Your Biggest Boner
Patrick Olguin
It has to do with your biggest blooper/boner related to woodworking.
I made a wildy funny mistake while almost woodworking the other day.
I related it to a couple of rec.ww chums, and they suggested I post it
if I could stand the ridicule. So here goes.
I had some old 3/8" plywood that had been sitting outside in the weather...
well, what passes for weather down here in So Cal :-). Anyway, I decided that
my father-in-law could use the plywood for firewood, since it was ruined for
any other use. So, I dragged the two 4x8 sheets outside, plopped them
on my trusty Workmate, and began cutting. Well, it wasn't long before
the cheap steel blade in my Skil 77 started to go dull, and bind. So,
being the clever guy I am, I whipped out my new, 60 tooth, carbide tipped
blade. I unplugged the saw (I'm kinda attached to my fingers), and changed
blades. While changing blades, I adjusted the foot to full blade-depth to
make the change a little easier.... but then forgot to readjust.
With the new blade locked in place,
I plugged in the saw, clamped down the workpiece, and proceeded to
make the most effortless cut you ever saw: right through that wimpy 3/8
plywood, _and_ the sheet metal of my Workmate! That Skil 77 never even
slowed down. When I unclamped the workpiece, the two halves of the Workmate
flopped to the ground. My father-in-law started laughing so hard, I really
thought he was going to have a heart attack. Pat the mighty woodworker does
in his Workmate.
You know how a really nice carbide blade will make shavings, not sawdust?
Well, there were neat little wood _and_ sheet metal shavings where my fallen
Workmate lay. Oh well, I need to make a _real_ workbench anyway :-).
****************
So, your challenge is to one-up this story, and own up to your horrendous/
silly mistakes. Please, no dismemberment stories this time around =8-0.
Patrick
Just say To Err is human, to really screw up requires a 13 amp, worm-drive Skil 77.
etc.
Kathy Williams
: I had some old 3/8" plywood that had been sitting outside in the weather...
: well, what passes for weather down here in So Cal :-). Anyway, I decided that
: my father-in-law could use the plywood for firewood, since it was ruined for
Just to make this one worse, you trashed your workmate for nothing. You
shouldn't burn plywood in the fireplace. The glue, etc supposedly makes
noxious fumes. Maybe a chemist/woodworker can confirm or deny on that.
Glenn Ponder
Let's just say "If we were doctors, we could bury our mistakes."
Stephen Lamantia
Okay, I'd like to try this big boner thing; sounds like fun.
Actually, I have two stories. They kind of relate to woodworking, I
guess, although marginally. Since I'm new to woodworking, I don't
(yet) have any good misuse-of-tools or forgot-my-fingers-were-there
stories, so forgive me my shoehorning of these into the category,
but I'll think you'll enjoy the stories, anyway.
Story #1: "The Stripper"
When I was seventeen I moved out of mom and dad's house, and
rented an apartment with a buddy. The apartment was the attic in a
house built in 1835 on Staten Island. The walls in my bedroom were
peeling-off wallpaper from the 30's or so, and it looked like hell,
so I scraped it off and slapped up plaster with my hands, a la
stucco or something. (Okay, I was seventeen, all right? It looked
good to me then.)
Then the door started to look bad in comparison, so I decided to
strip the many old coats of paint from the bedroom side of the door
and put on a varnish. I was a kid, but not *too* stupid, so I knew
to remove the door from the hinges and take it outdoors to apply the
chemical paint stripper. I carried this oldtime solid door (heavy!)
down three flights of stairs and propped it onto sawhorses in the
front yard. The stripping took about eight coats of stripper before
I was down to bare wood. Towards evening, hours and hours and a
gallon of Red Devil later, I was finally finished.
I left the door outside on the porch overnight, and the next
morning I carried it back up those six flights of stairs -- it's
double going up -- and set about hanging the door back on the
hinges. To my incredible horror, I immediately discovered that I
had stripped the paint from the wrong side of the door!
One of the guys living downstairs was a bona fide hippie carpenter
type -- mighta been Roy Underhill as a lad -- and he heard me
laughing and crying and came on up to see what the commotion was all
about. He ended up doing some bona fide hippie carpenter stuff with
the door jamb and the hinges and whatnot, and we hung the door
upside down and backwards so that I could still get the side I had
worked on to face the inside of my room. Alas, the doorknob was now
shoulder high, but seventeen year old hippies aren't slaves to
convention.
Story #2: "Careful, or You'll Poke an Eye Out"
In my early thirties I was still alive and still in college,
having taken a number of years off from school to become a veteran.
I was renting a house with some school friends. We had a fireplace,
and since I was the only non-lazy non-spazz in the place, it usually
fell to me to split the firewood. Since I really enjoyed splitting,
I didn't mind. The logs were stacked out on the front porch, which
was just one step up from the front walk leading out to the street.
One evening, it was evening, and I was splitting wood out on the
sidewalk directly off the porch. As I was taking my swings Dimitri
the Landlord, who lived a few houses up the street, happened to
stroll by. In the dark and from his slight distance, it was hard
for him to tell if I was splitting the wood down on the concrete
sidewalk (which was okay by him) or up on the porch (which wasn't).
So he called out, "Hey, Steve, you're not splitting those logs up on
the porch, are you?"
"No, Dimitri, I'm not," I replied, "I'm down on the sidewalk".
Being a native New Yorker, though, you can't just answer a question
matter of factly; you're sincerely required to ridicule the question
or better yet, the questioner. So I added snidely, "Hey, I have
brains." But I'm also half Italian, so it's illegal for my mouth to
speak alone; my hands won't allow it. They instead insist on
performing an ongoing manual translation of my speech.
(Gesticulatory supplementation is the street term for this back in
Little Italy.) So while my mouth was uttering the word "brains", my
left hand was compelled to point to my head, to show Dimitri that
that's where brains are. But my hand got so carried away in this
gesture that it forgot that at that very moment it was holding a
foot-long sliver of wood that I had just pulled away from the sides
of a log. The end of the sliver was pointy and sharp, and I stabbed
myself directly in the eye with it. The timing, of course, was
impeccable. I stabbed my eye precisely at the utterance of the word
"brains". As a result, it came out "brainsaaaaaaarrrrrgh."
Dimitri took me to University Hospital Emergency Room. No bad
damage, they said, just to the cornea, the eye's outer part, which
heals itself quite well, thank you. I learned from a nice nurse
there that three body parts will heal about three or four times
faster than any others: the tongue, the stomach lining, and the
cornea. (Don't ask why, 'tis just so.) After fixing me up, the
same nice nurse encouraged me not to poke my eye out with any more
sticks -- now why didn't *I* think of that? -- and wished me good
health and a good night. Unless I wanted to stick around, she
added, which I pretended not to hear.
I lived for a couple of days in total humiliation and an eye
patch and then I was as good as new. (Yo, Norm! Wear *these*!)
Nowadays I still see Dimitri around Seattle from time to time.
("With which eye, Steve?") Coincidentally, he's also a native New
Yorker, from the Bronx, so everytime we see each other he delights
in inquiring, "Hey Steve, how's your brainsaaaaaaarrrrrgh?"
