Heidi's death (please read I need you support)
Larry Little
In the blink of an eye, she零 gone... Heidi Hagelstein, my wife, the
mother of our four year old twins, Cameron and Emily, my best friend, is
gone. 7:50 AM Mon Sept. 16,1996 she died in a bike-car accident while on
her morning training ride. They say she died instantly.Heidi零 life had
meaning. She will live on in what she has given our children. She will
forever be a part of me. She touched the lives of others with her warmth
and love, I only hope that love can help to carry me through the journey
which has now begun.
Triathlon had great meaning for Heidi. Her joy and pride in her
accomplishments were well deserved. The work and commitment to her sport
was balanced with the love devotion and endless energy she devoted to the
kids and me. She arranged her time so that she could be an amazing Mom to
our kids, and so that she could work her butt off at the sport she loved.
Heidi qualified for Ironman Hawaii by winning her age group at Ironman
Canada this year. She wanted to do well in Hawaii. We talked often of what
it meant to us doing an event of that distance. She felt that Ironman is a
very personal experience, that the race becomes something that forces you
to reach down within yourself and find a place that only you can find that
will allow you to take yourself to the finish. Each person has herself
washed a bit clean by this experience, and each person must find that
place, whatever it might be for her, that will help her to the finish
line. Its零 a place few people have been. To watch the finish of that
race, as we did recently on TV, touched our soul yet again, for we truly
knew how the ego is washed clean and the joy comes from within.
I started this at 4:30 AM. She零 not been gone 24hrs. yet, and I雋
surrounded by her. Her presence is everywhere in this room, both
physically in her things, and spiritually, at least in my heart. The kids
are asleep down the hall, and a very dear friend is asleep on the floor
downstairs. I hope I have the strength to run this race. I have to, Cam
and Emily零 mother is gone, they need me now more than ever.
I could never hope to express all that Heidi was. I can never hope to
replace her, although God knows I would give my own life to have her
back. The outpouring of love I雋 receiving from others whose lives were
touched by Heidi is the greatest testament to her. I have no regrets in my
relationship with Heidi. She died knowing how much I loved her, how happy
I was in our relationship together, and how great a Mom I thought she was
to our kids. I don靖 know what I would do if I felt differently.
Heidi零 life was full, she was and will be an inspiration to me. I
hope I can meet her standards in the years ahead. Learn from us, love your
partner and your friends like there is no tomorrow, there may not be, it
can change in the blink of an eye.
If anyone knows how to get a copy of this to Paula N-F or Paul Huddle
please let me know or send them a copy. I'd like to hear from her, Paula
was a great inspiration for Heidi.
Larry
--
Thanks Larry
Martin Carney
Larry,
I am very sorry to read of you sudden tragic loss. Of course I can say
nothing, except my thoughts and prayers are with you, your children and
and your family at this time.
A fellow triathlete
Chaoskris
I am writing to you to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I can not
begin to understand the pain you must be feeling. Your letter brought
tears to my eyes and a complete sense of my own fragile life. Often, as
triathletes, we think we are invincible. Our accomplishments make us
bigger than life. We think there is nothing that can take us. Nothing can
defeat us. Until it does.
You do not know me. I am just another triathlete from another town. I
didn't know Heidi. I do know that she must have been an extraordinary
woman. You are very right when you say she lives on. Her children will
keep the image that you hold dear. They will remember the committed,
energetic, caring woman who sought life in the depths of her soul. They
will remember the woman who swallowed life up and loved others freely.And
you will remember this special person and the gifts and knowledge she
brought to your life. And you will go on. You will live. You will raise
your children by the same example. You will carry the light on. Passing it
to the people who meet you. You will carry her message to others so that
they to might live. Really LIVE!
My friend, and indeed you are, whether I know you or not. Thank you for
the message you have shared today. Thank you for sharing the greatest of
life's lessons with me today.
I have said it before and will say it again. I am a triathlete because God
allows me to be. Because I have arms, legs and a heart that works. I do
these things because I can and others can not. I carry them along the way.
They ride along holding onto my soul whispering --- keep going, you can do
it, we are right here--- don't give up; never give up; you are blessed;be
one with it;
Don't give up. Feel her. Listen to her. Live her example.
