NZ tour guide
Bobs
Gordon Taylor wrote:
> On Mon, 11 Mar 2002 17:21:14 +1300, Nelly wrote:
>
> > On Mon, 11 Mar 2002 16:05:55 +1300, Bobs <bo...@extra.co.nz> wrote:
> >
> >>I suggest you come to Henderson good sir!! The girls are like BIKES.
> >>What I mean is that they like to be RIDDEN.
> >>
> >>So if you like bikes, and you like pot, then West Auckland is the place
> >>for you.
> >>
> >>Apart from that NZ is really quite shithouse. Especially Gore. Stay the
> >>fuck away from Gore. I repeat, stay the FUCK away from Gore.
> >>
> >>Hope this helps.
> >>
> > That's what I like about Bobs, he says what he means and feels (even if
> > I am on his Shit list). More people should do it.
> >
> What a troll. I reckon Bobs just types these things to get a
> response. Rather like a clown in a circus.
>
> Just imagne if we all carried on like Bobs. Quick next thread
On the contrary you rancid pile of faeces. NZ does suck shit. Let's go
through the areas in NZ. Any potential tourists should read this.
Northland - 3rd World. Primitive. Slave of the Auckland region. Beautiful
when it's sunny....which is about 2 days a year.
Auckland - More spread out than Stifflers mum. Tacky in places. Horrible
rainy winters. Shithouse public transport and idiotic councils that dont get
on. Traffic congestion that rivals much larger cities. Poor mans Sydney.
Waikato - Freezing winters. Satellite of Auckland. Hamilton is so boring the
cows slaughter themselves. Auckland wannabee. Basically its Auckland without
its attractive qualities. The waterfront, shopping, and beaches.
Bay of Plenty - Old farts retirement area. Conservative. Possibly the best
beaches in the country (well, tied with Aucklands west coast) but the old
farts don't let you use most of them. Auckland yuppie play ground.
Kings Country - Fuck, the King can have that piece of shit.
Taranaki - Southland of the North. Full of hicks, rednecks, yokels, and
reject westies. Crappy climate year round. It's claim to fame is a shitty
mountain that would be regarded as a hill in the South Island.
Manawatu - Probably spelled it wrong, but who gives a fuck. It's a nothing
place anyway. Has the reputation of the WORST climate in the North Island,
and possibly NZ. Palmerston North is so wet and cold most kiwis like to
pretend it doesn't exist. Generally an embarrassment to most kiwis. It's
claim to fame is a University which it doesn't really deserve.
Hawkes Bay - The best of the hick regions in NZ, but that's not saying much.
No jobs, no excitement, and it's claim to fame is Napier. A town levelled by
an earthquake in the 30s. A pity for us that it didn't level Palmerston North
as well.
Wellington - Try hard city of NZ. Continues to try and compare itself to
Auckland, but in reality its better off comparing itself to elephant dung.
Disliked by Aucklanders, and probably every other kiwi as a pack of useless
civil servant bludgers that contributes less to the economy than Henderson.
It's climate is also terrible and its the butt of many jokes.
Nelson - Named after an alcoholic British admiral. And rightly so. It's full
of drunken poms, tourists, and people from Wellington trying to get away from
the wind. It's claim to fame is making excellent wine, which the fucking
pricks refuse to export. Nelson is also full of 'artists' and other assorted
useless people that couldn't cut it in the real world.
Malborough - Since I'm an Aucklander I can't even tell the difference between
this area and Nelson. I think this one sucks slightly more. Don't quote me on
that though.
West Coast - Full of useless hippies and flannel wearing tree fuckers. When
you go down there, expect to get a 70's flashback. The 1870's. It's claim to
fame is its huge rainfall. Probably a good thing since the rain obscures the
view of the otherwise run down shanty towns.
Canterbury - Full of one eyed wankers that think they are good at sport. In
reality they simply steal players from other regions. Especially Southland
where they can easily entice them with barn animals and mountain goats. The
"England of the south" and that sums them up well. Bad meals, bad clothes,
dull city, and more smog than Bangkhok.
Otago - A poor mans Canterbury. At least Canterbury is semi-decent at
something, but these sadpackers are shit at everything. Their claim to fame
is a university that everyone pretends to respect, but is regarded by most
North Islanders as run down, shoddy, and more boring than Gore.
Southland - Home of not only the famous GORE, but also the slightly less
famous Invercargill. The butt of almost every joke in existence, it is
regarded with some fondness by Aucklanders. When an Aucklander accidentally
shits his pants, he will say "I've done a Gore" and we will all have a good
laugh and hoist a beer to Southland. Southlanders like to pretend they are
tough people, but they are really big sooks. Netball is their man sport for
fucks sake.