Cripes, eye hate that.
-- Steve LaMantia
Seattle, WA
[... "Keep your remaining fingers well away from any spinning
blades. And remember, the most important safety rule of all
is to always cover your good eye with this, a safety
monacle."]
Ken McNair
You should have just left it outside as a porcupine feeder
- those critters just LOVE the glue
- or don't you have them in SoCal
Ken "not many in England either" McNair
Steve Burling
(Stephen Lamantia) wrote:
[two wonderful stories deleted to save bandwidth...]
You guys should consider submitting these stories to Fine Homebuilding,
for possible publication in their "Great Moments in Building History"
series. That's usually the part I turn to first.
--
Steve Burling Phone: (313) 763-4905
ITD Research Systems Internet: Steve....@umich.edu
535 West William Street
Ann Arbor, MI 48103-4943
Tom Baltz
<<<<<<<<rip>>>>>>>>
>Just say To Err is human, to really screw up requires a 13 amp,
worm-drive Skil
Nah. A 3hp brand spanking new unisaw.
My boner is very similar...
Several years ago sold the old crapsman and got the unisaw, my wife
pleasantly suprised me with a new Accumiter miter guage to go with it
(for those not aware, a great replacement miter guage with sliding stops,
hold downs, etc, made out of extruded aluminum).
The accumiter's long fence can be quickly adjusted (slide sidways) to use
in either the right or left miter rail. I was busy crosscutting some
stock on the right side of the blade, totally enjoying my new toys. Had
to do a 45 miter, so adjusted it and put it to the left of the blade,
making a perfect miter.
You guessed it...I didn't slide the fence to the other side. Amazing how
carbide cuts aluminum! Wifey asked several weeks later what that slot
was in the middle of the rail...told her its a quick reference guide ;-)
Cheers, Tom
PS...not my biggest boner. Not woodworking, but 2 nights ago crashed my
leg thru the ceiling when I slipped getting out the Xmas lights from the
attic. With the number of lights I usually put out, its starting to turn
out like Chevy Chase's Xmas Vacation movie!
Mark Rauschkolb
After putting a new blade on the table saw, he decided to test the cut on a
small (~8x10) piece of 3/4 inch plywood. He turned on the saw, got his
"pusher" to move the wood past the blade, and then as soon as the blade touched
the wood, the wood went flying across the room, denting the frame of the window
that it just barely missed.
Shop teacher then made some kind of comment:
"Damn, too bad there wasn't a student standing there..."
I tried to keep my distance from him after that, and luckilly he was gone soon after.
Mark
BOB MCNULTY
One of my favorite momories involved a blunder my Father made, and
since he hasn't access to a computer I can share it without fear of reprisal
(Though I do like ribbing him about it)
He was changing the blade on his table saw and I believe he was
tightening the nut while blocking the blade with a block of wood. He got
sidetracked somehow and the wrench slipped off the nut and he scraped his
knuckles pretty good.
I guess this was the last straw in a series of events for this
particular project (I can't recall exactly) but anyway in anger he threw the
wrench (with a few 4 letter words) which proceed to fly out the open garage
door and smash the passenger window of the car which just happened to be
driving down the street.
Even though I was very young at the time, I had sense
enough not to laugh (out loud) until he left the garage to "calmly" talk to the
owner of the car.
From then on I made sure I never threw anything while angry ( I wait
'til I am calm and know where the projectile will land).
Bob
Walter Barry
>make the most effortless cut you ever saw: right through that wimpy 3/8
>plywood, _and_ the sheet metal of my Workmate! That Skil 77 never even
>slowed down. When I unclamped the workpiece, the two halves of the Workmate
>flopped to the ground. My father-in-law started laughing so hard, I really
>thought he was going to have a heart attack. Pat the mighty woodworker does
>in his Workmate.
I think you out did me Pat. I once notched the tailgate on my pickup,
but stopped with only a deep scratch. No wait, I got it. I picked up
a couple of 10' 2x10's during lunch at work once (instead of my local place
close to home) and I didn't want them hanging off the back of my mid-size
pickup truck on the highway (trying to be curtious to my fellow drivers)
so I stuck them through the little sliding window into the cab.
Needless to say, as I lowered them down they just touched the windshield.
As a went to get in I heard a loud "pop" and looked to see a couple of long
cracks through my windshield. Life's little lessons, huh? Only $200 bucks.
However, now that you got me going, I might as well throw this one in too!
I had wanted to send this in as a new post, hopefully to prevent it from
happening to others, but I really haven't compiled all the results yet.
Came home from Disney World after 8 days w/the wife & kids on Sunday night
11/20 at 11pm and heard water running full blast. I ran into the brand new
kitchen I just finished, and everything looked fine. Then I ran over to
the basement (where my shop is) and opened the door to see 5ft. of water
(ok, only 58" to be exact). Water co. never responsed. The Police called the
Fire dept. after I shut off the main breaker & the gas co. said it was safe.
They shut the main at the street, smashed the front window, and began to pump.
I finished off the last 6-8" the next morning w/2 small pumps.
The culprit was a rubber washing machine hose which split open and must have
been running for a few days. Yeah, I should have known, but I didn't. I never
shut it off before & last year we were gone for 10 days. And you know the way
it works, if its going to break, its going to do it while your away. No sump,
and the trap was 6" over the water line. So now after I finish plumbing another
bathroom I promise to re-do the basement and throw a double shut-off valve in.
The rest of the story was cleanup (like I have any free time). Another dumpster
on the side of the house & a few more vacation days to tear out the "finished"
section of the basement. The wood floor was all buckled and the paneling
destroyed. Took 3 days to get the furnace running (on that day it snowed, ha)
the water heater cleaned up OK, and the washer & dryer are shot and being replaced.
Lots of other stuff, play-pens, computer for work, all destroyed. etc.etc.
Great time to design a new shop, right?
Now to the important stuff. HOW DID THE SHOP DO? (stick to the woodwrkg, right?)
OK, it's pretty wild to see your big heavy workbench floating around like a raft.
After cutting the juice (and dropping my pants) I twice attempted to make it through
to shut off the water but it was like stepping into lake Michigan (ice coooooooold!).
- Workbench seems OK. I'll flatten the top with a jointer plane after awhile.
It definately had lots of Watco's in it so that might have helped. The top
is all glued up Doug.Fir 4x4s which might have been stablized by the fact that
I have 4 5/8" threaded steel rods running through it. The trestle sides & rails
joints are also reinforced w/lags or bolts. My Record 52 1/2 on the other hand
is all rusted underneath. It will take a lot of elbow to clean up.
- Anything wood, warped, twisted, split etc. Butcher block cart glue joints split.
A 5 drawer Shaker dresser I left on hold while doing an addition (w/only 3 drawers
left) was completely shot. Unfinished, it didn't have a chance. The night before
leaving I had left a small table (only the top needed to be attached) on top of my
bench. The birds-eye maple top now looks like an "S" curve. The worst though were my
guitars (playing for 20yrs) a 1965 Gibson SG, a 1979 Gibson Les Paul Custom, and
a custom built guitar f/commercial parts were all destroyed. Finishes, cracks
and splits, necks coming away from the bodies, expanding away from frets, etc.
