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Buck Rogers-Part 2
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Unifarva-Crotchety Old Year 2011
Dec 31, 2011, 4:09:44 PM12/31/11
to
Continued from page 1
5) Gary Coleman Will Be the Smartest Man in the Universe  iframe[
www.youtube.com ] So the odds of a person being accidentally
cryogenically frozen and reanimated 500 years later are pretty
astronomical. So what are the chances that a second person would also
get frozen in almost the same manner? About 1 in 1, apparently. If all
of this sounds absurd, wait until you get to the punch line: The second
person is the supposed smartest person in the galaxy, and he just so
happens to be Gary "Whutchu talking 'bout, Willis" Coleman. Yes, long
before he went Postal, he was the smartest 10-year-old in the universe,
and the president of Genesia. Of course, it isn't long before trouble
ensues and Gary is abducted by Mr. Hand. Buck and his gal pal of the
week are of course able to save the day, and President Hieronymus Fox
appears periodically during the rest of the first season. He is
basically like a smartass younger version of Buck, constantly making
'80s references and essentially acting like Arnold from Diff'rent
Strokes. 4) Roller Disco Will Be Considered an Act of War  iframe[
www.youtube.com ] In the scene above, the Earth Defense Directorate
welcomes Draconian Princess Ardala to Earth. If "Bah Weep Gra Wa Weep
Nini Bom" is the universal greeting of friendship, then performing
roller disco is the universal equivalent of "Fuck You." Why? Because in
the next scene, Ardala explains to the party that she intends on
glassing the planet with her new planet-killing pyramid thing, unless
Buck submits to her every kinky whim. One can only assume it's because
of the insult brought upon by the roller disco (in fairness, the opening
to the show explained that Ardala had all intentions of nuking the
planet, but we prefer our explanation). Roller disco has obviously
evolved over the years, with performers accessorizing with rope-lighting
trimmed skates, and tons of glitter. I will say this, the blond
ponytailed bimbo is having a hell of a good time, or is on a shitload of
drugs. She looks like the happiest person in the universe. 3) The Seven
Dwarfs Will Telepathically Strip Women... for Science  iframe[
www.youtube.com ] In its travels, the Searcher somehow came upon a
group of little people. But these weren't your typical little people,
but instead take a page from Carrie White and have the ability of
telekinesis. While Carrie was able to murder and destroy with her power,
these telekinetics have other intentions -- specifically, playing
doctor. Apparently their species doesn't have women like human women.
Enter Wilma Dering, who is a whole lotta woman, and you have a rather
explosive situation. Intrigued by her "bumps", the dwarves corner her,
and begin to "off-think" telekinetically removing her buttons, one by
one, from her top. When our dear Colonel questions their behavior, they
take a page from GlaDOS and happily exclaim that their actions are for
science! Of course, being a family show, Wilma escaped the scene
clothed, but Dads everywhere had nasty thoughts for the rest of the
evening. I'll be in my bunk. 2) The Teletubbies Will Become the Most
Popular Music Group in History  iframe[ www.youtube.com ] Music
has evolved greatly in the 25th century. In the pilot episode, it seemed
rather stuffy, and it took Buck to bring back "rock." Apparently, it
caught on pretty quickly, because it wasn't long before super group
Andromeda hit the scene. Dressed like a futuristic illuminated
Teletubbie, Andromeda is comprised of "guitar" player Karana, light-up
laser synthesizer player Rambeau, and the clear crystal drummer is the
mighty Cirus. Their unique version of rock sounds more like electronica,
but regardless of what you call it, apparently it will be very popular,
with the band getting ready for their first galaxy-wide broadcast. Of
course, the real man behind Andromeda was their manager Lars "I put baby
in the corner" Mangros and his enforcer Bull from Night Court. Little
did the band know that Lars was really trying to dominate the universe,
by using subliminal messages to put listeners into a violent trance.
