right, and it makes sobriety sound great so I suppose these A.A. members are considered to be very good "winners." But what I can’t help wondering is this. How would they be making out with the Program and sobriety if they lost their health and couldn’t work or got landed with some other big thing that really put the gravy train into a siding? I mean, it’s easy to smile when you’ve got plenty to smile about materially. So is it really the people who’ve got it all going for them who are the real winners?
Or are the winners the ones who are going like fury at the meetings? You know about five or more a week--here, there, and everywhere and getting home late? I know that every once in a while a lot of people need as many meetings as that, and I know too that it’s the ones with years of sobriety who’ve got the most to give, as they say. And maybe it’s right that the ones whose faces seem to be at ten meetings at once are real winners. But would they still be winners if they had to stay home with two broken legs? Are they as good at working the Program as they are at talking and sharing about it? The reason I’m wondering is because a fellow mentioned the other night that "anyone can stay sober at an A.A. meeting--it’s the time in between that sorts you out."
Then what about the kind of winner who’s going hammer and nails to get onto the committee circuit and into the A.A. limelight? It’s true that we’ve got to have someone doing the chores but is it also true that we’re supposed not really to be "organized as such," and what we’re actually supposed to have is "trusted servants" who serve the Fellowship and know the spiritual meaning of "rotation." But at the same time it’s also possible to get yourself a lot of prestige and importance if you’re absolutely determined to serve rather than just being willing if able and asked.
One of the co-founders of A.A. spelled something out in writing and I came upon it last week, and what he said was this. "In as large an organization as ours, we have our share of schemers for personal gain, petty swindlers, and confidence men." Now I wouldn’t argue with what he said because the man was speaking straight truth. But the only thing I’m wondering about is that schemers, swindlers, and confidence men sometimes stay off the sauce for years and stay around the meetings. So are they winners? I mean, what about the people who cadged and conned and lied and cheated and generally wiped their dirty feet on anyone in sight on their way "up" in sobriety and now sit with a well-oiled bank balance, talking pearly words about the Program? Am I really supposed to stick with and become like this kind of winner?
As I said, I’ve been looking around and I’ve been wondering about this "winner" thing. I don’t think you can ever possibly become a winner unless you do stay continuously sober, but that still leaves a terrific amount of room for variety and I think I’ve found the sort of winners I want to stick with. The funny thing is they don’t actually hit you in the face as big successes in sobriety. They haven’t gone zooming up in the world and they’re not big cheeses and somehow they don’t very often get elected on to the big high-up committees or asked to speak on the circuit.
It’s a bit hard to say just what it is about them that makes them the kind of winners I want to stick with, but in a strange way it’s because they’re a lot more likely to think of themselves sometimes as losers compared to the "winners." A lot of them seem to have had things like losing jobs and shaky health and terrible disappointments and depressions, all in sobriety. They’re stayed sober and tried to learn something from all these negative experiences, and they also seem to laugh a lot of the time. They sit just any old where at the meetings, but you get a nice feeling that something sort of special has happened to them. Once in a while they take the lead at a meeting, if they are asked, but you know that they’re just as happy helping with the chairs at the end of the meeting. They do their Twelve Step work when they get the opportunity but they don’t tell the whole of A.A. they’re doing it. They do their stint as a "trusted servant" too when it’s their turn and they manage to stay sort of anonymous about it, like weeding a garden.
What makes them the kind of winners I want to stick with is that they’re not quite like all the other kinds of winners I’ve mentioned. They haven’t got the big success story, money or job wise; they’ve had to survive spells when they couldn’t go to meetings and couldn’t be in the swim of things; they’re got nothing big going for them in the way of prestige--and still they’re stayed sober without cheating themselves or other people.
I’ll tell you what it comes down to. They are the sober, living spirit of this A.A. Fellowship as I understand it. And, if they look like loser’s to you, that’s okay by me--just so long as you leave me with them.
Stepping Stones to Recovery, page 117
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city 1 night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Always Say A Prayer
archie
We must make willing sacrifices for the common welfare of our Fellowship.
We must never forget that recovery is an on ongoing process.
A.A., WHO’S IN CHARGE OF IT
If a group wants to be a part of the whole A.A. service structure, it elects a G.S.R. (general service representative, with a two year term). G.S.R.’s elect area committee members and then join them in electing a delegate from their area to the annual General Service Conference. The Conference is about the closest approximation of a government that A.A. has; it produces opinions on important matters of policy; it approves the choice of some trustee nominees for the General Service Board and directly elects others. But neither the Conference nor the Board can give orders to any A.A. group or member.
