WCW 7/11 Center Stage
Dagan LaMont Burrell
plethora of stuff that doesn't pertain to the matches themselfves
necessarily, nor to the outcomes. But they help entertain ME, so if you
don't like this sort of report, by all means don't read it. You have
been warned.
Okay, remember in my last report when I said that 6/21 was the hottest
day ever? Well, I was wrong. Over 100 sweltering degrees in teh
Peachtree City, combined with the fact that the line gets the reflected
rays of the sun off a nearby glass building, meant it was microwave city
for those of us standing in line. It was so hot I broke out my umbrella
for shade. Adding to the increasing ill humor of the crowd was something
that is becoming a regular (and hated by most of the mutants in line)
occurance. WCW ships in people with mental disabilities and kids to the
shows and, naturally, they get in with not waiting and get the best
seats. Now, I'm sorry, but after waiting in that heat for over 2 hours
and seeing these people go like that was NOT a way to get on the crowd's
good side. Chip Bernam, nice guy that he is, did at least get the Center
Stage to allow us in early so we didn't have to wait outside as long as
usual. WCW had local classic rock station Z93 on hand with Subway and
Hooters supplies, but they only brought what seemed to be one 2liter of
drink with them on the hottest day ever in the history of the world.
Since we got in early, our contingent was small, consisting only
of myself, Robert, and The Immortal One, James Raggi. Although
advertised to appear, the $15 Man no showed, and De Truth and Hudson
Hummingbird sat across the way from us (just goes to show you that you do
a few local TV shows and make a few audition tapes and you're suddenly
too good for people). ;) Oh yes, James and the $15 Man had planned on
having an outdoor dumpster cage match with Jackie Crockett as possible
referee after the show. The Immortal One came dressed in metalhead boots
and sweats for the occasion. He even came prepared to juice (children,
don't try this at home). Personally, therefore, I was kinda glad Dave
never showed, cause if Jim had juiced (I take him home), he'd have gotten
to ride home tied to my bumper... he ain't gettin' blood on my car seats!
Inside was the usual lous, screaming, godawful mayhem when they
give away the free foam fingers and shirts and crap. I HATE this part of
the tapings, as it never fails to turn the place into a (worse than
usual) zoo and all the damned screaming little twits gives me a
headache. Plus, when they throw stuff into the crowd, somebody
inevitably gets at least a little hurt as these idiots kill each other
for a pack of worthless trading cards and such. Yeesh. I'm sorry, I
KNOW I'm no genius, but I blow the IQ curve for this bunch.
Since we came in early, before Hudson et al. got there, no
gossipy tidbits toher than these: Flair is no longer head booker, with
the job falling to Sullivan; Manabu Nakanishi will debut tonight; and Al
Snow and Glen Gilburnetty have tryouts tonight.
As DAve Pincer (our <ahem> ring announcer) begins the crowd
warm-ups, out comes da Natureboy. He insults the fans, picking out
several for special treatment. He tells us all how tonight he's gonna
"Jack-slap Van Vader." Aha, guess they want the crowd to know Vader's a
babyface for these tapings. Well, the kids get the idea and later on
VAder does indeed get the big pop. I swear, if you know what you're
doing, these damned kids can be programed like robots.
(1) Arn Anderson w/Flair vs. Some Jobber with T.W. on his tights
Arn's new music sucks. Why do they consistently change the music
on their stars? It kills early reaction from teh fans until they SEE who
is coming, which must bee a pain at house shows... oh, I forgot, they
don't do those anymore. During this match, Flair reminds us that, yes,
he is the son of a dentist by giving Isaac Yankem some pointers on just
how to make that reluctant patient open up and say AHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHH.
Ya just put your fingers in his mouth and PULLLLLL. And now, a little
rap for those who like that sorta thing: Open your mind and repeat my
rhyme: DDT for the 1-2-3 (Boom huh ha huh ha SCRATCH for me DJ). Yeah.
anderson adn Flair do an interview with Mean Schill Okerdunce about how
they can't belive Vader wants to take them on in a handicap match. Arn:
"Was their not enough air in the incubator when you were a baby? Did
life in the thin air of the Rockies just compound the problem?" Pretty
funny when you hear Arn say it. Vader comes out but a bunch of jobbers
hold him off. Flair taunts him, then hides behind Arn. Back to the
Schill, with Flair claiming Vader was "scared to death!"