Some smaller half-finished projects were trashed, mostly warping & glue joints.
- Most books are shot. I'm drying some, most are garbage. I'll simply replace the
best ones and get reimbursed by the insurance. Of the books and magazines that
were under water for awhile, the glossy paper did the worst. A Fine Woodwrkg
magazine is a placemat. Six Woodwrkr Journals dried out fairly well.
The Workbench Book & FWW Bench Tools, etc. are shot, Stanley price guide &
Planecraft are drying out fairly good.
- Hand tools are all rusted. Chisels, every ChannelLock pair of pliers, etc.
squares, etc. I probably should have listed them on the insurance but I'll
clean them up, it comes off easy with a wire brush, synthetic steel wool and
a little oil. They just aren't going to shine anymore. On the bright side,
all my old Stanley handplanes, scrapers & spokeshaves & old wooded planes etc.
were on the top shelf inches above the water line. Just light moisture rust here,
nothing major. Many items will just get a vinegar bath. My 4 old Disttons
will have to be taken apart. Unforunately, there are a few small cracks on
those ornate handles (ouch!).
- OK, power tools. They were ALL on the lowest shelves (in steel cases, ha ha)
under water for a long time. My Milwaukee Sawz-all now spits out grease.
I had to use it anyway to rip out the finished side of the basement.
Probably could be repaired but insurance will cover a new one. My Delta
Bench Grinder bearings sound like marbles & its covered in rust (forget it
that Milwaukee one looks much better anyway). An small old cast-iron Skil
table saw is nothing but rust, time to upgrade. The PC352vs Belt Sander also
has some rust, I cleaned it up but I don't trust it so I put it down.
I already cleaned up the PC circular saw & PC speed-bloc sander and they seem
to work fine. Bosch Jigsaw & Router were high up and didn't get wet (lucky).
The chuck on my B&D 1166 "pro" drill is rusted but it seems OK, I'll clean it.
I dried stuff out with hair dryers & used GFCI outlets to test them. Pretty
wild to see water flying out of the motor vents, be careful what you touch,
and like I said use a GFCI outlet. It took 3 days to get the dehumidifier
working again.
All together, its a great time to redesign the layout. Plus after seeing what
hurricane Gordon did in Florida while I was there I certainly don't feel so bad.
It could have been worse. We only light rain at Disney, but the Florida news had
big coverage and some people had lost their homes. So PLEASE learn from MY stupidity
and shut the valves off. Its nice to way to clean things out & start over but its
also a lot of unexpected work (skipped the turkey for Thanksgiving this year).
I might have been too honest with the insurance, or should have thrown some more
stuff on the list, but I enjoy cleaning up lots of old garage sale tools anyway.
BTW, I had posted for advice on the Delta 34-444 contractors table-saw,
for opinions & alternatives (no Imports). This seems like a great time for
this semi-neanderthal to upgrade. Please email me with any opinions or advice
no sympathy needed, I'm really looking at the bright side. Just use my bad
experience to your benefit.
p.s.Patrick, my Workmate 400 is still in one peice. However the top swelled
up like a sponge and will have to be trashed. Oh yeah, I'll admit it,
I laughed like your father-in-law when read your post. All the way through,huh?
Thanks for listening,
Walter
NB72B2D00-HoelkerDJ(DR2208)223
|> Sorry, this is not a cross posting from alt.sex.large_appendages :-).
|> It has to do with your biggest blooper/boner related to woodworking.
|>
|>
|> So, your challenge is to one-up this story, and own up to your horrendous/
|> silly mistakes. Please, no dismemberment stories this time around =8-0.
|>
Well I certainly can't say mine is as humorous as yours, but it
might save someone else some grief.
I was building a set of cabinets and bookshelves for a 18' wall
in our family room (i.e a lot of veneer plywood). I wanted to
make the shelf supports flush with the wood, so I was going to
cut a dado for each. I was figuring this out on the fly (mistake
#1), and decided 1/3 of the way in for the inside edge of each
support. I set the fence, and the realized that they should
probably be farther out to keep the shelves from tipping when
you placed a book on them. So I gave the fence a good rap (I
know, not fine woodworking) and proceeded to cut both dados in the
bottom side of all 8 upright pieces.
I turned the first piece over to cut the other side (on the pieces
that got one on both sides, and I'm sure my mouth must have dropped
open a foot. I had moved the fence AWAY from the blade, not toward
the blade, and had actually made the cuts CLOSER to the center of
the board. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! I really
couldn't afford to buy that much plywood over again (I think it
would have been 5-6 sheets), so I ended up taking another shelf
clip, drilling and tapping it, and making a hold-down for the back
of the shelf with a short piece of 8-32 rod and a nylon nut. Sigh.
Dan Hoelker
Dave Halliwell
>Not mine, but my shop teacher...
[story deleted]
Since you created the precedent of stories about _other_ people in
shop class...
I remember my shop teacher always telling us to be careful about not
leaving keys in drill chucks, or the wrench on the lathe, etc. He
wouldn't let any of us near the band saw. (There was no table saw.) All
around, he was pretty careful about shop safety.
One day we came in for woodwork class. The lathe was up against the
wall that had all the windows to the outside. There, at the left end of
the lathe, was a window pane with a _perfect_ wrench-shaped hole in it.
Someone had obviously left the wrench in place after tightening or
removing their work piece, and had turned the machine on with it still in
place. As far as I know, nobody was hurt. Sure looked impressive, though.
Amazing how it punched through that glass without shattering the entire
pane.
--
Dave Halliwell I don't speak for my employers, and you
Edmonton, Alberta shouldn't expect them to speak for me.
Brett Vincent
[stuff deleted]
>However, now that you got me going, I might as well throw this one in too!
>I had wanted to send this in as a new post, hopefully to prevent it from
>happening to others, but I really haven't compiled all the results yet.
[sad tale of woe deleted]
>All together, its a great time to redesign the layout. Plus after seeing what
>hurricane Gordon did in Florida while I was there I certainly don't feel so bad.
>It could have been worse. We only light rain at Disney, but the Florida news had
>big coverage and some people had lost their homes. So PLEASE learn from MY stupidity
>and shut the valves off. Its nice to way to clean things out & start over but its
>also a lot of unexpected work (skipped the turkey for Thanksgiving this year).
>I might have been too honest with the insurance, or should have thrown some more
>stuff on the list, but I enjoy cleaning up lots of old garage sale tools anyway.
[snip]
>Thanks for listening,
> Walter
Walter,
I am sorry to hear about your flodding problem, but it's good to see that you
are taking it all in stride. I hope all works out well for you. Hopefully I
will remember this the next time I go on vacation.
I would be interested in hearing about your experience in dealing with the
insurance company, especially how they handled replacing old tools. (What do
you mean, those planes were old so they must not be worth much!) Any hints in
general would be interesting.
Good luck in your recovery.