Then who’s in charge around here? A.A. is a spiritual movement, and so the "ultimate authority" is the spiritual concept of the "group conscience,” Its voice is heard when a well-informed group gathers to arrive at a decision. The result rests on more than arithmetic, a "yes" and "no" count. Minority ideas get thoughtful attention.
A.A. Pamphlet, The Twelve Traditions Illustrated, A Distillation
of A.A. Experience page 4, paragraph 2
An old drunk was in a bar 1 night begging the bartender for 1 more drink even though he had run out of money. In desperation, the drunk said, "Listen, I have this unusual talent. I can fart the tune of the national anthem. If I climb up on your bar and entertain your patrons by farting the national anthem, will you please give me 1 more drink?" The bartender agreed to the deal, so the old drunk climbed up onto the bar and dropped his pants. The drunk began grunting and straining and, much to everyone’s surprise and disgust, had a tremendous bowel movement right on the bar. The bartender reached for his billy-club, intending to teach the drunk a lesson. "Just a minute, just a minute," wailed the drunk. "If I was a singer, you wouldn’t be mad if I had to clear my throat."
archie
We must perfect and enlarge our spiritual lives through work and self-sacrifice for others, if we are going to survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.
We must realize that each morning when we wake, we are potential drunkards for that day.
TIMETABLE FOR LIVING THE STEPS
Steps One and Two are conclusions of the heart. Once we have the necessary information and make these conclusions, the following time table for working the rest of the Steps presents itself in the Big Book.
Third Step.......Being convinced (p. 60)
Fourth Step......at once (p. 64)
Fifth Step.......at the first opportunity (p. 74)
Sixth Step.......for an hour (p. 75)
Seventh Step.....When ready (p. 76)
Eighth Step... We made it when we took inventory (p. 76)
Ninth Step.......Now
Tenth Step.......As we cleaned up the past (p. 84)
Eleventh Step...
1) On awakening (p. 86)
2) As we go through the day (p. 87)
3) When we retire at night (p. 86)
Twelfth Step, frequent contact with newcomers (p 89)
Now, anyone who says that they should "Take their time" doing the Steps, these references should get them started on this wonderful journey of ours, or send them running to the nearest bar room. As sober members of A.A. it is our responsibility to pass the message (as outlined in the Big Book) to those who have not heard it, or who have been living in the hell known as "The Fellowship" without working the Program of A.A.
Source unknown
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WHEN TO TAKE THE TWELVE STEPS, WELL, WHEN DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL
I wonder how many alcoholics upon finding out they had a deadly ailment and a doctor had a cure would sit in the doctor’s waiting room ninety times in ninety days (or for a year or more) and wait for the medicine to be administered to them. I also wonder how many alcoholics do the same thing concerning our Twelve Steps; they go to ninety meetings in ninety days hoping to have a spiritual awakening without taking the Steps.
Source unknown
An old gent had swallowed too many glassfuls of hard stuff in his day, had scarcely any liver left, and was on his deathbed with his 3 sons gathered around. The oldest of them said, "Father, we’ll have a big funeral, with 50 cars, and spend $1,000 for flowers.” The 2nd son objected. "Let’s make it just 1/2 a dozen cars for the family and a few $100 for flowers.” The 3rd 1, a real pinchpenny, said, "Look, why spend all that money? Let the relative’s use their own cars, and the 3 of us can ride in the hearse with Father.” The old man raised his head from the pillow and groaned, "Listen, boys, why don’t you just hand me my pants and I’ll walk to the cemetery."
archie
We must surrender to win.
We must understand and obey the principles in our 12 Steps and not just hear or read them.
WHY DID YOU RELAPSE?
I believe that if you do not know why YOU WILL AGAIN!!! Do you agree?
I believe that question is answered by what you did not do. I ask this life and death question because if it is not answered you will do it again and again until you get locked up, covered up or sober up and until one of these happen, you will feel like hell.
SO WHAT IS THE QUESTION?
Look at the last sentence on page 14 and the 1st sentence on the top of page 58. Do not READ these sentences, STUDY them as if you life is at stake. IT IS!
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WHY DID YOU DRINK AGAIN?
Slip = to fall into error, relapse
Relapse = to regress after a partial recovery from illness
Some feel if you have taken a Step Five you relapsed, if you have not taken a Step Five you have slipped; the result however is the same, you have readjusted your sobriety date.