Just for the record this is only my opinion, and I'm prone to being a bit
optimistic.
--
CURRENT SHIT LIST AS AT 10th MARCH 2002
Labour Party
Green Party
Canterbury
Jeanette Fitzsimons
Helen Clark
Pete Devlin
Kees Echo
Mees
Nik (and his numerous alter-egos)
Alliance Party
Ashley
Jason M
Deano
David Shorter
Krs1
Alan Chiew
Nelly
Karen
E.Scrooge
Col
Craig Sutton
Porky
Cliff Pratt
Todd Blackadder (a.k.a Sadpacker)
Andrew Mehrtens
Tubby Henning
ARU
CRFU
Australia
England
South East Asia
Feminists
TVNZ
Paul Holmes
PAM
Bruce Sinclair
Annmarie
France
Idiot/Savant
Geoff McCaughan
TomV
Glenn Miller
Lyn
Ian Daley
ET (current enemy #1)
ShaggyKiwi
Andrew Dunford
Ferdi
John Hill
Myk Cameron
Ike
Southland
Mike Ireland
Steve Bloomer
Clive Woodward
Wayne Smith
John Mitchell
Tama
Will Sutton
Mr Scebe (see traitors.txt)
Kip (current enemy #2)
Shineything
Greg Blanchett
CT
The Elsons
Otago
Paul Kendall
Mad Butcher
Rugby League
Jamal
Glen Fletcher
Gordon Taylor
John O'Neil
Mugabe
Brother
Simon Pleasants
Welcome to Dunedin
Dunedin
Evening Post
Dave Joll
Jesus Christ
Southern Kiwi
Rick Boyd
Bill Taylor
Leon MacDonald
Anton Oliver
Newsman
United States of America
Paulsy
James K
TART
Simon Dallow
Alison Mau
John Howard
President Bush
Patrick Dunford
Wellington mayor
Richard Hadlee
Geoff Howarth
Bob Harvey
WINZ
Ian Stewart
Alan Luchetti
BrentC
Paul Kerr
Cat
Paul Honnis
Mark Hammett
Matua Parkinson
Chris T.
Dechucka
Peter Metcalfe
Karl Nixon
Jarkko Altonen
Garjones
ANZ
IRB
Justin Mansfield
Gurble
E. Scrooge
"Bobs" <bo...@extra.co.nz> wrote in message
news:3C8C55EC...@extra.co.nz...
> --
> CURRENT SHIT LIST AS AT 10th MARCH 2002
>
> Labour Party
> Green Party
> Canterbury
> Jeanette Fitzsimons
> Helen Clark
> Pete Devlin
It's the 11th today, Dopey.
E. Scrooge
Dave Joll
> Northland - 3rd World. Primitive. Slave of the Auckland region. Beautiful
> when it's sunny....which is about 2 days a year.
[etc., etc., etc... snip]
Tricia... do we have a contribution for the FAQ here? :-)
- Dave
--
Lowering the tone of Usenet since 1997...
"About affection nothingness or erring address,
please carrying back massage into address
transmitter" - Back of an envelope from foreign parts.
Ashley
Scebie, you're just going to have to try harder. Good to see you rate above
Mugabe, though ;-)
Gussie Fink-Nottle
<dave...@es.co.nz> wrote:
> Bobs <bo...@extra.co.nz> wrote in message
>
> > Northland - 3rd World. Primitive. Slave of the Auckland region.
> > Beautiful
> > when it's sunny....which is about 2 days a year.
>
> [etc., etc., etc... snip]
>
> Tricia... do we have a contribution for the FAQ here? :-)
>
> - Dave
Not bad - but nothing about Queenstown.
--
Gus
We know about 'Eulalie'
person x
> Auckland - More spread out than Stifflers mum. Tacky in places. Horrible
> rainy winters. Shithouse public transport and idiotic councils that dont
get
> on. Traffic congestion that rivals much larger cities. Poor mans Sydney.
And according to teletext we've been named the 8th best city in the world.
Jim Purdie
>
> > On Mon, 11 Mar 2002 17:21:14 +1300, Nelly wrote:
> >
> > > On Mon, 11 Mar 2002 16:05:55 +1300, Bobs <bo...@extra.co.nz> wrote:
> > >
> > >>I suggest you come to Henderson good sir!! The girls are like BIKES.
> > >>What I mean is that they like to be RIDDEN.
If you are a representative sample of Henderson manhood, Bobs, of course the
girls like to be ridden by visitors. They won't get much from you!