Brett T. Vincent
Computer Sciences Corporation
NASA Wallops Flight Facility
e-mail: vin...@grace.wff.nasa.gov or brett_...@ccmail.gsfc.nasa.gov
Vince Miller
>insurance company, especially how they handled replacing old tools. (What do
>you mean, those planes were old so they must not be worth much!) Any hints in
>general would be interesting.
Ditto.
Also, I would advise against using vinegar to clean up the rust on your
tools. I used it on an old Disston and was not happy with the results.
Another saw (although not as badley rusted) cleaned up wonderfully with sand
paper and polishing compound. The vinegar seemed to eat into the steel,
especially where the rust was (maybe prior pitting, but I think the rust
supplied an active surface once gon for etching), also I used a rag to cover
the whole blade via capilary action. The steel is etched with the weave of
the rag now, so it seems it etches steel considerably.
Vince
Tom I Perigrin
wrote:
> is all rusted underneath. It will take a lot of elbow to clean up.
> - Hand tools are all rusted. Chisels, every ChannelLock pair of pliers, etc.
> squares, etc. I probably should have listed them on the insurance but I'll
> clean them up, it comes off easy with a wire brush, synthetic steel wool and
> a little oil.
> I might have been too honest with the insurance, or should have thrown some more
> stuff on the list, but I enjoy cleaning up lots of old garage sale tools anyway.
My shop roof blew off in a wind/rain storm... we were away, of course.
Everything got soaked. My insurance was perfectly happy to pay to have my
shop returned to it's original condition, including cleaning the tools...
I had a professional estimate his costs for returning my shop to full
working order, and then I bought new power tools, and pocketed the
$10/hour for cleaning what could be salvaged. My agent knew this, and was
happy to let me do it.
-------.sig--------
My real mail address is t...@lead.aichem.arizona.edu
For some unknown reason, this newsreader occasionally puts the wrong mail
address on... *sigh*
John Creasey
say that "Boner" means something else where I come from.
It's a little delicate to explain, but I guess you could sum
it up with "Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you have a
boner".
Come down and see me some time.
Obligatory "boners"
Hamering a nail straight into a live power cable, with a steel
handled hammer. My Dad nearly wet himself laughing.
or
Cutting the hole for a sink in a bench. Just get to the end,
the middle falls out, lands on the porcelain sink below the
bench and smashes it.
=====================================================================
John Creasey jo...@bugalugs.dialix.oz.au
Mike Sutton
I was working that the wood hobby shop at Wright-Patt AFB here in the
Dayton area. I was busy fussing with some clamps to glue up some
mitered joints at a table that was 15' away from a radial arm saw. I
finaly got enough clamps on my work, streched and looked around. I
noticed a guy and a girl over at the radial arm saw debating if the
cut they made was square enough. Each of them checked the cut on the
1x10 ish piece of stock with a metal framing square (a bit of
foreshadowing for suspense building). Nothing much was going on, so
it back to the clamps. A couple of minutes later I was startled by
loud, hidieous, spine-twisting thud-screech. I flung my head up in
the direction I thought the noise came from. To my, not so
unsurprised, eyes the guy and girl had facial expressions of total
fear. Everyone in the shop wondered over to the radial arm saw to see
what the hell happened, and make sure no one was hurt. Luckily and
amazingly neither the guy nor the girl was injured. Somehow they got
sloppy in what they were doing. The guy unknowingly pulled the blade
through a piece of stock to only find the metal square under it. The
blade was totaled; several teeth broken off, the remaining one were
chipped. The square shattered. If the square was not under some
stock the guy would have been pulling metal out of his body.
Since this incident, I try not to set hand tools on power tools.
P.S. They stuck the guy with the cost of a new 12" Freud cut off
blade. A nice $100+ surprise.
--
Mike Sutton | "If I only had one more clamp!"
SAIC |
Beavercreek, OH |
Mike_...@llcoolj.dayton.saic.com | These are MY opinions, not SAIC's
Tom I Perigrin
Well, last night I took the new band saw blade out of it's carton, flipped
it open, and installed it. Set up the jig, and started cutting. It cut
even SLOWER than the dull one it replaced. A brand new blade and it cut
like a plastic knife on a cheap steak... took me a few seconds to figure
out what had happened.
Yup, when it had flipped open, it had flipped wrong way around, so I was
running the blade with the teeth pointed in the wrong direction. What I
find amazing now is that it cut so _well_ on the "backstroke".
Patrick Leach
>This thread has been hilarious, but I would like to
>say that "Boner" means something else where I come from.
>It's a little delicate to explain, but I guess you could sum
>it up with "Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you have a
>boner".
Ain't English a wonderful language? I often use the word "boner" in an
exclamatory fashion to mean great, tremendous, cool, etc. Sometimes I'll
use "boner-rific" to describe the condition of a tool (sorta perverted,
now that I think about it).
My obligatory "boner" - buying a boner-rific Spiers improved mitre
plane for a wicked boner price this past summer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patrick Leach
Just say I'm still sproinging over that.
etc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Abbott
My wife worked for sometime as a lamdscaper. Her boss was good
at garden design (Japanese gardens) but extremely careless. For example,
when cleaning up after a big job, my wife was told to round up the tools.
Well, she found them all right. All of the power tools were under the newly
built deck. Yup, her boss built the deck around his tools - had too tear a
surprising amount of deck up to retrieve them.
Only weeks later, they were finishing up a large garden pond. Of course, all
the power tools were stored on the bottom of the finished but dry pond. They left
the site for about a week. Came back to find another contractor had tested the
pond with water. Had to dive for power tools.
On the same job, they had to transport large concrete culvert sections. My
wife insisted that he tie them down properly. He said they were OK. My wife
got mad and left him to it. Not 5 min later she heard a loud holler. Her boss
had started to drive away and the culverts had shifted then rolled off the truck.
One rolled off the truck and landed square on top of the roof of his pickup
truck. He was pulling out of the parking spot at the time and was driving
past hus pickup when the load shifted. My wife yelled at him and told him
he was damn lucky the thing had rolled onto his truck and not someone else's.
of course, I've done really dumb things but it's more fun to recount
other's failings. :-)
Bennett Leeds
I've had so many boners that I'm at a loss to pick to pick the "biggest."
I've been lucky and have never been seriously hurt.
My earliest "boner" was to buy a B&D "professional" palm sander when I first
got started. The thing died a horrible shaking death after little use. What a
waste, I should have know better after interviewing with B&D 10 years earlier.
Then there's the time I bought my tablesaw, an Inca 2100. At this time I
was wood working in the spare bedroom, and I had to remove the blade tilt
handwheel to get the thing through the door. Of course, it required a metric
hex wrench I didn't have (my car collection consisting of two 1960's
autos - one US and one English - at the time). So, at 8:00 pm, a quick run
to the local Sears to get the wrenchs and back. We take the hand wheel off,
then realize that the access door also has to come off. It just lifts off
the hinges. Well, inside the door was a complete, high quality, tool set,
with, yup, the needed hex wrench. Duh.
More seriously, I once went to test the height of my jointer's outfeed table
by sliding a piece of stock backwards towards the cutter. The table was
*way* low and the cutter just grabbed the stock and shot it across the room.
It went through an open closet door, through the drywall, stopped only by the
outer wall's plywood. Luckily, I knew enough to be standing on the side.