Kristen
choa...@aol.com
"this is the true joy in life- being used for a purpose recognized by
yourself as a mighty one; being the force of nature instead of a feverish,
little ,selfish clod of ailments and grievances, complaing that the world
will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my
life belongs to the whole community and, as long as I live, it is my
privledge to do for it whtever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when
I die- for the harder I work, the more I live! I rejoice in life for its
own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch
which I've got a hold of for the moment & I want to make it burn as
brightly as possible until I hand it over to the next generation"
George Bernard Shaw
Jeff Pearson
Sitting here trying to choke back the emotions of your loss, I am truly
sorry for you and your family. You will be in our prayers at bedtime
tonite.
I lost my mother suddenly and violently less than 2 years ago. My wife and
I have 2 children, a boy who was, at that time, 1 and a girl who was around
3. They were the first grandchildren in our family, and my mother loved
them dearly, it just must not have been in the Grand Plan for them to share
their lives.
My loss was profound and I was sad, bitter, angry, and confused all at the
same time. I have 2 sisters, who had an extremely difficult time getting
through this, much more so than I. They have no children, and were not able
to FOCUS on anything but their loss. My loss was "replaced" by my kids. I
was not left with nothing, rather 2 wonderful children. I understand that
you have lost a GREAT friend, your wife, and that is different than my
losing my mother. No more or less difficult, just different.
Morn your wife, that is more important than you can know. Do so freely and
COMPLETELY. Then never forget her. Revel in your children, embrace them,
watch them grow for they are you both.
I wish you strength
Jeff.
Larry Little <lli...@olympus.net> wrote in article
<llittle-1709...@ptpm010.olympus.net>...
Janet Fawl
Larry-
I am so sorry.
I will keep you, Cameron and Emily in my prayers.
Janet
Fondue
Larry,
I've been toying around with what to say, but just can't seem to find the
right words. So, I'll make it simple. I'm very sorry to hear about the
loss of your wife and the mother of your children. I'm sure everyone who
has read your message has taken a moment to reflect on it, as well as their
own lives and how fragile life really is. The courage you have mustered
just to write a post so soon indicates that you have a strong will and will
find some way to manage. I'm nobody special, and didn't have the fortune
of meeting Heidi, but we (RST) all share a common bond. I wish you all the
best of luck in the race you have just begun.
FD Moore
Logan Heinrich
Hey, i, like all of the other RSTers am sorry that this happened to your
wife and we'll give you support whenever you need it. Triathletes are
optmistic people...right? Maybe we could turn this death into a
positive thing. (i have this thing with death and thinking about it
even though i am only 14 so could we please get this over with as soon
as possible? alt.something.death is a more appropriate place).
-Phidippidies
John Laninga
lli...@olympus.net (Larry Little) wrote:
Being alive balances tragedy and pleasure in a design only life can
understand. Your experience, however tragic, only goes to strengthen
and hopefully touch and strengthen the lives of others. It has mine.
May things go well for you.
John
MayaWillie
To Larry,
I'm very saddened to here of Heidi's passing, I wish you and your
children strength and love in the time ahead.
Tom and Wendie price
Chris Davis
Larry Little wrote:
>
> In the blink of an eye, she零 gone... Heidi Hagelstein,
I am so sorry for your tragic loss, my prayers are with you and your
family. I will remember your wise words at Ironman Hawaii for your
beloved wife and friend.
--
Chris Davis
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage" --Anais Nin
Rolf Arands
<missed original posting>
I missed the original post. However, from the replies I
think I can guess. My condolances, for what they are worth,
are offered.
Logan Heinrich <spor...@execpc.com> writes:
>Hey, i, like all of the other RSTers am sorry that this happened to your
>wife and we'll give you support whenever you need it. Triathletes are
>optmistic people...right? Maybe we could turn this death into a
>positive thing.
So far so good. It might be a little soon for positive outcomes.
Let that happen when it should, naturally.
>(i have this thing with death and thinking about it
>even though i am only 14 so could we please get this over with as soon
>as possible? alt.something.death is a more appropriate place).
Well, my friend, whether or not we are triathletes, 14 or
94 years old, death is a reality for everyone of us. I think
it is safe to say that we all have this "thing" about death.
I am not going to flame you royally for your insensitive remark.
If I as a triathlete or a human being can offer anything to
help Heidi's family, I will.
If you have issues with death, then I suggest you might talk
to a counselor or person-of-faith, or better yet, whatever
higher power you might believe in.
-Rolf
--
Some call me Rolf.
Some know me as Ironman.
Looking to 1997.....
