The REAL Royal Rumble Report
Don Becker
Rizzo
OK. You've read all the posts from people who saw the PPV, but here's the REAL
DEAL (tm). Not knowing how much Vince was able to edit, distort, or otherwise
change through the miracle of sound-dubbing, here's some of the most interesting stuff:
First, a quick correction: The dark match was between Chris "Conan" Walker
and the Brooklyn Brawler. Walker won with an assist from Jack Tunney. The
Brooklyn Brawler threw a tantrum after the match and apparently managed to
injure himself in the process. HWile they were trying to get him out of the
ring, we were led in a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday To Pat Patterson" by
Mel Phillips (Happy birthday, Pat).
The four of us were seated on the floor about twenty rows back; we knew this
because the people in the nineteen rows in front of us felt a profound need
to stand up every five seconds. The two most notable of these were the tag
team of the fattest fan I've ever seen and his even fatter wife. We christened
them "The Berlin Wall", and entertained ourselves by throwing peanuts and
spare change at them when they refused to sit down. (Hey, I thought you were
SUPPOSED to throw peanuts at elephants!)
MATCH 1: The Orient Express vs. the New Foundation
Best qoute of the match, as the OE came in: "Hey, who ordered Chinese!?".
This was Mike's first time seeing Owen Hart as Owen Hart; fortunately, we
were all able to shield ourselves from the glare of the Foundation's new
outfits, and thus avoided permamant eye damage. This was probably the best
match of the night, not counting the Rumble; high workrate, and you could
FEEL Neidhart's takedowns through the floor.
Don: ****1/2
Jason: **** "Neidhart's workrate left something to be desired"
Ben: **** "YOU tell him that, Jay."
Mike: **** "In your face wrestling"
MATCH 2: Piper vs. Da Mountie
Marking the shortest Intercontinental Title reign yet. Best qoute: "I HAVE
THE POWER!", shouted just as the Mountie raised his shock-stick. The match
itself was sort of dull, but at least it was over quick.
Don: **1/2 zaps "Hey, where's the sound effects!?"
Ben: **. Naaah, Piper won. ***
Jason: **1/2 "Hey! Down in front!"
Mike: *** "Hey, I'm from Canada! Who's this Mountie person!?"
MATCH 3: Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwhackers
BOOOORRRRRRING. We entertained ourselves by cheering for the Beverlies
and getting dirty looks from the crowd of five-year-olds directly in front of
us.
Don: **. One for the Beverlies, one for Jamieson.
Ben: 1/2. My stars, aren't those tights just FABULOUS?
Jason: *. Huh, is it over? I was reading the program...
Mike: *. Bushwhackers: Right Guard. Consider it. Please.
Match 4: LOD vs. Natural Disasters
Another dull match; Don, Jason and I headed out to intermission before the
end. Best quote: "And their opponents: Typhoon and his partner Buffoon!"
Most of the action was on the ring floor on the opposite side of the ring
from us. Que, sera, sera. Many peanuts thrown at the Berlin Wall, earning
us dirty looks from both of them.
Don: **. Never let Quake eat beans before a match.
Ben: **1/2. Those shoulderblocks would be more fun if they let Animal keep his spikes on...
Jason: ***. Berlin Wall in sight...PEANUTS AWAY!!!
Mike: ***1/2. I'm on the phone, don't bug me right now.
INTERMISSION: (Yay!)
Mike stayed inside, while the rest of us went out for munchies. Four sodas
and two bags of popcorn ran us $11.50, but at least we beat the crowd out.
Jason spent intermission on the phone with his parents, who were watching at
home.
Don: ***1/2. Thank god for soda.
Ben: **. I think I ate too much stale popcorn...urrrrrggggghhh....
Jason: ****. Hey, dad, look for me--I'll be the one wearing green...
Mike: ***. I'm still on the phone, go away!
THE (Boom boom boom boom) ROYAL RUMBLE!:
We actually only saw about twenty minutes of the match; the rest of our time
was spent looking at the wide butts of the Berlin Wall. I went with about
$2.50 in spare change in my pocket; by the end of the night, I had a dime
left. Great fun singing along with Ted DiBiase's theme music, and engaging
in DiBiase sound-alike contests (Ben won). Most frequent comments heard in
the audience: "Whoooooo!" (from us and the other Flair groupies), "Yay Hulk!"