I can't tell you how many times I cut on the wrong side of the line until
I started marking the waste side with an "X". I also can't tell you the
number of times I've either chiseled into my hands, or have gotten cut from
guiding the sides of the chisel with my hands. The latter is second only to
paper cuts for stinging pain, btw.
Most recently, the first project I made on my newly almost-completed workbench
required through mortises, which I cut with a router. Yup, you guessed it, I
mortised into the just flattened tabletop. I may patch the thing with a piece
of contrasting wood, just to remind me not to do it again.
- Bennett Leeds
ben...@mv.us.adobe.com
Steve Cobb
|>
|>
|> Ain't English a wonderful language? I often use the word "boner" in an
|> exclamatory fashion to mean great, tremendous, cool, etc.
Both "great" and "tremendous" are desirable properties of the
other meaning we are considering here. Just wanted to point that
out.
|>
|> My obligatory "boner" - buying a boner-rific Spiers improved mitre
|> plane for a wicked boner price this past summer.
|>
|> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
|> Patrick Leach
|> Just say I'm still sproinging over that.
|> etc.
|> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sfc
Gerald Serviss
us to do it but when I think about it I always laugh.
There were three of us insulating an attic with fiber glass
batts, myself, the owner and a mutual friend. We were about
halfway done with the job and moved to the end of the attic that
had flooring on it. The far end was all open rafters and we had
scurried over them like graceful mice with no problems, until
we got to the area with the flooring. This was right by the
access hatch and the floor was there to allow storage space.
Since the space in the attic was to be finished at a later date
were were putting the glass in the rafter pockets along the
roof. I was putting in a piece, stepping back and stapling,
stepping and stapling ... and then the the floor ended. I stepped
off the floor and thru the ceiling and into the kitchen (well
half of me anyway) my legs we dangling from the ceiling and I
was looking at an 8d nail that just missed my .... Well to say
the least the owner and his wife were not pleased. I was told
that I had come much too close to the 2 week old baby grand
piano. I asked where it would be acceptable to aim next time I
did this but, I knew it was a questions.
Gil (the owner) went to console Janet (wife) and John and I
started working again. We were much more careful now that we
were aware of the end of the floor. Well sort of ....
Gil is in an out, getting glass, making dinner, giving Jan some
Valium (to close to the piano). Me and John were joking about
it.
Since the floor was just loose plywood we moved it so that we
would not step off anymore. We get the whole job done except
for one piece on the end wall. It got missed in the heat of the
moment as it was right were I was working before. Anyway John
hops over there to do it while I am finishing up. He finishes
the piece, stands up and then steps back to admire the job, and
proceeds to fall thru the ceiling right next to my hole and this
time closer to the piano....
Gli and Jan happen to be in the kitchen at the time, right where
John goes thru. I here John say "Nice Jooooob", Gil is yelling
something about killing us and Janet..., well you had to be
there she just looses it and runs off screaming (doppler effect
and all) like she had been stabbed in the heart.
AAAAAAAaaaahhhhhhhh
I am standing in the attic, laughing my ... off, wetting my
pants and crying all at the same time.
It was choice. 15 years ago and Janet has never
forgiven us.
As an aside, I once had a pal that worked at a meat packing
plant. His job was to collect and dump the bones that had been
removed during the butchering. The job title was, yes you guessed it
'boner'. That also became his nick name.
--
-------------------------------------------------------+-----------------------
Democracy is where you can say what you think even | Jerry Serviss
if you don't think. | Motorola Inc
| ser...@cig.mot.com
Walter Barry
it on 12-09, and I didn't even see the initial post under this heading.
>>I would be interested in hearing about your experience in dealing with the
>>insurance company
First off, this is my experience. Any opinions on how you "think" that the
process should work is irrelevant without your OWN experience. I do NOT
work for an insurance company, and this was my first homeowners claim.
I did talk to others with similar experiences and the results were the same.
I say this because someone pestered me yesterday with 6 Email's to argue
that his two machines purchased used for $500 should be covered for their
$1500 replacement value. I don't know. Call a representative from your
insurance company direct, not just the word of the agent, and get it in
writing. Yes, I'm sure that some people do see this as an "opportunity"
but remember that fraud is illegal. Maybe its me, but I have a hard time
believing that if your house burns down and you claim that you had
$30000 worth of old wooden hand planes in your basement that they will
simply hand over a check without some kind of proof or investigation.
But then hey, I haven't spilled a cup of coffee at McDonald's lately either.
OK. I have full replacement. They will ask for receipts, but they are not
really necessary. The representative will only check the reciepts against
what you report to save the time of any research. I did not produce receipts
for everything, but did for the expensive guitars to dispel any potential
suspicions. They will also take photographs, especially of some of the
expensive items, to verify their destruction.
On the form you put in the item, the age, the amount you paid, and the amount
that you would pay to replace the item. They immediately covered the full
replacement for the washer & dryer after a repair man certified them as too
expensive to repair. And they also immediately covered the dumpster.
PS&G took 3 days to repair the furnace, the hot water heater was OK.
Other stuff not important. I at least attemped to test some things out,
for example the dehumidifier took 3 days to get running after removing the
cover & using a hair dryer on it. Like I said, I checked out electrical
stuff using GFCI outlets.
Then because of the cleanup, it took another week to complete the 7-8 itemized
pages for submission. Some stuff can be grouped, for example, inexpensive
clothes, books, records. It looks like most stuff falling under "CONTENTS"
is going to covered be close to 100% up front. We did confront them
about issuing the check for the renovation expenses to the mortage company
instead of us, because they represent only 1/3 of the "HOUSE" value,
and it looks like they agreed, I'll know for sure tonight.
Now the way that it was explained was that basically you get 60% up front.
Then the remaining 40% after sending them the receipts upon re-purchasing
those items. The renovation expenses are covered 85% up front, and balance
later, but the insurance company also has their own people who will research
the damage (possibly based on room size & the representative's findings) and
come up with their own repair estimates too. So I doubt that if you get an
"estimate" for $15000 for what is really $5000, that your going to get it.
After researching the material expenses I got an fair and reasonable estimate
from a contractor friend, even though I told him I would probably do the work
myself. Later, the insurance company said don't worry about presenting it
in "writing". I guess I must have been pretty reasonable.
It seems that the insurance rep who visited 3 times, closely examining
the more expensive stuff and taking lots of photos was fairly satisfied
that I was honest. Plus he realized that he didn't get hit with any
cleanup/demolition bills since we did that for nothing. I almost filled
up a 30yard dumpster. He also saw that I didn't claim EVERY single item.
Only 3 of the 6 power tools which were under water, 2 others were not.
Also why claim every pair of pliers, chisels, etc.etc.with rust on it ??
It doesn't add up to that much money & they clean up quickly and work
fine. I was only interested in stuff that was clearly damaged.
This might have worked in my behalf since they cut me a check for
close to the full amount. Where I "made out" was claiming things
like playpens or baby stuff that was damaged, but we don't need anymore
(unless we have another baby) so would have eventually gone the
garage sale route anyway.
If you wish I will post the results of the itemized breakdown on the "contents".
