To: Greg Doyle Re: We are not one family yet
Alchase123
Greg, greetings,
You and I met last summer at the Independence Day Regatta in your hometown of
Philadelphia. If you will recall, I was the 50-year-old, wearing my gayness on
my blades in the form of rainbow triangles, racing way over my head against you
young guys, who crossed the finish line right behind you in our heat of the
open (as opposed to intermediate) lightweight single event. Right after that,
we had a long conversation, you standing on the dock, I still on the water in
my single.
Having read some of your earlier posts to r.s.r. on the subject of gays in
rowing, I was pleased, and not a little surprised, to discover in you what
appeared to me to be genuine warmth, caring, interest, and support as we
discussed, among other things, gays in rowing, the rowing events at the Gay
Games in Amsterdam that I and others were preparing for, and so on. Our
conversation was actually one of the high points of my experience of the
regatta. I felt that I had made a real connection with a goodhearted person,
and a rower to boot, on a long weekend where I was immersed in rowing to be
sure but with the exception of a few good conversations I was lonely.
So now I'm surprised once again, but this time disappointed, to read your
recent posts. In contrast to the warmheartedness that I experienced in face to
face conversation with you on the same topics, your recent posts to our fellow
rowers here strike me as cerebral, and, if I may mix my metaphors, searingly
cold. I'm saddened also to read that of all your friendships with the people
you row with, none have ever touched on anything of your personal lives.
What can I say? For myself, I'd be incredibly lonely if there was no personal
exchange between me and the people I row with. I can say that I greatly value
some of the friendships that I've made through rowing, in part because of the
shared experience of rowing, and in part because the friendships have grown to
extend beyond rowing to a genuine mutual caring about the specific details,
joys, and challenges of our personal lives. I can also say that it wasn't
always that way for me, and it's something I continue to work on: learning to
be open enough to allow warmth to flow back and forth between myself and
others, rowers included. And I can say that the turning point in that process
for me was coming out -- overcoming the fear that if others learned that I was
gay I would be rejected, disdained, mocked, harrassed, told to shut up. So in
situations where it seems appropriate, I do disclose to others that I am gay,
including sometimes with fellow rowers, and on two or three occasions to date,
right here in r.s.r. When my timing is good and my presentation sincere, it
feels good to me, it feels constructive, it's freeing.
Well, that's what I wanted to say, and having said it, I wish you success in
your rowing, all manner of happiness, and many wonderful friendships.
-- Al Chase
Lake Merritt Rowing Club and San Francisco Bay Blades
Greg Doyle wrote, among other things:
> I have rowed with some people over the course of years, won national
> championships with them, trained every day in all kinds of conditions,
> traveled to and from regattas with them....and have never found out any
> specific details of their personal lives.
Greg Doyle
the race it took some effort to stay ahead of you. You see, for me that's
what rowing was about. It didn't concern me what was painted on your
blades; it concerned me that I was viewing them TOO CLOSE....
I don't agree with individuals like George Dupre who lead with division
and controversy. Rowing comes first. Everything else is an offshoot. I
recognize that people of any specific identity may encounter
discrimination. However, I feel that is only amplified by highlighting it.
To wit: a man hating blacks might refuse an organ donation or blood
tranfusion if he knew it was coming from one, but the same man finding out
afterwards will undoubtedly have different feelings. In other words,
George, and others in similar situations, should not charge into battle
(as they see it) already highlighting the division. I believe the key is
to ride the common theme (rowing) already provided. Then, if someone still
remains uncomfortable, then what better way to identify someone not worth
your time? Another example: if an all-black college touted themselves as
the only African-American crew and harped on that delineation versus just
letting their performance speak volumes, which would gain more acceptance
in our matter-of-fact mostly white sport?
As far as knowing details about my rowing partners, take care to notice I
said "some." This is quite true--my current doubles partner and I, in the
course of rowing for two years, know little about each other's personal
lives. I don't know why, but that's the case. And that's in a DOUBLE. I
can't begin to count the numbers of rowers I never "knew" in bigger boats.
Later,
Greg
Jon
: I also enjoyed our conversation, but the thing I remember most is during
: the race it took some effort to stay ahead of you. You see, for me that's
: what rowing was about. It didn't concern me what was painted on your
: blades; it concerned me that I was viewing them TOO CLOSE....
A speck on the horizon is too close. :-)
Jon
--
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j...@durge.org
http://www.durge.org/~jon/
Trevor Chambers
> : I also enjoyed our conversation, but the thing I remember most is
> : during the race it took some effort to stay ahead of you. You see,
> : for me that's what rowing was about. It didn't concern me what was
> : painted on your blades; it concerned me that I was viewing them
> : TOO CLOSE....
(snip)
I have been coached by George DuPre, it must have been '95, but
unfortunately it seems he hasn't lost his knack of stirring things up -
he left us under a cloud.
A great pity, as he was/is a good coach, if you can get him to stick
to rowing.
I just couldn't handle the additional character assasinations and
conflicts that went with it...
Trevor
Sudbury RC