<snip lots of typical Bobsian rant>
I read it all, Bobs. I was worried lest you accidentally praised some
district, leaving the inhabitants no option but to fall on their swords. But
of course you were reliably abusive, so we can all breathe easily, since
even the worst of us can't be all bad, if you dislike us. And on the subject
of Canterbury, how did the Crusaders-Blues match turn out, Bobs? I believe
they gave Andrew Mehrtens the chance to kick a few penalties.
Jim Purdie
Jim Purdie
person x <ke...@xtra.co.nz.lackofspam> wrote in message
news:Mz%i8.1068$S84.1...@news.xtra.co.nz...
Now if only you could get rid of Bobs, you would probably be 1st. But who
else would take him?
Jim Purdie
PAM.
>
> On the contrary you rancid pile of faeces. NZ does suck shit. Let's go
> through the areas in NZ. Any potential tourists should read this.
>
> Northland - 3rd World. Primitive. Slave of the Auckland region. Beautiful
> when it's sunny....which is about 2 days a year.
>
Excellent post Bobs. There's a lot there I'd agree with. Don't think
tourists are interested in universities and government though, but if
one has to say something bad about NZ, I think Bobs has a good slant on
it.
PAM.
person x
"Jim Purdie" <jimp...@paradise.net.nz> wrote in message
news:Sc8j8.2452$Qo2.2...@news02.tsnz.net...
> Now if only you could get rid of Bobs, you would probably be 1st. But who
> else would take him?
On the contrary, Bobs is an attraction. He's sort of like a novelty
never-ending circus sideshow.
Kristofer Clayton
>On the contrary you rancid pile of faeces. NZ does suck shit. Let's go
>through the areas in NZ. Any potential tourists should read this.
>
>Northland - 3rd World. Primitive. Slave of the Auckland region. Beautiful
>when it's sunny....which is about 2 days a year.
<snip> You missed Gisborne...
>CURRENT SHIT LIST AS AT 10th MARCH 2002
>
<Snip> You missed me...
--
Kristofer Clayton (KJClayton)
Gisborne, New Zealand
E-Mail: ks...@j00spamm3r-ihug.co.nz
Mr Scebe
"Ashley" <ashle...@SPAMOFFxtra.co.nz> wrote in message
news:OJ_i8.1048$S84.1...@news.xtra.co.nz...
> Scebie, you're just going to have to try harder. Good to see you rate
above
> Mugabe, though ;-)
Ah, but bobs only put me on this list to disguise his secret cravings for
me. His "traitors.txt" actually refers to all the straight guys in Auckland,
who have turned him down. There's so many on the list that he has to carry
it round with him in case he asks someone twice :)
--
Mr Scebe
"I'm not slagging Bob off. He's a good bloke.
But if they think they can field a fourth team
what's stopping them playing four teams in
their state championship?" ~Andrew Merhtens
Craig Sutton
"Mr Scebe" <mr_s...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:glEj8.3116$S84.2...@news.xtra.co.nz...
>
> "Ashley" <ashle...@SPAMOFFxtra.co.nz> wrote in message
> news:OJ_i8.1048$S84.1...@news.xtra.co.nz...
>
> > Scebie, you're just going to have to try harder. Good to see you rate
> above
> > Mugabe, though ;-)
>
> Ah, but bobs only put me on this list to disguise his secret cravings for
> me. His "traitors.txt" actually refers to all the straight guys in
Auckland,
> who have turned him down. There's so many on the list that he has to carry
> it round with him in case he asks someone twice :)
You know you really have made it when BOBS puts a STAR beside your name on
his shitlist!
Mr Scebe
"Craig Sutton" <sut...@ihug.co.nz> wrote in message
news:a6n5mu$l5t$1...@lust.ihug.co.nz...
> You know you really have made it when BOBS puts a STAR beside your name on
> his shitlist!
I can only presume it's some kind of "gay tiggy-tiggy-tag".
Ashley
> You know you really have made it when BOBS puts a STAR beside your name on
> his shitlist!
Hey, I reckon I've made it because of my continued proximity to the top of
the list. Quite proud, I am. I'd like to thank my mother ...
tricia
Geez I hope you dont want to say a poem!
tricia
Shaun T
Who is this deranged idiot ???
Karen Hayward
wrote:
>
>"Bobs" <bo...@extra.co.nz> wrote in message
>news:3C8C55EC...@extra.co.nz...
>
>Who is this deranged idiot ???
>
Just don't ever bring up the subject of breast feeding with
him...especially breast feeding at McDonalds.
The effect on him is rather like feeding gremlins after midnight...
Karen Hayward