IMC '94 - 14:06:47 IMC '95 - 11:58:35 IMC '97 - 10:45:00
Jeff Mazer
Larry Little wrote:
>
>
Larry --
Your post was really moving, and I know that I can't imagine the pain
you are going through. I'm very sorry about your and your kids' loss.
Jeff Mazer
scott simpson
Larry,
Thank you for writing so eloquently and beautifully about
your wife and your feelings about her life and death and the
sport of triathlon. Your words pierced through to the quick
of what have been the highest moments for me during the course of
training and competing in duathlons over the last three years.
I elude to that experiece of being washed clean about which you
and your wife spoke. Led to that place by the spirit of com-
petition and the tenacity and civility of ones fellow competitors;
in states of near exhaustion it was particulary poignant for
me during the time leading up to and after the death of my two
year old daughter Caryn, August of last year. I pray for strengh
for you and your children and that you may always feel the extraordi-
nary presence of your wife and their mother. Your words convey
how blessed you were to have had and have your lives enriched by
such a wonderful human being. My wife and I both wept as we
read your post this morning and will heed your admonition to
treasure each and every moment with our loved ones. Your wife
and family will be with us both as we do our separate training
rides today. If their is anything we can do for you and your
family during the days ahead please don't hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
Scott Simpson and family
Logan Heinrich
i think my first post was a little mis-understood, i feel really sorry
that Heidi died, especially on a training ride, and since she was a
fellow triathlete it is like losing one of the family. What i am saying
is that we shouldn't dwell on her death as something negative, we should
look at her positive things. She qualified for Hawaii, maybe someone
should race in memory of her -even if they didn't know her.
-logan
Rolf Arands
I am absolutely without words, Larry.
I wish I had some magic pill, some wonderful phrase for you.
I do not. In all things, we are all connected. The sadness I
am feeling is profound, yet it pales in comparison to
what you are going through. Honor her in all ways that
you wish. You will.
May God be with you and strengthen you in all that lies ahead.
Thank you for asking us for comfort.
Rolf Arands
Km40
I am so sorry for your loss..........
Take on Ironman..............have a great race.......
Sam
Km40....cheers!
If you are not on the edge .........you take up too much space.
Rob Holt
Larry,
Just as your wife believed that a "race becomes something that forces
you to reach down within yourself and find a place that only you can
find that will allow you to take yourself to the finish", you yourself
have begun your own race in surviving this ordeal. Stay on course, and
our prayers are with you.
Rob & Lisa Holt
rh...@nortel.ca
"Run steady"
- Bill Rodgers
Luis E. Vargas
the...
Larry my heart goes out to you, I can only imagine what it feels to be in
your position.
Just like triathlons life can be a difficult journey. Just by reading your
post I can tell that you are well poised to accept the challenge that is
ahead.
I think that asking Ironman if you can race with Heidi's number will be a
good idea, It would allow you to carry her goal of reaching the Ironman's
finish line. I will be in Kona and I guarantee you that I will be inspired
by this during the race and specially when I begin to hurt. I am thinking
of wearing a band or something during the run in her memory. I was hit by a
car in 93 while training for Kona. I was just hurt enough to not be able to
race but I am determined to get to that finish line this year.
TUCKERNEW
In article <llittle-1709...@ptpm010.olympus.net>,
lli...@olympus.net (Larry Little) writes:
>If anyone knows how to get a copy of this to Paula N-F or Paul Huddle
>please let me know or send them a copy. I'd like to hear from her, Paula
>was a great inspiration for Heidi.
>Larry
>
>--
>Thanks Larry
Larry,
For Paul Huddle try his email address at hud...@cts.com
I can only grieve with you for the terrible loss you're experiencing.
Although I did not know Heidi, I know that training for and succeeding in
parenting and Ironman distance racing takes a very special person. Take
her strength and use it to live your own life to its fullest.
Tucker Newbery
MAX109
Hi Larry,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. A little over a year ago, my relay
teammate and dear friend, John Mawdsley, was pulled dead from the water at
Mrs. T's while I was waiting for his tag at the bike transition. His wife
and two children were there as was my family and many of our friends and
their families. A year has passed and I still think about it every day.
John's wife and children are doing as well as can be expected--some days
are better than others.
For his family and ours, friends, family, and faith sustained us, and I
pray that you will find love and strength from those in your
life--especially your kids. They are God's gift to our world. From the
experiences of John's death--my kids and I and Di's kids and her--grew
strength and love from interdependence.