Some people become so hypnotized, they join a cross between the KISS
Army and the Hitler Youth, start wearing uniforms and the obligatory
evil helmets, and act as a militia for the evil music producer. Of
course, once Buck arrives on space station "MusicWorld" the shit hits
the fan, and Lars' plan ends up getting Bucked. Unfortunately, Andromeda
doesn't reappear in the series, but apparently their music transcends
time, as they performed on the Grand Theft Auto San Andreas soundtrack
(actually, the song "Odyssey" featured in the episode was written and
performed by the great Johnny Harris). 1) Vampires Will No Longer
Sparkle  iframe[ www.youtube.com ] One of the things that
apparently escaped the destruction of Earth as we know it is Nosferatu,
the vampire. Now known as a Vorvon, the creature formerly known as a
vampire, travels space, no longer needing blood to survive, but instead
feasting on its victims' "life force" for food. This metaphysical
chowing down still has the unwelcome side effect of turning the lunchee
into a Vorvon as well, but this method seems to be a lot less messy than
what the Vorvon's 21st century relatives had to do to eat. The Vorvon
does not, however, resemble the 21st century vampire at all. First, gone
is the "marble-like" skin that is pale, cold and sparkly -- the Vorvon
can best be described as a Ferengi with hydrocephalus, fangs, and a big
fucking unibrow. In fact, there is no real way to describe the unibrow,
it is just so massive and takes up so much of the Vorvon's enlarged dome
piece, it must really be seen to be believed. His fashion sense is very
un-Edward Cullen, as he seems to dress like a member of Pantera, though
his long painted fingernails elicit the look of a confused 15-year-old
emo kid. While the Vorvon in this episode was defeated, it is not known
if more exist; however, we do know that they sure as hell don't sparkle.
<<Â Previous Page | 1 | 2
Tags: Buck Rogers
More links from around the web!
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For Repair Tue, Nov 29, 6:33 pm on True Crime Report
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Adult Swim's 8 Clips of Hanukkah (LIST)
Zombie Hooker Nightmare XXXmas (GAME)
10 Gifts That Send a Message (LIST)
Robot Unicorn Attack: Christmas Edition (GAME)
Robot Chicken's 12 Clips of Christmas (LIST)
About that so-called GoDaddy "boycott?" Yeah, they registered twice as
many new domains as were transferred out [Followup]
FDA approves the Number of the Beast [Interesting]
Underwater cannon could show promise in fighting off invasive
species...if scientists could figure out how to light the damn fuse
[Interesting]
This guy should have been aiming the radio dish [Followup]
By this company's reasoning, Fark's Twitter followers are worth
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mobileleaptop
These are the coats we wear.
Of Devils plaid, and Witches Hair!
With a hood, or a belt, or a sleeveless one.
Doesn't count,
that's a vest robby wears called a jerkin.
Uh......we're all wearin' Jackets.
5) Gary Coleman Will Be the Smartest Man in the Universe  iframe[
www.youtube.com ] So the odds of a person being accidentally
cryogenically frozen and reanimated 500 years later are pretty
astronomical. So what are the chances that a second person would also
get frozen in almost the same manner? About 1 in 1, apparently. If all
of this sounds absurd, wait until you get to the punch line: The second
person is the supposed smartest person in the galaxy, and he just so
happens to be Gary "Whutchu talking 'bout, Willis" Coleman. Yes, long
before he went Postal, he was the smartest 10-year-old in the universe,
and the president of Genesia. Of course, it isn't long before trouble
ensues and Gary is abducted by Mr. Hand. Buck and his gal pal of the
week are of course able to save the day, and President Hieronymus Fox
appears periodically during the rest of the first season. He is
basically like a smartass younger version of Buck, constantly making
'80s references and essentially acting like Arnold from Diff'rent
Strokes. 4) Roller Disco Will Be Considered an Act of War  iframe[
www.youtube.com ] In the scene above, the Earth Defense Directorate
welcomes Draconian Princess Ardala to Earth. If "Bah Weep Gra Wa Weep
Nini Bom" is the universal greeting of friendship, then performing
roller disco is the universal equivalent of "Fuck You." Why? Because in
the next scene, Ardala explains to the party that she intends on
glassing the planet with her new planet-killing pyramid thing, unless
Buck submits to her every kinky whim. One can only assume it's because
of the insult brought upon by the roller disco (in fairness, the opening
to the show explained that Ardala had all intentions of nuking the
planet, but we prefer our explanation). Roller disco has obviously
evolved over the years, with performers accessorizing with rope-lighting
trimmed skates, and tons of glitter. I will say this, the blond
ponytailed bimbo is having a hell of a good time, or is on a shitload of
drugs. She looks like the happiest person in the universe. 3) The Seven
Dwarfs Will Telepathically Strip Women... for Science  iframe[
www.youtube.com ] In its travels, the Searcher somehow came upon a
group of little people. But these weren't your typical little people,
but instead take a page from Carrie White and have the ability of
telekinesis. While Carrie was able to murder and destroy with her power,
these telekinetics have other intentions -- specifically, playing
doctor. Apparently their species doesn't have women like human women.
