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Funny Swimming Stories

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Deli

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Aug 1, 2003, 4:23:39 PM8/1/03
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It's Friday so I thought I would share some of my lap swimming stories.
These are all true and happened in the last few months.

1. An older, obese gentleman decides to do his laps in the fast lane,
disregarding the "fast" sign on the pool deck. Unfortunately, his stroke of
choice is a sort of sideways frontcrawl/breaststroke hybrid (crawl arms,
whipkick legs on your side at about 45 degree angle). He kicks myself and a
few other in the shoulder and stomach as we kept passing. I gently suggested
that he try another of the lanes, for slow or medium, but he didn't listen.
A few minutes later, a Chinese guy in my lane has had enough and yells at
him in stereotyped asian english "Hey you! Fast lane not for you ! Fast lane
too fast ! You swim slow! Go to slow lane where you belong!", which made me
laugh so much I swallowed a bunch of water. The guy shrugged it off and just
kept swimming for another 10 minutes, and I got kicked again.

2. A large cardiac patient always bobbles around the deep end when I swim.
He is very funny and we always crack wise in the sauna or the showers. One
time I noticed he was wearing navy blue speedo beach shorts, and that the
chlorine had worn them to the point where they were see-through. The
lifeguards giggled a bit but no big deal. The other day, I was getting out
and so was he, and he asked if I was going to the sauna. At that exact
moment he had hoisted himself up the ladder and all you could hear was
"Riiiip!" and those speedos were history. I threw him my towel and I
instantly had several weeks of new jokes.

3. One guy wears snorkle, fins, and lifjacket in the fast lane. We left a
free catalogue for gasoline powered outboard motors at the desk with his
name on it. I dunno if he got the joke or not.

j. sterling

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Aug 1, 2003, 8:12:21 PM8/1/03
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I swim in an outdoor pool year round, and one cold December morning
(temperature in the 30s) the steam was pouring off the pool at early morning
practice. In the lane next to me I spied a Speedo bathing suit (one of
those kind of baggy ones) laying on the bottom of the pool. Somebody
finally fished it out and threw it up on the pool deck where it lay in a
sodden pile with the steam rising off it. It was the mystery suit - we
never did find out who it belonged to. Hopefully it was being used as a
drag suit over another suit.

On another morning (a warmer morning) the pool was set up long course.
The lighting at the far end of the pool is not the best, and this, coupled
with the fact that I don't see all that well without glasses, made it
difficult for me to determine what the brown rectangular thing was that was
on my kick board. Somehow I sensed that I shouldn't remove it by hand, so I
tossed it up onto the pool deck. Instead of landing on the deck as I had
planned, the thing landed in the water AND IT STARTED TO SWIM!! Eventually
it got sucked into the drainage outake on the side of the pool. It was a
rat! Yuck!!


MSEagan

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Aug 1, 2003, 9:07:17 PM8/1/03
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Many years ago the indoor pool in Arvada Colorado was going to close down
for 3 weeks for renovations in September. I got a petition signed requesting
that they keep the outdoor long course pool open for all of us addicted
pre-dawn lap swimmers and the parks board agreed to this. One retired
Kindergarten teacher kept saying "No way will I go there! It's too cold now
in the mornings (it was getting into the 40s). And, another friend talked me
into going to this 24 hour health club to swim in a not so pleasant indoor
pool. After a week of the indoor place, I decided to get tough and take the
cold outdoor option. As I pulled into the parking lot, who should greet me
but that retired teacher. She jumped out of her car and exclaimed "Where
have you been?! It's been wonderful out here!" And, it was wonderful as
steam rose above the pool and the guard sat huddled in a winter jacket with
a thermos of hot drink.

Another time I was at the hot springs pool in Glenwood Springs, Colorado.
The water was not totally clear so you couldn't see very far into the water.
One little kid called to his mother "Mommy, I found it!" and his mother said
"You found what?" and the child replied "I don't know." And the mother
calmly said "Throw it back, dear."

"j. sterling" <ste...@attglobal.net> wrote in message
news:3f2b0...@news1.prserv.net...

Chris

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Aug 1, 2003, 10:55:06 PM8/1/03
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"Deli" <de...@noname.com> wrote in message news:<f%zWa.51313$PD3.4...@nnrp1.uunet.ca>...

Hearing all the problems people have with lap swimming, I guess I feel
fortunate to swim where I do. My swimming center has about 70 masters/fitness
swimming sessions per week, and all but one of them are coached interval
sessions. Based on the level, the intervals can range from 25 meters to 400
meters. The relative speeds of swimmers is sorted out pretty fast (by changing
start orders for the most part). It seems unrealistic to expect problems to go
away if you swim continuously, but with intervals the rest time between intervals
allows everyone to get in sync again. The only exception to the interval system
is an "open water" class where you swim for severval 15 or 20 minutes sessions,
but that is held late at night, when everyone can get his own lane, since there are
25 short course lanes.

Donal Fagan

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Aug 1, 2003, 11:19:48 PM8/1/03
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I heard Bruce, my brother-in-law, calling me from
outside our rented cottage on Keuka Lake. As I
leaned over the porch rail, he said, "Come on
down, I found a rat." As I headed for the stairs,
Barbara asked what he wanted. "I'll tell you
later," I mumbled, knowing how she gets about
small furry critters. I brought the work gloves I
used for rowing.