We just received it in the mail today, after getting the total on Wednesday.
I'll review it tonight. Please give me a week to respond.
>> ...especially how they handled replacing old tools. (What do you mean,
>>those planes were old so they must not be worth much!) Any hints in
>>general would be interesting.
I did NOT say may 20+ old planes & spokeshaves, etc. are not worth much.
I said thank God that they were on a top shelf, just inches above the water
line. They did not get damaged, and I made no claim for them.
Antiques are NOT covered for estimated worth. This I was told explicitly.
Besides, how would they know if your mint 1920 Stanley 604 was bought at a
garage sale for $5 or not. A new Stanley #4 costs around $40, perhaps
thats what you might get? I'm sure that they have mechanisms in place
to protect themselves if you get carried away. Items like that might
require special policies. I personally think that honesty is a better
policy. The check arrived today, less than 3wks after the accident,
no questions or investigations which would obviously resulted in delays.
Aside from chisels, gouges, augers, etc. which I will clean, the only real
damage to old tools were 4 Disstons & an Atkins. Mostly rust and some (few)
small cracks on handles. I did not claim them, but probably should have.
However, if I did, replacement value would be for a NEW Disston & legally
they would become the property of the insurance company, and I figured that
it was easier to simply wipe the rust off. Hey, I've cleaned up many tools
in worse shape than that.
Two old Stanley rosewood levels floated around protected by many many coats
of Watco's & paste wax. You say watco's (wiping oil varnish blend) or
paste wax doesn't protect? Well I agree, but they looked like a waxed car
after a rain shower (beading) w/no cracks, warping, or signs of absorbtion.
I wish that I could say the same for the my electric guitars w/their
laquered finishes (but then they obviously didn't float).
>vincent.j...@nd.edu (Vince Miller) writes:
>Also, I would advise against using vinegar to clean up the rust on your
>tools. I used it on an old Disston and was not happy with the results.
>Another saw (although not as badley rusted) cleaned up wonderfully with sand
>paper and polishing compound. The vinegar seemed to eat into the steel,
>especially where the rust was (maybe prior pitting, but I think the rust
>supplied an active surface once gon for etching), also I used a rag to cover
>the whole blade via capilary action. The steel is etched with the weave of
>the rag now, so it seems it etches steel considerably.
Thanks for the advice Vince. I know that vinegar will gray they metal,
similar to naval jelly. However for pliers, chisels and stuff I don't really
care about it. I use it only for a little while, NOT over night anymore,
and use paper towels or a bucket, not a rag. It does quickly remove a lot
of the loose rust. I also use lots of silicon-carbide sand paper
w/two 1/4 sheets folded over themselves for thickness and durability.
I also use various grades of synthetic steel wool with light machine oil.
You know working up to 600 grit silicon-carbide paper will also do a
nice job on brass before hitting the buffing wheel.
Thanks for the concern from everyone, there's some great people out there.
I would also like to thank Bennett, Stavros and Dan Moyer who passed onto
me their very interesting research and analysis on table saws, since this
is certainly a good time me to upgrade as I intend to expand into where the
finished section of the basement was.
Like I said, learn from my mistake, check those washer hoses or shut them off.
Thank you, Walter
Thomas Gauldin
Walter Barry <wba...@mhnj.sbi.com> wrote:
>Wow, I must really miss a lot. This post is dated 12-05 and my server got
DELETED
I've come in late on this thread, Walter, but I do have several comments.
First of all, anyone with a basement or finished lower level should have a
moisture alarm. You can buy them from electronics places (I think Radio
Shack?) or you can easily make one. Merely wire a piezo electric beeper in
series with a 9 volt battery. In the same series circuit, wire in an old
set of distributor points separated by an aspirin tablet. When that tablet
gets moist it dissolves and the circuit closes. Anyone with a hot water
heater in the basement SHOULD have one near the TP relief valve.
I was a Mortgage Banker in my earlier life and have seen many disasters,
such as yours or worse. The "secret" is to remember that almost all
adjusters are merely folks like you, who work for a living and
want to do a good job for themselves, their employer and the insured. IF
you're square with them, they'll almost always be square with you.
--
Thomas A. Gauldin Here's to the land of the longleaf pine,
Raleigh, NC The summerland where the sun doth shine,
BSRB45A on Prodigy Where the weak grow strong and the strong grow great,
FAX (919) 676-1404 Here's to Downhome, the Old North State.
Peter Northway
>As an aside, I once had a pal that worked at a meat packing
>plant. His job was to collect and dump the bones that had been
>removed during the butchering. The job title was, yes you guessed it
>'boner'. That also became his nick name.
Here in New Zealand the room where the joints of meat are deftly cut from
the bone is known as ............. yes you guessed it "The Boning Room".
In light of this thread this brings a whole new meaning to this place.
Fancy being paid to work in a boning room.
Cheers.
--
Peter Northway | Disclaimer : This is just my opinion. Well more
Wanganui New Zealand | like a tiny ripple in the fabric of the universe.
pon...@linc.wanganui.gen.nz | Well would you believe just another beer break.
Vince Miller
>This was a long time ago when I was in college and it took 2 of
>us to do it but when I think about it I always laugh.
>stepping and stapling ... and then the the floor ended. I stepped
>off the floor and thru the ceiling and into the kitchen (well
>half of me anyway) my legs we dangling from the ceiling and I
My brother and I went to a small college in the middle of PA. Not much
action for the surrounding law enforcement officers. 50 or so local deputy
types (like from 4 counties) and the ATB spent their efforts one semester
blitzing the frats for underage drinking. My brother hiding in the attick
with many others during such a raid mis-stepped. Gung ho officers grabbed
his legs when they came through the ceiling -- in order to prevent him from
getting away of course.
Vince
po...@ecs.umass.edu
along. On big jobs he would sometimes get a helper, named George. George
was kind of big, and kind of slow, and a real nice guy. He was real
meticulous, but did not often thinks things through. Here are two real
life stories about George that I witnessed over 30 years ago, and have
never forgot.
1. When you put in a new electrical service in an old house, it is required
to ground the incoming water main to the ground of the electrical panel.
Old houses generally have old dirty pipes, so it is best to take a file
or sandpaper to clean the water pipe to a nice shiny copper before attaching
ground wire. George was on this project, but unfortunately, in this old
house, the water main from the street was a lead pipe (mmm, yummey water),
and lead does not get a nice shiny copper color no matter how much you file
or sand it. That's right, George filed a hole in the pipe. Plus, this is
before the meter and any cutoff valves. Major water.
2. Another old house, first floor, putting a new outlet into the wall
of a dining room. Beautiful carved wooden POCKET doors slid into this
wall. My father says to George, make sure you pull out that door before
you drill into the wall. Right. George forgot, and ended up with two nice
half-inch holes in the door. The owners were not very happy.
Oh, my boners? I am embarassed to say they are even worse than these!
Tom I Perigrin
wrote:
> >> ...especially how they handled replacing old tools. (What do you mean,
> >>those planes were old so they must not be worth much!) Any hints in
> >>general would be interesting.
> Antiques are NOT covered for estimated worth. This I was told explicitly.