Your writing of this terrible tragedy is moving, Larry. Maybe you should
keep writing at least in a journal. Personally, writing a story about John
(A Child of Water) and about what happened helped me through the horror of
the first weeks. May it do the same for you and your children.
God be with you!
Marty Miller
>
> In the blink of an eye, she零 gone... Heidi Hagelstein, my wife, the
>mother of our four year old twins, Cameron and Emily, my best friend, is
>gone. 7:50 AM Mon Sept. 16,1996 she died in a bike-car accident while on
>her morning training ride. They say she died instantly.Heidi零 life had
>meaning. She will live on in what she has given our children. She will
>forever be a part of me. She touched the lives of others with her warmth
>and love, I only hope that love can help to carry me through the journey
>which has now begun.
First, let me express my deepest sympathy for you, your children and
your family and friends. Your story brought tears to my eyes, and sorrow that
my fiance is out of town so I cannot hold her tight. As you certainly are
aware and so eloquently stated, the upcoming journey for you will not be easy.
But I am certain that you will have thousands of fellow triathletes there to
support you every step of the way.
Just as importantly, your tragic loss reminds us all that life is so
very fragile. Often we as triathletes feel we are invincible because we are
talented athletes. True, we are less likely to succumb to a heart attack and
the like, but we are not immune from tragedy. The fragility of life must serve
as a constant reminder to all of us to live our lives to the fullest each and
every day. That does not mean that we train every spare hour of the day.
Rather, we must not only train to achieve our dreams, but also share our lives
and experiences with those that we love in the process. To achieve all of our
goals is a hollow victory if we do not touch the lives of others along the way.
It certainly sounds like your wife lived her life following these principles.
Finally, I hope that you are able to compete in Kona, as I can think of
no more fitting tribute to Heidi and the lives she has touched. All of here on
Team RST are behind you 100%, and will cheer you on to the finish.
Marty
-----------------------------
Marty Miller
tri...@one.net
Proprietor of The Triathlete's Web
http://w3.one.net/~triweb
TriDork
I never knew Heidi. I have read too many obituaries of
triathletes killed while training and racing (even one is too
many) I am a pretty hard nosed SOB much of the time and reading
past reports of triathletes deaths hasn't affected me overly
much. Your post of Heidi's death really struck me though. I read
it while at work, on my break and had to leave my office several
times so I wouldn't cry in front of others. You struck a chord
in me that I didn't even know I had. I am truly sorry for your
loss and the loss your children will suffer too. Nothing I can
say can really be of an substantial help. I just wanted to let
you know that Heidi, you, and your kids are in my thoughts. I
hope you weather this storm well, and manage to carry on with
your two special kids.
I wish you all the best.
Marcus Perry (aka TriDork)
Rolfette
I was very touched by your posting. I'm not sure I can express my
condolences as eloquently as some of the previous responses, but please
know that my family is keeping you and your children in our thoughts and
prayers. I wish I were as talented an athlete as Heidi - if I had been
able this year to qualify for Hawaii Ironman I would dedicate my race to
her memory.
I'm hoping someone who knows Paula Newby-Fraser (Heidi's inspiration) will
see these postings and will let her know that perhaps she could send her
own condolences and support a husband and children who are grieving for
one of Paula's biggest fans.
RScott36
Larry,
I'm squarely in the loss-for-words camp after reading your very touching
post. As a single mother of two, the part that most struck me, and I hope
provides you with a lot of comfort, is the fact that you, your family and
your friends treasured Heidi and she knew and felt your love. There's a
lesson there for all of us. I just re-tucked my children into their beds
for the third time since reading your letter.
I'm so sorry about your loss... best wishes.
Roxanne Scott
LeePublish
You have my (and our, meaning rst's) support. I have not met you and did
not know Heidi. But your tragedy and your children's tragedy is ours,
too, when a sport we love results in an athlete's--and a Mom's and
spouse's--death.
Know that we grieve with you and are here to give you whatever strength we
can. Keep remembering what Heidi loved and what she gave your family.
These memories will sustain you as you cope with your loss.
--Lee Crumbaugh
LeePu...@aol.com
BOGALLOYD
Your family is in mu thoughts and prayers. In the midwest this summer, we
too lost a masters womans champ..Joanne Cummins...She was a noted
triathlete and someone we could and would admire. I am sure these 2 fine
ladies and high above us, training for their next race. Just think no
aaches or pains.....I hope you can go to Kona, for Heidi...Race on and
take good care in knowing that we are here for you...Peace.....