(from the five-year olds), "Down in front, lardass!" (From everybody behind
the Wall). Best quotes of the night:
Don: "Hey! Somebody get rid of IRS!"
Ben: (From a twelve-year old who got mad because I was predicting Flair as the
winner) "Hah! He's third! Now what do you say, smart guy?" (After he won, I
had quite a bit to say, but that's another story.)
Jason: "Yeah, Marty! Wait, that's Michaels..."
Mike: "What the hell is Vince gonna do with all that Hogan merchandise now?"
During the match, Jason and Ben splurged on the ever-popular WWF ice-cream
bars. Ben got to bite Heenan's head off; Jason was hoping for Sensational
Sherri, but got DiBiase instead.
The most exciting match of the night was between the guy sitting two seats down
from us and the guy three rows behind him. We were hoping for bloodshed, but
they eventually sat down.
The highlight of the night came _after_ Flair had won the title, as Justice
and Hogan got into a shoving match in the ring. Hogan posed, and didn't get
much of a response; Justice then posed, and got a much bigger response. Big
grin from Justice when he realized that the crowd was cheering him instead of
Hogan. After Justice left the ring, Hogan went for the crowd support again,
and (this is the good part) got booed. Not just a mild boo, mind you--at
least two thirds of the arena was booing! Vince probably dubbed out the boos,
but he couldn't have dubbed out the hurt puppy-dog look on Hogan's face--the
man was in genuine shock. Getting the chance to help boo Hogan out of the
arena was worth the price of admission all by itself.
Don: *****. (To Flair) Whooo! (To Hogan) Boo!
Ben: *****. Awww, izzums feewings hurt, Hulk? Too bad...(BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Jason: *****. How do you work this stupid camera, anyway?
Mike: *****. C'mon, throw that fat, balding has-been out! No, not Slaughter,
Hogan!
Overall, a great show, mainly 'cause we were there. But the fun wasn't over
yet; on the way back to the car, we got a sample of magnificent driving skill
from Jacques Rougeau, who came barreling out of the wrestlers' lot at about
fifty miles an hour, in reverse, uphill, narrowly missing several security
guards. No doubt he'd do better with a horse...
Oh, yeah. At the end, if you heard a "Hi, Vince!", that was us.
Ben Pierce
Jason Levine
Mike Rizzo
and the REAL RSPW Bandwidth Champion...
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| Don Becker from the University at Buffalo Any comments?, Post or mail 'em |
| Internet: v112...@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu BITNET:v112...@ubvms.BITNET |
| Unix: bec...@acsu.buffalo.edu Diclaimer: Nothing I say is dogma |
| "It's a fair cop, but society's to blame." -- Eric Idle |
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David Churchill
>Posted by Don Becker, Ben Pierce, Jason "Live Fast Die Young" Levine, and Mike
>Rizzo
>
>and Hogan got into a shoving match in the ring. Hogan posed, and didn't get
>much of a response; Justice then posed, and got a much bigger response. Big
>grin from Justice when he realized that the crowd was cheering him instead of
>Hogan. After Justice left the ring, Hogan went for the crowd support again,
>and (this is the good part) got booed. Not just a mild boo, mind you--at
>least two thirds of the arena was booing! Vince probably dubbed out the boos,
>but he couldn't have dubbed out the hurt puppy-dog look on Hogan's face--the
>man was in genuine shock. Getting the chance to help boo Hogan out of the
>arena was worth the price of admission all by itself.
Surprisingly enough, the boos came through the PPV feed clearly (although they
weren't very loud) . . . maybe having Hogan turn on Justice is Vince's way
of setting up Justice as the new Mega-face (after Hogan leaves to film flops
in Hollywood). I would have liked to have seen Flair and Justice/Vicious go
at it a bit, though.
>+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+
>| Don Becker from the University at Buffalo Any comments?, Post or mail 'em |
>| Internet: v112...@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu BITNET:v112...@ubvms.BITNET |
>| Unix: bec...@acsu.buffalo.edu Diclaimer: Nothing I say is dogma |
>| "It's a fair cop, but society's to blame." -- Eric Idle |
>+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+
--
Dave Churchill CS Undergrad (Class of '92)
dav...@garfield.cs.mun.ca Memorial University of
ar...@freenet.cleveland.edu Newfoundland.
My opinion is just that - mine! St. John's, NFLD Canada