They leave, and Flair immediately comes out to do another interview for
the upcoming lumberjack match with Savage at Bash at the Beach. He is
accompanied by a bevy (I belive in this case a bevy constitutes Seven)
lovely ladies in "Ric Flair" Tshirts. Flair introduces the "Space
Mountainettes" as his lumberjacks. A jobber is in the ring, ostensibly
for the next match, and Flair decides to demonstrate his and his
lumberjacks prowess, telling them if somebody gets thrown out, to throw
them back in. He beats on teh jobber (to big Mountainette cheers),
throws him out, and his ladies throw him back in. Macho hits the ring
and attacks Flair. Everytime Flair tries to escape, his own lumberjacks
throw him back into the ring (bwahahahaha). Four jobbers come and hold
back Macho, and Flair takes advantage of this and pounds on Savage before
taking a powder, chased by Savage. Savage returns to attack the jobbers
who held him back and then interview. Basic Savage constipation. "No
time to calm down, yeah!"
(2) Sting vs. Jobber
Can you guess? Sting with the scorpion. At this point, I go to
get a drink, simple-mindedly leaving the recorder with the (I thought)
trusty Immortal One. Apparently in his own mind, he sees matches which
never take place and reports them. He saw Nakanishi defeat Al Snok in 5
minutes, Sabu interview with his new manager Col. Parker, and Sting
interview, saying his partner Hawk is training by taking lots of
steroids. Okay, the last one is probably true, but still...
(3) Johnny B. Badd vs. Steve Armstrong
We pop huge for Lance Cassidy... no one gets it. Ah well.
Armstrong plays subtle heel. No wonder Steve can't beat Landel in SMW,
he's jobbing all over the place. Pretty competitive, but not either
one's best effort. Badd wins with the top rope sunset flip after
Armstrong had kicked out of a weirdly applied swinging DDT.
(4) Ric Flair w/ Arn vs. Marcus Bagwell
James notes, "I don't know if this is an angle, but Flair's
calves are looking HUGE!" Someone explain this to me: Flair v. Baghead,
and FLAIR comes out first? ALERT! ALERT!
FLASH TRAFFIC-- Chic Donavan is in the building, Chic Donavan is in the
building!
Implant boy has a bandage on his right elbow. Hmmmmm... elbow implants?
Flair continues his recent tradition of having a complete orgasm while
choking someone, to the point that PeeWee Anderson pulls him off by the
hair. The match begins to suck, as Baghead is on offense most of the
time. Flair pins the Silicon Poster Boy with the Figure Four with Arn's
added leverage. Vader comes out and they do the spot where Flair backs
into him, sees him and freaks. Arn clips Vader hard and they beat on him
a while before splitting.
(5) Craig Pittman vs. Jobber
We'va a new name for our (alleged) ring announcer. He's now to
be known as Dave "Zan" Pincer! You know, I kinda like Pittman. He's got
good facial expressions and he's legit tough, but his squashes are WAY
too long for his offensive skills right now. Lots of Gomer and Jarhead
chants from teh marks. Pittman with the Code Red.
(6) Sting vs. Dino Casinova
Dino is one half of the indie tage team "The Goodfellas," with I
believe Romeo Valentino, they do a mafia gimmick. I warn Sting not to
hurt Dino. AFter all, he's dealing with a Made Jobber (a little mafioso
humor there). Sting screws up a press slam, but shows some good
dexterity in making sure Dino doesn't land on his head. Question: Sting
has been around a long time, right? Why does he still do those inept
looking, Lugerlike jumping elbow drops? Sting with the Scorpion.
Question two: What kind of estringent/deep facial cleanser does da
Stinger use to keep that painted pate pimple free?
(7) Savage vs. Tom Burton
Short match (something we'll come to envy later on in the
evening, I can assure you). During this match, I first notice this
little kid across the aisle from me who does these great imitations of
the wrestlers. His Savage is a sight ot behold. Savage with the elbow.