When I had my storm and water damage, my insurance company did cover
antiques for estimated worth.
Because of an Aunt who had the good taste to leave me a lot of money while
I was living in England, we have a LOT of very nice antiques (for example,
a dutch lowlands wedding trousseau chest from about 1670 - 1700). We
specifically talked with our agent abut this, and got a policy that covers
estimated value because there is no such thing as replacement value. We
have that in writing. This policy is NOT cheap even with three layer deep
burglar and fire alarm protection... our contents are valued at more than
2* the house value.
We have a paper inventory of most of the things in the house, along with a
video inventory of everything we think is worth inventorying... (2 copies,
bank and office). We held each item up, turned it around (or walked
around it), pointed out special details, and talked about it. The agent
has agreed in writing that evaluations based on that video inventory will
be acceptable if a loss occurs.
Bill Jutz
table mounted router. I didn't want to cut the slot through the mortice in
the end of the stile so, I had to start out just past the mortice. All was
going well until I decided that the slot was a 1/4" short. Having previosly
been careful not to let the bit grab the wood, I thought I could keep the
piece under control, but was I wrong. :-( The bit grabbed the stile and
dragged it and my hand through the bit. 3 stitches and an emergency room
visit later, I still don't have that last 1/4" cut. Now I know why shapers
can go in reverse.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to safely make a cut moving the piece
in the direction of the blade?
Just call me bandaged Bill :-)
jeffrey william green
building a bow (archery) using laminates and epoxy and a bow press.
Well, after all the work of wood selection, gluing, shaping of the
handgrip to get it JUST right, I cut the string notches backwards.
_____ _____
/ \ / \
/ \ / \
/__ __\ instead of __\ /__
/ \ | |
| | | |
This of course rendered the whole bow useless (in just a couple hasty
cuts, at the end of the year. . .).
I suppose that epoxy could have filled in the slots, and it would be
recut, but I wouldn't use that bow. . .
A friend of mine actually wanted it later to try to fix. No problem.
ciao
jg
Mike_Boyd
>John Creasey <jo...@BUGALUGS.SYDNEY.DIALIX.OZ.AU> writes:
>>This thread has been hilarious, but I would like to
>>say that "Boner" means something else where I come from.
>>It's a little delicate to explain, but I guess you could sum
>>it up with "Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you have a
>>boner".
A more current slang term for "boner" in the above sense is
"woody", which seemed somewhat appropriate to this group, if
not to the original thread.
Mike Sutton
Electric code required that he place metal plate on the 2x4 studs
where a romex wire passed through. He was busily puting them on. One
plate started giving him trouble. He would pound the top in and the
bottom would pop out. Pound the bottom in and the top would pop out.
After several renditions of this he decided to pound the bottom in,
then hold it in place with his thumb :-) He gave the top of the plate
a whack and sure enough the bottom popped out, as before. In haste,
he gave the bottom a good hard WHACK! He just forgot to move his
thumb first :-(
Yet another story. Another friend of mine was working on his
bathroom. He was installing some new sink cabinets. Of course he was
nailing them to the studs behind the existing drywall. One particular
nail went 1/2 way in before hitting something hard. He reasoned it
must be a knot. He reared back and delivered a smashing blow to the
nail. He was then greeted by the unpleasent hissing sound of water
escaping from a broken pipe. He drove the nail right through some
rigid copper pipe. As you can imagine the repair for this goof-up was
time intensive. He had to remove and reinstall most of his cabinets.
--
Mike Sutton | "ooopppsssss!"
Walter Barry
of water I had in my basement. We have "full replacement" and I'll explain
basically how it worked for me. Please realize that I am NOT an expert
and your experience might prove different. Also don't argue with me about
what I "should" have done, like claiming every item with a speck of rust
on it, or claiming higher replacement costs, etc. It's definiately NOT
worth $$ it to me. I've enough to be thankful for this holiday season
already.
During cleanup we itemized each item on copies of a form the insurance
company gave to us. We basically grouped catagories on separate pages,
for example baby stuff, workshop stuff, clothes, etc. We entered each
item, its age, its initial cost, and the amount you would pay to replace
the item. They then depreciate each item and give you a current cash value.
We then have 180 days to replace the items and send them copies of the
receipts to get the balance toward "full replacement". From submission
to check took less than 2wks. An initial check was mailed immediately
to cover the waher, dryer & dumpster.
So....a Milwaukee Sawzall model 6511 orig.$120 repl.$130 3yrs old they
deduct 15% or 20% and you get a little over $100. Buy a new one, and
you'll get the balance. A copy of the Workbench Book book by Scott Landis
cost $25, now $35, you get around $30, buy it again for the other $5.
My 1980 Gibson Les Paul orig.$750 today $1500, after depreciation around
$780, now I have to figure if it worth re-purchasing any of my 3 guitars.
etc. etc. etc. Maple & Pine boards I rough estimated, and put their age
as new, so only 5% deduction & will obviously be replaced soon.
I claimed things like 12 boxes of nails & 10 boxes of (McFeelys) screws
which were covered in rust. Even though these items were used, they
were covered fully, NO depreciation, perhaps for convenience. Same
for sandpaper. Lots of small things I didn't claim, like utility knife
blades, driver bits, drill bits, etc. so it evens out.
Now, like I said, I didn't claim any OLD hand tools, my planes were
spared & the saws & chisels, etc. will get cleaned up. And like I said,
the representative said that antiques are NOT covered for estimated
values. They would probably require special policies. However, we did
claim an antique school desk, the kind where the desk is attached to
the seat of the desk in front of it. Well I had a separate seat from
the back of the row and desk from the front of the row. Really neat.
Made from Oak with a japanned?? black iron frame with those ornate
flowers and stuff. We listed it as 60yrs old (its possibly older)
paid $100 (from similar ones we've seen). The Oak is split & its
badly stained. I had not yet refinished it, but now it clearly needs
much more work then just a good cleaning. We received $50 for it.
As far as antiques go, how can I hunt one down for $100 within
180 days to recover the other $50 ?? Forget it.
BTW, I don't know how USED machinery would be calculated either.
I claimed a small old Skil cast-iron table-saw as $100, repl.same,
10yr.old, and recv.$70. Clearly a new Skil bench-top is $180, but I
didn't want to claim that since I didn't pay that. Obviously, if
you say that you originally purchased it new then you might get
full replacement, but thats up to you.
For the repair work of the finished portion of the basement, they have
a department of people who work on these things and estimate typical costs.
So whatever wild estimates people might submit, they are immaterial.
After I estimated the materials cost, I contacted a contractor friend
for an "reasonable" estimate on his (again) materials & labor. I clearly
let him know that if I was to eventually do the work, I would do it myself.
He & his brother are successful established builders, and he said to me that
90% of the time people contact him for an esitmate for insurance purposes
they never actually do the work, or later try & do it another way for less.
So most people want the HIGHEST $$ possible estimate when submitting it to
an insurance company, but the LEAST $$ estimate when actually paying for
something themselves. I never submitted a written estimate, I only wrote
the estimated materials & labor costs on end of the itemized lists which
were submitted. Since the representative had written down the size of
the room & the basic materials, imagine my suprise when they came back
with a few $$ more then I had asked for. Less some 15%, the balance would
be receivable upon completing the work.