The rat was under the cottage rowboat. Lena and
Ole, Bruce's Boston Terriers, knew their jobs and
were anxious to land the prize. Bruce tilted the
boat from one side, pinning the dogs. I lifted
from the prow, exposing Mr. Rat, who tried to
escape into a retaining wall drainage pipe. Bruce
blocked this with his foot and said later, "The
rat just looked up at me, and I knew it was tame."

The dogs didn't stop to debate the relative
tameness of this rattus, however. The rat ran into
the lake, swimming submerged for some twenty feet
before only his nose and eyes broke the water. Ole
charged into the water after the rat, but failed
to notice that the rat had circled left. After a
few minutes, Ole was headed for the deep water and
the rat gained the shore and the woods. Thinking
that we had seen the last of the rat, I dove into
the water after Ole, caught him and turned him
back towards shore.

When I got out, Bruce was holding a soaked,
slightly-bloodied, scared but surprisingly docile
rat in my work gloves. Lena, who is the more
relentless of the two dogs, had chased and downed
the rat with Bruce rescuing him "just in time."

Barbara took one look at the rat and drove to the
Penn Yan drugstore to buy a cage, water bottle and
pellets. The kids went house to house to ask if
anyone was missing a rat, but I knew we had
acquired another pet.

Donal Fagan AIA
Donal@DonalO'Fagan.com
(Anglicise the name to reply by e-mail)

4precious

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Aug 4, 2003, 1:58:02 PM8/4/03
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"Deli" <de...@noname.com> wrote in message news:<f%zWa.51313$PD3.4...@nnrp1.uunet.ca>...
> It's Friday so I thought I would share some of my lap swimming stories.
> These are all true and happened in the last few months.
>
>
> 3. One guy wears snorkle, fins, and lifjacket in the fast lane. We left a
> free catalogue for gasoline powered outboard motors at the desk with his
> name on it. I dunno if he got the joke or not.

Funny stuff. This last one hits a little too close to home. When I
first started swimming in the Masters group about 15 months ago, I had
a long "jammer" style suit, always wore my zoomer fins, and had the
big aqua sphere goggles that almost looked like a dive mask.

My second day on deck, the coach dead-panned, "Aren't you missing your
spear gun?"

A creed of evolutionary biologist came to mind regarding the choices
an organism has when facing a new environment - "Adapt, migrate, or
die".

I went out and bought a speedo suit.

Eric

Larry Weisenthal

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Aug 4, 2003, 8:38:23 PM8/4/03
to
I'm still rather proud of this one:

I used to regularly swim a nearly 2 mile long,
triangular course at Seal Beach. Swim out
parallel to the Pier to the end (about 400 meters
off-shore), and then head out on a diagonal to
the end of the Alamitos Bay jetty, maybe 700
meters off-shore, and another 800 or so meters
North before turning around and
swimming in a straight line back to the starting
point.

There were often kids fishing off the end of the
breakwater, after scrambling out to the end (not
all that easy to do). Anyway, I just appeared,
literally out of the blue, and I used to like to stop
and tread water and holler out "Is this the way
to Malibu?" (maybe 50 miles up the coast).


Larry Weisenthal

Certitude is poison; curiosity is life

MSEagan

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Aug 4, 2003, 9:13:53 PM8/4/03
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I love these posts on funny stories--please keep them coming everyone! This
was a great thread to start--thanks Deli.

Have any of you read the book "Swimming Just for Laughs" by Norman Bower? If
not, I recommend it.

Marianne

"Larry Weisenthal" <runn...@aol.comnet> wrote in message
news:20030804203823...@mb-m07.aol.com...

MSEagan

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Aug 11, 2003, 5:50:00 PM8/11/03
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I had the good fortune to be able to swim at a local high school this
morning (remember, Purdue is closed for 10 days). The head coach (Jim) and
one of his assistants (Diana) were also going to swim. I got in first and
thought that the water was a bit chilly. I would have guessed 79 which is
just about my lower limit. When Jim and Diana appeared, ready to jump in, I
told Jim the water was cold. He put his toe and and shoed me off, insisting
it was just fine and to "GET MOVIN!" in his gruff, tough voice. So, I
figured it was in my head. I saw Jim jump in and the next thing I knew, he
and Diana were standing away from their respective lanes, Jim wrapped in a
towel. I stopped and looked at them and they both said "It's too damn cold!"
I insisted that if they kept moving it really was not bad (right on the
border of being too cold and being cold enough to be refreshing). I told
them to jump back in and give it a few minutes. "No way!" they yelled. So, I
said "Well, you guys are just a bunch of WUSSES!" and they said in unison
"Your're right!" Diana announced she was going running and got out of there
in a flash. Jim stayed on deck to clean it. I stayed in and did 8000 yads. A
man came to talk with Jim on deck shortly before I was done. When I got out,
Jim informed me that "A man told me that he is putting in a new pool heater
and it should be warmer on Wednesday." I laughed and said "I TOLD you the
water was cold!"

"Deli" <de...@noname.com> wrote in message
news:f%zWa.51313$PD3.4...@nnrp1.uunet.ca...

chris

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Aug 11, 2003, 10:21:20 PM8/11/03
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"MSEagan" <swimg...@yahoo.com> pondered, puzzeled, prognosticated
(perhaps even premeditated), and then, in a very wise voice, sed: :

<s n i p>


>"Your're right!" Diana announced she was going running and got out of there
>in a flash. Jim stayed on deck to clean it. I stayed in and did 8000 yads. A

^^^^

i know it's not proper to make fun of people's typo's, but...i never
realized you were from Boston! :-)

--
chris

"Nothing is real."

Saba Shehzadi

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Feb 3, 2024, 8:09:04 AMFeb 3
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