Enter Wilma Dering, who is a whole lotta woman, and you have a rather
explosive situation. Intrigued by her "bumps", the dwarves corner her,
and begin to "off-think" telekinetically removing her buttons, one by
one, from her top. When our dear Colonel questions their behavior, they
take a page from GlaDOS and happily exclaim that their actions are for
science! Of course, being a family show, Wilma escaped the scene
clothed, but Dads everywhere had nasty thoughts for the rest of the
evening. I'll be in my bunk. 2) The Teletubbies Will Become the Most
Popular Music Group in History  iframe[ www.youtube.com ] Music
has evolved greatly in the 25th century. In the pilot episode, it seemed
rather stuffy, and it took Buck to bring back "rock." Apparently, it
caught on pretty quickly, because it wasn't long before super group
Andromeda hit the scene. Dressed like a futuristic illuminated
Teletubbie, Andromeda is comprised of "guitar" player Karana, light-up
laser synthesizer player Rambeau, and the clear crystal drummer is the
mighty Cirus. Their unique version of rock sounds more like electronica,
but regardless of what you call it, apparently it will be very popular,
with the band getting ready for their first galaxy-wide broadcast. Of
course, the real man behind Andromeda was their manager Lars "I put baby
in the corner" Mangros and his enforcer Bull from Night Court. Little
did the band know that Lars was really trying to dominate the universe,
by using subliminal messages to put listeners into a violent trance.
Some people become so hypnotized, they join a cross between the KISS
Army and the Hitler Youth, start wearing uniforms and the obligatory
evil helmets, and act as a militia for the evil music producer. Of
course, once Buck arrives on space station "MusicWorld" the shit hits
the fan, and Lars' plan ends up getting Bucked. Unfortunately, Andromeda
doesn't reappear in the series, but apparently their music transcends
time, as they performed on the Grand Theft Auto San Andreas soundtrack
(actually, the song "Odyssey" featured in the episode was written and
performed by the great Johnny Harris). 1) Vampires Will No Longer
Sparkle  iframe[ www.youtube.com ] One of the things that
apparently escaped the destruction of Earth as we know it is Nosferatu,
the vampire. Now known as a Vorvon, the creature formerly known as a
vampire, travels space, no longer needing blood to survive, but instead
feasting on its victims' "life force" for food. This metaphysical
chowing down still has the unwelcome side effect of turning the lunchee
into a Vorvon as well, but this method seems to be a lot less messy than
what the Vorvon's 21st century relatives had to do to eat. The Vorvon
does not, however, resemble the 21st century vampire at all. First, gone
is the "marble-like" skin that is pale, cold and sparkly -- the Vorvon
can best be described as a Ferengi with hydrocephalus, fangs, and a big
fucking unibrow. In fact, there is no real way to describe the unibrow,
it is just so massive and takes up so much of the Vorvon's enlarged dome
piece, it must really be seen to be believed. His fashion sense is very
un-Edward Cullen, as he seems to dress like a member of Pantera, though
his long painted fingernails elicit the look of a confused 15-year-old
emo kid. While the Vorvon in this episode was defeated, it is not known
if more exist; however, we do know that they sure as hell don't sparkle.
<<Â Previous Page | 1 | 2
Tags: Buck Rogers
More links from around the web!
 iframe[ scribol_218173 ]
Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus.
Nerd news, humor and self-loathing.Edited by Rob Bricken
Send tips to Topless Robot
Follow Topless Robot on Twitter
Subscribe to our RSS feed
Top 10 Tags
1. Star Wars
2. Fan Videos
3. Marvel
4. DC
5. Comic Movies
6. Impressive Acts of Nerdery
7. Insanity
8. Batman
9. Japan
10. Awesomeness
Most...
Reminder: The TR Art Contest Is Still Happening... And I've gotten
very few entries so far. It's kind of sad....
Another Look at the Spider-Man Movie's Lizard Through Goofy-Ass
Toys... ​Topless Roboteer Kiekan just alerted me to the Idle
Hands blog, which has another/"better" look at the Lizard from The......