Honesty is a must; so
1) was it better this time?
2) are you hiding something?
3) if you did a Step Five, did you hide something?
4) what did you not do? (look at the last line in the Big Book on page 14 and the first line on page 58)
5) are you willing to do anything this time to stay sober like taking a Step Five and doing what is called for in Step Nine?
Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.
Alcoholics Anonymous, page 43, paragraph 3
An indignant dowager comes upon a very tired and very drunk on the street. She says to him, "If I were in your condition I would shoot myself!” He hiccups back, "If you were in my condition, lady, you’d miss!"
archie
We must work the Program for ourselves alone, not for our wife’s, children, friends, or for our job.
We need A.A. a lot more then A.A. needs us.
SIX POINTS OF AN A.A. GROUP
Some CO/Intergroups have guidelines taken from the old the A.A. Group pamphlet. They were called the Six Points of an A.A. Group. Here they are:
1) All members of a group are alcoholics, and all alcoholics are eligible for membership.
2) As a group, they are fully self-supporting.
3) A group’s primary purpose is to help alcoholics recover through the Twelve Steps.
4) As a group, they have no outside affiliation.
5) As a group, they have no opinion on outside issues.
6) As a group, their public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion.
These Six points were removed from the Group pamphlet in the mid 90’s but it’s been suggested and discussed at the G.S.C. that they be replaced.
Source unknown
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WHAT IS AN A.A. GROUP?
The answer lies in Tradition Two: “For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority--a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.” An A.A. group is, therefore, a spiritual entity, independent of its name, its physical environment, and even its members.
However, to survive, an A.A. group needs to be supported by its members. Rent has to be paid, refreshments have to be available, chairs must be set up, the rooms must be kept clean. It’s the members’ group; they support it with their money and their time and effort.
AAGrapevine, August first 1997
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar 1 Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing. Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath. In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, "If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!"
archie
We need each other’s experience, strength, and hope, regardless of age or length of sobriety.
We need more than knowledge to stay sober.
A PRAYER FOR EVERY A.A. MEMBER
God, keep me from the habit of thinking that I must volunteer in every meeting no matter what the topic. Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details and give me wings to get to the point. Remind me to guard confidences and to keep still when I feel that it is necessary to share information just for some one’s own good. Release me from the need to straighten out everybody else’s thinking and program.
God, I ask for the grace to listen to newcomers. Please help me to remember the patience with which others listened to me when I was new. Please seal my lips to giving advice, and help me to remember to share my experience, strength, and hope. Remind me that my purpose is to fit myself to be of maximum service to You and the people around me.
Help me to remain teachable, God. Teach me (again!) the lesson that, occasionally, it is possible that I may be wrong and remind me of the freedom that I gain when I am able to promptly admit it and make amends where necessary. Help me to remember the difference between making amends and saying I’m sorry.
Help me to be a worker among workers, a friend among friends, and a drunk among drunks. Keep me from being a bleeding deacon, God, and help me to walk the path towards being an elder statesman. Keep me ever mindful that I cannot manage my own life. I don’t want to be a saint, God, show me the way to seek you so that I may continue to grow along spiritual lines.
Remind me to put Rule 62 into practice in my life. It is so easy to take myself too seriously.
Keep me free of gossip, character assassination, and judgment. Remind me that although I have humbly asked, my character defects and shortcomings arise when I least expect them. Help me to walk with serendipity, to see good things in unexpected places and talents in unexpected people and give me the grace to tell them so. Help me to see that You love each of Your children, and that You do not need my opinion of them or suggestions on what they might deserve.
Help me to be willing to accept Your answer to my prayers, whether or not it is the answer that I thought I wanted. You know that I have trouble with acceptance sometimes, God, so there are times when You will need to help me to be willing to be willing. Show me how to walk through life with grace, dignity, and my head held high, carrying Your message and practicing these principles in all my affairs.
And God, thank You for the people that You have put in my life. My family, of origin, and of A.A. My sponsor, my sponsees, the people of my home group, the people who 1st reached out their hands to welcome me to the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know today, God, that I could not have walked these Steps to get from where I was when I walked in the door to the person that I am today, if it were not for the blessings You have given me through Your precious children.
Thanks, God!