Savage is truly a man at one with his masculinity, as he's wearing boots
with pink foam bottoms. I miss the subsequent interview getting more
liquids, and James announces that Eddy Guerrerro ran in and attacked
Savage during the interview. Right.
(8) Al Snow vs. Barry Houston (HOLY SHIT!)
We screamed our collective heads off to put Al over, but he
didn't give himself much of a chance. This was, to your average WCW fan,
a jobber vs. jobber match. Neither guy played heel, and it was all
straight (albeit Great) work, but that's something I don't think this
crowd is "educated" for right now. The place was dead silent except fro
us, and they even booed and chanted boring a couple of times. We,
however, popped like idiot for any and everything Al did. He could have
crapped his pants and we'd have given him 8 stars. We chanted SNOW SNOW
and gave him teh salaams, which he returned, thank you very much. He
gave Houston the springboard plancha to the outside (which got alot of
oohs and ahhs, but no real heat) and finished him off with what can best
be described as a sideways fisherman suplex. I don't know what they
thought in the back, but WE loved it.
(9) Nasties vs. Buck and Slater w/ Parker
Buck/Jimmy Golden (whatever) does the funniest job of showing off
his belt (with the exception of La Parka at the When Worlds Collide PPV)
I have ever seen. Really funny, like a prospector who's struck it rich.
With these two teams, can you imagine the work? Horrible, horrible,
HORRIBLE! Especially right after Al Snow. I'm pretty pissed about now.
The crowd goes crazy for these four slobs, and calls boring at Al
Snow?!?!?! Unbe-freaking-lievable. Here's another Go Figure: You're a
face tagteam, and you espouse the ideal of NOT washing your armpits. I
HATE the Nasties, partly because they suck, but partly for the same
reason I dislike the Steiners: They're undisciplined and just as apt to
hurt somebody as not. The do have their moments, however. Buck gets the
Pity City, and this leads to a REALLY funny spot where Slater tags in and
gets the upper hand. Buck pulls his own shirt over his head so Slater
can rub Knobbs in Buck's armpit, but it gets reversed and Slater gets
it. Very funny stuff. Knobbs goes after Parker, who backs down the
jobber exit steps, and Knobbs HURLS a chair down after him. I'm telling
you, they're dangerous! Okay, I'll have to verify this on TV, but I
think Knobbs gave an over the top plancha onto Buck during the finish.
Saggs goes up to give the Shitty Elbow to Slater, but Parker grabs a
fan's big coke and throws it in Saggs' eyes. Saggs gets pinned and plays
hurt for a while. While Saggs is laid out, I yell, "Don't worry, it's
all been a bad dream, you're really a GOOD worker and you don't have a
stiff as a partner!" James points out that for that to be true, WE'd
have to be the ones waking up from a nightmare. Touche.
(10) Rentadork w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Chris Sawyer
Yes, this week Sawyer got the short straw and had the Herculean
task of making Rentadork look passable. You really have to hand it to
Jimmy Hart, he works so hard to get this greenhorn over, but it only
works with about 2/3 of the kids and a few dimwit adults.
Powerslam/Splash gets the incredible shrinking Warrior/Van Hammer clone
the win.
Zan Pincer announces Fred Avery in the crowd. (Hmph, and he IGNORED the
illustrious and godlike Chic Donavan) We wonder if Fred can do a job
without moving from the stands.
(11) Blue Bloods vs. two black-clad jobbers
Steve Regal is the GOD of facial expressions and carriage. The
little kid, I find, also does a priceless Regal imitation which had me
ROTF. A bunch of marks chant "We won the war." Bobby with the knee off
the top and Regal with the STFish move.
FLASH TRAFFIC FLASH TRAFFIC FLASH TRAFFIC FLASH TRAFFIC FLASH TRAFFIC FLASH
CHOOOOOOO! CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ice Train is in the building! Ice Train is in the building!