People Keep Claiming They Created James Cameron's Avatar, Like That's a
Good Thing... Because obviously no one could ever have conceive of a
transition of "sunlight to moonlight" without ripping it off....
Fan Fiction Friday: "Harry Potter and the Room of Romance"...
Starring Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, and Ginny Weasley's feet....
In Space, No One Can Hear You BRAAAAAHHHMM... Someone made an Alien
trailer in the style of the Prometheus trailer. It's neat-ish...
Categories
Anime (571)
Cartoons (844)
Comics (1823)
Daily Lists (1006)
DVDs (364)
Merchandise (598)
Miscellaneous (1303)
Movies (3244)
Nerdery (2169)
Tech (154)
Toys (1163)
TV (1202)
Video Games (1652)
Archive
Links
16bit.com
Adult Swim
Anime News Network
AV Club
Bam Kapow
Comics Alliance
FilmDrunk
First Showing
Fork Party
GameTrailers
Gamma Squad
Geeks Are Sexy
Geek Diaper
Geek Girl Diva
Geekologie
Geeks of Doom
Gorilla Mask
Great White Snark
Has Boobs, Reads Comics
Holy Taco
io9
Japanator
Kotaku
Nerd Bastards
Newsarama
Obvious Winner
Poe Ghostal
Robot 6
Super Punch
Television Without Pity
The Mary Sue
ToyNewsI
ToysREvil
Twitch
Unreality
Warming Glow
World of Ward Crap
/Film
TR National Blogs
Reminder: The TR Art Contest Is Still Happening Fri, Dec 30, 3:20 pm
on Topless Robot
Cops Destroy BMW Looking For Nonexistent Marijuana Fri, Dec 30,
11:40 am on Toke of the Town
The Unbeatable Backlog Wed, Dec 28, 4:49 pm on Joystick Division
Mark Scott Albaugh, Pervy Moron, Took Computer Loaded With Child Porn in
For Repair Tue, Nov 29, 6:33 pm on True Crime Report
Toronto Film Festival: Moneyball Thu, Sep 15, 2:42 pm on Voice
Film
Adult Swim's 8 Clips of Hanukkah (LIST)
Zombie Hooker Nightmare XXXmas (GAME)
10 Gifts That Send a Message (LIST)
Robot Unicorn Attack: Christmas Edition (GAME)
Robot Chicken's 12 Clips of Christmas (LIST)
About that so-called GoDaddy "boycott?" Yeah, they registered twice as
many new domains as were transferred out [Followup]
FDA approves the Number of the Beast [Interesting]
Underwater cannon could show promise in fighting off invasive
species...if scientists could figure out how to light the damn fuse
[Interesting]
This guy should have been aiming the radio dish [Followup]
By this company's reasoning, Fark's Twitter followers are worth
$39,280.00 per month [Unlikely]
Privacy Policy |
Problem With the Site? |
RSS
© 2011 Village Voice Media Holdings, LLC. All rights reserved.
mobileleaptop
These are the coats we wear.
Of Devils plaid, and Witches Hair!
With a hood, or a belt, or a sleeveless one.
Doesn't count,
that's a vest robby wears called a jerkin.
Uh......we're all wearin' Jackets.
rob
Dec 31, 2011, 5:36:23 PM12/31/11
to
David E. Powell
Dec 31, 2011, 6:11:35 PM12/31/11
to
Heh, I miss that show, a fun part of being a kid in the 80s. It was on
in reruns after it went off the air from the first run.
I think I saw that "cinematic intro" to the movie at least once when
the movie was rerun on TV. It's quite memorable.
The intro (Not a high res. copy, but all that is on Youtube)
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Smh5nQuFu4Q>
A couple other clips that opped up on why it was so great to be a kid
in the 1980s:
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IleYqqW-xms&feature=related>
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-284O5nypgY&feature=related>
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fERefW_ndos&feature=related>
in reruns after it went off the air from the first run.
I think I saw that "cinematic intro" to the movie at least once when
the movie was rerun on TV. It's quite memorable.
The intro (Not a high res. copy, but all that is on Youtube)
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Smh5nQuFu4Q>
A couple other clips that opped up on why it was so great to be a kid
in the 1980s:
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IleYqqW-xms&feature=related>
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-284O5nypgY&feature=related>
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fERefW_ndos&feature=related>
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