Hope this gives you an idea of the process.
Walter
mark lange
[ ... deleted very well documented account of insurance recovery
process ...]
I really hope that after all the extra effort you have gone through
to make sure you recieved the benefits that insurance is designed for
(i.e. recovery from a disaster), that the insurance company takes that
effort into account and does not cancel your policy. We had some
friends whose home was essentially destroyed when the lever on their
toilet tank broke while they were away (just don't put the quality
in any more -- but that's another thread). After the insurance
covered the disaster, these people were informed that they needed
to find a new insurance company.
Keep us informed of your progress. You really have a great
attitude after all this.
----------------------------------------------------------------
My opinions only, my employer has its own opinions
----------------------------------------------------------------
Patrick Olguin
>
> Okay, I'd like to try this big boner thing; sounds like fun.
[snip of an outrageously funny story!]
I have to follow this up with an update.
The fate of my Workmate is not complete. It is bloodied, but not bowed.
It still works (somewhat), as I've used a set of bar clamps to hold the jaws
together. Hey, it's the only table I've got.
I got the following story from an unnamed source. Just say he's well-known
on the net. I lost the e-mail, so I'll paraphrase.
I was cutting a bunch of maple plywood for some kitchen
cabinets I was building. I set the fence perfectly for a run of repetitive
cutoffs. Unfortunately, I forgot to lock the fence. It crept about 1/32"
for every board, in every dimension. I went through more than 20 of them
before I realized the error. Oops! Anybody needing some plywood scrap should
contact Anonymous.
>
> [... "Keep your remaining fingers well away from any spinning
> blades. And remember, the most important safety rule of all
> is to always cover your good eye with this, a safety
> monacle."]
Also, when your careless norm buddies walk in, make sure to slap high fours all
around.
Patrick
---
Just say my _other_ biggest boner was when I first tried out my old/new #8 ;-).
Me: Patrick, can you give me a #8 and make it hurt?
Patrick: No, but how 'bout two #4s, and I hit you in the head with a brick?
Can somebody repost why handplaning is better than sex? It's a'gettin hot in here!!
Would Rather Be Fishing
with the garbage disposal in the center installed in the kitchen. The
supplier wanted too much money for the cutting board that would mount in
the center sink for the amount of wood involved. Spring thru summer kept
me busy with yard type projects so WWing got put on hold.
Come the end of Sept. I was out of energy and money. I picked up some
maple and made a cutting board that would stay in place in the center sink.
Being proud of my effort and the start of the harvest season, I proceeded
to the garden to get basket of jalapeno peppers to can. After about an
hour or so I was finished and had to relieve myself. I proceeded to the
bathroom without first washing my hands of the jalapeno resin. You guessed
it alright. My littlest boner ever. I still cross my legs and bend over
when I think of that moment.
Steve (who now only eats sweat peppers) Butti
Russell kay
At the time, did you consider making the bow a few inches shorter and
cutting new notches? Sure, it would have pulled heavier, and it wouldn't
have looked as good, but ......
=========================================================
Russell Kay, Technical Editor, BYTE Magazine
russ...@bix.com 603-924-2591
Russell kay
that magnitude, but it's really nice to know how such things work. And I'm
glad that things worked out well for you.
Randy Kesselring
>Date: Tue, 13 Dec 1994 12:45:42 -0700
>From: Would Rather Be Fishing <sbu...@UH01.COLORADO.EDU>
>Subject: Re: Your Biggest Boner
Steve,
I did the same thing. Not after building a cutting board but after making a
huge bowl of salsa. I was very surprised at how long the effect lasted. I
am told that people who work in pepper processing plants have to wear gas
masks. I believe it.
Randy Kesselring
Owen Lawrence
>hour or so I was finished and had to relieve myself. I proceeded to the
>bathroom without first washing my hands of the jalapeno resin. You guessed
I took a phone call without washing my hands of that stuff once, and when
one of my eyelids itched, I scratched it. Then it started to hurt. I
got off the phone, realizing what I'd done and put my eye right under a
steady stream of cold water. After a few minutes I stood up and a drop
went into my other eye! Soon I couldn't see and was in great pain! To
make matters worse my girlfriend was laughing her head off! After
about twenty minutes it started to go away (the pain, that is, not the
laughing) and thankfully my sight returned.
Woodworking-wise, probably the biggest screw-up so far was when I wired
my new workshop. I used three wire cable to carry two circuits, one for
the new bedroom that I'd just finished, the other for the workshop. I
installed an outlet in the workshop and tested it by running my drill. Seemed
to work fine. So I went to drill the rest of the holes in the studs
to string the wire along the wall to make room for six more outlets, using
power from the new one. The next morning I wired the rest of them but
thought I smelled something burning.
But the smell (very faint to begin with) went away so I proceeded to
try out the drill press, no extension cord for the first time. It made
an odd buzzing sound so I turned it off and looked for something stuck in
the motor housing. Nothing. I tried again and the buzz was still there.
THUNDERS! I got out the multimeter and sure enough, I'd chosen the wrong
wire in the junction box and supplied 240V to all my outlets! The smoke
I'd smelled earlier? That was the armature and variable speed switch of
my drill burning out. Seventy dollars damage to ninety dollar drill.
Thank goodness the drill press was okay.
- Owen -
David Grensing
Anyone have a warning sticker for the following article??
From the "Unusual Case" column of _Aspects of Human Sexuality_,
July 1991, by William A Morton, Jr, MD. Reprinted without permission.
"Scrotum Self-Repair"
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER
nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe
his problem other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took
care of men's problems." The patient, about 40, was pale,
febrile [feverish], and obviously uncomfortable, and had little
to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of
angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to
remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-
smelling stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was
swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender.
A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down
the left scrotum.
Amid the matted hair, edematous [swollen] skin, and various
exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked
the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he
had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had
closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun.
The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in
putting up wallboard.
We X-rayed the patient's scrotum to locate the staples; admitted
him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-
spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths
prior to surgery the next morning. The procedure consisted of
exploration and debridement [removal of dead skin] of the left
side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved,
and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis
had been avulsed [ripped or torn out] and was missing. The stump
of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal,
debrided, and the vessels ligated [tied off] properly, though not
much of a hematoma [pocket of blood] was present. Through-and-
through Penrose drains [?] were sutured loosely in site, and the
skin was loosely closed.
Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the
hospital less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of
his story to me. An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the
machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself
alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by
holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large
floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he
approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close
to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the
pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and
landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left
testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the
wound closed and resumed work.
I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.
--- end ---
My thoughts:
in a machine shop somewhere, somebody is asking "Hey Joe,
what's the dog playing with over there?"
Jct54
old derelict farm house with the nastiest crawl space you've ever seen. I
pulled a new line from an existing junction box to power an outlet for
some heat tapes under the kitchen sink. To test the installation while I
was still down below crawling I called up to my wife to try the toaster
oven. Wow you shouldn't put 220v through one of those!