(12) Kimala w/ Ticketmaster vs. Jobber in pink, black, and grey
I've decided that, as a concession to Kimala's obvious problems
with the basic rules of pro wrestling, if he pins a wrestler, and BOTH of
the wrestler's nipples are down, the ref should count the pin. Basic
Kimala squash, although once he throws the jobber out and shows Nick
Patrick the ring lights so Sullivan can murderate the jobber with the
wood mask.
(13) Flair and Anderson vs. Duggan and Implant Boy
We were gonna continue our new tradition of putting Duggan over
huge, but we just don't have it in us this late and against this team.
Flair has to continually tell Bagwell to come on in when Flair is on his
knees. Geez. Has the dunce never seen a Flair match in his life? NOT a
great match. Flair gives this big fat guy in the stands (not me for
once) a big pelvic thrust for his jeering troubles. Hacksaw falls over
Jackie Crockett (yet another reason to like the veteran cameraman).
Flair calls a corner/backdrop spot loud enough for the back row to hear.
Arn DDT's Baghead out of a rollup on Flair and Flair pins him.
(14) Pittman vs. Steve Storm
Did I tell you all his squashes are too long? Well, Pittman
apparently wanted to make sure we understood the point. Everyone is
tired and this drags on and on. According to James, "If this goes any
longer, he'll be wrestling for the Corpse." ZZZZZZZzzzz Gomer with the
freakin' armbar. By the time this is over we're getting exhausted from
yelling at them to get it over with.
(15) Nasties vs. Mark Kyle and another jobber
Basic Nasties squash, ending with the Shitty Elbow (tm James
Raggi 1995)
(16) Silicon Posterboy vs. Tim Horner
The Pride of Spunkberry High and Kendo the Samurai put on a
really well worked match. Unfortunately, we been here for 3 hours
already and we just don't wanna see it. So, naturally, they take close
to 15 minutes. At one point, The Immortal One yella, "Does this really
HAVE to go to the 60 minutes time limit?" Horner attempts a vertical
suplex, which Baghead reversed into the Fisherman suplex for the win.
Not their fauld, but they should have put this match earlier on the card.
(17) Kurasawa (Manabu Nakanishi) w/ Parker vs. Mark Davis
We've waited all night to chant MANABU! and damned if we aren't
so tired from screaming for all the crap matches to end if we aren't too
tired. Nakanishi is bigger than I thought. Davis kicks out of the
Tenzan Special #2 (sort of an {American} backdrop suplex) and, instead of
allowing Nakanishi to use his cool swinging cobra clutch as a finisher,
he gets to use........ the Fujiwara armbar. Zzzzzzzz. Manabu,
apparently upset with their choice of finisher as we were, decides to
hold a sit-in in the ring as protest. Red Tyler comes in for the next
match, and we're thinking ole Red's gonna get killed. Hacksaw comes out
and we're thinking "ANGLE to set up his first program." But wait, we
should've known better, as this is WCW. So Kuranishi just gets up and
leaves. WHY do they do these things?
(18) Hacksaw Duggan vs. Red Tyler
We're just too tired to put his lumbering highness over. "Hey
Duggan, How about a clothesline?" Three in a row BEFORE he hits his
clothesline finisher. I'm in the bathroom for the finish, and according
to James, Duggan wins with "a flying headscissors." Sure.
(19) The Disco Inferno (Glen Gilburnetty) vs. Jobber
We put James' favorite local wrestler over huge as a heel, Booing
for all we're still worth and chanting DISCO SUCKS. The chant gets over
big and the marks join in. I think he might get hired. He was really
funny, coming in dressed like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever and
dancing to STayin Alive. His tights had "Shake Your Booty" on the butt
and he was hilarious. Disco Inferno with the swinging DDT. James gets
his autograph later on, signed "The Disco Inferno." Whatta guy.
Whew! Long night, but a fun one as it turned out. Good matches, some
fun angles, and some disappointments (WCW has to keep its image, after
all). I tell Jackie Crockett about seeing him on New Japan's "Keiji
Mutoh goes to Florida" show. He says the crew is off tomorrow (7/12) for
California to set up the PPV. Well, that's all for now. See ya the
26th. Later on.
histo