Author unknown
An irate girl stormed into the meeting room, threw up her hand, and shared how really angry she was with her sponsor. Seems she had a certain problem that she desperately needed to talk about, and she had called her sponsor to be told that the sponsor had moved! A year ago.
archie
We need newcomers to tell us where we came from, old-timers to tell us where we could go and a sponsor to tell us where we are.
We need power each day, because we get weary, but with A.A. as our structure and God as our source of strength, we can face life without taking a drink.
WHAT IS AN A.A. GROUP?
There are no rules that define an A.A. group. Instead, we read the long form of Tradition Three teaches that our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Therefore, we may refuse none who wish to recover. In addition, A.A. membership must never depend upon money conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that as a group, they have no other affiliation.
To simplify, this means that an A.A. group is composed of at least two people. Both of those people must be alcoholics who want to recover. Those two people must gather for the sole purpose of staying sober. They cannot be affiliated with any other organization. Any other person who wants to recover from alcoholism can join these two people. They cannot turn anyone away.
The six Warranties of Concept Twelve also apply to A.A. groups. In addition to the above, the Warranties state that there can be no penalties levied against non-conformists; that all contributions are voluntary, that no one can be kicked out of the group (membership is the choice of the individual member); and that groups can conduct group affairs any way the members want to as long as they do not do anything that might injure A.A. as a whole.
The Messenger, Nov 2007, page 4
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. The young man had spiked hair all different colors, green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. The young man said, "What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.
archie
archie
We need to become part of the solution instead of part of the problem.
We need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world but what needs to be changed in us and our attitudes.
WHY TAKE THE TWELVE STEPS
THE DOCTOR’S OPINION EDITED
Men and women take the Twelve Steps essentially because they like the effect produced by them. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is helpful, they realize after a time that they can differentiate the true from the false. To them, their recovered alcoholic life seems the only normal one. If they stop taking the Steps, as so many do, they become restless, irritable, and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few Steps--Steps they see others taking with success. After they have succumbed to the desire to work the Steps again, and they pass through the well-known stages of recovery, emerging happy, with a firm resolution not to let their program slip away again. This is repeated over and over, and as this person experiences an entire psychic change there is every hope of his recovery.
Source unknown
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WHY TAKE THE TWELVE STEPS
For members of Twelve Step Fellowships, the Steps serve a specific purpose. According to A.A. cofounder Bill Wilson, their author, the Twelve Steps "are a group of principles, spiritual in their nature, which, if practiced as a way of life, can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole." (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p. 15) In other words, the Twelve Steps can keep us, as alcoholics, sober and happy.
Twelve Step Sponsorship page 87, paragraph 2
An old timer had a friend who was still out there drinking. 1 day he ran into this friend while the fellow just happened to be on the wagon. "John, why don’t you try the Fellowship, you might be surprised; you might like it.” "No thanks, Joe," says the drunk. "Unlike you, I’m only an alcoholic when I drink."
archie
We need to listen to the minority voice.
We need to live our amends so others will learn to trust us again.
THE WINNERS ARE IN A.A.
"In recovery there are no losers, just slow winners." I remember being in early recovery and feeling so bad that I just knew it wasn't working. I'd tell my sponsor about it, and I can still hear him saying, "Michael, you're exactly where you should be, and that's exactly what you should be feeling right now." At first I thought he was just handing me a line, but after a while I believed him and learned to trust in the slow progress I was making in recovery.
Years later I'd hear other newcomers complain about how bad they felt and about how terrible of a day they were having. I can still hear the old-timers ask them if they had a drink that day. "No," they'd respond. "Then no matter how bad you think you're doing, when you lay your head on your pillow tonight you're a winner." It was comforting to hear that back then, and it still is today. Now that I've been in recovery a while I understand the wisdom in this week's quote. It doesn't matter what you're going through in recovery or how you feel, the fact that you are in recovery, that you have a Program, and that you're developing or improving your conscious contact with a Power greater than yourself means that you've already won. You may feel like a loser temporarily, but most of the time and in the long run you'll live a life filled with the joys and miracles of recovery.
Source unknown
Asked by the doctor why he drinks so much. Sam replied, “Every night when I come home, the wife starts screaming, the kids start crying, and the dog barks at me. Who wouldn’t hit the bottle?” “What you need is exercise,” prescribed the doc. “I want you to run 10 miles every morning for a month, then call me.” A month later, Sam called. “Doc, you cured me! I’m still drinking, but I never felt better in my life.” “Great,” said the doc, “and how’s the wife and kids?” “How should I know?” said Sam. “I’m 300 miles away.”